43 Good Reasons for Going NC!

[amp]

The OP mentions that NC leaves the ball in their court. However, I did the opposite: I told him not to contact me for a while and that I would be back in touch only when I was ready to be. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, since I think it's better that he be left wondering and waiting than for me to be left doing so. On the other hand, I suppose it could give him assurance that I'll get back to him eventually, but the extended period of time might make him wonder if I changed my mind. Whatever, I don't think who breaks NC is going to make that much of a difference in the outcome.

[jetlitheone]

Great thread! It's actually quite brilliant

[Wildcars]

The OP mentions that NC leaves the ball in their court. However, I did the opposite: I told him not to contact me for a while and that I would be back in touch only when I was ready to be. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, since I think it's better that he be left wondering and waiting than for me to be left doing so. On the other hand, I suppose it could give him assurance that I'll get back to him eventually, but the extended period of time might make him wonder if I changed my mind. Whatever, I don't think who breaks NC is going to make that much of a difference in the outcome.

 

Oh yes, if you were dumped, and you broke NC, it might get you hurt!!

[Nick Lansing]

Love the post. One thing I wanted to add, regarding whether NC will cause them to forget you:

 

I went on one date with a woman named Juliet in college. I ran into her once a few months later; we talked for a few seconds. This was maybe 16 or 17 years ago.

 

Ran into her a little while ago at a bar. We spoke for about a minute, divulging no personal information... and she remembered me. Remembered me very well, details about the date, my future plans, all that. And of course I remembered too (I just didn't recognize her).

 

Moral: I don't think you ever forget someone who meant anything to you.

[lovelifexoxo]

I love this so much

[diarmuidz]

PHENOMENAL POST!!!! With a capital P.

 

This is exactly what I needed to read - my GF/fiancee broke up with me out of the blue and after a month of trying to convince her to give it another chance, I went NC... going on third month of NC now, and it is still painful, but reading this thread really helped me.

 

One concern of mine - I really do feel that as long as I am doing NC, it worries me to think that she might start a relationship with someone else and never come back to me. Ughhhh... I know, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, so I need to accept the situation and reality, and I need to focus on myself and move on.... but man... I do hope she comes back - but it'll have to be all her initiative, because I am sticking to NC and will not be the first to break it.

[nekoxchaos]

as a person that constantly broke nc, did all the pathethic desperate moves to get someone back I must say I'm now stronger about 6 months int NC after I realized I can't handle being around and setting myself up to be hurt again. I wouldn't have thought I'd be able to make it this far and the past 6 months has really shown me that I can be a stronger person for myself. I have focused on myself alot and actually am trying to be more outgoing , I realized my weak points and strong points and am comfortable being on my own ... I do not need anyone to validate me. It has been a great progress and I look forward to the unknown of the future, im not sure how I'll react if I ever bump into my ex but more and more each day I realize that I don't need to be with him to be feel validated.

[CrapAtNC]

Personally, I don't believe NC needs to be forever; the crux is when you feel you have reached a healthy enough state of mind to not be badly affected by anything that your ex could say or do when you suggest catching up over coffee. Once you feel great about yourself, make contact. Just don't have any expectations. ;-)

[BONO]

Personally, I don't believe NC needs to be forever; the crux is when you feel you have reached a healthy enough state of mind to not be badly affected by anything that your ex could say or do when you suggest catching up over coffee. Once you feel great about yourself, make contact. Just don't have any expectations. ;-)

 

 

Well said.

[octour]

I just found this, it is very helpful to those who are going thru a rough post breakup. Especially if you were the one who got dumped, and especially if he/she left you for somebody else. An oldie, but a goodie.

[Bronxtigeraso]

My girl left me on Sept 2nd. Ever since I havent heard a word from her. I did the texting,calling,gifts,went to her house and everything. She blocked me on FB and even changed her number..is there even any hope? Right now ive been going 10 days with no contact..and over a month not hearing a word from her. I feel hopeless..;[

[CMS]

hopeless is good, abandon all hope and you can start something new. Its not even 1 month yet, who knew whats going to happen in the future, heal and fix yourself, and you can start something new and better, with your ex or with someone new

[lanaa]

this is also worth reading..i kinda agree with both views,its hard to know whats "Right!"

[Bronxtigeraso]

hopeless is good, abandon all hope and you can start something new. Its not even 1 month yet, who knew whats going to happen in the future, heal and fix yourself, and you can start something new and better, with your ex or with someone new

 

I am feeling much better since the BU. I have a new job..I was unemployed when she left me. Have a nice cesar hair cut now. Ive hooked up with a girl 3 times..I know prob a bad move.

Right now I'm not necessarily waiting for her but more like not moving on. As I still want her in my life..I hope we can get in contact soon. My b day is on Nov 10th..hoping she reaches out to me for that atleast..

[The Man Who]

Thought I'd bump this thread, great read for anyone struggling or wondering if NC is the way forward.

[SudoMB]

Thanks for the bump.

 

It's actually very helpful...at the same time, it makes me question just what position my ex and I are in lol, so it adds another layer of confusion. Hmmmm

[dumPI]

bump as I was just reading this and found it interesting

[EmergenC]

Really enjoyed reading this... bullet points are always fun to read

 

I know some people mentioned that you should change the reasoning behind the NC to recovering for yourself. While I see their point... this is the getting back together forum so I appreciate the angle you've taken.

[Prodromos]

Amen to WomanWriter's post. There isn't one answer to any of life's problems and NC may not always be the best option. I've done NC before and it hasn't worked, and the only reason I myself moved on was because of finding someone else.

And even longer time ago, I had to spent every day with someone I deeply loved and they had rejected me. After years of chasing her unsuccessfully, I finally decided enough was enough. But I didn't go NC as it was almost impossible. We still talked every day but I never brought up the past again, moved on, got a girlfriend and acted like the past was the past. Funnily enough, a few months later, the object of 4 years of my chasing and I hooked up. And she was still afraid I might react emotionally, but since I didn't, we hooked up again 2 months afterwards. In any case, NC or no NC, you have to show you've moved on. Regardless of what's going on in your head, real strength is when you smile in front of them and show (without making a theater out of it, obviously) that you're fine. They'll be skeptical at first but at some point they'll really think it's over and test the waters. From then on, the more you can hold on to your nerve, the better.

 

Basically, go NC for a little while to make sure YOU are OK. But after that, once some contact has been initiated, game's on. If you act like you are OK and are careful for what's coming from the other side, you have a chance. It's not playing games either, because the more you put on a mask like that, the more you'll get used to it and it will become part of you.

[Prodromos]

Amen to WomanWriter's post. There isn't one answer to any of life's problems and NC may not always be the best option. I've done NC before and it hasn't worked, and the only reason I myself moved on was because of finding someone else.

And even longer time ago, I had to spent every day with someone I deeply loved and they had rejected me. After years of chasing her unsuccessfully, I finally decided enough was enough. But I didn't go NC as it was almost impossible. We still talked every day but I never brought up the past again, moved on, got a girlfriend and acted like the past was the past. Funnily enough, a few months later, the object of 4 years of my chasing and I hooked up. And she was still afraid I might react emotionally, but since I didn't, we hooked up again 2 months afterwards. In any case, NC or no NC, you have to show you've moved on. Regardless of what's going on in your head, real strength is when you smile in front of them and show (without making a theater out of it, obviously) that you're fine. They'll be skeptical at first but at some point they'll really think it's over and test the waters. From then on, the more you can hold on to your nerve, the better.

 

Basically, go NC for a little while to make sure YOU are OK. But after that, once some contact has been initiated, game's on. If you act like you are OK and are careful for what's coming from the other side, you have a chance. It's not playing games either, because the more you put on a mask like that, the more you'll get used to it and it will become part of you.