brokenheart41 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 This whole break up thing/having a broken heart is truly the most traumatic event I've ever went through in my life. This is a pain like no other. It's life before and after it. This is a scar that runs so deep that I truly wonder: Are we, the people here, scarred and traumatised for life? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 If you decide you are, then you are. But you don't have to be. You have the choice to affect positive change in your life, no matter what happens. Whether you choose to exercise that choice is entirely up to you. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 No, once you meet and fall in love with someone else, this break up will be a memory. You may feel scarred for life now but when you feel these feelings for someone else, you will take that risk and love again. You may harbor tender perhaps bittersweet feelings for this difficult period in your life but you won't feel the devastation you feel now. Falling in love is a risk, as you may get your heart broken or you may break someone else's heart but we humans keep doing it over and over again, so apparently it is worth the risk. Link to comment
brokenheart41 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 No, once you meet and fall in love with someone else, this break up will be a memory. You may feel scarred for life now but when you feel these feelings for someone else, you will take that risk and love again. You may harbor tender perhaps bittersweet feelings for this difficult period in your life but you won't feel the devastation you feel now. Falling in love is a risk, as you may get your heart broken or you may break someone else's heart but we humans keep doing it over and over again, so apparently it is worth the risk. Yes, I agree: breaking up is a risk we all take. It's part of the game and most of us find that out when it's too late. The thing that worries me a lot is that she truly was my soulmate in every way. She REALLY was the one. We had such a deep connection: body, mind and soul were one. Been in love before but not on this level. I wanted a child with her and to me that says it all. Never even thought of THAT before meeting her! I am scared of knowing and feeling that I will never find such a connection with someone. Anyone else reconise this? Link to comment
quirky Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 It's true the pain can be very deep. At times I felt so broken inside, my whole belief system was challenged. Hex is right though, it is up to you to keep an open heart to the world and to possibilities. I do feel something is tainted inside because I was quite naive emotionally but I also think life can be beautiful and living it in fear of being hurt is a life half lived. Who knows what life has in store? I have even found that sometimes if you can rise above deep pain you can become freer, just living in the moment. Understanding that there's so little you can control can somehow liberate you. Please don't let this experience make you a closed off and cynical person. Turn it around as much as you can, try and believe that good things will happen again. If you believe it and act accordingly I'm positive they will. Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Just like real physical scars they fade over time and are hardly noticeable in most cases. Unless you have suffered extreme physical or emotional abuse I would think not. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Yes, I agree: breaking up is a risk we all take. It's part of the game and most of us find that out when it's too late. The thing that worries me a lot is that she truly was my soulmate in every way. She REALLY was the one. We had such a deep connection: body, mind and soul were one. Been in love before but not on this level. I wanted a child with her and to me that says it all. Never even thought of THAT before meeting her! I am scared of knowing and feeling that I will never find such a connection with someone. Anyone else reconise this? I don't know how old you are, but most likely you will meet and fall in love with someone else at some point in your life. And if you really are in love with this new person, this painful period in your life will be just a memory. It will ALWAYS be a part of you as our experiences make up who we are today. If she really was "the one" (and I don't necessarily agree with this notion), then you would probably still be with her. So you have to try to let go of that idea - that she was "the one". If she was, you two would be getting married and having that baby you talk about. I also fear that I will never find such a connection with someone else but the person I felt the connection with, did not feel or want it with me, long-term anyway. So he's clearly not my "soulmate" (even though, shortly after meeting me he sent me an email that he "knew we were soulmates!") You will move past this, you won't feel this gutted forever and trust me, when you meet someone else you won't care so much. You will never forget this woman, she will always be a part of you and your memories but it will soften with time. Your current heartbreak does not mean you won't meet someone else and fall in love again. Hang in there! Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i honestly think im scarred for life, this has changed me forever, i dont even know if i could love again, i dont know if id even want to, why would i want to go through all this pain again!! Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i honestly think im scarred for life, this has changed me forever, i dont even know if i could love again, i dont know if id even want to, why would i want to go through all this pain again!! So you'll really make the decision to go through the rest of your life alone and miserable? That doesn't seem like an enriching, engaging life, loulou37. Link to comment
newwave Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Depending on the circumstances, there are some people who never heal and others who take years. For instance in my case I was stung terribly by a con artist/pimp. Took me years to actually want to date someone. As it turned out several months after I ditched the con artist/pimp, I met a great guy. Because I couldn't trust him (because of the loser before him) he ended up breaking up with me (we are friends now and he's married with a daughter). The guy I like is sort of in the same situation. He told himself he'd never fall in love again because he got stung terribly by a gold digger. He's actually coming around to me, but might take a few more months before he trusts me. I know people have told me to ditch him, but having gone through what I did, I know people heal. Will he come around completely? time will tell. However, sometimes it does affect people. My uncle once had a wife who scammed him bad and when she left him she ran up huge bills. I doubt he'll ever remarry. He's had 3 live in girlfriends since then but no marriages. Since he doesn't want kids anyway he seems no reason to marry again. Link to comment
anders055 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I guess i will be... i hope i'm not. It depends on the circumstances. It hurt real bad to see my ex do what she did.... i no longer have faith in love and women or people. Its not only about love...when someone you hold dear betrays the life out of you...there are not many answers and the pain won't just go away... It really depends on what you've been through. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I guess i will be... i hope i'm not. It depends on the circumstances. It hurt real bad to see my ex do what she did.... i no longer have faith in love and women or people. Its not only about love...when someone you hold dear betrays the life out of you...there are not many answers and the pain won't just go away... It really depends on what you've been through. That's your choice. You're choosing to feel that way. Link to comment
brokenheart41 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 Thanks for your encouraging words Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i dont think to be alone is to be misrable, i just couldnt take the heartbreak again, its all been too much for me... i thought this guy was the 1 i was gonna spend the rest of my life with.. im not getting any younger and i was ready to settle down.. well i was wrong.. i just cant go do it all again, just for them to leave me hurt, bitter, and angry.. no thanx!! Link to comment
jenna-is-here Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I think that every experience affects us (good or bad). It is what we take away from those experiences that teach us and makes us better, stronger, wiser individuals. No way scarred, Yes way wise! Link to comment
jimmajam Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Sure we are scarred, but even scars fade over time. Then you'll just have a slightly visible scar to remind you of the lessons you learned from the pain. I will never open up to someone or trust someone again like I did with my ex, but that doesn't mean I can't love again and live a happy life. I'll just do it differently next time after learning from the pain of losing someone that was my world for years. Life goes on if you let it. Link to comment
anu1560 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i honestly think im scarred for life, this has changed me forever, i dont even know if i could love again, i dont know if id even want to, why would i want to go through all this pain again!! No. You are not scarred for life. For now yes. You are scarred for now. And you are still so hurt. And you will be scarred for life if you keep telling yourself all the time that you are scarred for life. I also found THE GUY of my life. But if he was THE GUY for me, I still would be with him. If I am not, then my THE GUY is yet to come. Same for you. And yes, decide for yourself. People are what they think of themselves as. So if you keep thinking that you cannot love anyone again, then you will not love anyone again. For now you cannot love anyone for sure. But if you can let go, which is not easy, you will love someone again. And who knows the next person may be your soulmate. May be you will want to have not just one kid but dozen kids with her. And why you want to go through this again? Because you are the seeker of a happy and fulfilling life. Now you are scared. You don't want to get hurt anymore. But then you are human. Given enough time, even the deepest scars lighten. Someday you will not be this afraid to take the risk again. Link to comment
adamt Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i honestly think im scarred for life, this has changed me forever, i dont even know if i could love again, i dont know if id even want to, why would i want to go through all this pain again!! i do feel like i will be scarred for life and it has changed me as a person, physically and mentally. I dont want to go through it all again but i think when you meet someone new who you really like then you wont be thinking like that.you will take the risk(wont feel a risk at the time) because you believe it wil be a happy ending. i think love is an addiction and you move onto someone new just like if you moved onto some new drug. Link to comment
Convict7 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Scarred for life, probably not. There is still too much life left to live to know I am screwed up for the rest of it. But screwed up emotionally for now, absolutely. I am going to have a lot of trouble opening up to a girl again. Even more trouble finding love with someone. And for now it looks remote that I would ever fall so hard for someone like I did for my ex. My trust and faith in people was definitely shaken. In time I could find more peace and trust in a new person. But in the near future it doesnt seem possible. It would be difficult to trust a stranger again. Tough to assume that people arent going to screw me over in the end. As much as I found forgiveness for the ex, it will be so hard for a new girl to get me to open up to her. Link to comment
Clarity Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 In my opinion, everyone is "scarred for life" to some degree. Some people just carry on living with those scars better than others. Link to comment
hater13 Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 One of my close friends dating someone for over a year, he ended the break up horribly. Ignored my friend 1 month before the break up and basically forced her to end it. It's been over 4 years and my friend hasn't dated since then... She still fears getting hurt but she doesn't live a unhappy life. She has her friends and family. At times though, I can tell she misses the comfort of having a significant other Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 Yes, Jenna1 It is what we take away from those experiences that teach us and makes us better, stronger, wiser individuals. No way scarred, Yes way wise! H Link to comment
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