Stupid me?

[pumpkinmoon]

Well those irrational fears have started creeping in again.

 

My problem is this, I'm 28 now and I realise that I need to get my act together after a terrible 4 year relationship. I was doing fine on the healing from for about 2 weeks where I felt pretty good, but I've just got back to earth and it's not very good.

 

I had a feeling I was taking it too well and yesterday I crashed. The thing is, I don't think it's all about the break up, I think it's also to do with how damaging the relationship was to me. For the past 1.5 years I have pretty much been neglected and ignored a lot of the time. Made a fool out of and used for sex, although he denied it. So I'm in a pretty bad place right now and I will be seeking help for it tomorrow from the doctor.

 

To be honest the way I feel now is not much different to how I felt when I was in the relationship. I always had a feeling of constant anxiety and I would often be in tears on my own feeling unwanted.

 

I need time on my own to get through all of this but I worry. I worry that I won't find someone else and I will never be happy again. I'm not a "single" kind of person. To me, life seems pretty pointless unless you have someone to share it with.

 

So although I am not ready yet and would certainly not even entertain the idea of a rebound, I'm looking for some hope that I will indeed find someone I can be happy with.

 

To be happy is all I really want. I want someone who will treat me as I treat them but I'm worried I won't find that.

 

Am I too old to find someone special? I don't know if I will be able to ever feel "that way" about someone else again. And I also worry because I cannot for the life of me imagine what he will be like, look like or where I would possibly meet him.

 

Has anyone ever gone through this sort of thing and met someone again who made them happy at this sort of age?

[rosephase]

your 28 not 78. Tons and tons of people meet there life partner after 28. But it sounds like what you might need is to find a way to be happy single. Yes it's nice to have a partner. But you should be able to be happy just by yourself. If you find joy in your life I think you'll end up finding better partners. If you learn to respect and love yourself maybe next time you won't end up with someone who doesn't respect and love you.

[baxxter]

O, come on, you are 28! That's baby, baby!

 

And of course you will find someone, and feel that way again.

 

It's only been 2 weeks? so you have lots of emotions running through you still, I don't think you are even ready to think about your next man.

 

Please focus on yourself right now, because, you let your ex to treat you that way, yes? You need to look after yourself now, and while you might be the person who needs someone to make you happy, you will always be the one who can make sure you are OK.

You allow people to get to touch you only when you know they are the right people.

 

I went through many, many failed relationships or whatever, and I know I let them happen. They are jerks, but if I was wiser I wouldn't have gone anywhere near them. I didn't do anything wrong with them, and they left not because I wasn't good enough for them. I worth so much more and I thank heavens that they are gone.

 

Good luck!

[MsDexter]

Of course you will! It's completely understandable though to feel the way you do I am just 21 and I get those days where I feel like I am never going to be happy again I am never going to find anyone else. I am pretty sure we will though

[baxxter]

Of course you will! It's completely understandable though to feel the way you do I am just 21 and I get those days where I feel like I am never going to be happy again I am never going to find anyone else. I am pretty sure we will though

 

Not pretty sure. We WILL!

[MsDexter]

Not pretty sure. We WILL!

 

I just realised I am going to be 22 in 8 days.

 

Why not?

[pumpkinmoon]

your 28 not 78. Tons and tons of people meet there life partner after 28. But it sounds like what you might need is to find a way to be happy single. Yes it's nice to have a partner. But you should be able to be happy just by yourself. If you find joy in your life I think you'll end up finding better partners. If you learn to respect and love yourself maybe next time you won't end up with someone who doesn't respect and love you.

 

I didn't mean unhappy being single, last time I got used to it and was fine with it but I will never be 100% living life without someone if you know what I mean. I can do it for a time, but not forever lol

[MsDexter]

... 100% living life without someone if you know what I mean. I can do it for a time, but not forever lol

 

I feel exactly the same way I don't think I can do it for life time but I can do it for a while lol.

[pumpkinmoon]

Yeah I have no problem focusing on myself. I was fine single when I got used to it and I know I am not ready yet. I don't even want a relationship yet because I want to get myself sorted out first but it would be nice to know that it will happen in the future. And I certainly will go nowhere near anyone who is remotely like my ex again!

[pumpkinmoon]

I feel exactly the same way I don't think I can do it for life time but I can do it for a while lol.

 

Yeah. If I could just have a little look into the future and know there will be someone special I would be fine now.

[MsDexter]

Yeah. If I could just have a little look into the future and know there will be someone special I would be fine now.

 

Exactly a little flashforward would help a lot

[pumpkinmoon]

The problem is that, and not to sound big headed but I do get a lot of attention, I'm just not interested in anyone so I worry if there will ever be a man who is able to gain my interest again.

[baxxter]

Yeah I have no problem focusing on myself. I was fine single when I got used to it and I know I am not ready yet. I don't even want a relationship yet because I want to get myself sorted out first but it would be nice to know that it will happen in the future. And I certainly will go nowhere near anyone who is remotely like my ex again!

 

That is healthy, I am glad you can think that way about your ex, too.

 

Don't worry, you will meet someone. And it's going to be someone REALLY super great if you start focus on you now and be upgraded version of you, using your experiences as lessons. Not that anything is wrong with you right now, but wouldn't you wanna work for THE great guy and feel the accomplishment when you get him?

 

Confidence makes every girl attractive.

 

Good luck, baby x

[CatsMeeoow]

The problem is that, and not to sound big headed but I do get a lot of attention, I'm just not interested in anyone so I worry if there will ever be a man who is able to gain my interest again.

 

Everyone fears that right after a breakup... its sort of like buyer's remorse... you feel stuck with the choice you made. Its normal and it passes.

 

I didn't meet the man who is my other half until I was 40...

 

I'm deliriously happy but not for one moment would I think what a shame I didn't meet him 10 or 15yr ago. I proud of the things I have had in my life... the relationships that didn't work... my career... my trips around the world... I wouldn't change a thing of it.

 

Be proud of who you were... who you are now and who you have yet to become. Love will look in on you again when you are ready.

 

 

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks both of you. That really helped.

 

I will definitely know what to look for this time around.

 

I am glad that you found that sort of happiness Cats

[MsDexter]

Everyone fears that right after a breakup... its sort of like buyer's remorse... you feel stuck with the choice you made. Its normal and it passes.

 

I didn't meet the man who is my other half until I was 40...

 

I'm deliriously happy but not for one moment would I think what a shame I didn't meet him 10 or 15yr ago. I proud of the things I have had in my life... the relationships that didn't work... my career... my trips around the world... I wouldn't change a thing of it.

 

Be proud of who you were... who you are now and who you have yet to become. Love will look in on you again when you are ready.

 

 

 

That made me feel a little better too lol

[pumpkinmoon]

Another thing that bothers me is that I look a lot younger than my age. People think I am 21/22 so I worry that I will attract younger men than my actual age.

[baxxter]

Boy toy time!

 

Just kidding.

 

Look, men do love young looking girlfriends. So stay looking young. You are worrying about something that some people kill for! lol

[iBroken]

The problem is that, and not to sound big headed but I do get a lot of attention, I'm just not interested in anyone so I worry if there will ever be a man who is able to gain my interest again.

 

There will be.

 

Im almost 4 weeks post break and I have been getting alot of attention. Because I KNOW my relationship is over, I am interested in those who pay attention.

 

Do I want long term? NOPE......do I want to date? Meh, maybe, but Im not jumping out and looking for it.

 

You will get to a point and when you get the attention, you will enjoy it. Because it says "If he didnt want me, clearly others do". And to me, that helps alot

[MalibuOne]

The problem is that, and not to sound big headed but I do get a lot of attention, I'm just not interested in anyone so I worry if there will ever be a man who is able to gain my interest again.

 

I went on a date tonight. Nice guy. Cute. I could tell he's interested. So I'm like...ehh, he's okay... I think I need to wait awhile. Maybe you do too. Trust me, 28 is nothing!!! Talk to me when you're in your mid forties and feeling this way lol!

[savignon]

I remember when I was 28, I was already worried about turning 30. My friends in their 30s would tell me it's the best because (and I remember this exactly) "you stop caring what other people think of you" and that you've for the most part got your career, have a place to live that you like, have friends that you CHOOSE (not b/c they're in your class or you "have to work with them"), etc. The part about not caring what other people think was what really turned me around as I gave way too much weight to that ...so then I started looking forward to my 30s. My point being, you don't know all the good things that are ahead and you're imagining your future in a negative way (been there!) When I met my husband (at 32), none of my woeful single days mattered or seemed as big a deal anymore. And I couldn't have met him earlier so it wasn't like "Where have you been all of my life?" ....it was like, "Oh, that's why I had to wait!...because you're the one for me and I didn't meet you until now".

I feel like my response is a little scattered but I hope you get the idea. There are wonderful things ahead for you and when you have them is when it all makes sense. Until then, it's natural to wonder "why not now?".

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks for that. It really helped and has given me a lot of hope. I suppose it will just happen when it is meant to. I'll try to be patient and wait