First date

[Circe1607308268]

Well, Betty, I figured you would hear from him again, just not this fast!

 

I'm with Miss Kitty -- I think you've expended enough time and energy on this guy. He may be seeing someone else or he may be the world's biggest flake. Do you really want to find out? I'm unsure what the attraction is, unless it's simply that you want to get something off the ground with someone and are willing to put up a great deal of inexplicable waffling just to get to square one.

 

Miss Kitty may have a point about the photo. Maybe he's very insecure about his appearance and can't quite bring himself to meet you lest you find him repulsive! Well, you can clue us in on this if you've actually seen a photo.

 

You'll have to do as you see fit. I can only say that I've fallen victim to this kind of "pleading" and have been burned every single time. I wish I could say that even 1 time in 10 it turned out to have been worth it, but I would be lying if I did.

 

I've never been one to put up with nonsense, and when I started online dating I sent men to the block regularly! But friends and family chastised me as being "judgemental" and "too harsh." They told me, "People have busy lives, and things happen beyond their control, and you're much too demanding!" So, I did as they suggested. I "cut slack," and I "overlooked little things" and I was "patient." Because, what if everyone else is right, and I miss the love of my life because he just couldn't get himself together soon enough to suit me?! Pooh. I can't tell you how much of my precious time and emotional energy has been wasted in the process.

 

Please be careful with this.

[Betty79]

Hi there,

 

Yes I have seen lots of pictures of him, I wouldnt say he is amazingly good looking but to me there's something about him but perhaps he is insecure about his appearance.

 

I text him back and said that I was unsure what to do and giving it another chance was going completely against what I felt I should do at the moment. I said if I did give it another chance though I would want to know where and when at least a day before and if he did it again we wouldnt even be friends. He hasn't said anything to that yet.

 

I'm really not too bothered about him now. I wont contact him again and wont put too much thought into him. Funnily enough just after he text me last night I logged into my dating account and I had 3 news messages from 3 very nice looking, handsome guys

[Circe1607308268]

Betty, as long as you're not heavily invested in this guy, then it seems that your decision to text back to him isn't causing you a great deal of anxiety. You are becoming indifferent and believe me, that's a great place to be! Because whatever happens, you're fine with it.

 

And congrats on the three new messages! Start working on these and keep moving. It's more difficult to hit a moving target, as they say! I'm beginning to realize myself that I need to involve myself with multiple people so that no one man has my exclusive attention and interest because you never know what they're going to do next. No use being in a game of musical chairs where you're the one without a seat every time the music stops!

[BriarRose]

Betty, at this point, what you have is pure fantasy. You have officially entered into a "texting" relationship. This guy hasn't been able to meet you in a month and IMO he never will. You are hanging on far too long and clearly you are already emotionally invested in this guy or would have cut him loose after he cancelled that last date.

 

To be honest, I am surprised you responded as you did. You had seemed so level headed about this before. But you are obviously going to let him keep yanking your chain.

 

I am going to butt out now. I hope I am wrong and he steps up to the plate. Good luck, Betty

[MalibuOne]

Wow, Betty. I'm offline for one day and look what happens! Let me share a couple things about online dating and knowing whether someone is "sitting home" checking their profile. My profile is connected to my e-mail, which is connected to my phone. I can hop online anywhere, anytime when I get a message. I can be compulsive about looking, because let's face it...it's fun to get messages, right? What I'm saying is that just cuz he's online, doesn't mean he's sitting home.

 

And congrats on the three new messages! Start working on these and keep moving. It's more difficult to hit a moving target, as they say! I'm beginning to realize myself that I need to involve myself with multiple people so that no one man has my exclusive attention and interest because you never know what they're going to do next. No use being in a game of musical chairs where you're the one without a seat every time the music stops![/QUOTE]

 

Circe makes a great point here. In the beginning, you are dating, not in a relationship. Guys date more than one girl at a time, but for some reason, women serial date. They date one guy, invest, it doesn't work out, they move on. The one at a time approach is a big time waster, IMHO. The problem with it is that first, you have the interminable e-mailing. Then there's the phone calls. Then, maybe, there's the meet n greet. By the time you get to an actual date you've invested so much time, you start to think it's a relationship before it's even gotten off the ground! So, I "date" a couple/few at a time when I'm not in a committed relationship. It's the pair and a spare theory! Dating this way gives you time to have those initial dates without pinning so much hope on each one - the kiss of death for many relationships - too much pressure too soon. Remember, you're dating for fun and if something "real" should develop with one of them, you can end the others. Usually, people know within just a few dates if it's going to amount to anything, so no one should have invested deep feelings into the relationship by that point.

[BriarRose]

This is all good advice, but it's not necessary to serial date if you aren't comfortable with it. You don't have to have every Tom, D*ck and Harry on the sidelines in order to be a well-balanced person and to not get emotionally invested in someone. But you DO have to know a waste of time and space when you see it. And to be texting for a month with nothing but a cancelled date to show for it - THAT is a waste of time and space.

[Circe1607308268]

Miss Kitty, I understand what you're saying regarding multiple/serial dating.

 

I think MalibuOne is right -- women tend to serial date and get too involved as a result. That's exactly what I've been doing with a man I've been seeing about a month now. When we discussed it and I expressed why I didn't date multiple people, he revealed that he is dating another person, but that it's "not serious." So...does that mean WE are serious? I dunno!

 

I haven't seen him in 10 days and I had to make a call last night to see if we're even on for this weekend since he asked me last weekend if we could get together and was supposed to call me during the week -- but had not yet done so. We're seeing each other Sunday - and I casually gave him the option to decline, which he refused, saying he will call me to firm plans later -- but I won't be surprised if this is the last date. If he doesn't cancel altogether. He's doing the old backpeddling thing -- push forward hard, then back up by stopping email, postponing dates, no calls, etc. This after asking what I want "long term", telling me maybe we have "a future together" and attempting to make vacation plans! If he cancels, or doesn't call to make definite plans, I will not call him again. I'm done.

 

So, now I'm making dates with others. I'm not particularly interested in or attracted to any of them, but they've asked! I might as well go as sit and wait on this guy who is rapidly fizzling on me. In addition to not allowing these guys to email/text/phone for weeks or months without action, a woman also has to keep the brakes on their crazy emotional momentum and keep a "stable" instead of one wild stallion who might jump the fence any minute and leave you on foot!

 

So Betty -- any news?

[Betty79]

So Betty -- any news?

 

Hi all,

 

Not much news really, he is still texting me but no mention of meeting up again after I told him to have a good think about it, lol.

 

I am talking to other people now, well 1 other at the moment that I quite like. Thing is with the online dating I find it hard to find multiple guys that I am attracted to and would be interested in meeting up with. I'm not too hung up on guy no 1 at all now though. I will hapilly respond if I want to pass the time while wait for Mr Right to come along but Im not reading anything into it anymore and he doesn't cause me anxiety which is good. I will try and find some more nice guys to talk to as well

 

Well done on being firm with your guy Circe, you have a great outlook on these things and I'm trying to be more like it myself!

[Circe1607308268]

Betty -- I, too, have a hard time finding anyone online that really interests me. That's why I'm hoping this guy comes through on Sunday and starts to put in the necessary effort. I have a date lined up for Tuesday with a man I went out with once before, but I'm not too enthused. It's just something to do. This sounds cold-blooded, but I'll pay my own half and we'll have a nice time -- he won't be out anything, since I won't lead him on. So, you're not alone in simply going through the motions just to keep things going.

 

Other than that...not much else is cooking. I'm switching dating sites because the one I'm on is drying up. Tons of messages the first couple months, now nothing. Time to move on.

 

I'm trying to have a great outlook, but honestly? It's easier to give this advice than to take it. But I know with this one, although I think he's absolutely terrific, that I will NOT lift the phone or a finger if he doesn't come through on Sunday. I think you should take the same tack with the chronic no-show with whom you are dealing! Eventually, we'll stumble upon another "good" one.

[Betty79]

We had our first telephone call last night for 20 mins and we are supposed to be meeting up in an hour and half!!!! Eeekkkkk!!!

[BriarRose]

Betty, hope it goes well

[Betty79]

Thanks Miss K I'm home now...we were out for 2.5 hours. Had a nice walk and a drink and an ice cream. It was lovely. I think it went very well but im not going to jump the gun and im going to learn from last time and not text him first even though he has something of mine which i forgot to get off him. Hope i hear from him again. Happy now

[BriarRose]

Thanks Miss K I'm home now...we were out for 2.5 hours. Had a nice walk and a drink and an ice cream. It was lovely. I think it went very well but im not going to jump the gun and im going to learn from last time and not text him first even though he has something of mine which i forgot to get off him. Hope i hear from him again. Happy now

 

 

Just to be clear, it's the guy you've been texting with for the last few weeks? I'm glad it went well. I admit I was wrong, I thought he would bail on you again

[Betty79]

Yes its the one that has been texting...he had been texting me quite a bit yesterday and then rung me out of the blue..we had a nice chat and then he asked if I wanted to meet up today. I didn't expect him to turn up myself, not right up until the point he text to say he was on his way! Im not going to get excited though. We had a lovely couple of hours, really easy to get on with but lets see what happens next!

[BriarRose]

Yes its the one that has been texting...he had been texting me quite a bit yesterday and then rung me out of the blue..we had a nice chat and then he asked if I wanted to meet up today. I didn't expect him to turn up myself, not right up until the point he text to say he was on his way! Im not going to get excited though. We had a lovely couple of hours, really easy to get on with but lets see what happens next!

 

But there was some chemistry, right? You are attracted to him?

[Betty79]

Yes definitely lots of chemistry from both of us!! He has just text to say he had a lovely time!

[BriarRose]

Yes definitely lots of chemistry from both of us!! He has just text to say he had a lovely time!

 

That's good! Looks like I was wrong about him. Keep us posted.

[KH26]

I was thinking the same way as MissKitty to be honest, I didn't think you'd ever manage to arrange to meet up! Thought he'd carry on as he was. But I'm glad you finally managed to meet him today, that's great! And it sounds like you had a nice afternoon. Keep us posted!

[Betty79]

I think he just needed a bit of a nudge really, when I told him that was the end of it a few days ago think he realised that it was either meet up or forget about it. Also we are both quite new to the online dating thing and he hasn't met anyone off there before so it is a bit of a nerve wracking experience. All good so far though

[KH26]

I'm glad it's working out well

[Betty79]

He has asked me to go out again today - do you think its going too quickly now? Lol. I would like to go...

[KH26]

I don't think it's too quickly. If you want to go then you should. Have fun!

[Betty79]

Ok thanks im going to

[KH26]

Let us know how it goes! Hope you have a good day.

[BriarRose]

Awww Betty, definitely go!