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Explorer (4/14)

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  1. She called me this morning, she wanted my mailing address so she could send me a letter. I told her I'm meeting with my therapist today, which is close to her place, so I could stop by and pick up the letter in her mail box. She said she would be home. I said if she did not mind seeing me I would knock, take the letter and leave. She said ok. She sounded sad, but I can't tell. I don't know what to expect. I sounded very serious and firm. I will let you know how it goes with the therapist and the letter. Thanks
  2. I decided to meet with a counselor. I have an appointment tomorrow. I will see how that goes before I do anything. Thanks Karvala, I really appreciate your insights.
  3. Should I wait 2 weeks, or tell her now? Thanks
  4. Well here is my plan. I am quitting now. I won't tell her or try to contact her for 2 weeks. Then I will look at my options. My problem is that over time, I might be tempted to smoke up when she does not know about it. You can't have a relationship hiding stuff like that, I would have to tell her. Would she leave me then, or would she support me in my effort to keep on trying. I am pretty confident that I can stop completely, but I can't predict the future. As far as my pride goes, I can swallow it as long as I don't have this cloud over my head, always afraid that she will leave me if I make a mistake.
  5. just read my other thread called "we broke up". It's not just bout weed
  6. It certainly should not be a power struggle, she chose to make it and now we are at an impasse. I have quit now and intend to try for at least 2 weeks. I'm confident I can do it, I smoked so little in the first place. But it does not change the fact that she is trying to control me. If I give in, what will be next?
  7. My brother came to visit last night. We talked quite a bit about my situation. I think I have to face the fact that it's over for good. The only way it could work was if she backed out, and even then she might resent me for it later. If I give in and quit smoking pot, I will end up resenting her. Why does life have to be like that? I can't think of any scenario that would work.
  8. Ok, maybe relapse is too big a word. I guess what I am saying is if my musician friends came to my place to jam, and I took a puff. Would she leave me right there and then? I am quitting for now, but I'm not sure I want to give it up altogether. Only I should decide that.
  9. Yes there are other things. I like to play pool. She is really insecure about me going with my friends to play once in a while. But she was willing to accept it. So we were able to compromise on that, but it does show that she wants to control things because of her insecurity.
  10. Yes, there are other things. I like to play pool. There is a local bar where I have been going to for years. A bit like cheers. I know a lot of people there. I used to go about 2 times a week before I met her when I was single. I would go, have 2 beers, play some pool and go home. I never drink and drive, I have a perfect driving record. In the 8 months we were together, I went maybe 3 times. She did not like it at all. She came with me once and said there were a lot of women there and she was not comfortable with that. So there is an insecurity there. I have always been faithful in all the relationships that I have been in. She knows me very well, my family and my values. Once again, she wanted to control me. She finally agreed that if I went with friends once in a while it was ok. So we did manage to compromise on that. But it still shows how she can be. Thanks
  11. I also believe it's a control issue. But she will never admit that. So I am sticking to no contact. I'm quitting pot as of now, but I am not going to let her know. I just want to do it to prove to myself that I can. If she makes contact, I'll have to see what she has to say, and really make her understand that I feel that she does not accept me as a whole, that it hurts a lot, and that she has a lot of work to do to figure out why she wants to control me like that.
  12. Thanks Shadow, I think you said it right. I wish somebody would make her understand. I am willing to quit, but on my own terms and in my own time. I'm even willing to see a counselor to find strategies on quitting. I'm pretty certain that I can quit on my own without any help, but if I do need help, I will get it. Having her support would certainly be better than having my back against a wall. But to be honest, I snoke so little, I really enjoy it when I'm improvising at the piano, and overall I don't think it's a big deal. It has never taken control of my life. Thanks again
  13. I told her that my door is always open. I asked her to reflect on her decision. She thanked me for all the good times we had. It was all very civil. She knows that I am a NC advocate, so I did not have to say it.
  14. I am at a total loss over this. Now, even if I quit, there would always be a doubt in her mind. If she came back and told me she decided she could tolerate it, I would actually be more motivated to quit. I hate that people (her included probably) think that I'm choosing pot over a woman. It's not true, I refuse to be given ultimatums. How can I make her understand that? I am keeping no contact for now. I hope that with time she will miss me enough to want to talk and try and work things out. But it must come from her. She told me that she never loved anyone so much before. She was married twice. But I am so sad, I can't concentrate. Geez, she makes me feel like a criminal. How could she take 8 months to say this. Why did she start going out with me in the first place. I told her everything right from the first week and told her if she wanted to back out, then was the time to do it.:sad:
  15. Sorry, but I was willing not to smoke in her presense. I smoke less than a gram a week. I would not call that chronic. I don't smoke everyday.I can undertand where you are coming from, but she still gave me an ultimatum. I was willing to compromise and she would not. I think I am being reasonable. I'm even willing to try and quit, would she leave me as soon as I had a relapse? What I need is support, not ultimatums. If that is not good enough for her, it's sad, but it's over. Thanks
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