Is he genuine? he cheated..

[thankyou]

So i dated a total player for a month, not expecting him to be too great of a boyfriend, but giving him a chance. Then, after a month, he cheated. He had never told me that he loved me or anything, and our relationship wasnt very serious. All we did was kiss and we didnt even hang outside of school. After he did it, I broke up with him immediately. Told him it was over forever, though it was the hardest thing i'd ever done, becasue i knew he wanted to "try again" and that I COULD but that it would mean no self respect. So i dumped him on the spot.

 

In the month and a half that we were broken up he, for the first time, realized that he cared more about me than any other girl he'd been with, or been around. He actually felt stronger about me, and realized that i was the first person that wasnt just another "hookup".

 

After that month & a half, he came to my house and balled in front of me for the first time, telling me he loved me (though i didnt say it back, becasue i wasnt foolish enough to think that meant he was changed) but then we sat there for 4 hours and talked and he explained to me his past and some serious emotional issues he'd had because of some events that took place in middle school, and why that was the reason he cheated- so that he wasnt getting too close to me, as he had just started letting me in before we broke up. He had talked to one of his bestfriends about it though, and faced the issue and for that month while he tried getting me back, i saw something new in him. Though i wasnt convinced, i gave it a second try and decided to date him again, with a lot of my friends support who also saw the change in their friend of many years.

 

I wasnt particularly happy with my decision to date him again, but i figured i'd get over the hurt the second time if he did it again, and i'd regret never knowing what wouldve happened if i gave up on him.

 

Since the second time, he is a completely different person. We've dated 6 months and still havent had sex, since i dont believe in it this young, while our relationship is more based on harmless fun, and getting to spend time together just talking. I am the first girlfriend to meet his parents, meet everyone of his town friends (we go to a private school in a different town) and the first girl he said i love you to, or even had a relationship that lasted more than a month. (especially without being physical) He treats me amazing, better than all my friends bf's and never hurts me at all. He does amazing spontaneous things and is extremely effected when i'm only just a little bit mad at him. He really seems to love me.

 

Do you think it's genuine? Or that I still shouldnt trust him, and that he'll probably do it again? i've been reading lots of cheating posts, so i just want to know if anyone thinks that in my specific situation, it's possible that he really has changed and there is hope??? I have no reason to believe there isnt at this point.

[Sports Fan]

You were together for only a month and he cheated. The man lacks character and he's going to sweet talk you to no end until you get back with him. There are many men out there and many that will be faithful. Why would date someone, knowing they're a player?

[-Sanguine-]

It seems you were sure of your decision until people on here commented that they didn't think he could change.

 

In my opinion, if things are better this time around, I think there is a definite possibility he has changed. Don't let what people here think about your relationship change your mind. If you are happy and he treats you well and there are no signs of straying, I think you guys are fine.

 

Just make sure if you notices something suspicious you don't turn a blind eye to it.

Good luck

 

By the way, how old are you?

[sidehop]

In the month and a half that we were broken up he, for the first time, realized that he cared more about me than any other girl he'd been with, or been around. He actually felt stronger about me, and realized that i was the first person that wasnt just another "hookup".

 

I think his ego was hurt a bit. I highly doubt he changed that quickly, the history will probably just repeat itself once he knows you're emotionally attached to him again.

[turnera]

I take it you guys are in high school. It's entirely possible that you standing up to him and dumping him is something that never happened to him before - a girl respecting herself. It's a little less possible - but still possible nonetheless - that he actually learned to respect you through that and may make an ok boyfriend.

 

That said, I would still keep both eyes open.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sorry to say this, but I have my doubts, and as the saying goes, "past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour."

[Sports Fan]

In my opinion, if things are better this time around, I think there is a definite possibility he has changed. Don't let what people here think about your relationship change your mind. If you are happy and he treats you well and there are no signs of straying, I think you guys are fine.

 

 

30 days and he already cheated. All of a sudden he's going to change? Not happening.

[-Sanguine-]

30 days and he already cheated. All of a sudden he's going to change? Not happening.

 

I see what you're saying. It's very likely maybe he didn't change. Maybe I give people the benefit of the doubt too much.. but if it's been six months and things have been going well.. could he not have learned his lesson after she stood up for herself?

[Miss Firecracker]

I am not sure this was even cheating, if you only dated in class.

 

I'd give him a break this time.

[itsallgrand]

People don't generally cheat bc of lack of caring for the person they are with. Cheating has more to do with a person's character and themselves. I think it's a dangerous idea to equate his telling you he cares about you more than any other girl and his good behavior right now, with him having changed. Him wanting you, of course, is going to make him try harder for a while.

 

If he changes, it takes time. And it's not contingent on whether you are with him or not, and whether he cares about you more than anyone else or not.

 

In other words, I think you entered into a high risk situation with this guy. If he truly cares about you, he'd be ok with you waiting for him to get his crap together on his own first. He wouldn't have pulled the wailing at your doorstep bit, and put you in that situation, if he really "got" what changing means.

[Sports Fan]

I see what you're saying. It's very likely maybe he didn't change. Maybe I give people the benefit of the doubt too much.. but if it's been six months and things have been going well.. could he not have learned his lesson after she stood up for herself?

 

 

He's a player. Even if she does stand up for herself, he'll go find some other girl to play. Girls are after these types of guys, so he'll have his fun and if one gets rid of him, he's on to the next conquest. These player types usually have sociopathic behavior. They don't show remorse or have empathy/sympathy for people.

[thankyou]

He's a player. Even if she does stand up for herself, he'll go find some other girl to play. Girls are after these types of guys, so he'll have his fun and if one gets rid of him, he's on to the next conquest. These player types usually have sociopathic behavior. They don't show remorse or have empathy/sympathy for people.

I guess i should clarify player...

what i meant by it is he often was hooking up/fooling around with girls..but not while dating. He has maybe had one other girlfriend, and yes, he cheated on her, though it was in middle school.We've talked about that and how it has to do with his "getting close" issues. But he isnt the type of kid who dates a lot of girls and cheats on them all. He rarely dates. I guess i made it sound like he's had several girlfriends, who he was unloyal too, and that's not the case. he has just had many hookups.

 

And dont you think it's possible that he obviously did have an issue with "letting girls in" because they were getting too close to him, but got over it when he lost me and realized he wasnt happy anymore being like that, when it was just causing him pain? He is more serious than i am now, and way more emotional about us. Since he said i love you, which he has never said or felt, i have not seen a trace of unloyalty, or unfaithfulness.

 

Can't it be possible? If you don't mind my asking, can you backup why you have such strong feelings on this subject- him being a player and nothing more?

[thankyou]

It seems you were sure of your decision until people on here commented that they didn't think he could change.

 

In my opinion, if things are better this time around, I think there is a definite possibility he has changed. Don't let what people here think about your relationship change your mind. If you are happy and he treats you well and there are no signs of straying, I think you guys are fine.

 

Just make sure if you notices something suspicious you don't turn a blind eye to it.

Good luck

 

By the way, how old are you?

I'm fifteen.

And thank you for the support about it, i do get carried away when i think about what other people say.. it's definitely an issue of mine.

And on this subject, it was really the first time that the girls around me who cared about me WANTED me to give him another chance, they saw the change in him at school. He wouldnt talk to other girls and was often rejecting any flirting coming from them.

 

Do you think there's hope? Cant someone change if they face their issue? His came from a rough past of not trusting people because he was bullied...

[Sports Fan]

You've completely fallen into his trap. He has you emotionally attached to him and now you're justifiying whatever he does. He obviously has issues, but the fact that he hooks up with a lot of girls shows he's a player. He will never be satisfied with one girl. People like him rarely change. You may not have seen any trace of unloyalty, but people like him are good at hiding it.

 

 

And you want me to backup my feelings? Gladly. I have seen this first hand for years. I've been through high school, college, and early adulthood. I have more experience in this area than you. If you stay with him, you will get hurt.

 

 

Edit- You're 15? That proves my entire point. You don't have the life experience yet.

[thankyou]

You've completely fallen into his trap. He has you emotionally attached to him and now you're justifiying whatever he does. He obviously has issues, but the fact that he hooks up with a lot of girls shows he's a player. He will never be satisfied with one girl. People like him rarely change. You may not have seen any trace of unloyalty, but people like him are good at hiding it.

 

 

And you want me to backup my feelings? Gladly. I have seen this first hand for years. I've been through high school, college, and early adulthood. I have more experience in this area than you. If you stay with him, you will get hurt.

 

 

Edit- You're 15? That proves my entire point. You don't have the life experience yet.

I was not trying to doubt you- just curious why you felt so strongly about it. I completely see where you're coming from and definitely have my doubts too. Have you really heard of relationships/situations just like this one?

[-Sanguine-]

You've completely fallen into his trap. He has you emotionally attached to him and now you're justifiying whatever he does. He obviously has issues, but the fact that he hooks up with a lot of girls shows he's a player. He will never be satisfied with one girl. People like him rarely change. You may not have seen any trace of unloyalty, but people like him are good at hiding it.

 

 

And you want me to backup my feelings? Gladly. I have seen this first hand for years. I've been through high school, college, and early adulthood. I have more experience in this area than you. If you stay with him, you will get hurt.

 

 

Edit- You're 15? That proves my entire point. You don't have the life experience yet.

 

He's probably 15, too. Are you saying that he is going to be a player for the rest of his life and that there is no hope in him having a stable relationship with any girl because he had hook ups?? I'm pretty sure almost every guy goes through that stage.

 

I'm not saying she won't get hurt again, but I think it's a little extreme to judge his character so harshly at this point in his life.

[Sports Fan]

I was not trying to doubt you- just curious why you felt so strongly about it. I completely see where you're coming from and definitely have my doubts too. Have you really heard of relationships/situations just like this one?

 

 

I've seen relationships like this all the time. And 99% of the time, the player does not change. As you get older, you'll see it for yourself. You have every right to have doubts. The fact that someone cheated on you within 30 days should be enough of a sign that they're trash and are not relationship material.

 

 

Since you're a female, there are two pieces of advice I am going to give you and I urge you to follow it: 1)Never give a player the time of day and 2)If someone cheats on you, do not take them back.

[Sports Fan]

He's probably 15, too. Are you saying that he is going to be a player for the rest of his life and that there is no hope in him having a stable relationship with any girl because he had hook ups?? LOL. I'm pretty sure almost every guy goes through that stage.

 

 

Unless he is willing to change and goes through some bad experiences, odds are he's not going to change. Players don't have stable relationships. It goes back to how they're raised. If their fathers were like that or they never had a father figure, they won't learn.

 

 

As for hook ups, having a minimal amount is one thing. Doing it constantly is something else. I didn't randomly hook up with girls, nor did any of my friends. Not every guy or almost every guy goes through it. You just here of the ones that do. For every one that does, there's probably many others that don't. Don't buy into the stereotype that all men hookup and are obsessed with sex.

 

 

I'm not saying she won't get hurt again, but I think it's a little extreme to judge his character so harshly at this point in his life.

 

 

I think it's very fair to judge his character. Assuming he's 15-16, his personality and mentality are set. Unless he wants to change or he goes through some experience, he's not changing. I've seen it many times throughout the years.

[thankyou]

I've seen relationships like this all the time. And 99% of the time, the player does not change. As you get older, you'll see it for yourself. You have every right to have doubts. The fact that someone cheated on you within 30 days should be enough of a sign that they're trash and are not relationship material.

 

 

Since you're a female, there are two pieces of advice I am going to give you and I urge you to follow it: 1)Never give a player the time of day and 2)If someone cheats on you, do not take them back.

You've even seen first-hand a guy who makes a complete transformation, including his character and the way he acts around others, for as long time, and then just goes back to his old ways?

[Sports Fan]

You've even seen first-hand a guy who makes a complete transformation, including his character and the way he acts around others, for as long time, and then just goes back to his old ways?

 

 

Yes. I've seen guys that change temporarily, then go right back to their old ways. I can only recall one guy that truly changed. For every player that changes, there are tons of others that don't.

[nutbrownhare]

He's only fifteen. He's likely to change a lot over the next few years. Can any of us say we didn't do stupid things at fifteen that we wouldn't dream of doing later on?

 

If he was 30, that would be a different matter!

 

To the OP - carry on and enjoy your relationship. Only time will tell whether he's genuine or not; but you have shown self respect and he'll likely respect you for it. Just take your time, and see whether his actions match his words. And don't contemplate taking clothes off until you feel sure of the answers to your questions!

 

Good luck!

[Sports Fan]

He's only fifteen. He's likely to change a lot over the next few years. Can any of us say we didn't do stupid things at fifteen that we wouldn't dream of doing later on?

 

 

We all did stupid things at 15. But stupid things usually consist of drinking, smoking, or otherwise causing trouble. Womanizing isn't considered a stupid thing. It's part of a personality. If teenage boys don't have a male role model to show them that womanizing is wrong, they are not going to change.

[-Sanguine-]

Most of the guys I know go through a phase where they just want to get with girls. But eventually they grow up. I believe that's how it is in most cases.. well, where I'm from anyway.

 

My cousin, he was a player, always trying to get more "conquests". Then one day, he brought home a girl and I believe that was over a year ago. He is completely dedicated to her and they are soo cute together. He's not a player at heart.. he just went through a phase and grew up, met the right girl, and is settling down.

 

Sure, some guys don't grow up. But some do.

[thankyou]

He's only fifteen. He's likely to change a lot over the next few years. Can any of us say we didn't do stupid things at fifteen that we wouldn't dream of doing later on?

 

If he was 30, that would be a different matter!

 

To the OP - carry on and enjoy your relationship. Only time will tell whether he's genuine or not; but you have shown self respect and he'll likely respect you for it. Just take your time, and see whether his actions match his words. And don't contemplate taking clothes off until you feel sure of the answers to your questions!

 

Good luck!

Thank you for that, i needed to hear that.

 

I will definitellllllly make sure his actions match his words. I havent given him any slack since, but then again, he really hasnt done anything un-trustworthy that i even need to forgive.

 

I'm happy for now, and am being treated with respect. But when and if that changes, i can sware i'll be gone before he knows it. I'm really serious about not allowing my self respect to be damaged by a guy. After all, i'm not fantasizing in a world that we're going to get married. I'm only in highschool & trying to have a fun & healthy experience.

[-Sanguine-]

 

If he was 30, that would be a different matter!

 

 

 

Very true!