I’ll start off by saying I absolutely adore this man. I have never felt this strongly about someone before. He feels like home to me and I hope I’m lucky enough to marry him someday. He is the sweetest.
I don’t know how to explain how and why he overwhelms me sometimes. I am hoping to explain a situation that happened today and have the forum help me gather my thoughts.
I was on a phone call with my boyfriend. We are long distance. I was explaining that I ran out of my Nespresso pods. He told me I should look into getting reusable pods. I thought it was a great idea since I’m trying to save money for a home. I immediately went on Amazon to buy a reusable kit. I cleaned out my old pods (I have 3 months worth) to reuse.
I mentioned that I wanted to buy this particular coffee from Costco that is vanilla hazelnut flavored. I had it previously and I liked it. He comments that they spray chemicals on flavored coffee beans. I said okay, I’ll get something else. He suggests I get a bag from a nice coffee shop instead.
I ended up going to Costco to browse the available options as I am looking to save some money and I thought it might help to buy in bulk.
Throughout the conversation, he mentioned the following:
- He told me I shouldn’t get a bulk size of grinded up coffee cause it’ll go stale
- He said for me to research the grind inside the nespresso pod because it’ll make a big difference. I need to make sure i don’t grind it too fine or too coarse
- I suggested I will buy whole beans and grind up portions that will last a week. I can freeze the whole beans. He said what’s the point of the pods then cause it’s for convenience. He said I should buy a small bag from Starbucks, grind it all up and make 3 months worth. In my head, I’m obsessing about the freshness now so I said no.
I felt like the conversation turned what was supposed to be a fun and simple errand to a stressful one. Before our conversation, I didn’t think about chemically sprayed beans, the freshness of beans, how to store them, how many grams in each pod, the grind etc.
He admitted he is very particular about his coffee but I am not.
I left Costco empty handed and told my boyfriend it’s getting too stressful. He apologized but said he thought it was supposed to be a light hearted conversation. Things got quiet and he said he had to go. We haven’t really messaged each other much tonight. I ended up cancelling my Amazon order cause I felt defeated and overwhelmed.
I know this was a silly example but I feel it for other things. Another example includes:
- Talking about the calories of food or how many calories he burned. He might ask how many calories is in my food. I struggle with my relationship with food and I don’t want to obsess about calories.
I feel like I can’t do things the way I want to. He’s not possessive or anything and I know he wants the best for me. But I feel like he inserts his thoughts too much into how I live my life?
Some recent examples:
-I got blood work done and my results came back yesterday. Everything was normal but it was recommended I cut down on cholesterol and sugar as I’m at the higher normal range. I did not tell my boyfriend as I feel like he would want to know all of my results and the exact numbers etc.
- If I go buy a treat for myself, I sometimes don’t tell him as I am concerned he might secretly judge me and ask the calorie count
How do I explain to him how I’m feeling? What do I say? Is it worth mentioning anything? I don’t know why it bothers me. Maybe it’s my insecurity. I just find it overbearing? Is that the right word? He just has this intensity for certain things.
