G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Being married? It has a lot to do with it. Do you expect your father to support you and your new wife? My dad supported us (or me) buying a place, so I signed papers for a 2 bedroom place in a newly built condo ready for next year. It was a $300,000 condo. My girlfriend later had changed her mind about it because we'd be in debt. So if my dads worried about finances, why would he let me get the condo place under my name? I cancelled it now Link to comment
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 This isn't making sense. He WANTS you guys to get married; he wants to help you start your marriage. So you're hung up on a technicality? Or are you really planning to get married a year earlier than he would like? Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 He just doesnt want us to get engaged yet and wants my girlfriend to focus on school i guess he thinks she wouldn't complete school if got engaged even though shes so close to being done (shes done early next year). Link to comment
fLuiD Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I RARELY question my parents' suggestions. There are a lot of times where I have felt they had no business in aspects of my life, and they turned out to be right. I would trust them or take your dad's opinion into serious consideration. Link to comment
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 He just doesnt want us to get engaged yet and wants my girlfriend to focus on school i guess he thinks she wouldn't complete school if got engaged even though shes so close to being done (shes done early next year). When does HE want you to get married? When do YOU plan to get married? Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 He wants us to get married around the same time we do...we just want to get engaged now Link to comment
whes Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 What if you talked to him about the fact that you'll be having a longer engagement? Agree to leave the wedding plans until she's done school? That's probably how it would work anyway, and that way all parties can be happy. Your dad will know that your girlfriend is concentrating on school and not wedding stuff, and you will have your engagement. Link to comment
Kumatora Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 My dad supported us (or me) buying a place, so I signed papers for a 2 bedroom place in a newly built condo ready for next year. It was a $300,000 condo. My girlfriend later had changed her mind about it because we'd be in debt. So if my dads worried about finances, why would he let me get the condo place under my name? I cancelled it now He most likely did it so YOU can establish credit and maintain a good record. Owning a piece of property and paying mortgage, rent, or any monthly payments goes on your credit history. If you are planning to buy a car, buy a home or rent a place they are going to look at your credit history BEFORE giving you it. I hear quite a lot of places are skeptical about letting young people rent an apartment. I know it sucks, but please DO NOT get married without you AND your girlfriend having steady jobs. Financial instability is the number one reason why many couples divorce. The job market is very rough right now and a LOT of college graduates are having a difficult time finding jobs (myself included and I am around your age). Like one of the posters said, money has a HUGE impact on a marriage. Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 We are not getting married yet, just engaged! Link to comment
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 So propose to her and tell her you'll give her the ring as soon as you (1) graduate and (2) save up the money for the ring so you don't start out marriage in debt. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Sorry, G35, I'm siding with mom and dad on this one. It's one thing to responsibly assert your independence, but that requires you to, you know, be independent. And you're not. You're financially dependent on your parents so you should take their considerations to heart. This really just smacks of "I AM AN ADULT AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT" no matter how bird-brained the decision or situation actually is. Stop. Breathe. Relax. She's not going anywhere and neither are you. What your dad is proposing is good for you in the long-term. NOTJUSTRIGHTNOW. Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 So propose to her and tell her you'll give her the ring as soon as you (1) graduate and (2) save up the money for the ring so you don't start out marriage in debt. I already bought the ring Link to comment
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Do your parents know that? How many hours do you work? Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 I can afford to live on my own I make a decent income 40 hours no they do not know Link to comment
Taikero Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Do your parents know that? How many hours do you work? Isn't this kind of nitpicking? He HAS the ring. He doesn't HAVE to get married right now. He CAN marry when his father thinks he should, and I agree, it should be after his girlfriend/future fiancee finishes college and they are in a good place for marriage rather than jumping straight into it. Proposing is symbolic. It doesn't change anything outside the relationship. It is a promise between two people, a promise to be together when the time is right for the real deal. If he has the ring already, I'm pretty positive it's none of daddy's business what he does with that ring, financially dependent for other things or not. I think he should propose, like, now. Soon. Any freakin' time. Unless good old dad can come up with a real reason to wait to propose other than "because I want you to". Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Isn't this kind of nitpicking? He HAS the ring. He doesn't HAVE to get married right now. He CAN marry when his father thinks he should, and I agree, it should be after his girlfriend/future fiancee finishes college and they are in a good place for marriage rather than jumping straight into it. Proposing is symbolic. It doesn't change anything outside the relationship. It is a promise between two people, a promise to be together when the time is right for the real deal. If he has the ring already, I'm pretty positive it's none of daddy's business what he does with that ring, financially dependent for other things or not. I think he should propose, like, now. Soon. Any freakin' time. Unless good old dad can come up with a real reason to wait to propose other than "because I want you to". Thank you. You ended the topic with your great post. I will propose soon Link to comment
Taikero Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Thank you. You ended the topic with your great post. I will propose soon This doesn't mean you should throw things in your dad's face. Let him know you respect and appreciate his advice, but you feel proposing to her will not damage her education or your future together with her, you already have the ring, and you expect the proposal to enrich your relationship with her (due to the symbolism) in the year or so preceding your marriage to her. If he yells at you or becomes unreasonable, then that is on him, not on you. He will come around, and if he doesn't, then there is something either I don't know or he's not telling you. There is no reason I can imagine here why you shouldn't propose, though I believe you should wait for the actual marriage as he suggested (and you should explain to your father you will still be doing that and would like him involved in the marriage ceremony, planning, etc.). Link to comment
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I, too, think he should propose. I TOLD him to. I'm just trying to figure out the logistics of WHY his father wants him to wait. There's a piece of the puzzle we don't know, and that's his father's reasoning. So I was trying to figure out what it was. If he KNOWS what his father's thinking, he can approach him with a logical response to why he should do what he wants; THAT way, he both gets the girl and keeps his dad's respect. Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Yeah it doesn't add up for me either but I shall break the news tomorrow to my dad Link to comment
Kumatora Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 We are not getting married yet, just engaged! But... see OP, you are preparing for marriage and are rushing it a bit without having any top priority goals achieved, which is gaining a career. On the first page you wrote: he wants my girlfriend to focus on school and finish school so she can get her degree then we can get engaged and then married 2 months later This is what struck me. Unless she has a career before or right after graduating college (which is rare these days), she isn't going to be financially prepared to support a marriage. This is where I'm seeing the rush unless she has the job. Most college grads have been job searching for over a year for a "stable" career with the economy. Does she have a career yet? Until she graduates you can't, nor shouldn't give any dates to the wedding until you are BOTH prepared. Also... I can afford to live on my own I make a decent income But is it enough to support two people if your girlfriend can't find a career and support her share? I'm speaking with experience because I am living with a best friend who just got married before she graduated from a top state university, with a near 4.0 GPA and it's been over a year since she has been job hunting for a career (why she and her husband ended up taking in roommates because they cannot afford to live out on one person's salary alone). I know you're not planning on getting married while she's in school, but be aware that it's unrealistic to suddenly expect married shortly after college these days. That's my 2 cents for the day. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I think you should be living on your own and then get engaged. I'm wondering if something else is at play here. Your gf is 22. The liklihood that the marriage will end goes up a ton for people who marry before age 24. I have no idea what he's thinking, but I can't help but wonder if he wants to see if the relationship survives longer before you get engaged. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 If your goal is to be married immediately after her finishing school, what are the wedding plans? Planning weddings takes time, and can cause stress, plus throw it now family stress and unhappy, you may have to move out if your dad isn't being supportive and no longer wishes to put a roof over your head [you never know!!] I can totally see why your dad is saying "Let her finish and focus on school first! Then focus on the wedding.." Unless you're planning on just signing a marriage certificate and that being that. Is she working? Can she help pay for the wedding? Where are you going to live immediately after marrying? Will she have a job upon graduating? Can you on your salary alone provide a roof over the two of your heads, pay the bills, provide food and finance a wedding? These are the thoughts that crossed my mind when I think of your dad saying Wait till she's out of school and settled, then focus on getting married. Makes sense to me. Link to comment
G35Rider Posted June 6, 2010 Author Share Posted June 6, 2010 He still won't budge. I will have to find a place of my own and move out really soon. Link to comment
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