He's interested, right?

[bakerrac]

I met a guy through mutual friends and I ended up spending the night with him. We had both been drinking, he was hot, what can I say? I had a $lutty moment. It's not something I do often, or ever, really.

 

The next morning I had to be up really early and he had to drive me to the train. We chatted on the ride over and before I got out of the car he asked for my number. I didn't expect that at all, but it was a pleasant surprise. Then I thought maybe he asked as a formality, cuz he felt he should. So, I didn't think I'd hear from him again, but then I did. We exchanged a few texts mid-week, he said he was busy that weekend, but that we should hang out soon. I thought maybe he just wanted to hook up again, but got the feeling maybe that wasn't the case so I said sure, and to let me know when he was available. He asked me to lunch the other day, so we went and it was nice. He told me he likes me, but didn't like how things had happened with us the night we met. That it's not something he normally does and it made him feel "cheap." I told him I pretty much felt the same.

 

The whole lunch date went well, and at the end he suggested we meet up to see a movie or something in the next few days. We decided on Saturday, tomorrow.

 

So...... I guess this isn't much to go on here, but I'm just wondering if he's actually interested in me, or if he just wants to be friends (lunch and movie = day dates), or if he is just hanging out with me a bit to make himself feel better about sleeping with me? I feel like he's actually interested. I'm definitely interested in him! I have a hard time believing a guy would put out the effort just to befriend what would have simply been a one night stand. Right?

[MACaddict]

I think he likes you. If he didn't he would probably not need to tell you he felt cheap, he would deal with it and move on. Nor ask you out after "the talk"

 

Good luck tomorrow!

[Not_GoodEnough]

Why is it people always feel cheap AFTER the event takes place but not before for even thinking it?..... We all do but usually people feel cheap after the sexual tension is released but don't feel so cheap when it's building up. Anyway, I'm not saying that this is you. It's just a general saying.

 

Be careful. People can be very persuasive. I thought this one friend I knew was interested in me. Knew her on and off for 3 years. Drove two hours out to visit her for a week at a time- every month. Bought her dinners because she had little to no money. Bought her gifts and all kinds of things- not to buy her affection- but because she meant so much to me I really enjoyed pampering her. She agreed with me 4 months ago to build a foundation with me in hopes of something more. It was a lie. She didn't want to hurt my feelings so she lied to me for months. I thought weeks ago her and I were making progress on the phone after a 2.5 HR conversation. That was the night I lost all doubt and any mistrusts in her. That 2.5 hr talk from her- all of the words she said- was a LIE. She had me fooled. She had her mom fooled. She had her dad fooled. Her and I parted ways when she told me she wanted to be just friends, after all the effort and feelings I expressed to her, I understood for a minute but then got upset. She didn't give me a chance to be upset or in shock. She had an attitude that night of "either I accept the friends only routine or get out". So because I got upset and only said "I expected this." that's all I could get out of my mouth before she slammed me hard with bold caps. It's like I was NOT supposed to say one iota to make her feel guilty in any way when she WAS guilty. So I spat on her attitude. I politely told to have a nice life. Talk about not wanting to face her own guilt.

 

She took the cowards way out when she told me all of this- over the chat line- instead of facing me. Then she made me out to be "the insensitive jerk" and saying that everything was my fault while she has no faults etc- bla bla bla. The usual denial so. So now after 1.5 years of effort and kindness, self sacrifice, compassion, understanding, financial support- and while I'm hurting badly because of how she grown on me- she's blowing- or is about to blow some guy she graduated with and getting the same done to her- without a conscience. I'm not mad that she's with another guy doing the FF ( friend) routine- as it's called. I'm mad that she would, after severely hurting me and saying I'm not good enough ever for a relationship and slamming me, that she would simply go off and "suck" the guy without thinking twice about it. THAT'S what pisses me off.

 

The point is this: I was CONVINCED. Thoroughly CONVINCED that she began to believe in me and have confidence in me when all along she didn't feel anything- anything at all.... Everything she acted and said in the past 4 months was all a BOLD FACED LIE........

 

Back to you... Be careful. Watch his mannerisms and body language carefully. OBSERVE. Give subtle tests if you so choose. I don't know you. But I DO KNOW that I wouldn't want you to get "played for a fool" like i was. Love, like cocaine, is addictive. And depending on your intake, it can kill you- as it has done to me...

[BellaStranger]

Blimey...I'm not quite sure what most of that last post has to do with your situation OP! One night stands are never an ideal way to start a relationship but in my experience it doesn't have to limit it!! He seems to be making the effort and he didn't have to if it was just a one night thing! Try suggesting u follow the cinema up with dinner?

[FathomFear]

Watch his mannerisms and body language carefully. OBSERVE. Give subtle tests if you so choose. I don't know you. But I DO KNOW that I wouldn't want you to get "played for a fool" like i was. Love, like cocaine, is addictive. And depending on your intake, it can kill you- as it has done to me...

 

I don't mean to be rude, but I think you're needlessly projecting your own unique experience on to the OP...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It really is too soon to know what is really going on. It could be any of the possibilities you mentioned...true interest, guilty feelings, friendship etc. Most people don't know what the future holds after the first date even if there is a second date (the drunken hookup doesn't count as a date) even if sex hadn't yet come into the picture. The only thing you can do is treat this as you would any normal second date where there are really no expectations except seeing if there is compatibility and common ground.

[Batya33]

It sounds good so far -- that he sincerely wants a "do over" and not to "do you" for awhile ;-). My friend and her husband met at a bar, had a one night stand (so it seemed, and her first I think his too) and now they've been married for 10 years, kids, very happy. You never know...

[ToF]

I agree with most of the posters here. It does seem as if he genuinely likes you and wants to give it another try. But you sound like a very savvy girl, so you probably already know to be cautious with this one. Words are one thing, but his actions may or may not betray some hidden agenda. Just make sure he isn't trying to put the moves on you the next time you two go out, and you should be fine

[alli]

I think he's probably truly interested in you. No guarantees, you never know if you like someone until you've gone on a few dates. But for the time being, things are looking good.

 

I used to get so mad when a guy would pursue me, then change his mind & just "want to be friends". I guess I felt like it was wrong of them to pull me in & then push me away. But I guess, how else are you going to find out if you would make a good match than to try it out? Doesn't mean you are obligated to keep dating just because you are the one who started it. That's the point of dating; to find out.

 

Hope it all works out with your new guy!

[amipushy]

 

I'm just wondering if he's actually interested in me, or if he just wants to be friends (lunch and movie = day dates), or if he is just hanging out with me a bit to make himself feel better about sleeping with me? I feel like he's actually interested. I'm definitely interested in him! I have a hard time believing a guy would put out the effort just to befriend what would have simply been a one night stand. Right?

 

Of course he is interested. Stop worrying about something thats already done and move forward into a new phase.

[bakerrac]

Well, we hung out again yesterday. Took a nice walk around the city rather than sitting in a movie theatre because it was such a beautiful day. The walk was nice, we chatted about a lot of different things.

 

The problem is, I still can't tell if he's interested or just sees me as a friend! And it's hard for me to feel totally comfortable when I don't know what his intentions are. He's not exactly flirty with me, so I don't flirt just incase his intentions are strictly platonic. But I'm really not sure why he'd try to just make friends with what would have been a one night stand. Why not just leave it at that? If he's not interested in dating me, it would have been easier on me that way. Then again, he was sort of awkward about making a move, even when he was drunk, so maybe he's just a little shy about it and likes to take his time?

 

Anyway, we left each other with a hug and a smile, but no talk of hanging out again. So I guess I'll just wait to see if he contacts me...

 

Thoughts?

[Ms Darcy]

Go with the flow! I think he's trying to 'de-sex' your interactions. It might be a good thing. Good luck!

[Curious_Girl]

I don't think you know each other well enough for him to decide he wants to be friends with you. I'm pretty sure he likes you and doesn't want you to think he's only after sex. Maybe he doesn't do one-night stands either.

 

Have fun with him! (in a wholesome way, lol - just teasin'!)