Would you wait forever?

[newwave]

If you knew someone was your soulmate but right now they didn't want a relationship, would you wait forever? I probably would, even though it meant never marrying or having kids. Of course if they were the one, would one wait forever? Just something I was thinking about because I really want the one guy I truly feel is the one. Of course if he never comes back he's not the one.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No, it would not be a wise idea to wait forever for someone who has made it clear they don't want a relationship with you. That doesn't mean you have to grab anyone else just so you can get married and have children..but it does mean you should keep an open mind and not throw out other possibilities that come around.

[newwave]

I won't wait forever for him personally, but just a thought I had. I once read a book where this lady waited for many years for this guy to come around. They met when they were young and later on (elderly years) they finally got together.

[Hermes]

Aaahh, NewWave.

 

Do try to disentangle the real from the make-believe. Don't inflict this kind of punishment on yourself -- waiting for the "never happen". It isn't worth it.

 

Also, (maybe I am wrong here) but did you not mention on another threat or post that this man was somewhat immature?

 

H

[glucoze]

Nope because there is ALWAYS someone out there.

[j.love]

don't wait because your life doesn't end because of the break up.....YOU are in control of your destiny

[newwave]

Aaahh, NewWave.

 

Do try to disentangle the real from the make-believe. Don't inflict this kind of punishment on yourself -- waiting for the "never happen". It isn't worth it.

 

Also, (maybe I am wrong here) but did you not mention on another threat or post that this man was somewhat immature?

 

H

 

Yes he is. I'd wait if I knew he'd for sure come around, but not sure. He may not even be the one.

[warmpandacola]

I understand how you feel because I felt like that before and would've waited for that person but when that person doesn't want to be with you and doesn't want you to wait for them it becomes pointless. It's hard at first because you aren't happy that you have to lose them but try to keep in mind that it is for the better. It's hard to see it now because the future is so unclear and we are all so wrapped up in how we feel now. But then I think back and realize some things that happened and how thing changed from my past to today and realize i would've never saw myself going any of the directions I went. Some times were really good and some were bad but I would change it. I understand not wanting to move on and not wanting to let go and for everyone there are different phases but sometimes in life we are faced with things we have to do in order to better our lives in the long run.

[shessofly]

no, i would not wait, because someone who was supposed to be my soulmate would feel the same way.

[shes2smart]

Nope. If I knew what I wanted and the person I was interested in didn't want the same thing...it's time to move on.

 

None of this pining and longing and telling myself he's "my soulmate"/"The One." First, I think those concepts are horribly flawed and they tend to do more harm than good and keep people stuck. Second, someone who is a good candidate to be a partner is going to have the same relationship goals I have at the same time I have them.

 

The "right" person at the wrong time is not really the right person. Having a shared vision of where you are going is part of being the "right" person.

[warmpandacola]

I wouldn't change it*** sorry, I write my posts from my iPhone. I hate this touchscreen cuz I end up with so many typos.

[Hermes]

Yes he is. I'd wait if I knew he'd for sure come around, but not sure. He may not even be the one.

(Yes he is, immature).

 

And do you think that a man so immature at age 39 (I think he is?) is a good proposition as a husband, even in the event he were to "come back" to you?

 

H

[Lady Rashomon]

If you knew someone was your soulmate but right now they didn't want a relationship, would you wait forever? I probably would, even though it meant never marrying or having kids. Of course if they were the one, would one wait forever? Just something I was thinking about because I really want the one guy I truly feel is the one. Of course if he never comes back he's not the one.

 

I really don't believe in this traditional notion that there is just one person who is "right" for you. And if he were the right person, wouldn't his feelings about being in a relationship also factor into your decision to be with him? It seems like there is an integral component missing--and that makes him the WRONG person. You can't wait around hoping for him to change his mind, because he might never.

 

Also, I've deeply, madly loved people in the past and the relationship didn't work out. While I still think of them fondly from time to time, I would never want to be in a relationship with them now and don't feel that I'm in love with them at all anymore. Circumstances change, people change. That's the exciting thing about life--as you live, learn, and grow, you are more likely to meet somebody who's actually in sync with you.

[sophie274]

Nope. If I knew what I wanted and the person I was interested in didn't want the same thing...it's time to move on.

 

None of this pining and longing and telling myself he's "my soulmate"/"The One." First, I think those concepts are horribly flawed and they tend to do more harm than good and keep people stuck. Second, someone who is a good candidate to be a partner is going to have the same relationship goals I have at the same time I have them.

 

The "right" person at the wrong time is not really the right person. Having a shared vision of where you are going is part of being the "right" person.

 

Shes2smart said it for me!

I believe that there are people who are right for you and people who are most definitely NOT right for you (and all the in-betweens) but not in soul mates. I would not wait around for someone who had made it clear he did not want to be in a relationship with me. That makes him not right for me, and I'd go searching for someone who was. If he later happened to come back into my life wanting a relationship and I was single, then great, but I would not hold my breath.

[newwave]

I know eventually I'll have to move on but it's scary to imagine my life with either a guy I don't love or being alone. Of course there is the possibility I'll meet someone better but I don't believe that.

[newwave]

(Yes he is, immature).

 

And do you think that a man so immature at age 39 (I think he is?) is a good proposition as a husband, even in the event he were to "come back" to you?

 

H

 

He's 42, but he wasn't this immature at 27. Or maybe he was, but at 23 I was immature and didn't see it. I think he would make a good husband because he wouldn't cheat or be abusive, nor does he have kids.

[Lady Rashomon]

I know eventually I'll have to move on but it's scary to imagine my life with either a guy I don't love or being alone. Of course there is the possibility I'll meet someone better but I don't believe that.

 

Your beliefs largely create your reality.

[waveseer]

I wouldn't wait (on purpose) because I deserve to be happy now. I have waited before and I've always regretted it.

[newwave]

I am a realist and do not think I'll meet someone better. It'll either be a guy with kids (a big no no), an obsessed guy who only thinks of me (and falls fast), a con artist, or a guy looking for sex. I am 39 and my choices aren't as great, so yeah I don't think I'll meet someone better.

[shes2smart]

I think he would make a good husband because he wouldn't cheat or be abusive, nor does he have kids.

 

There's more to being a good husband than this.

 

Like wanting to be married AND wanting to be married TO YOU.

[shes2smart]

I am a realist and do not think I'll meet someone better. It'll either be a guy with kids (a big no no), an obsessed guy who only thinks of me (and falls fast), a con artist, or a guy looking for sex. I am 39 and my choices aren't as great, so yeah I don't think I'll meet someone better.

 

You don't think you'll meet someone better.

 

But the one who you think is better doesn't want what you want.

 

There is no way you can hold both of those beliefs and be in a healthy, happy relationship....with anyone.

 

I think maybe you don't want to be in a relationship at all.

[Hermes]

I think he would make a good husband because he wouldn't cheat or be abusive, nor does he have kids. "

 

You are so right, Shes2smart.

 

There's more to being a good husband than this.

 

Like wanting to be married AND wanting to be married TO YOU.

 

Aside from that, an immature man (at 42!) is definitely not a good et for the future, under any circumstances.

 

 

H

[absinthe]

No, I don't wait for anyone especially since I don't believe in soulmates. Men fit into my life until they show they're worth long-term investment which includes being committed to ME, in a long-term way. Only then will they have a say and impact in how our lives will mesh together.

 

There's no relationship when a connection is only one-way. For that matter, any real connection has to be two ways, otherwise it's fantasy.

[ToF]

newwave, I'm going to tell you the same thing I did on your last thread:

 

Pity party. That's what you're doing.

 

What on EARTH are you trying to get out of this?!

[MikNomis]

I reject the idea that there is just one person for you in the world. I think that everyone is a potential soulmate, and your compatibility with others fluctuates as time passes because we learn, grow, and gain new experiences as time passes, essentially becoming slightly different persons. Anyhow, yeah I would definitely not wait forever for one person, because I realize it is not worth it and the world is overflowing with others that can make me as much or more happy.