AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 31 years old and have started to feel anxiety about finding a special person to settle down with and start a family. I was with a girl for 3.5 years who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life wife and she broke up with me about a year and a half ago. Since then my life has been a complete train wreck. It is almost like I am trying to hard to find someone and people who I know are not good for me I become close to. I am so picky with woman and it is so hard to even meet someone for me in the first place. It seems that the only place where I can really meet people is when I go out somewhere but whenever I see a person older than me in the same place it depresses me because the last thing I want to be is some 40 year old single man in a bar. I do not want to end up like this person that even the thought of it saddens me. I really do not like this feeling at all and do not know what to do about it. I know people say you can be happy alone but he happiest time of my entire life was when I was with my ex and the only thing that I want more than anything is to get the feeling of love back. I have not had too much to be happy about in my life but when I had that special person to share, grow ,and experience things with, all my other problems just didnt seem to bother me because I always had a person that I knew loved me be there when I needed them most. I do not like this feeling.......I feel so alone even when around friends and family and at the same time I feel like my clock is ticking and I do not know how to even handle it. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Not yet... I'm only (almost)33 so dont' feel like the clock is ticking yet! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 35 pretty soon myself and no I don't feel the clock is ticking. Why rush finding the right SO? Oh and there's nothing wrong with being picky, just don't be too picky. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 35 pretty soon myself and no I don't feel the clock is ticking. Why rush finding the right SO? Oh and there's nothing wrong with being picky, just don't be too picky. Because the sadness and lonliness is starting to physically and mentally kill me. I do not enjoy doing things that I usually did, I do not like living the single life anymore. I feel old when I see a bunch of young single people around me while I am one of the oldest...I do not like that feeling. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 The fact that I aslo feel stuck in the job that I do not like and the finincial prison that I have put myself in along with this is has made so anxious to the the point where I just started smoking at 31 years of age...and that is not good. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 The financial position struck alot of people including myself. Believe me I see plenty friends my age and younger that are in a relationship and guess what? They are more stress than me! Sure it can get lonely but you have to keep yourself busy. I'm sure you got friends and I'm sure you can find hobbies to pick up. As far as the economy goes, it'll pick up and there will be more opportunities to move up. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 38 and while I don't have a clock ticking, I am more than ready to find someone to settle down with so that I can get on with my life. While not meeting someone isn't stopping me from getting on with my life, I feel like there is something missing, and that I deserve to meet the most wonderful woman that is looking for just what I am looking for. So, I think at 31 you shouldn't worry to much. (lucky for me, my waiting may have paid off... I've just started dating someone that fits my bill. Will see how it goes) Keep the faith dude and it will happen. I do have some rather choice words to say about your starting smoking at 31 though, but ENA would filter me, so I wont say anything beyond, cigarettes won't help your cause to find someone. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Because the sadness and lonliness is starting to physically and mentally kill me. I do not enjoy doing things that I usually did, I do not like living the single life anymore. I feel old when I see a bunch of young single people around me while I am one of the oldest...I do not like that feeling. If you are starting to feel and act like this, the chances of being in the right place for someone when they come along and decreasing. If anything, they may think they need to fix you, which is not what you want to happen. This feeling is a challenge, if you can prove to yourself that you can deal with this sadness, loneliness and be happy anyway, you will be putting yourself in the right place, a place where the perfect partner will just appear. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 I know smoking wone help the case but I have become so stressed out over my life that I do not know how to relax. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 If you are starting to feel and act like this, the chances of being in the right place for someone when they come along and decreasing. If anything, they may think they need to fix you, which is not what you want to happen. This feeling is a challenge, if you can prove to yourself that you can deal with this sadness, loneliness and be happy anyway, you will be putting yourself in the right place, a place where the perfect partner will just appear. I am trying everthing to prove to myself that I can deal with this sadness and be happy but everything that I try does not work. I do not know what to do and the last thing I want to do is scare away someone who could be very special. Link to comment
scared and alone Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 The only clock I feel ticking is my biological clock. Have since I was 22. IT SUCKS. I would love to get married and all but I REALLY just want to have a baby. lol I'm almost 26 and I just feel like i'm not gonna have a baby anytime soon, til i'm in my 30's and I HATE it. And my boyfriend wants me to get on BC and meh, I just don't want to. lol How do you get on BC when all you think is 'babiesbabiesbabies' Link to comment
scared and alone Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 And you know whats weird? All my life I just wanted a boyfriend, to feel special and all and then when I FINALLY stopped caring, ENJOYED being single, I met my bf. lol And at first, I was a little concerned because he REALLY liked me (I did like him) and asked me to be his gf and I was like 'crap. I really do like him and I don't want to lose him, but I am fine being single' It's just funny how things work like that. I really think that sometimes, when you just, stop TRYING, it will just happen. Link to comment
stu1973 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I certainly do OP, I'm 36, and all I want is to settle, am so tired of being single, of online dating, seeing EVERYONE I know ( friends, family, co-workers ) settling, glowing, happy. I am lonely, desperately so, and I can relate to everything you said. I go to all manner of social events, travel a lot ( both within this country and internationally ), so I certainly don't stay in my house and expect to meet someone. Yet even when with friends and family, I feel alone, really, really lonely, and it doesn't help that everyone else is happy ( although I certainly don't begrudge them. ). I hate being in bars at my age, I really can't stand it, I feel like a creep. And yes, I'm tired of people saying you should be happy on your own for someone to love you, but the only time I've been truly happy and carefree in a long time was with my ex. When I was with her, I could cope with any set backs as I knew I'd soon be in her arms. I feel a great deal of empathy with you, as I feel everything you do. Link to comment
doesitmatter30 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I understand that. Everybody says to be happy single, but that's not natural....period. so how are we supposed to be happy doing unnatural things... Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I understand that. Everybody says to be happy single, but that's not natural....period. so how are we supposed to be happy doing unnatural things... very well said. Specially in older ages, I imagine it would be very hard to be happy and single since most people are not in the same situation. Link to comment
newwave Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Not so much clock, except for biological clock. The funny thing is until a few years ago I was so insistent on never having kids. Now at 39 I know I only have a few years to have children. Honestly, I'd be fine adopting kids, but in the back of my mind I like the idea of having a baby. Of course this would happen at a time where I don't have a job and the guy I like doesn't want to get serious (and I can't now because jobwise). I'm hoping that we get together, I get a good job, and we have a baby all within 4 years. Outside of the baby issue, I don't get this urgency to marry, except I am against having kids without being married. Of course there is always the possibility he'll never come around, so I'll worry about that months from now. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Yes, I feel the EXACT same way as you, word for word, about everything. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Personally, I think it's important to be as stalwart as possible. I've been alone all my life. I've never been on a single date, never had sex, etc. I could let it make me very depressed (and I have, on occasion) but I came to the realization some time ago that it's just not a very good use of time. Because although being alone definitely sucks, being alone and being miserable about it is even worse. So I make a conscious effort to be as happy as possible and persist through it. For me, it's really the only option. Link to comment
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