My dad hit me

[abitbroken]

You're absolutely right about everything avman.. the only thing I disagree with is us being in 'danger'. While the things he is doing is wrong, he wouldn't kill us or anything.. I don't think.

 

My mom just fights with him about it and she'll say she's sorry. That's about it.

 

You are in danger. The emotional health of your sister and you has already been damaged. I came out of an emotionally abusive marriage. The thing was that the family was used to courts and lawyers so well that they knew where to not cross the line - they knew how to terrorize me but not cross a line where they could be arrested for it.

 

As far as killing - all it takes is anger - if he had thrown things and grabbed something very heavy or with the right trajectory that could kill you. It might be unintentional but it could happen.

 

I would do what I can to get a fulltime job enough to move out even if its a room for rent. Get your own place or a female roommate - do not move in with a guy unless that person is related to. I would even talk to a counselor at a woman's shelter. If you had your own place, though, your little sister could do sleep overs and you could do your best to instill some self worth in her.

[Applewhite]

I agree with this. And even though you've never really considered this before, even though you are unsure if it can happen go out there and look for how you can achieve this. You are lucky that you live in a country where this is at least *possible*. There are people out there that live in countries where women and children are beaten and terrorized and yet they have few to non options. You DO have options. Use them to your advantage.

 

Can you rent a room from a friend or a relative? That would be relatively cheaper. And there might be interesting jobs out there that you never even considered, that might be fun, relatively easy and bring in a lot more money then you expected!

[turnera]

What about coming up with a plan? Are you saving every dime of your part time job's salary? You should be. Are you attending college? You should be, so that you can better support yourself and, possibly, your sister. Just about anyone can get loans for college these days. You might look into loans to get you onto a campus in a dorm; with a degree, you can pay off the loans with a professional job in four years.

 

Or, if you're not willing to go that route, what about a simpler plan to save your money and find better-paying jobs and start some sort of career? After 6 months to a year, you may be able to make it on your own, and maybe even let your sister move in if things get worse at home.

 

Finally, look into education for you and for your sister. And maybe your mom, if she'll go. If you're in the States, look up your local United Way and visit them to see what they have to offer. There's also organizations like Adult Children of Alcoholics, which may not apply but their program can really help you two. Take your sister to visit women's shelters, so she can see what she has to look forward to if she grows up and marries an abuser - very typical for women with abusive fathers. Sign up for self defense courses at the local YMCA or United Way. Bottom line, give your sister a good education in how to NOT become a victim. Let her know she has options, in case you end up leaving, and she's there fending for herself. Let her see how to get to the women's shelter, the police station, CPS. If she feels empowered, she'll be better off. You both will.

[Lecturer]

 

 

If you've seen some of my posts, you'll know I was physically abused by my father occasionally too, and how I feel about parents that do it.

 

If you'd like, PM me with where in Ontario you are, and where I can find your POS father. I'd like to offer some intensive counselling.

 

Ugh, I wish I had have read this before my workout - I'm already shaking with adrenaline.

[doityourself]

I would say if he puts another hand on you and your sister then you can step in and use whatever force you have to. Then call the cops, that would teach him a lesson or two about hitting on you girls.

 

Do not let this continue, you dont deserve it and it teaches you that violence solves problem.

 

Good Luck, when you hit back aim for the knees and back and stay away from the head.

 

Some may not like this advice but if you ever grew up in a violent home, sometimes nothing else works. This man needs to understand that just because he can over power a woman or girls doesnt mean that its okay.

 

As for discipline, hitting in the head or face is never the proper way to discipline a child of any age.

[fantastic]

 

As for discipline, hitting in the head or face is never the proper way to discipline a child of any age.

 

Then tell me why kids now are far more disrespectful then they were even 20 years ago?

[turnera]

Because parents either (1) try to be their kids' friend or (2) are so self-absorbed that they shove their kids in front of TVs and video games so they don't have to deal with them.

[yeawutever]

Then tell me why kids now are far more disrespectful then they were even 20 years ago?

Less involvement in extracurricular activities for the most part.

 

Beating up someone doesn't mean you'll get respected. In fact you'll be hated even more. All you would have is hypocrites pretending to be friendly but once your back is turned, they'll stab you.

 

Same with parents abusing their kids or those who focus on only imposing fear. Their kid might not even like them but have repressed resentments within themselves. It's mainly all pretending to be cool which is a type of defense mechanism.

[fantastic]

Less involvement in extracurricular activities for the most part.

 

Beating up someone doesn't mean you'll get respected. In fact you'll be hated even more. All you would have is hypocrites pretending to be friendly but once your back is turned, they'll stab you.

 

Same with parents abusing their kids or those who focus on only imposing fear. Their kid might not even like them but have repressed resentments within themselves. It's mainly all pretending to be cool which is a type of defense mechanism.

 

I know a lot of adults who respect their parents and were hit by them. I was hit by my parents, I don't hate them for it. There's a line between physical discipline and child abuse.

[turnera]

You're right, as long as they didn't hit you out of dysfunction.

 

But who is the arbitrator in such situations?

[yeawutever]

I know a lot of adults who respect their parents and were hit by them. I was hit by my parents, I don't hate them for it. There's a line between physical discipline and child abuse.

Ever heard of varying temperament between individuals? What might not sting you can have an impact on someone else. Everyone doesn't have the same equal reaction.

[abitbroken]

Ever heard of varying temperament between individuals? What might not sting you can have an impact on someone else. Everyone doesn't have the same equal reaction.

 

Yes, things affect people differently. But a smack on the butt or slapping a hand is worlds different than smacking a grown woman in the face so that she bleeds. Striking the face like that is NEVER appropriate no matter what the person did. And parents who choose to spank their children as a philosophy don't do so in anger or try not to. If they spank their children, they also don't continue it when they are a teenager. There is an old saying "you're too old for me to lay you accross my knee and spank you." They resort to giving increased priveleges with good behavior or taking them away.

[doityourself]

Then tell me why kids now are far more disrespectful then they were even 20 years ago?

 

 

Both of my boys are neither disrespectful nor rude to anyone, I teach them that. I cant understand why other parents do not have the time or energy to spend with these children but I do my job.

 

MY OPIN: I think people need to stop having so many children then letting these kids raise thierselves, because the parent have to work 3 jobs to put food on the table. Or that they had children so early in life that they have thier other children raising them. I totally agree, but only I can make sure that my boys act responsible and respectful. And I do, and they do, without hitting them. Not saying that they dont get spanks they do when the crime warrants it but that is my last option, they learn better when I teach them thier are consquences to all actions.

[fantastic]

Ever heard of varying temperament between individuals? What might not sting you can have an impact on someone else. Everyone doesn't have the same equal reaction.

 

And my opinion of these people is that they are whiny and weak. Don't get me wrong, I'm not on about adults who were beaten to a pulp and hospitalized as a child, that is child abuse and would be traumatic for many. I'm on about those that were given the odd smack in the mouth and play the abuse card as adults.

 

And yeah I got cracked in the mouth as a kid. I don't whine about it... it happened... I move on.

[Hermes]

All I can say is that I am just appalled, truly appalled. There is NO JUSTIFICATION, ever, for violence, less so for hitting a child. It is an OFFENCE now in many countries to do so. One does not need to be beaten to a pulp (is that the extreme point at which it becomes violence?!). Striking another person is violence.

 

Cracking a child on the mouth. How awful. I really am at a loss for words that anyone would condone such behaviour.

 

Discipline is, of course, important. And it can be implemented without violence.

 

Hermes

[yeawutever]

Discipline is, of course, important. And it can be implemented without violence.

Off course it can. I don't understand why too many uneducated people confused discipline for striking someone. Even if it was just a slap, it's still hitting. Hitting is hitting. Discipline does not mean applying physical force upon someone esp. a young child.