Stuck between two guys what to do?

[notgivingup]

Stuck between two guys what do I do? Both guys are African American, and I know for a fact that my parents would not approve of them and accept them.

 

Guy 1 is the same age as me, someone that I've met in college. We go to the same college and my first impression of him was a player, a pimp, someone who always jokes around and I can never tell when he is telling me the truth or if he is lying to me. He denies that he is a pimp and player when I talked to him about it.

 

He told me he loves me and has discussed marriage, having babies and cohabitation with me, but I don't know about all that yet. I am the kind of girl to live in the present and does not think that ahead into the future. There is a trust issue that I have with him. On top of that, he has a baby on the way (with his ex). I do mind that he picked his ex over me and has a baby on the way with her now. I resent that, I really do, but there is nothing that neither of us can do about it.

 

He told me he is in love with me, he is making an effort to keep in touch with me, to hang out with me, the whole nine yards. He does not like holding hands and kissing, yet he does make an effort to hold my hand. He has used my phone, borrowed money from me and never returned it, asked me to help me with his homework, which leads me to question the fact if he is just using me. He treats me like I am already his girlfriend (so he is technically my boyfriend), yes sometimes I do treat him as my boyfriend too, but I don't see us as a couple.

 

I like him and care about him alot, I like dating him, but can I really put my doubts aside about us and be official with him? To treat him the same way he is treating me. I don't know if he is being faithful to me, I just assume that he is. And I am thinking he is ready for commitment. He makes an effort to quit drinking and smoking, to keep his job and to graduate from college. He is slowly changing, I can see it, we met in 2008. We don't go out often but we do make that effort for each other to hang out. When we hang out it is usually at school.

 

Guy 2 is seven years older than me. He has a job and is living with his mom. We have a mutual friend with each other, have known each other for like three four years, have discussed dating each other for about a year or so, but at the end, he decided that he is not ready for commitment yet.

 

I like and care about him a lot just like he does for me. We are attracted to each other and I guess are friends with benefits. We have done a lot together, he knows that I do not want to do "you know what" with him until he is my boyfriend and he respects that. He is someone that I have talked to whenever I have guy problems (with my ex boyfriends or with guy friends), someone that I depend on.

 

There have been times when I think to myself if he is using me too, but he seem genuine enough. Our mutual friend thinks that he genuinely cares about me and wants to be with me too. We both have busy lives and we take time out of our lives to see each other. I don't know if I am okay with staying just friends with benefits with him. When I am with him I feel loved and secure, when we hang out it is usually at his house. I trust him and yet I know we are in an open relationship with each other.

 

With all that said I know that I am probably cheating on one with the other or even both, but I am not 100% percent in either relationship and I cannot force myself to choose one over the other. I feel like I need a combination of both relationships to survive. And yet I know that if I don't I will eventually ruin both relationship because I am leading both of them on, and that is being unfair to them. But fear prevents me from coming clean with them, to pick one over the other.

 

What do I do?

[pl3asehelp]

End both relationships and be single for six months.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm confused, is "Guy #1, or Guy #2 from this recent thread that you posted?

 

 

[notgivingup]

Neither. However, all three guys started out as close friends with me. The guy from the previous post and I are getting closer friends wise. I have given up on him relationship wise. Sorry all of this is so confusing.

 

I'm confused, is "Guy #1, or Guy #2 from this recent thread that you posted?

 

]

[_Asti_]

Why settled for either one? If neither one has 'it all' why not find someone who does it all for you, instead of choosing between two men who have some things you like, and together give you it all..find a guy who has it all that doesn't make you have to choose..the choice is already there.

 

Seems like you won't be satisfied with either one.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I also go with choose neither. Neither one is really giving you what a true relationship is all about. They are both half in and half out...and you are half in and half out of both. I would stop seeing both men and just be single for now until you find someone who doesn't give you scraps.

[Gullible]

#1 has a baby on the way with his "ex", so he was with her only a few months ago. Normally I would tell you that he can't possibly give you his full attention when he will soon be spending time with the mother of his child, but apparently he isn't too concerned about his own offspring. He takes money from you, but you keep giving it willingly. What do you call a man who has women give him money? A pimp! But the good news is that your first impression of him was correct. Dump him or you'll be his other baby mama, barefoot and pregnant with no help from the daddy.

 

Guy #2 lives with his mother, and he's close to 30 years old? And you hang out with him and his mom at their house? But you won't have sex with him, you just like the attention he gives you. And you're sleeping with another guy. So do you really have to wonder why #2 doesn't want to commit to you?

 

Do you think it's fair to say that you're using guy #2 and you take him for granted? You say you won't have sex with him because he won't commit, but you have sex with guy #1 and he won't even hold your hand in public.

 

You won't be able to make better choices in men until you make changes in yourself and what you want. Until you see yourself differently, you will always see something bad in another person and think you're seeing something good. In other words, you thought this guy was a pimp, he did nothing to change your opinion about that, but you are still involved with him. So you want to be with a pimp, because you see yourself as the kind of person that would get with a pimp. And he sees you as that kind of girl too, because you won't leave him alone and you let him use you.

 

Some advice: if you can never tell if he is lying, then always assume he IS lying. When someone wants to tell you the truth, they will probably be clear about it. Why would someone want to make you wonder if they're telling the truth?

[notgivingup]

This is getting out of hand, I think you are jumping to conclusions.

 

Guy #1 is concerned about his offspring, he does want to support his child. Perhaps you are right about him as a pimp cuz he has women giving him money, but as far as I am concerned, he is only using my money. And no I am not sleeping with him. Guy #1 does hold my hand at times. Guy #1 has always tried to convince me that he is telling me the truth that he isn't the pimp and player that I say he is, I am just so goddamn stubborn and refuses to believe it. He is changing his ways to convince me that he isn't the pimp and player that I think he is when we first met.

 

With Guy #2, when I hang out with him, it is usually just me and him. Guy #2 is not ready to commit because he has been hurt deeply by someone he was once engaged to not because of something that I did. Neither guy knows about the other. Guy #2 is comfortable with having an open relationship with me. Guy #1 might not though.

 

I don't think I am taking Guy #2 for granted, what we do is mutual, we both enjoy what we have.

[Gullible]

How can you take him seriously when he says he wants you to have his babies? He just put a baby in somebody else and it's not even born yet. (In other words, it just happened not too long ago, and in fact it's still happening right now)

 

And if he doesn't have enough money for himself, he doesn't have enough to support a baby. Whatever his priorities are, his baby isn't #1. He should probably be saving his money and spending his time thinking about becoming a father. Instead he's trying to convince you to let him get you pregnant too. And he's making progress apparently, which shows that people can do whatever they set their minds to.