hexaemeron Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 NO. Females are NOT hung up on marriage. They just want an 'assurance' from the guy because too many guys run off with another woman because she is more 'fresh' than the old one. It is a piece of paper which guarantees that a guy will think twice before fooling around with another because if he is caught, his pockets will be burned! I'm glad that's what marriage really means to you. At least you're honest. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 minizi - i know what you mean about some woman taking advantage of a man to gain citizenship and then leave him right after that. but it sounds to me like the OP really loves her boyfriend. Link to comment
Speranza Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 I thiknn so too Annie, but - I doubt the visa thing is 'not a big deal' to him as she says. I think he is VERY awrae of it as an issue between them. I'm just concerned that if he understands she would have to leave without it, why would he not marry her? Does he trust her? Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 NO. Females are NOT hung up on marriage. They just want an 'assurance' from the guy because too many guys run off with another woman because she is more 'fresh' than the old one. It is a piece of paper which guarantees that a guy will think twice before fooling around with another because if he is caught, his pockets will be burned! hmm. Do you think this is what marriage means to him as well? If this is how you view it, as entrapping him, it should not surprise you that he is looking to dodge the trap as long as possible.. Regardless of what anyone thinks of your timeline (BTW, a couple should get married when they BOTH WANT to be married, not in X years), I think you would do yourself and your relationship some good to take some time to examine what marriage offers BOTH of you. IMO your POV is the strongest argument I ever hear from men defending their choice to NOT get married. It's their biggest fear, that they will be trapped and/or financially ruined. No wonder they hesitate. Marriage should ADD to both of your lives, not constrain them. Perhaps if you focus on showing him how a life with you will ADD to his life, instead of focusing on "sealing the deal" you may find his attitude shift. Really, imagine you are him and you read what is quoted above...Where is the incentive for a guy in statements like that? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 *thunderous ovation* Seriously. Link to comment
Taikero Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 NO. Females are NOT hung up on marriage. They just want an 'assurance' from the guy because too many guys run off with another woman because she is more 'fresh' than the old one. It is a piece of paper which guarantees that a guy will think twice before fooling around with another because if he is caught, his pockets will be burned! You literally just added a year onto how long it's going to be before I get married with anyone. While refreshingly honest, that's an absolutely appalling view on marriage and why you should get married. This is why I will never get married until I am 100% sure, without a doubt, that I feel she will never want to break it off with me and the same for me with her. I'll probably get a prenuptial agreement too to squash your cute little "pockets burnt" scenario. I'm not going to work half my life for a home to live in and financial stability so some scorned woman can take it out from under me and bring me back to square one, no matter the circumstances. Women wonder why men don't commit to marriage, and it's because we think we're going to get burned. Just because a guy doesn't cheat doesn't mean a woman's going to stay with him. People become disenchanted with each other all the time and split and then if there's a marriage in place the legal proceedings can become extremely nasty for both parties. Men don't want to end up both heartbroken AND penniless while the person who broke their heart waltzes off with his money looking for or already having a new man to move into the home he worked for. How is this scenario appealing in any way? Why would I commit to a 50/50 situation (statistically) where my future could end up destroyed because the person who used to love me now wants to bring hurt to me and take anything they can before getting out of the relationship? Without some definite reassurances I really don't see this happening. You wanted the truth? You got it. We don't want to lose everything when YOU get tired of us. There are no real consequences for you if you decide you're done, statistically speaking anyway. By and large men are the breadwinners still and we stand to lose the most in a divorce. Why wouldn't we be paranoid and apprehensive, no matter what our feelings are for you? Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 It is a piece of paper which guarantees that a guy will think twice before fooling around with another because if he is caught, his pockets will be burned! Tell that to my mother when my father filed for alimony. Link to comment
camerainaction Posted April 13, 2010 Author Share Posted April 13, 2010 Eh...I have lived in the US for more than 13 years. My home country is really not THE "home" anymore. In fact both my parents live in the States. I have no intention to show off to anyone. Actually I don't understand the need in some people to show off happiness, which is very much personal and private. The only reason for my visa situation is...for the lack of a better phrase, a glitch in the immigration system. Of course that doesn't change jack about my situation. I actually make more money and have significantly more savings than my bf does and he knows this so I don't think he is worried about me running away with his $$. Unfortunately the fact that I will have to leave once my time is up (unless something happens) definitely casts a shadow on the relationship. I wish this was not a factor at all as I have lived my life trying to not rely on anyone (hence I have achieved the financial stability to have a comfortable life on my own). But who can really plan for all the hurdles in life... Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 You wanted the truth? You got it. We don't want to lose everything when YOU get tired of us. There are no real consequences for you if you decide you're done, statistically speaking anyway. By and large men are the breadwinners still and we stand to lose the most in a divorce. Why wouldn't we be paranoid and apprehensive, no matter what our feelings are for you? Naja.. It depends on which girl you have got. There is still good girls out there who would never walk out of a guy leaving him penniless.. They are fewand hard to find in this modern world world and they are usually the not so pretty or sexy ones.... but there are still there... Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 Naja.. It depends on which girl you have got. There is still good girls out there who would never walk out of a guy leaving him penniless.. They are fewand hard to find in this modern world world and they are usually the not so pretty or sexy ones.... but there are still there... exactly. I think i'm attractive, but i'm not near "model hot." i'm sure guys over look me for that, but then again, i would also insist on a prenup as i have my own assets to protect. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Naja.. It depends on which girl you have got. There is still good girls out there who would never walk out of a guy leaving him penniless.. They are fewand hard to find in this modern world world and they are usually the not so pretty or sexy ones.... but there are still there... Well yeah, but your previous comment suggests at least that you want the power of the THREAT of fiancial ruin over your bf ASAP...If you think that marriage is about having that 'powerful' piece off paper, or you think you NEED that piece of paper to ensure fidelity, then he's getting the message that you don't trust him, and want to lock him in before he changes his mind about you. This is not an incentive to him. Marriage should be something BOTH of you want, not something a girl wants and the boy acquieces to, just to make HER happy. His happiness is equally as important. You want him to marry you because he wants a lifetime with you, not because he just wants you to shut up about it already. Take some time to consider what marriage means to HIM, and what you think he thinks it means to YOU. Forget about the wedding, focus on the marriage. No one should be guilted, forced, harrassed or berated into marriage. There is no 'correct' timeline, except the one that works for BOTH of you. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Well yeah, but your previous comment suggests at least that you want the power of the THREAT of fiancial ruin over your bf ASAP...If you think that marriage is about having that 'powerful' piece off paper, or you think you NEED that piece of paper to ensure fidelity, then he's getting the message that you don't trust him, and want to lock him in before he changes his mind about you. This is not an incentive to him. NO.. Marriage is not meant to be a power of threat. What i am saying is some girls take it as a paper to get out poverty and made some poor guy who is genuinely in love with them pay the price. My conscious will never allow me to play that power game on any man with a piece of 'paper' Marriage is for me a sacred thing. ONe should never abuse it for money or anything else but unfortunately, many people do that. No one can lock anyone in forever... and divorce doesn't come cheap either. Link to comment
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