Preparing myself for the loss of my (very old) cat

[jengh]

My mom called me with some unfortunate news. My 18 year old childhood cat, Minka, is not doing so well. She hasn't eaten in days and they think her kidneys are just shutting down. There's not much they can do for her at this stage.

 

I understand she's very old and has lived a great, pampered life and that makes me happy... but even still, she's my girl. My senior photo in high school had her in it! I get that it's her time and I accept that... but I've been crying all day... I'm trying to come to terms with this.

 

It's likely I won't be able to be there when they put her down so I won't be able to say goodbye (there are a lot of factors here and a trip up isn't possible)... How do you prepare yourself for this? I love this cat SO much

 

My little bag of bones (picking her up is like lifting air)

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[BellaDonna]

Awww- I'm so sorry. What a lovely kitty.

 

My mother also kept my childood cat and we had to put her down a couple of years ago at age 20. It was hard but once she got too thin and her legs were hurting her when walking, and she just wasn't her normal self, we all wanted to see her be in peace.

 

She was such a dear and loyal part of our family for so many years that letting her die with dignity was the last act of kindness we could give her.

[Sanesoul]

Aww, sweetie, I feel your pain. I have a 9 year old, so this thread gives me hope that I still have a lot of years with the big lug.

 

Just think about the good times with her, she was a happy cat.

 

She had a good life hun.

[Seraphim]

Awww Jenn I am SO sorry.......I had a sweet Siamese too. He was my darling and he was my baby and he adored only me. He passed away 2 months after my son was born and I had him since I was 16. Like yours he just went down hill very fast and he was done. I think he felt he had been replaced after my son came along and he was tired and old and could not cope. I know how you feel. Big HUG.

[hers]

I'm sorry to hear this but trust me when I say, if it's time, it's for the best. Leeluu was a bag of bones literally when she died (went from 60lbs to 39lbs at her death in just 6 weeks) and that was more than enough for me to accept that it was her time to go, as much as I didn't want to let her go. So think of this as her way of letting you know that she's ready: she's not eating, she is thinning, she is ready to go and is ok with it. You have to be as well, for her.

 

Thinking of you!

[jengh]

Thanks everyone... I understand it's for the best and I don't want her to suffer or be in any pain... Sigh... it's just hard letting go. I accept it's her time, I accept she is old... but I just need to prepare myself because I know this is going to be a devastating blow to me.

 

I guess I'm just more distressed I won't be able to say goodbye and get my closure (whatever that means)... It's funny, last time I was up there, I sort of said goodbye and cuddled her and talked to her because I had this weird "feeling"...

[Sanesoul]

She knows you love her Jen.

[Seraphim]

Yeah it is hard to put a beloved pet to sleep. I took him in I remember just before Christmas, but he was so thin..he weighed only 6 pounds when we put him to sleep. I could not see him suffer anymore. I wrapped him in special blanket and took him home and we buried him in the yard.

[BellaDonna]

It might actually be worse for you if you saw her again right before she would be put down. Sometimes it's best to remember happier times.

 

It's hard to prepare for. I do think it's easier to deal with when they have lived long and death is more natural. (i.e. not something tragic and unexpected like the cat being hit by a car, etc.) You can tell when they give up and when the benefits of their lives no longer outweigh the costs. Once they stop eating for a prolonged period, you know it is time.

[hers]

My childhood dog is getting old. She lives with my sister and we've had her since middle school. She still gets around quite well though. Every tiem I see her, I feel the need to say goodbye though, so I know what you mean.

 

My sister put it to me this way regarding my grandmother's death, and I think it can apply to pets too. My sister saw my grandma for the last time a couple months before she died when she was still well enough and in good spirits. I saw my grandma the day before she died wehn she was very sick and weak. My sister always said she was glad to have seen my grandma when she was still happy and well rather than when she was so sick like I did, b/c she had a better memory to hold onto for her last memory of her. She's right. I wish I had that memory.

 

So with minka, be glad you saw her when she was happy and spunky instead of weak, thinning, and failing. It's the better memory. Let that be your closure.

[jengh]

I understand, and you're all right... I actually AM going up north next weekend but my parents won't be there and there will be 3 days where no one will be with the cats so it either has to happen Monday or Tuesday or when I'm there... to be honest, I'm not sure I could handle it.

 

Who am I kidding though, anyone who has ever known Minka knows she's the meanest cat ever But, I love her so much. She's always been nice TO ME. My mom calls her "Misery". She has that Siamese charm...walks around yodeling her head off for no reason.

[Seraphim]

I understand, and you're all right... I actually AM going up north next weekend but my parents won't be there and there will be 3 days where no one will be with the cats so it either has to happen Monday or Tuesday or when I'm there... to be honest, I'm not sure I could handle it.

 

Who am I kidding though, anyone who has ever known Minka knows she's the meanest cat ever But, I love her so much. She's always been nice TO ME. My mom calls her "Misery". She has that Siamese charm...walks around yodeling her head off for no reason.

 

That is WHY I love a Siamese....they are VERY loyal to the ONE person they love and that is it. I love their yodel, their look, their eyes,everything!

[renaissancewoman101]

Jengh, sorry to hear about your cat.

 

It is always hard to have to put a beloved pet to sleep, even though you know it is the best for them

[browneyedgirl36]

Awwww...Jen...I am so sorry.

 

Minka is a GORGEOUS kitty, by the way.

 

I don't have a ton of advice, but I have some experience with this, as I lost my beautiful 15 year-old kitty to cancer last fall. I had a lot of advance warning -- 18 months -- so I had tons of time to prepare for the loss. At first, when her diagnosis came, I was inconsolable. I wept like a baby off and on for months. Every day that passed, I kept saying, "What if it happens tomorrow?" and every day that it didn't, I would say to her, at night before I went to sleep, "Thank you for sticking around for another day." For most of that 18 months, she was fat, sassy, and happy. She ate like a pig, played like a kitten, and loved the heck out of me.

 

After almost 16 months of no progression of her cancer (with the help of chemo), the chemo stopped working, and one of her tumors grew very large in a very short time, and when she stopped eating, I knew she was going downhill fast. Then, the purring stopped, most likely because the tumor was in her neck, and I suspect that purring was painfully impossible for her, as was swallowing. At her heaviest, she had weighed 12 pounds. She got down to less than 5 shortly before her passing. I knew then, for sure, that it was time. I had the opportunity to be in the room when she passed, and though I had a hard time believing that I could handle it, I did, and her passing was peaceful and painless. I had her cremated, and I still have her ashes in a little box on my nightstand, next to a picture of her. I cried for several days after her passing, and at least once or twice a month I find myself tearing up when I think of her; just a few weeks ago, I admit I wept like a baby again over her, and it has been six months since she passed.

 

I know that you are very sad over Minka's impending passing, and I am sorry that you can't be there. Will someone be in the room with her when she passes? If that is possible, that would ease your mind a lot, as you would know that Minka went to sleep with someone she knew and felt comfortable with there with her. I am also sorry that you can't say goodbye; I can't imagine how that must feel, but being the animal lover you are, I know that you will be thinking of all sorts of happy times with her, and I would like to believe that animals know how much we have loved them. I have to believe that. Send all that love and positive energy out to Minka, and take comfort in knowing that she was well-loved and well cared for.

 

After she passes, you might consider doing something with some pictures of her. I have a TON of pictures of my kitty, and I still plan to make a scrapbook this summer. Once that is done, I will get another cat (or two!) and I will have a wonderful reminder of a very special friend who I loved for a very long time.

 

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. What brought me comfort was knowing that I did everything I could for my kitty and that, when the time came, I loved her enough to let her go. Animals teach us so many important things about love, and even when they leave us, they are really never gone. The memories, and what they have taught us, stick with us forever. Allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need to. Like all other losses, the loss of a pet doesn't have a linear grieving process. Some days you will feel fine, and then, seemingly randomly, you will cry and feel a tremendous sense of loss. That's perfectly normal, and it's healthy.

 

Hang in there...

[browneyedgirl36]

I understand, and you're all right... I actually AM going up north next weekend but my parents won't be there and there will be 3 days where no one will be with the cats so it either has to happen Monday or Tuesday or when I'm there... to be honest, I'm not sure I could handle it.

 

Who am I kidding though, anyone who has ever known Minka knows she's the meanest cat ever But, I love her so much. She's always been nice TO ME. My mom calls her "Misery". She has that Siamese charm...walks around yodeling her head off for no reason.

 

Hehehehe...I chuckled at this, Jen, because my cat had a reputation for being difficult...not at the vet, where she behaved quite well, but with ALL of my friends and family (except, strangely enough, my ex, who she LOVED). She didn't want anyone petting her or touching her but me (and my ex); if the maintenance guy came into my apartment when I wasn't there, she would attack!

 

Despite this, she always behaved like a lady at the vet, until...I took her to put her to sleep. Her last act on this planet was to attack the vet. She took a little chunk out of his finger with her claws! I have to admit, that even though it was a sad day, I look back on it and smile, because for a moment, my sick kitty was back to her sassy old self, and that's how I want to remember her. Plus, the vet's reaction was pretty priceless.

[jengh]

Thank you so much browneyedgirl.... That made me smile... It's like she knew she had to make a big fuss about it all, making it allll about her

 

Someone will most definitely be in the room... it will either be my mom or dad, or, if I muster the strength, me... On one hand, I want it to be me because I have loved her unconditionally, whereas my mother hates her.... but on the other, my selfish hand, I want to remember her as she was.... It's a lot to think about.

 

My mom said today she ate some mushy food so that's a good sign... might hold off for awhile longer?...

 

Here's Minka and me 2005

(I LOVE this photo)

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[HouseKitten]

Sorry to hear this Jen, she's a gorgeous-looking kitty. That's a sweet picture of the two of you

[jengh]

Sorry to hear this Jen, she's a gorgeous-looking kitty. That's a sweet picture of the two of you

 

She is a beautiful cat... my mom tried to talk me out of having my senior photo done with her but I'm so thankful I did. It makes me remember her in her healthy years *though, she was 13 at the time haha*

[jengh]

Well, she's gone. My mom took her in this morning and held her in her arms until she passed. She started having bloody diarrhea last night and after a look-over at the vet it was concluded her kidneys were failing.

 

She wasn't in any pain now but the vet said she would be very soon so we wanted to avoid that at all costs.

 

I'm very sad today. Honestly, I'm a lot worse off than I thought I would be.

 

Minka, I do believe in heaven for animals, and that rainbow bridge. You were with me through the hardest moments of my life. You may not have always been the most pleasant cat, but you were so deeply loved, and I will love you forever. Rest in peace, my girl.

[Sanesoul]

I'm so sorry to hear this Jen. Big *hugs* to you.

[jengh]

Thank you Sigh.

[BellaDonna]

I'm sorry.

 

 

 

((Hugs))

[Shortpants]

I'm so sorry for your loss Jen, I too grew up with a siamese, they truly are a regal cat. She was a beauty, just hold in your heart all the happy times you shared with her and know that she loved you just as much as you loved her.

 

The Rainbow Bridge - inspired by a Norse legend

 

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,

 

Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.

 

Where the friends of man and woman do run,

 

When their time on earth is over and done.

 

For here, between this world and the next,

 

Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.

 

On this golden land, they wait and they play,

 

Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

 

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,

 

For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.

 

Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,

 

Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

 

They romp through the grass, without even a care,

 

Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.

 

All ears * * * * * forward, eyes dart front and back,

 

Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

 

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;

 

Together again, both person and pet.

 

So they run to each other, these friends from long past,

 

The time of their parting is over at last.

 

The sadness they felt while they were apart,

 

Has turned into joy once more in each heart.

 

They embrace with a love that will last forever,

 

And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together

[HouseKitten]

Sorry Jen hope you feel better soon.

[jengh]

Thanks so much everyone I love that poem, I always read it when a pet dies. It's comforting.

 

Minka would love it there. She used to sit and howl at the door until someone let her out (always supervised as we live in the woods)... once I let her out, she'd dart down the stairs into the garden where she would gnaw on grass (which she would later puke up) and random flowers... once she had her fill, she would go to the concrete walkway and sprawl out on it because it was hot, and roll around in ecstasy.