First date

[MalibuOne]

Yeah, it's the not taking it personally bit that's hard to pull off. When a man goes silent and sends the message that he doesn't want YOU, it's hard not to take that personally. That's where developing that thick skin comes in handy. Your brain knows there's nothing wrong with you, but your heart feels differently.

[MalibuOne]

Most people (not a "guy" thing) don't disappear like this because it's rude. Would you really feel better if he told you "you're an amazing woman, its' not you, it's me, I just can't be with you right now?" I don't know - you'd probably feel like that was just a "letting you down easy" speech - not sure if you would get the closure you want.

 

Hang in there - on to bigger and better and more compatible things!

 

Actually, I DO prefer this. Nice and clean. Then you don't cling to that last shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, things will turn out. Saves you a few days of wondering and hoping, so you can just get busy moving on.

[Betty79]

Oh gosh now I am feeling like I want to text him, just being jokey and saying something like hey, where have you gone..lol...

 

I dont know, I haven't felt the need to do this so far but its building up...I dont know what it would achieve though...

[ncnc]

Betty do not txt him, if he was interested he'd be txting/calling/taking you out, he is doing NONE of these things so don't you think you'd look a little desperate, just move on and forget him!!

[Betty79]

Betty do not txt him, if he was interested he'd be txting/calling/taking you out, he is doing NONE of these things so don't you think you'd look a little desperate, just move on and forget him!!

 

Yes thanks NCNC I haven't text him yet, just go through phases..trying to keep strong. I know I have my answer in his silence!

[Ms Darcy]

Yes you're right Bataya it probably wouldnt make it any easier. I think one of the problems as well is that we spoke for a good long time before meeting up. We had daily contact probably for about a month which I know is a big no no in on line dating. It makes it harder now because although we have only really been seeing each other for a little under a month in real life it has created a false sense of deeper intimacy as we kind of know a lot of things about each other through the extended contact.

 

I'm not trying to make this more than it is though...of course it is nothing like the hurt I have experienced in the break up of a proper ltr but it still hurts a bit all the same to be thrown aside

 

Betty, dear, don't you have other stuff to be doing? Seriously? I've barely seen my bf this weekend because I am finishing up grad school assignments. You have no idea how much easier life is when you have other things (school, friends, interests) to focus on other than men.

 

By the way honey, let's stop this victim mentality. He didn't throw you aside. You've always known where he stood. Heck, we've told you where he stood. He may or may not contact you again ... depends on if he finds someone else. But you have other, more important things to focus on like your life ...

[BriarRose]

Betty, I feel horrible. Looks like I was wrong and the others were right. I am very sorry. I also didn't realize there was such an age difference. I feel that is way too young for you. At 26, he is probably used to dating 22 year olds and might not be marriage/relationship minded right now. At 31, I would think you are (or I could be wrong)?

 

 

I do think he liked you. I guess you just wanted different things. I am sure he does not want to hurt you, either.

[BriarRose]

Betty, you just heard from him last night. But given that he didn't ask to see you over the weekend, that's not good.

 

Anyways, you will be hearing from him again. I am 100% certain of that. But looks like he is not giving you the time or attention required for a relationship to begin.

[Betty79]

Betty, you just heard from him last night. But given that he didn't ask to see you over the weekend, that's not good.

 

Anyways, you will be hearing from him again. I am 100% certain of that. But looks like he is not giving you the time or attention required for a relationship to begin.

 

Thanks Miss K but I did not hear from him last night. It is now Sunday evening here and I have not heard from him since Friday evening. This is a big thing for us. We always (ok for the last 2 months) keep in touch even if its just to say hi so I know something is not right. I dont think I will be hearing from this one again Yes maybe he was too young. I dont know.

[BriarRose]

Thanks Miss K but I did not hear from him last night. It is now Sunday evening here and I have not heard from him since Friday evening. This is a big thing for us. We always (ok for the last 2 months) keep in touch even if its just to say hi so I know something is not right. I dont think I will be hearing from this one again Yes maybe he was too young. I dont know.

 

Oh, I must have misread one of your posts. You will be hearing from him. But honestly, I wouldn't go out with him again. I really think he is too young. I realize men his age may want serious relationships, but generally they are with women their own age, or younger. Demi and Ashton may have made headlines, but that is not the norm.

 

It is my belief that you would have a better chance of a serious relationship or even marriage if you date men a few years older than yourself.

[Betty79]

Oh, I must have misread one of your posts. You will be hearing from him. But honestly, I wouldn't go out with him again. I really think he is too young. I realize men his age may want serious relationships, but generally they are with women their own age, or younger. Demi and Ashton may have made headlines, but that is not the norm.

 

It is my belief that you would have a better chance of a serious relationship or even marriage if you date men a few years older than yourself.

 

Yes like I said I wouldnt normally have considered his age group before but he started contacting me. Initially in the beginning I wasn't that interested but he kept it up and I really grew to like him. He probably does have different goals to me I expect. I mean I am not in a rush for marriage or kids but I would like them to be part of my future.

 

Anyways just trying to get on with things a bit. I have been out for a spot of retail therapy this afternoon just to get out which was nice. I have also had quite a few new emails from the new dating site I am on so have been responding to them. My heart is not really in it at the moment but no harm in chatting for a little bit and seeing where it goes I suppose! Keep smiling eh!

[Betty79]

I got chatting to a very interesting guy on my new dating site tonight, we seem to have a lot in common, if only i had met him a little earlier i could have done the multi dating with him. Who knows we could still meet up soon though! Made me feel a little better and get things into some kind of perspective!

[MalibuOne]

Betty, thanks for your post on my other thread. All is good with you I hope? At least, as good as can be expected? It's tough, I know.

[Betty79]

Betty, thanks for your post on my other thread. All is good with you I hope? At least, as good as can be expected? It's tough, I know.

 

Hi thanks Malibu, yes all as well as can be expected I guess. He did text me yesterday evening, said he had been really busy all day. I didnt reply straight away as I was out but about an hour later. After I did reply again there was nothing more from him. Its like its taking at least a day to get a response to a text message now!!

 

Thats it for me now though. I will not chase him. He is going away on wed - sun so I doubt I will hear from him then anyway. I have been asked on another date by Mr New Guy, lol, he is from the new dating site. He says maybe we could go for a drink on Sunday or the beginning of next week. He seems quite nice and easy to chat to. My heart isn't really in it as he's not the one I want at the moment but im going to keep chatting to him and will probably go along for the date and see how it goes!

 

Hang in there Malibu, we will get through this together. Keep me posted if you have any news. Big hugs.

[MalibuOne]

Betty on my thread you said you wanted to text him and say something like, "if you don't wanna see me anymore, can you just let me know?" Why does HE get to decide? You should be keeping the power on that score.

 

As I said, I'm glad I found out how cold mine could be. Better to find out sooner than later and I'm sooo glad I wasn't lost in love/lust with him.

 

As for Mr. New Guy. Go into it with no expectations. Just kick back and enjoy a drink with someone who paid you the compliment of finding you interesting and attractive. funny, I went on my first date with the vanishing man with the same mind set you seem to have. He won me over anyway...at least, for awhile!

[Betty79]

Yes I think this is something I need to work on a bit more malibu. I should actually be the one deciding that this isn't good enough and I don't want to see him anymore. I know it doesn't really matter what the reasons are. Its just I've always found it difficult when the disappear without really saying anything.

[Betty79]

So he has text me again today..asked a couple of questions. Again I replied and again its radio silence again. He takes most of the day to reply to one text. What should I do?! I am speaking to other guys but should I just start ignoring his texts or say something?

[ncnc]

YES Betty!!! Wise up! Of course ignore them. He has shown he is not interested in you by his actions, you are feeding his ego by replying. Forget him now

[dani_katze]

Ignore him a little bit. Try to stay busy in other things.

[Betty79]

Ok yes you are right..all I am getting out of him now is maybe one or two texts a day. No conversation really. I think he I should ignore if he responds again today. He is away tmrw then for 5 days and I don't really expect to hear from him then anyway so will be a good break for me to move on!

[Batya33]

I would respond only if he asks you out on a proper date in advance. If you really want to see him again (your talking to men is irrelevant - talking is not a "status" related to dating, exclusivity, etc) then text back "thanks for your message - I'm too busy to text much but if you want to get together again give me a call and hopefully we can plan something".

[Betty79]

I'm thinking of waiting until he sends something else and then saying i'm getting bored of this texting now..have a nice time in B. If you want to do something again give me a bell. I can't really say what you said bataya as I said exactly that once before and then he became more attentive on the text and we ended up going back to normal.

[MalibuOne]

Betty, how bizarre. Mine emailed me. Seems he thought radio silence was initiated by me, not him. But we were both making "it was nice while it lasted" comments in our emails, so I'm not making too much of it. I'm 95% sure we are finished.

 

I'd be super casual about this one. I wouldn't answer his text right away, if at all. And then I'd go out with the new guy and who knows? You might find he's twice the man Mr. Texter is!

[KH26]

I think backing off is a good idea too. Don't reply to his texts straight away (if at all, like others have said). If he's interested he'll ring, plan a date, make sure you know he's interested. If not then he'll stop contacting you completely and you'll have your answer. Do the same to him as he's doing to you. If he's interested then he'll call you, start texting more and will try to meet up, find out what's going on etc.

 

definitely concentrate on the new guys though! I hope something works out with them!

 

Good luck.

[Betty79]

Betty, how bizarre. Mine emailed me. Seems he thought radio silence was initiated by me, not him. But we were both making "it was nice while it lasted" comments in our emails, so I'm not making too much of it. I'm 95% sure we are finished.

 

I'd be super casual about this one. I wouldn't answer his text right away, if at all. And then I'd go out with the new guy and who knows? You might find he's twice the man Mr. Texter is!

 

Hey Malibu I'm glad that yours emailed you. You never know you might hear from him again and if not although its disappointing at least he didn't just do the disappearing act! Mine has also been in touch again. Said he had been out all day and his battery had been low. Actually I believe him, he is not working at the moment as starting back in uni in a few weeks so maybe that is the change I am seeing. He has his own free time at the moment and is busy helping family out, in the gym etc during the day so is not so easy to get hold of. He text me quite a bit when he got home last night.

 

One lesson I have learnt from all this though is that in the early stages I definitely need to date more than one person as I get way too invested otherwise. The funny thing is I am talking to Mr New Guy who seems nice, and yesterday another guy who I went on a date with and really quite liked a little while back got in touch too and we were chatting quite a bit. So at the moment I think the tables are turned and I wouldnt want to get into anything exclusive with Mr Original as I am having too much fun with these other guys too!!! Feeling a lot happier