My dad hit me

[fantastic]

Hitting your daughter in the face and causing her to bleed when she only stepped in to tell you to stop is not discipline. It's an act fueled by anger and the OP did nothing wrong.

 

 

I'm not referring to the OP.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm not referring to the OP.

 

You basically told the OP in the first post "big deal".

[G-Snap]

I didn't say it's okay to beat children, I said it's okay for a parent to clip a child round the head. it's big difference.

 

I grew up in a home where hitting each other became rather commonplace. My dad hit my mom, she hit him, they hit me. I became a teenager and hit them back. You grow numb to it after awhile, so I know kinda where you are coming from. But, that doesn't mean it's right just because one grows numb to it. It isn't right. Took me a long time to realize that violence is wrong and you can't go around hitting people. Hopefully you will get to that point somewhere in your life where you realize that just because your parents "clipped you round the head" when you did something wrong doesn't mean they were in fact right in doing so.

[yeawutever]

How about you move out?

 

So your father hit you? My father used to hit me all the time as a kid, and it doesn't bother me.

The whole point is no one hits anyone. If you think a child deserves to be hit then I agree with a previous poster. Go seek a psychologists as you're in no shape to raising a child (if you ever were to have one). If I had were to hypothetically speaking have a child and he/she was smack around by a bastard then he would encounter a very miserable day.

As far as the OP, she should move out and start filing assault charges.

The problem with children nowdays is they don't get proper discipline enough. That's why we have so many spoilt brats. Not saying you're a brat but just saying, being hit on the head is no big deal.

I assume you have not search the word discipline. No where in the dictionary does it means hitting. It's about establishing boundaries, being an active listener to the child, create activities and made sure they learned through natural consequences. An example would be if they talked back then there's no computer nor hanging out with friends or withdrawal of affection displayed.

 

You hit them and all you did was scoop down to their level. The same as if you were punching a small person enough to make them bleed just because they lightly slap you.

[Leighton]

Thanks for all the replies everyone, let me answer a few questions.

 

1. This doesn't go on all the time. It happens every so often (2-3 years in between) so I don't want to call the police or child's services.

 

2. Is it wrong that I'm afraid to do anything about it? I don't like my father but I wouldn't want him going to jail or us having to move out AGAIN.

 

3. My sister is 14 years old. I'm 18 and working part time, it would be impossible to live on my own, even though I'm considering it.

 

4. Besides the abuse, alcoholism, cheating, etc.. my dad helps me with insurance, money, bought me a car, buys the food, etc. He does take care of business, but yeah has a terrible temper. He often makes fun of me too.

 

It's a tough spot.

[greywolf]

How about you move out?

 

So your father hit you? My father used to hit me all the time as a kid, and it doesn't bother me.

 

The problem with children nowdays is they don't get proper discipline enough. That's why we have so many spoilt brats. Not saying you're a brat but just saying, being hit on the head is no big deal.

 

There is no reason to hit another adult and the OP could probably file charges against her father.

[avman]

1. This doesn't go on all the time. It happens every so often (2-3 years in between) so I don't want to call the police or child's services.

 

But let me ask you, when IS it bad enough? When it happens every year? Every month? Every day? Are you willing to gamble your sisters life on that?

 

2. Is it wrong that I'm afraid to do anything about it? I don't like my father but I wouldn't want him going to jail or us having to move out AGAIN.

 

It isn't wrong at all that you are afraid. Anyone would be afraid in this situation. It is this fear that abusers count on. And this is why the abuse happens over and over again. Because the abuser sees that nothing will ever be done about it. There are no consequences for their actions so they simply escalate things.

 

3. My sister is 14 years old. I'm 18 and working part time, it would be impossible to live on my own, even though I'm considering it.

 

Then I believe your sister is in danger from this person unless there is some sort of crisis intervention.

 

4. Besides the abuse, alcoholism, cheating, etc.. my dad helps me with insurance, money, bought me a car, buys the food, etc. He does take care of business, but yeah has a terrible temper. He often makes fun of me too.

 

Well that's nice he pays some bills. Again though, is it worth risking your life or your sisters life over?

 

Forgive me for being so forward here, but you are already perpetuating this cycle of abuse in your own relationships. You just got out of one. And yet still are mired within an abusive situation with your father. I would be willing to bet your next relationship will end up that way too. Because it is what you are used to. And you have been groomed for these relationships by your father and by your last ex. Abusers can spot their target from a mile away and they will sniff you out. I would desperately hate to see you in another one of these relationships so I do hope you go to that womens abuse group you were talking about. You need counseling (and so does your sister) to help build you up and open your eyes to what is happening here.

 

I tried to look back a few posts but I didn't see where your mother fits into all this? Is she still there? What does she say or do?

[Leighton]

You're absolutely right about everything avman.. the only thing I disagree with is us being in 'danger'. While the things he is doing is wrong, he wouldn't kill us or anything.. I don't think.

 

My mom just fights with him about it and she'll say she's sorry. That's about it.

[Applewhite]

I'm not referring to the OP.

 

If you are not referring to the OP why are you posting in this thread?

[Applewhite]

You're absolutely right about everything avman.. the only thing I disagree with is us being in 'danger'. While the things he is doing is wrong, he wouldn't kill us or anything.. I don't think.

 

My mom just fights with him about it and she'll say she's sorry. That's about it.

 

Admittedly none of us can evaluate the station as accurately as you can. But your story sounds a lot like mine. And I am sure when I was in my parents house, I would have said the same things you are saying. I have since moved out and don't experience these things first hand. But he continues to haunt and abuse me. Since he has lost control of me, even though his actions obviously cannot escalate, his attitude has. He has not outright declared he is out to get me, but that is how I feel.

 

If he had struck you at a slightly different angle, or if he had been slightly harder, he could have caused serious injury. Don't you think this is dangerous?

[Applewhite]

I guess one of the points I am trying to make is that it is hard to assess the effects of this on you while you are still living in the house. I haven't had much contact with my father for a very long time. I see nightmares about him, and I still freak when my phone rings (he doesn't even know my number!)

[alcide]

How about you move out?

 

So your father hit you? My father used to hit me all the time as a kid, and it doesn't bother me.

 

The problem with children nowdays is they don't get proper discipline enough. That's why we have so many spoilt brats. Not saying you're a brat but just saying, being hit on the head is no big deal.

 

I do not think he has any rights to hit her,, but she is calling curse hitting her dad back, so call the police and she should try to move out with her sister...

[HeartGoesOn]

You're absolutely right about everything avman.. the only thing I disagree with is us being in 'danger'. While the things he is doing is wrong, he wouldn't kill us or anything.. I don't think.

 

My mom just fights with him about it and she'll say she's sorry. That's about it.

 

Don't be so sure of that...

[metrogirl]

How about you move out?

 

So your father hit you? My father used to hit me all the time as a kid, and it doesn't bother me.

 

The problem with children nowdays is they don't get proper discipline enough. That's why we have so many spoilt brats. Not saying you're a brat but just saying, being hit on the head is no big deal.

 

Sometimes I really wonder about your posts. You seem to condone things that shouldn't be condoned.

 

I really hope for the sake of any children that you may have or may ever want to have, you don't have that idea that it's okay to make your child's nose bleed. I guarantee you, you will find yourself at the mercy of a children's court.

[avman]

You're absolutely right about everything avman.. the only thing I disagree with is us being in 'danger'. While the things he is doing is wrong, he wouldn't kill us or anything.. I don't think.

 

My mom just fights with him about it and she'll say she's sorry. That's about it.

 

Unfortunately this is something where if you are wrong you may not get a second chance. Are you sure you aren't seeing things through a distorted perspective because he's always been this way and so this seems "normal" to you?

 

People like your father do not change without long, serious treatment. And even then they do not always change. Gambling that he would "never do anything to really hurt us" is a poor bet in this situation. I do not even know the man yet I've heard enough to guarantee you this is not the last time he will injure you or your sister. You cannot 'hope' your way out of this.

[Applewhite]

Unfortunately this is something where if you are wrong you may not get a second chance. Are you sure you aren't seeing things through a distorted perspective because he's always been this way and so this seems "normal" to you?

 

People like your father do not change without long, serious treatment. And even then they do not always change. Gambling that he would "never do anything to really hurt us" is a poor bet in this situation. I do not even know the man yet I've heard enough to guarantee you this is not the last time he will injure you or your sister. You cannot 'hope' your way out of this.

 

This is what I think too. When I was at my parents house, I thought like this too. But now that I am out of the picture, looking back at it, I see how dangerous it really was/is. Just like avman said, when you are a kid born into it, and you have never seen an alternative, your mind tricks you into believing this is 'normal' or at least not that bad, not that dangerous.

 

But the truth of the matter is, as I am sure you will realize sooner or later, that it is. I just wish for your sake that it is sooner rather than later.

[fantastic]

Sometimes I really wonder about your posts. You seem to condone things that shouldn't be condoned.

 

I really hope for the sake of any children that you may have or may ever want to have, you don't have that idea that it's okay to make your child's nose bleed. I guarantee you, you will find yourself at the mercy of a children's court.

 

Well I have no interest in having children because they're a waste of money and time. Secondly, I have already said he shouldn't have made her nose bleed. I think there's nothing wrong with a parent giving a child a smack in the face, as long as it's the parent doing it and nobody else, and it isn't hard enough to leave a mark. Sometimes discipline doesn't work, it never worked with me as a kid. If my parents confiscated stuff from me I'd just go in their room and take it back anyway. If they tell me to stand in the corner I'd have ignored them. If they stopped me having desert, I'd refuse to eat dinner also.

 

But If they smacked me in face I'd listen because it hurt.

 

So yeah, being hit should be allowed as long as it's not beating a child to a pulp, or breaking bones, and it's used as a form of discipline and not used just for the sake of it.

 

Too many children are mollycoddled, it's the reason why we have so many little brats growing up thinking they can do what they want, with a nasty attitude.

[fantastic]

The whole point is no one hits anyone. If you think a child deserves to be hit then I agree with a previous poster. Go seek a psychologists as you're in no shape to raising a child (if you ever were to have one). If I had were to hypothetically speaking have a child and he/she was smack around by a bastard then he would encounter a very miserable day.

 

Contradictory post. On the one hand you're saying no one hits anyone, yet say anyone who hits you're child will have a miserable day. So you're saying you'd commit violence against someone who hits your child? So which is it, you condone violence or you don't condone violence?

[metrogirl]

Has it occurred to you that children that grow up in abusive homes often go on to abuse their own children later in life? Perhaps those kids that were out of control got hit a little too much at home therefore causing them to act out.

 

What happened to love and kindness? A lot of parents don't have to resort to that extreme to get their kids to listen to them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Has it occurred to you that children that grow up in abusive homes often go on to abuse their own children later in life? Perhaps those kids that were out of control got hit a little too much at home therefore causing them to act out.

 

What happened to love and kindness? A lot of parents don't have to resort to that extreme to get their kids to listen to them.

 

Nor is hitting effective. Parents who hit their kids will most likely have adult children who can't deal with their emotions or with conflict in their lives. It has been tested and it doesn't work.

[avman]

Moderator note: Lets please stick to the topic at hand which is helping Leighton with her question.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Thanks for all the replies everyone, let me answer a few questions.

 

1. This doesn't go on all the time. It happens every so often (2-3 years in between) so I don't want to call the police or child's services.

 

2. Is it wrong that I'm afraid to do anything about it? I don't like my father but I wouldn't want him going to jail or us having to move out AGAIN.

 

3. My sister is 14 years old. I'm 18 and working part time, it would be impossible to live on my own, even though I'm considering it.

 

4. Besides the abuse, alcoholism, cheating, etc.. my dad helps me with insurance, money, bought me a car, buys the food, etc. He does take care of business, but yeah has a terrible temper. He often makes fun of me too.

 

It's a tough spot.

 

 

Sounds like you're not scared of your dad and that you will not hesitate to defend yourself, but the situation itself is like a toxic and really stressful. Not a great environment to be in, and for the younger members of the household, its not a great example to be setting. Violence breeds violence.

 

IMO you're 18 and if you're determined enough to move out on your own, you'll do it. It's not the best way to start out, but what's the alternative? Even if you did a house share for a while, or spent a few nights a week at a friend's place for a bit of rest-bite, you'd be spending more time in a more positive place.

 

I can't pass comment on your dad or his temper, as I don't know the guy. I can only say that if its gone past the point of sitting down and discussing his anger management, without a war breaking out, then just leave.

 

I would just remain respectful, to yourself, your dad, your family and your house. If he touches you or your family members again, don't respond with violence or threats, as he will not continuously back down under these circumstances.

 

All the best of luck whatever happens.

[fantastic]

Has it occurred to you that children that grow up in abusive homes often go on to abuse their own children later in life? Perhaps those kids that were out of control got hit a little too much at home therefore causing them to act out.

 

What happened to love and kindness? A lot of parents don't have to resort to that extreme to get their kids to listen to them.

 

People abuse kids when they've never been abused themselves as kids.

 

You can still love a kid and give them a smack.

 

To the OP, you'd be better off leaving. It seem to me your father as an anger problem, he hits you out of rage, rather then for control.

[G-Snap]

Leighton, this is exactly why I moved out of my parent's house when I was 18. I was strapped for money to but it seemed a better alternative then living in a house with parent's who liked to yell and hit. Even if he doesn't hit you guys often, he sounds like he has an ill temper.

 

fantastic - I think we are all talking about something different than smacking a kid on the behind vs a hit in the head. I know you keep saying you aren't referring to the OP but you keep coming back to that point. And you say your parents clipping you in the head wasn't bad, but really, is there a reason to hit a kid in the head even if it isn't hard enough to cause bruising or bleeding except for humiliation or to make them feel inferior? Sure you can still love the child but if you love them why would you want to make them feel that way?

[yeawutever]

Contradictory post. On the one hand you're saying no one hits anyone, yet say anyone who hits you're child will have a miserable day. So you're saying you'd commit violence against someone who hits your child? So which is it, you condone violence or you don't condone violence?

I never specify what would happen. All I said is he would have a miserable day if I was a mother and he hit my child. Many things may occur. He may as well lose his job and end up with a criminal record or have his reputation ruined to the point he has no friends at all. He may even never see his child again.

That's what I meant by stating he will be miserable. If you're the parent and someone is abusing your child then you're within your rights to protect him/her. If put in a life-threatening situation (I or a beloved one is harmed) then yes I may apply physical force in that case.