Breakup Regrets

[NotReadyYet]

Sorry if this all over the place, but my mind isn't really thinking clearly right now.

I was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. first 6 mo. were great. Actually now while I am writing this I realize we always had problems. I just didn't want to see them.

 

He is a 24/7 pot smoker. first thing in the morning, last thing at night. in his eyes this plant is magical, a cure, healing, so he will never stop. I don't smoke.

He didn't work for the last 12 month

He is overly jealous, possessive and verbally, mentally abusing me [at least I think so, but you decide....]

 

You have to understand, I have never cheated on this man. I don't even look at another man, not while I am with him, not while I am not with him. I just don't. I stopped everything. Stopped going to the gym, stopped going to meetings where men where around...

 

That's what he wanted me to do, so I that's what I did.

It's never enough. I had to be on the phone 24/7. We didn't speak but the phone had to be on and near me, even while I was asleep. I had to keep the phone on while I was at work.

 

I was not allowed to wear open toe shoes, not too much cleavage, and trust me... what he thought was a lot of cleavage...it wasn't. Don't speak to men.

 

i did all this for him.

Only secret I kept...I had a face-book page. Yes I didn't tell him about it. yes, I had male friend on that page. FRIENDS, nothing else...I knew them before him, and I wanted to keep in touch. No boyfriends, etc. JUST FRIENDS. Actually some friend he and I knew...so it was just a matter of time for him to find out, and I knew that. I guess I was hoping he would understand, and realize that I didn't try to keep it a secret. I was only worried that he'll explode. I was wrong for not telling him, I admit that. I should've told him.

 

He found out a little over a month ago and like expected all hell broke loose. More name calling, like piece of * * * * , idiot, mental case, stupid, * * * * * ... just to mention a few. I should be used to it, but I am not.

 

Please understand this isn't really all about a stupid site called FaceBook. It's much more then that...

So he gave me an ultimatum, get rid of Facebook, stay on the phone or else. ALL OR NOTHING he called it. I guess I choose nothing. I decided that I can't live like this. I would've done anything for this man, but after I had to deal his anger I lost it. Well, didn't lose it, I chose nothing.

 

I miss him so much, I still love him,at least I think I do. I am so confused, so sad, so alone, and I want him back in my life so desperately. But I know it's not a healthy relationship. I think if he would work like any responsible adult, stop the drugs...yes I think I could accept his jealousy issues. But I can't do all of this. Is it healthy? Will we have a future? Probably not, but love makes you do dumb things sometimes.

 

Did I do the right thing? Should've I tried longer and stay? What if he was the one? There so many good things about him. But there is also the other other side of him, it's almost like he has 2 personalities. The second he thinks a is a reason to become jealous he flips out, the name calling starts, he don't even hear me anymore.

[DontGetStung]

Move on, you made the right choice.

[Chris Knows]

Guys like that are just trouble.

 

Move on to a guy who trusts you and gives you space to have your OWN life.

[john316]

definitely move on. relationships aren't supposed to look like that. if you go back to that, it'll lead to something terrible.

[thathoopla]

Hi. Welcome to ENA.

 

Did I do the right thing? Should've I tried longer and stay? What if he was the one? There so many good things about him. But there is also the other other side of him, it's almost like he has 2 personalities. The second he thinks a is a reason to become jealous he flips out, the name calling starts, he don't even hear me anymore.

 

You absolutely did the right thing. You made the right choice. Someone who loves you would not treat you anywhere near the way he had treated you. They wouldn't have kept you in a cage, supressing you from being true to yourself. He was isolating you and controlling everything in your life. NC is the best way to go for you sweetie.

 

I was/am in a similar situation and although I can look at your situation and see clearly that he treated you wrong and you will be better without him - it is difficult for me to understand it for my own situation and stop talking to my guy. So I imagine it's the same for you. Because you're attached to him, it's very hard to start to deny the relationship since you've been with him so long and it was so tense. It's time to treat yourself better starting now!

[NotReadyYet]

Hi thanks for the welcome and your replies.

I guess I always knew that it was best for me do leave him. But like you hoopla I am great in giving advice to all my friends, I see who treats your right and who treats you wrong. BUT my own relationship...well that's another story. It is really hard. Glad I found this site.

 

in the end my decision was based on the name calling, him not caring if I lost my job, [if he didnt' hear me near the phone he hung up and kept calling.yes I turned of the phone, but I wanted to be reachable for my kids]

[MrWallFlower]

It sounds like he knows in his heart that he hasn't amounted to much and feels like the only way he can hold on to you is to break your self-esteem. If he really loved you he would be trying to build you up--not tear you down. You made the right choice.

[NotReadyYet]

Thank you all. I am going to post every time I'll feel like texting or calling him. I do feel better, not healed, but better.

 

I am not used to a lifestyle like his, the drugs, the not working. It's not me.

The jealousy: I am 11 years older then him, so at first it was flattering, but after a while it got worse.

 

I am editing this to correct a couple things, to elland below me: I agree...and my logic did kick in that's why I did what I did. Only problem: My logic is fighting with my emotions. My reasoning is crazy, I do realize that. I've been strong so far though.

[ellandroader]

It sounds like he knows in his heart that he hasn't amounted to much and feels like the only way he can hold on to you is to break your self-esteem. If he really loved you he would be trying to build you up--not tear you down. You made the right choice.

 

To the OP - I think you did the right thing too. Give it time, you will see it in hindsight from a logical point of view once your emotions have settled down. I have been with someone who shattered my self esteem and I know how hard it is to leave.

 

Mr WallFlower - I found your post interesting. Could you elaborate further on the highlighted part?