Your reasons why it's hard to let go

[cherryberry123]

Many of you guys know my struggles, but I want to tell you why it's been so hard to let go, and I want to hear your fears of letting go.

The reason I've been so afraid to let go:

 

I met him in school. He was a year ahead of me. Our program is very stressful, and when we met he was really helpful. He helped a lot of people in my year, but eventually started helping me the most. He answered any questions about homework and took time for me even when he was busy. I did not intend on falling for him, but his charm won me over. I'll admit it, I cry a lot during the semesters, it's that overwhelming. He's been there for me every step of the way. When I was getting discouraged, he would send me little emails to keep me motivated. When no one else believed in me, he did. When I failed a class, he drove over to my house to provide comfort. He was there when I was able to get retested to pass the course. I mean, he was always there for me.

Now that he is gone, I feel alone. Would I be able to graduate on my own? In case you don't know, I failed the last semester. The same semester he broke it off with me. I was devastated, I felt weak. That was a horrible semester. My schooling was going horrible, my pets were dying, and he wasn't there anymore. He claims he tried to be there to support me, but I kept blaming him for my sorrows.I cried every night. When I failed the semester, he did not come over to comfort me. All he said was "Sorry". I had no one else to turn to. It was no longer his job to be there, but I could not accept it.

 

I'm starting school soon, and I'm nervous to be honest. I am on NC currently, and I'll be starting a difficult year without him. I'm scared, but I need to stay strong. I failed last year because of the breakup and missed my opportunity to be working already. I am now a year behind.

I think this is why NC is to be implemented for good. I have 2 months to recover from this before school starts. I need to learn to walk on my own. I fear the day he finds someone new, but I can't let that affect my academic performance.

Please pray for me...

 

Please tell me your fears.

[lostnscared]

The reason it's hard to let go:

 

I've been with him for six years. Though I've had relationships before he was my first love and the first man I lost my virginity to. He has the values and morals that are important to me: Family, loves kids, hard-working, very wise and a natural born leader. He has always been logical and provided me with great advice. He has definitely been my motivating force in doing "better" for myself.

 

Though I *know* I can do just as good and maybe even better without him, I still feel as if he has definitely been a solid foundation for me. He shares the same taste in music, values, and relationships that I do. And he is open-minded and keeps me on my toes.

 

I know that there are men like that--but in my culture it is few and far between. I worry that I won't find someone who had all the qualities that he had. I worry that he will get himself together and MEET someone else rather than getting himself together and staying with me.

 

I worry that if we don't at least try one more time, I'll never our true relationship potential.

 

It's weird but these are my concerns.

 

His cousin has told me differently. He feels that rather than my bf motivating me to do better, that my bf is holding me back. I don't agree or disagree. I've made some BIG sacrifices in this relationship and if I wasn't with him I'm not sure how my life would be. I'm in a great position financially and career-wise and a lot of people have told me I'm lucky. I graduated with honors from college and have had great career prospects.

 

So I'm not sure how he's held me back OTHER THAN from my own self-development--which essentially this break will do for me.

 

Anyway I've kind of rambled on.

 

But I guess to add my fear is that all these sacrifices and decisions I made for our relationship has led me in a position that isn't AS GOOD as it would've been had I not been with him.

[SocialStigma]

For me it's because we were together for not only 4 years (which is a decent chunk of time), but he's also my first real relationship and my first love.

 

We were 16, juniors in high school when we started dating. Before him, I'd had 3 "relationships". One of them was in elementary school, 2 of them in my freshman year of high school. Needless to say they were not serious relationships at all (only had group dates, never went on actual dates with them) and the longest one lasted 6 months. With my ex, he's my first experience with actual dating, being in a real relationship, my first sexual experience (I had only innocently pecked guys on the lips before him).

 

Also, we were both in the IB diploma program together in high school and it was great to have someone to go through that with you. He understood when I couldn't go see a movie with him because I had school stuff to do. And we helped each other through IB - studied at the library together, did our labs together, edited each other's extended essays, suffered all nighters doing homework together etc. We applied to university together (not to the same ones, but helped each other narrow down programs, decide on residences etc) and entered this new phase of our life together. We endured through 2 years of long distance, taking turns to visit each other at university. My first university midterm, I remember thinking I failed and it was him that I called, crying my eyes out because I was convinced that I would never get the marks I need for grad school. We were always there for each other even though we were physically apart now.

 

So much of my life has involved him thus far. In January 2011, I am applying to graduate school and I still can't imagine him not being there to celebrate with me if I get in. He's still the first person I want to call and cry to when I imagine that moment.

[AllUNeedIsLove]

Though my relationship was short lived about 1yr and 5 months, the thing I miss the most was that he was my best friend. We were friends before dating, and when we started it was amazing. He was always there when I needed him, and he cared so much about me.

The reason it is so hard to let go, is because he was someone I let into my "own little world" (I've dated other guys), but no one really understood me like he did. He was my first love and never have I ever loved someone like I do. I trusted him with my heart, and let him in (which is rare) and I showed him my life, my world.

Also, we have the same taste in music, style, lifestyle, we had the same dreams of having an apartment together, wedding (he would bring that up), baby names, traveling the world together...

My fear is that I will never get to see his smile and his laughter. Touch his face and look into his eyes (though I am already experiencing that, when i don't see him on campus). To someday get married to someone else, and not be able to give my heart fully because I will always think about my ex. I know there are other guys out there that will probably have the same interests as me and will care for me etc...but it is not him (if that makes sense).

[Live-N-Learn]

1. I messed up and was not emotionally available to meet her needs or understand what she needed from me at the time. So I want a second chance to show her.

 

2. Have never connected with a girl like I did her.

 

3. Never had as much fun as I had with her.

 

4. We psuedo dated for 3 months post breakup and just couldn't let go of her. Finally went NC for 10 weeks.

 

5. Believe we never really reached our full potential as a couple.

 

6. She is a mess but I love her like no other.

[TSandullo]

For me, it was/is hard to let go because:

-she was my first love

-shared many similar values

-I bonded immensely with her daughter

-we had a great relationship

-I love photography and had loads of photos of her and her family.....but I deleted them all a few days ago.

 

I sincerely wish that girl and her family all the best.

 

TS

[michelle21689]

1. First love, first everything

2. Hiliarious

3. We had a good friendship

4. Known eachother forever

5. Grew up together

6. loved our talks

7. Never had a strong connection with anyone else like this

[Robin2904]

1) He was my fist love also- although I know I was not his

 

2) Despite everything I know he really did love me with all his heart. The things he did. words he said, look in his eyes- they haunt me- all I can see is the way he looked at me with so much love in his eyes when ever I close my eyes. And we had this connection that I'm afraid I will never have with anyone else

 

3) I feel like we never really gave things a full second chance- like we said we would. It kills me.

 

He is a complicated guy- he hides himself SO often from alot of the world and I feel like he let me in- I saw the real him, and I honestly will stand by this and say I know- or knew- him better then anyone else in the world. I knew him in ways I know no one else did. It hurts me so much to think that's all dead.

 

I can't let go of the memories we had. EVERYTHING reminds me of him and the good times we had. Kills me.

[kiwiana]

Like everyone else, he was my first love and I lost my virginity to him. He was my best friend and he always made me feel special, every single day he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

He could make me laugh and smile more then anyone and I am afraid that no one could make me more happier then he did

We aren't on talking terms at the moment but I would love to have the friendship again and I do miss him.

Whats hard is that we broke up because of Long distance, and I always think well if he lived in the same city as me, we would probably be still together

[markyspark]

For me its hard to let go, because:

 

1) - We have a child together (Who i've not seen yet but thats another story)

2) - I've never connected with anyone the way I connected with her

3) - We know how to make each other laugh, and we laughed regularly

4) - We had a fantastic friendship

5) - This was the first relationship I'd been in where there was no boundaries of any kind that could get in the way

6) - I truly felt she was 'the one'

7) - She stuck by me through a traumatic 12 months which included job loss, death of a relative, and more job issues - during each of those events, i went to pieces, and she was there for me

8) - We could talk for hours about anything

9) - With the exception of Lost, we liked pretty much the same stuff on TV...She liked the Simpsons (which is good) - but could never quite get over my near encyclopaedic knowledge of OFF

 

Blimey..I've been quite deep there

[peternaizeh]

1. I love him (he was my first on everything)

 

Like you ms. cherryberry123, I also fear the day he finds someone new, actually I still can't figure out now why he broke up with me. I always feel that I can't move on btw it is 8 weeks since we BU, almost everyday I cried praying that he will realize that he love me. But nothing can change his mind, So I need to make myself better, need to love myself and I'm trying to accept everything. I go NC for 10 days but I broke it last night I texted him, asking how he is etc. I told him I have a letter for him I will send it today. But I haven't send it yet. My letter for him is about acceptance of our break up, and it is about moving on. Yesterday I am so confident that I will send it but now I'm afraid that my letter will end everything for us giving no hope of reconcilation. But though, I am in pain right now, I need to take care of myself. I always pray that may God give me strenght and guide me on the things I need to do. Take care of yourself. Do want you need to do.You do not need him to pass. You can do it. God is with you. More Power and God bless!

[askltk]

1) I still care for her

2) We get on amazingly - still.

3) She initiates constant contact.

4) I'm her emotional crutch, and because of number 1, I play up to it.

5) I'm still physically attracted to her.

6) She is persistent in doing things for my family, such as sending cards / presents on birthdays and visiting by kid sister while she's ill.

[nessa7139]

I cant let go because I'm bloody stupid...!!!!

[markyspark]

I think that sums me up too nessa7139!

[Destiny2112]

1) For me it's hard to let go, since he was my first real love as well and what we had was something very special.

 

2) I can't get the thought out of my head that it probably would have worked with us if we hadn't been in a LDR all the 3,5 years.

 

3) I truly believed he was the "one", the love of my life. He had everything I desired. I could have really pictured spending the rest of my life with him and getting married to him and starting a family with him one day.

 

4) I have never felt this intense love for anyone else before.

 

5) He always made me feel so loved, made me feel I'm so special for him.

 

6) During our relationship, he was the best boyfriend I could have imagined.

 

7) I still miss him and I can't stand the fact I probably will never ever see him again in my life and probably we won't ever talk to each other either

 

8) It's hard to believe for all those years we were the most important persons in each other lives and now, we are strangers, not part of each others lives anymore... this thought feels so weird still

 

9) I'll probably never stop loving him.

 

10) He always was there for me when I needed him, always listened to my problems and was extremely patient with me.

 

11) I hate fact we never even had the chance to live the daily life like a "normal" couple (my biggest dream was to fall asleep and wake up next to him every day of my life).

 

12) We matched so well in so many aspects of our character and attitudes, it was almost scary.

[michelle21689]

Kiwiana, well you never know. I keep wondering if the distance broke us up too but for some reason I don't think it was a major part of it...maybe a small part because I was supposed to move next fall when he came back from Afghanistan. Well, anyways...I know a couple that was long distance for 3 years. He finally moved accross the country for her (they were engaged) and lived there for about 8 months until her feelings started to change. She broke up with him and he moved back =(

 

Anything can happen...so you never know.

[Love1336]

I cant let go because I'm bloody stupid...!!!!

 

Lol, no you aren not!

[pillowtalk]

Mainly because I feel like circumstances got in the way of our relationship: distance, work, stress, etc.

 

Never had a healthy environment to nurture our relationship. I feel like I'd be able to let go if we had been in the same place, had a good go at it, and tried our best.

[iwannarun]

My reasons:

1. I love him of course

2. I still believe we had something good & real

3. The memories are still there

 

 

It doesn't hurt anymore. But the memories are what are keeping me from getting over him 100%.