Contact from ex, 2 years after breakup.

[Ms Darcy]

Maybe, so why would she make contact if that is the case? And like I said, enjoying a good beer does not make me an alcoholic. It was all a question of control for her.

 

We don't know why she made contact, but you were an important person in her life. It's possible that she just wanted to hear from you.

[sadcomposer]

Could be. I'm ok with whatever outcome. I'm sure I will hear from her again. Thanks

[sadcomposer]

We spoke on the phone for the first time in over two years. 45 minutes. And I still don't know where things are. But it was really nice.

 

The great thing is that finally, I have become indifferent, I just don't care about the outcome.

 

Sure, I would love for her and I to be a team, but I have not counted on it for a while now.

 

Whatever, venting.

[ladyblue07]

Glad to hear that you are keeping your feelings under control and not getting too invested yet. Best to you.

[Psychomagnet]

The last time we wrote in Nov 09, she told me she did not want contact with me because she did not want to compromise her relationship. I complied.

 

I added a PS saying. "I must admit I am surprised that you are writing to me, I thought you did not want to compromise your relationship?"

 

She answered back thanking me about the recipe and telling me more about her life. Then she said that there was no more relationship to compromise, she left the guy 4 months ago.

 

Any suggestions?

 

 

(I'm surprised no one else caught this)This part stuck out to me as a HUGE red flag. You had to step aside for her new relationship. And now that it's over she looks to you. * * * ARE YOU AN ISLAND?

Personally I would be insulted by this and would tell her "okay so this other cat was more important on your ladder than me but now he is gone you can associate with us commoners again?? Excuse me your highness, I forgot to bow and prostrate myself in your presence!". One must wonder what would happen if she meets another guy? will it be back on the shelf for you?

 

IMO she isn't even being clear about her intentions(2nd red flag). I understand that due to the NC time that she may be testing the waters but if I were you I would have asked her point blank. Too on the spot maybe? YES! but why Bull***t around? honestly!

 

If you want to "be a team with her again" as you put it, I would ask her directly what she wants, If you get more indirectness, I would seriously consider perm-NC.

 

Sorry if this sounds very harsh but you asked for suggestions and life is too short IMO to beat around the bush, on or off...fence-sitting doesn't do anyone any good.

 

Best wishes and be cautious!

[Carus]

Hey SC*

 

I too am/was a touring musician and boy it sure is a hectic lifestyle huh? My last ex too just couldn't handle all the VIPing etc...So I wanted to post in your thread here...

 

I think you've handled it all pretty well, especially considering the fact that we really dont expect to hear from these girls ever again....

 

If you want my opinion, I think you just do your thing, take care of the things that need taking care of, be strong and confident and if she wants to, she will make small steps toward you....

 

Otherwise, just keep on keeping on my musical Brother* You've done OK for 2 years now anyway so.....

 

Be nice if you could update this thread every now and again too...Pretty interesting story you got going here

 

The fact that you say you are not too bothered by the outcome is your strongest card*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[rapunzel]

I am also a musician (not touring) as is my ex. We still work together. Ugh.

 

It sounds like you are slowly getting resigned to the fact that there is a very good chance it is over....for good. It has been two years. It has been almost two years for me as well. I have contact with my ex through the band so my chances are virtually nil. Despite me saying and thinking that at this point that I really don't care about the outcome is somewhat disingenuous as I probably would not still be posting about him if I really didn't care about the outcome. I do not initiate contact with him and our dealings are strictly professional. Yet, because in the past two years I have not met anyone else, the feelings remain. I also know he is single.

 

Anyway, I suspect it is the same case with you. Maybe you really are indifferent, and if so, that is a GOOD thing...but true indifference does not lead one to post about their ex on an internet forum. I think we are about the same age and it is tough, tough, tough at this age to find a suitable partner. I am slowly resigning myself to the idea that maybe I'm going to be alone. I can't "fake it" to just be with someone and I'm OK alone. It's not easy but it could always be worse.

 

I am thankful for my musical talent though, and agree with the last poster that you should keep on being musical and thank God for the music!

 

I do hope that you (and I) eventually achieve true indifference. That is when you will really be free. For me, I know I need a good 6-12 months of complete NC and the only way I'm going to get that is when the band breaks up or when I leave, which I'm considering after this year.

 

As a prior poster said, I would also consider No Contact to completely get over this woman.

 

Anyway, hang in there and Good Luck.

[Carus]

Feel for you Rapunzel*

 

I couldn't imagine still having to interact with my ex while she's given her heart to another....

 

My ex was our drummer....When she was instigating the breakup and transferring to this new guy she even asked "Can I still be in the band?"

 

My response "No Dice!"

 

And the new band we have now is even better than that old one, so keep that in mind when you're making your decisions about whether to stay in this one....

 

Its good that you have an acceptance of being alone, but I think if you/I stay postive and open, then new love will find you/us.....

 

After my father passed away, my mum found a new boyfriend at 72!, so it can come at any age too

 

'More can be said in one guitar chord than a whole political speech' ~ Frank Zappa*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[rapunzel]

He is actually currently single. He has had two short relationships with much younger women since he dumped me. Yeah, it has been an incredibly challenging couple of years. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of quitting over him. Sometimes it hasn't seemed worth it but I've had some great musical experiences with this group and through connections I've made with this group.

 

Anyway, I did not mean to hijack the thread from the OP...

[sadcomposer]

Thanks everyone.

 

She sent me an email saying I can call her whenever it's convenient for me.

 

I cannot write all that has been going on these last weeks. Too much translation.

[sadcomposer]

We spoke again last night. I now know for sure that she only wants friendship. I feel like I have been played with, but I guess I asked for it. I will be alright. I don't want any friendship with her. I did not tell her her that, but if she contacts me again I will tell her that I am not interested in friendship. At least now I know where I stand. Thanks everyone again. SC

[Ms Darcy]

It's really for the best. She thinks you are an alcoholic and you don't - among many other issues. It would be too much struggle. Good luck.

[sadcomposer]

We are still communicating, both by phone and email. I think it actually is better that way, I have to learn to remain nonchalant, and am doing quite well at it. What's weird is that she is sending me mixed signals. She says she wants friendship but keeps talking about the good times we had. So, I'm actually enjoying it. She is always initiating contact and I intend to keep it that way. Just thought I would give an update. Thanks

[Star Witness]

Hey Sadcomposer - Any update for us??

[MsMargarita]

It's probably wrong to expect her to know what she wants, after so much time apart it is hard to be sure and persistent! If she only wanted to ask for the recipe, she probably wouldn't have told you much about her life. If i were you, i'd just write about my life too. Like in a tennis match, you mirror her moves but she's the one who has to move it further. This is the safest way to get around the ex… It might well be that your reply suggests you are not interested, but I wouldn't write to her again. Just if she is really interested be patient and let her be the vulnerable one and gather the confidence and courage to invite you out.