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I feel guilty I don't believe in god


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I work with a lady from nigeria. she is 45, and she is the most honest, kind, thoughtful, happy, and wonderful person I have ever met. I always love talking to her, I love learning about her country. she speaks with an accent, and at first I was worried we would never work well together. I dreaded working with her. but as I worked with her I realized what an amazing perosn she is. she LOVES god so much... I just find myself amazed at how much she trusts god with her life.


me? I don't believe in god at this moment in life. I have gone on and off about it, and right now I find the whole thought of it silly and ridiculous (and my grandmother is a hardcore bible thumping christian, I could never and will never tell her this)


I struggle in my faith.. I try finding a religion that suits and fits my thoughts on religion. I love the thought of buddhism... I believe and love the fact that everyone has a choice.... all religions are welcome in my world.


this lady at work... I treat her better then most people in my life I hate to say. I hate lying to her, I feel I owe her nothing but respect because she is so kind and wonderful.


she does not drive, she is about to get an american license. if she doesn't catch a ride home from someone at work she has to take 3 differnet buses to get home. so I have decided it is no big deal, I will drive her home sometimes after work.


she lives 15 minutes on the other side of town from me, and it is a hassle to go to her house then mine when I can be home after work in about 5 minutes.


but I still do it. and when I do it, she always tells me "god will bless you with good things in your life, because you are so kind and wonderful to me"


it makes me feel SOOOOOOOOO GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel guilty because 1) I do not believe in god. 2.) I do not feel I am worthy enough to have someone so grateful of me and my actions. because deep down I secretly hate having to drive her accross town but I would never turn her down because she is so genuinly kind and wonderful to me.


I do favors for her because she is so good to me!


3. she always tells me I need Christ in my life, and I just feel like he will never fit into my life. but I could NEVER tell her this.... she always ask me why I don't go to church on sundays.


I could never bring myself to tell her why I don't go... because losing her friendship would hurt so bad, and I just feel that everyone has their opinion and beliefs, and she is not one to think someone who doesn't believe in god is a good thing...



I dunno, any advice?


I can't believe I would ever become friends with a person like this. I wish I had her outlook on life. she is so happy. and calm. and up spirited and just carefree. I wish I could have a spec of what she has in personality. she is a truly good lady.

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So basically, she's telling you that you MUST have Christ and you feel guilty? Well I would too if I had someone on my back about it.


You are what you are. I'll tell you, you can be a great, wonderful person with or without that belief. It works for her. It may or may not work for you. If you don't feel that it does, then that's fine. But that doesn't make you any less of a person. Please don't feel guilty.


She may be care-free and happy, but IMO, she could learn a thing or two about acceptance. Maybe you could teach her.


BTW, I wanted to add that a TRUE friend, yes a true friend, will respect your beliefs (or lack thereof) and NOT make you feel guilty. They may not have to ACCEPT them, but they need to respect them and not make you feel like poop over it.


Yep, she's got a lot to learn. I have no idea what it's like in Nigeria but it's no excuse - proselytizing people isn't respectful.

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What is it about god that you struggle with? Ive found that while I could be possibly open to Jesus the hole main stream religious churchly thing and all the hypocritical judgement that goes along with it def isent for me!


Perhaps it was your bible thumping grandmother who put you off? If someone was constantly going on about Jesus to me it would make me uncomfortable too I guess the women at work thinks she is just trying to help you.

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part of me believes it is absolutely ridiculous most of the stuff you read in the bible. I feel alot of it sounds make believe to me, and I feel that alot of it is outdated.


part of me resents my father and grandmother (his mother) for pushing me into christianity.


they forced me to sunday school every sunday. I hated going. it seemed fake to me.


up til we got confirmed, we had no say in church. my dad said once confirmed (at 15) we could choose. I chose NEVER to go back to church.


I was anti religion for awhile when my grandma (moms mom) died from leukimia. up until my gramps got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (3 years ago to this day almost) I kinda mingled with the idea of god. but after seeing him suffer.... and cripple up and die, I will never ever have faith in any "god" that lets something like that happen.


I lived with my grandma 2 years (up until last summer). we used to talk about religion. I could NEVER tell her I don't believe... but I asked her "can't I believe in evolution and christianity?" and she rushed to say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."


I don't get that.


I fear that I will lose this woman as a friend... I fear when I tell such hardcore christians such as this lady and my grandma, that I do not believe, they are going to think less of me, not want to associate themselves with me, and try to save me (all big fears in this revelation)


When I mingled with the thought of god, I went to a friends church (it was senior year of high school)


she is a hardcore baptist, and teens were rushing up to the front crying and screaming THANK YOU LORD because they were saved.



that didn't help much.



that whole scene just weirds me out.....



I am not trying to be rude, I Really do think everyone has their right to what they want to believe in. I am happy my grandma has religion, it has helped her with the death of my gramps

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If she is as lovely as she sounds, I doubt she'll be all that shocked or rejecting of you that you happen to have different beliefs than you. It's a topic you can keep away from a lot anyways. Oh, religion + work = not a good mix. Not a good topic to discuss there, it's just asking for trouble.


A lot of times people can shock you. My grandma is very religious, yes, I HAD to be confirmed. lol. I happen not to follow that religion now. She knows it, she doesn't necessarily like it, but we've found a way to love each other and be different on that issue.


Guilt isn't a part of it. I used to think it was. But guilt is just what some people do, what some people learn. It's almost never helpful to take onto yourself, or to let others use against you.


I'm not 100% sure yet why you feel guilty about not always wanting to take her home? Bc she is so nice to you - you feel obliged? Is that what this is really about? You are scared she won't like you as much if you don't do what you think she wants you to do and belief?

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I have some religion fanatics around me that like to preach me. But do I care at all? Do I feel guilty? NO, because I'm completely ok with how I feel. I have to admit that it took a while for me to get comfortable with my beliefs, like you I felt weird, wasn't sure, but I thought about it a lot and got over it. Now what people might say or think of me doesn't bother me at all. When they start talking, I stop answering or paying attention and that will indirectly tell them to stop. And with some people, I don't even see a reason to object. I let them go on like I actually believe in what they say, as there is no point in arguing with someone like my grandpa (who is already set in his beliefs). If it's really important for them to think of their grandchildren as religious people, let it be, no reason to disturb them with my bad news.


What I am getting at is that if you are content with yourself, nobody can make you feel bad or guilty.

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Maybe she senses you are troubled or you have told her some of the stuff that has gone on in your life and she is genuinely concerned for you. And you might deep down think there might be something to it if that is what guides her and she is on such an even keel - but you can't justify it because you don't believe in it and that is what troubles you. becuase its what makes her life work, she naturally could want to share it with you.


I will say that it made a difference in my life to have faith. I am not advocating any particular denomination - just that it really had a transformative effect on my life, but that's just me.


I would actually, if I were you start believing that you DO deserve for someone to be nice to you like this lady is. You have no need to feel guilty about someone being kind to you, but may not be able to justify it because you are not being very kind or loving to yourself at the moment in not making a move to protect your feelings in your relationship.


I don't sense that she is pushing anything down your throat, actually, from what you have said. Its her kindness that is mindboggling, rather.

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I'd like to add that I've met lots of women from Africa (including some of Nigeria) which are a lot like how the OP describes this women. Warm, open, care-free and kind...as long as you're Christian too. I think they are raised this way, they either truly believe that it's ok to shove it down your throat or they are just so surprised to meet someone that doesn't believe the same thing that they do.


She may not realize what's she doing but it's still not right. You have no reason to feel guilty or feel bad.


If you want to keep being friends with this woman, it's fine. But it doesn't sound like she is going to accept or respect your beliefs.

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Being a good, kind and genuine person is more important than whether or not you believe in God. There are many people in all of the religions who put on a big show of how they believe in God, how religious they are, how they pray all the time, how spiritual they are etc and yet turn around and do really rotten, unconscionable things to partners, family, friends, colleagues and strangers. Believing in God doesn't make a person righteous any more than not believing in God makes a person bad. It doesn't matter that you don't believe...and don't feel pressured by someone else's belief...because in the grand scheme of life it is treating people with respect that really counts.

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