Common misconceptions about online dating

[sfan87]

I am curious as to why so many people think online dating is such a bad idea? I think there are too many misconceptions about the whole thing so I would like to clear it up and hear your opinions.

 

Here are a few MISCONCEPTIONS about online dating..

 

1.) It's dangerous.

 

Yeah, well, the REAL world is even more dangerous. If you turn the local news on at night after getting home from work, more than likely every single story you hear about someone being harmed happened in a normal day scenario, not because the two met online.

 

2.) You are a loser, ugly, desperate, have low self-esteem, a mix of the three, or all of the above.

 

This isn't true, either. I think you're more of a loser to meet some drunk at a bar than you are for using a dating website. Personally, I'd much rather bring a girl to my family and say we met online, rather than we met at a bar or a club. That would be embarrassing to me. Plus, I would much rather talk to a girl that at least knows how to use a keyboard, mouse, and the internet instead of a girl that knows how to use her hand to tip back 15 bottles of bud light. Also, losers, desperate people, and people with low-self esteem meet and date in the real world as well. That doesn't make "real life" dating any different if you'd say that. Go to Wal Mart, church, the gym and I assure you someone that's ugly or that has low self esteem will be there. Just because you cannot find a girl at church, through friends, the gym, or any other "real life" places and resort to online dating does not make you a loser. Moreso, many people online HAVE met others through these scenario's and it just hasn't worked out. Losers don't try. Winners do. Trying new ways to meet people (online dating included) is a winner. Sitting at home in self pity because you are single and can't meet anyone in the real world and doing nothing about it makes you a loser.

 

3.) It's a waste of money

 

It costs about $20 to $30 per month to use a dating site. One night at the bar, a club, or just "going" out with friends would run me that plus more, and usually most people don't go out once a month - it's every weekend.

 

4.) Too many liars

 

Liars exist in real life as well. Anyone can say anything about who they are in the real world. I could go to the gym, tell a girl my name is Joe (when it's actually not), tell her I'm 28 years old (when I'm actually 32), tell her I have no kids (when I actually have two) and still get her number AND a date! How would she know? Is she going to ID me or something for ONE SINGLE date? No! Would she eventually find out? Yes! But it's not different online - you would eventually find out! Liars exist online AND offline.

[bluelava1]

in this day and age, i think it has become a much more socially accepted practice to do the online dating thing. like with any scenario of meeting people you need to be careful, discriminating, and use your best judgment. a good friend of mine has been in a very happy relationship with a nice and down to earth guy she met online for over two years now. she also had some not so great dates with guys she met online before that. like with any other scenario of meeting potential dating partners, it depends upon each individual and how they match up.

[mfan]

Agreed 100%. Plus, when your single friends ask where you two met and you say "on an online dating site", nine times out of ten they will not go "Ewwwwwww!" but rather, enviously ask which one.

[sidehop]

Definitely, if it was in late 90's and early 2000 people were still like really?

 

Nowadays it's all too common not to mention people are meeting on FB and other non-dating sites including online gaming etc.

[ToF]

I do agree wholeheartedly that online dating is a perfectly acceptable way to meet people. However, I think you're being too harsh on the other forms of dating you mentioned. If you are attempting to show people that online dating is acceptable, in order to help them have a more open-minded attitude toward it, then you should display a more open-minded attitude toward, say, meeting in a bar or a club.

 

Just my two cents

[HouseKitten]

Frankly, any method of meeting people is acceptable in my book. I gather that the people who are quickest to dismiss online dating are the ones who haven't had much, if any success. That doesn't mean the site is not working - it could mean either you're just not the right sort of person to successfully find a date online, or you're not trying properly.

 

Just as meeting someone in a bar is not something I've ever had much success in, meeting someone online is also not successful for some people. Unfortunately, some turn bitter and denounce the whole thing as a waste of time. I have met people who truly shouldn't bother writing a profile. I've met others who are at their best behind a keyboard. Different strokes for different folks.

 

The points the OP makes are good - liars, fraudsters and people out to harm you can just as easily approach you in a club as on a website. The internet is not a refuge for the lonely and desperate, especially in this day and age when it is almost a shock when someone says they don't have internet access.

[Batya33]

I think it's a bad idea to consider it "on line dating" - it's dating in real life, in person, where the way you first contacted each other is through an Internet dating site. I am not in favor of people developing "romantic relationships" with people they've never met in person where one of the persons claims to be looking for a romantic relationship, which to me requires in person contact.

 

I met many - over 100 - men in person through on line dating sites and was in (brief) contact with 100s more. I am not a loser and was not a loser then and I wasn't desperate or shy. I was a very busy person with a busy social life, career and with volunteer activities and in my 30s I wasn't interested in meeting men at a bar or crowded, loud party - it wasn't where I was at my best. I was at my best one on one so I preferred set-ups and meeting people through work, activities, events - in quieter settings that didn't revolve around alcohol. Meeting men through on line sites was one of the ways that worked well for me.

[sfan87]

I do agree wholeheartedly that online dating is a perfectly acceptable way to meet people. However, I think you're being too harsh on the other forms of dating you mentioned. If you are attempting to show people that online dating is acceptable, in order to help them have a more open-minded attitude toward it, then you should display a more open-minded attitude toward, say, meeting in a bar or a club.

 

Just my two cents

 

Oh, I agree. The thing is I've HAD success online, while offline I haven't. For example, I met a girl at a fitness center, and was going to ask her out. We swapped myspace accounts at the time, so I added her, and needless to say, she had over 1,000 pictures uploaded of her, and many of those were of kissing other random guys on the lips! Not the "cute" girl I thought she initially was. I almost asked a waitress out who I thought was the most amazing person - I went to the restaurant so many times to see her and talked to her forever only to find out she had two kids before almost asking her out - and she was only 20 years old (I was 22 then). So, come on! There's liars everywhere. The real world is not void of JACK.

 

My main point is that meeting someone online is NOT bad, and is nothing to be shameful of, nor should it be looked at bad. There are people who say that if you date online you could possibly get raped or killed, therefore it's dangerous. So, turn on the news tonight - some guy is getting killed everyday at a ATM machine, a random old lady is getting beat up and her money stolen on the side of the street. Does this mean I should no longer withdraw money from my local ATM or take a walk from a stressful day at work?? The point is the REAL WORLD is dangerous! The internet is not! In fact I bet the only reason how big of a deal internet dating is (as far as bad views goes), is because bad things RARELY happen, so people can blow it out of proportion if it does!!

[Batya33]

I think women have to take far more safety precautions than men when meeting men through on line dating sites.

[sfan87]

I think women should take precautions when meeting any man. Remember - anyone can be anyone - whether it's online or offline. There are always news stories about women getting beat or in abuse relationships - most of the time, these couples met in the "real" world, not online. I think online dating is safer, IMO.

[Fudgie]

I agree totally. I met my boyfriend online and now we are a "IRL" couple and are doing great!

 

The problem with the "lying" thing is that it is EASIER to lie online than in real life. Online, you can send fake pics, fake info, etc. But if you meet someone in real life, it's harder to lie like that. You can lie about lots of other things though.

 

I have nothing bad to say about real life dating or online dating. I have been very successful with the latter and I'd say it's very efficient if you know how to write well and know what sort of person that you're looking for. Plus, I don't drink so I wouldn't go to a bar anyway.

 

Just be careful!

[newwave]

I haven't had luck but I don't think the guys were always losers. Yes some were, but some weren't. I found many liars, but had the same problem in real life (and in fact offline is where I met a con artist). I'll probably consider it again in the fall if I can't find anyone through people I know. I feel better because I was lurking on various sites and the guys looked normal. Of course like anything many aren't what they said but that happens offline too.

[sidehop]

I think women have to take far more safety precautions than men when meeting men through on line dating sites.

 

This probably will never change. But then again on a rare occasion even guys have to be careful...can't assume they are all harmless either.

[Batya33]

This probably will never change. But then again on a rare occasion even guys have to be careful...can't assume they are all harmless either.

 

Completely agree - was just comparing.....

[galaxy71]

1.) You are correct.

 

2.) I completely disagree with you with #2. I do notice that there are a disproportionate number of young people who are shy, quiet, and socially inept using online dating. People who use the internet heavily are socially inept. People with very little social network or very little confidence disproportionately use online dating. I admit that online dating are full of a lot of socially adjusted, older people who are busy with parental responsibilities and job responsibilities. However, I do notice that there are a lot of young people who are forced to rely on online dating because they are just plain shy. It is much easier to click on the send button than approach a woman who is with her friend.

 

On another point, some of the rejections in online dating can be just cruel. Some women will call African-American guys racist things because the guy showed interest in her online. I have seen people get rejected harshly at bars, but I have never heard or seen a person reject another person by insulting their appearance or race.

 

3)Agree with you here

 

4)It is much easier to lie behind a computer screen than in real life. In real life, it is extremely difficult to lie with your body language and tone of voice, unless you are a trained actor. Online dating is full of people who post pictures of themselves from 10 or 20 years ago. Some guys will lie about being athletic, when they are obese. I remember a Plenty of Fish thread where the people posting on thread were talking about how they walked out on their dates because their date was deceptive in his/her profile. I think it is much easier to deceive someone about their appearance through the internet than in person.

[nightlady]

I've met over 50 people from online and I can tell you this:

 

Most are:

perverts

married

liars

just looking for some ass

or are just plain clueless

or all of the above.

 

However, the same poepl I've dating not from online are the same. I think there is only about 1% out there that are decent. BTW my bf and i met in a chat room and we are a great match!

[HouseKitten]

People are still people, behind a keyboard or not. It's just as easy to take off a wedding band in a club as it is to mark the box 'single' on a form. If people are going to lie about their marital status or any other aspect, they'll do it online or offline. It's not something the internet breeds, it's a type of person, with or without chatrooms and dating sites.

 

Internet profiles can make it easier to lie about bigger things like looks and height and so on, but then if you ever meet that person, it's immediately obvious that they lied. As with most liars, they get found out eventually. Just because they can lie about different stuff when they're online, doesn't mean it's the fact that it's online that's making them into that sort of person - they're still a loser after they've signed off.

 

There's no huge difference between the quality of people on a dating site or in a club, but I do think when you're on a dating site you are more likely to come accross weirdos simply because you can get in contact with and browse the profiles of lots of guys at once without anyone knowing, whereas in public it's far harder to canvas the entire room to see who's suitable and who's not.

[sfan87]

First off, I've used online dating, I've had dates with girls that I've met online. I've had more in common with those girls than girls I met in the "real world". In fact, I was doing very well with a girl I dated online until I screwed it up. Online dating isn't for people that are socially inept. Socially inept people can be found online or offline. I PREFER online dating because you get to know the person before you even go out. If I go to the gym and ask her for her phone number - what's the point? She could be married, have kids, have a boyfriend, upon thousands of other things. In fact, I DID do this once. I asked a girl at the gym for her facebook, only to add her and see 1,000 pictures of her kissing random guys, getting drunk, and smoking. I had no idea from the way she looked at the gym.

 

At least with online dating, I'll have a general idea where she's at. Regardless she COULD lie, anyone in real life could lie! For the record - I've met girls at church, the gym, and through friends. The girls online are no different.

 

I have a full time job. I work about 45 hours a week. I go to the gym for an hour everyday. I have a house to take care of. Add in grocery shopping, and basic everyday life things - I don't have a ton of free time. And I'm not socially inept. I have a lot of friends that I've "grown up" with through high school and college. Now that I live a "real" life, my time is scarce to go out anymore, and it's so much easier to come home from a long day at work and open internet explorer and chat with someone than it is to come home from a 10 hour day, get dressed up, and try to impress a friends girlfriend.

 

Would I suggest free sites such as plenty of fish? No, because I've been on there, and I would agree with most of what you said there. I've seen the most decent girls on pay sites. However, the internet is really no different than the real world. There are fakes, liars, scammers online and offline. Just because you pickup a date in a grocery store doesn't make you any better than your neighbor that met his online. In the end, people are people, we all live in the same world. People online AREN'T people "outside of this world". They have jobs, careers, go to school just like anyone else you see.

[Batya33]

What I found superior to on line is to have an activity or interest where you interact with other people, including single people, in a naturally social environment, preferably alcohol free (not a club or a bar) so that you get to know them in a natural way before asking a particular person out on a date. Work is a good place for this too, if the company is large enough so that you can meet people through work who you don't work directly with or for. But what you said about knowing more about the person than a random stranger is true, I agree.

[sfan87]

I think the main point is this

 

a.) losers

b.) people with no/low self esteem

c.) liars, crooks, theives, crazy people

d.) desperate people

 

They all exist online AND offline. Perfectly, normal evolved people use online dating. I'm a normal evolved guy that has used it AND gotten dates off it. I have a job, I make about $50,000 per year, I have a house and live a normal life. I've dated girls I met online and offline. Would you typically classify someone as me as a "loser"?

 

People you meet online are mixed shapes and sizes. Yes there a lot of obese people, yes there are a lot of skinny people, average, atheltic, etc. Guess what - same thing in the real world. People act like internet dating is some sort of last resort full of low life people when the same people exist in the REAL WORLD!

 

Personally I think it's a heck of a lot easier to click on a girl with a mouse and say hello than it is to go to a club or a bar, walking around people that reek of alcohol, stepping on toes, to talk to a girl who I have no idea what her individual status is.

[Batya33]

Personally I think it's a heck of a lot easier to click on a girl with a mouse and say hello than it is to go to a club or a bar, walking around people that reek of alcohol, stepping on toes, to talk to a girl who I have no idea what her individual status is.

 

What you're ignoring are the many many ways to meet people other than on line and in a club or a bar. Places my friends have met their SOs have been -- tennis club, laundry room, work (how I met my husband), singles events, charity events, volunteer work, theater group, set ups by friends, supermarket, swing dancing, dinner parties.

[sfan87]

What you're ignoring are the many many ways to meet people other than on line and in a club or a bar. Places my friends have met their SOs have been -- tennis club, laundry room, work (how I met my husband), singles events, charity events, volunteer work, theater group, set ups by friends, supermarket, swing dancing, dinner parties.

 

Right, and I'm not saying to "opt-out" of real life. The internet is just another means of possibly finding someone. Why there's such stigma I don't know. I see more idiots, morons, and losers at the mall than I would ever see online.

 

But one thing...the supermarket? I mean, come on, how many people do you seriously know of that stuck love at a supermarket over a box of heart-healthy cheerios? A 1 pound box of turkey deli meat? A bag of doritos?

 

I don't know anyone.

[newwave]

Right, and I'm not saying to "opt-out" of real life. The internet is just another means of possibly finding someone. Why there's such stigma I don't know. I see more idiots, morons, and losers at the mall than I would ever see online.

 

But one thing...the supermarket? I mean, come on, how many people do you seriously know of that stuck love at a supermarket over a box of heart-healthy cheerios? A 1 pound box of turkey deli meat? A bag of doritos?

 

I don't know anyone.

 

I know a few people that met at the supermarket. That's why when I go I wear decent clothes because you never know. I've met people just by walking places. One of my exes (my best ex boyfriend) I met through a mutual friend. I've met people at concerts and other events. Most of the women at my former employer met their husbands at work (different departments). That's why I am debating about online dating but will wait until the fall because the summer means going out and meeting people. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone this summer?