Venitng - Things that have been on my mind this week

[Nappyloxs]

I just need to vent about the things I hate and learned from this most recent breakup.

 

- That I still think of her about anything. I hate that I am even writing this post about her.

 

- That she left me for a dream. Yes, things were not great (more on that below), but she left me because she thinks there is someone out there better.

 

- I hate that I actually respect her leaving. I mean if one of my friends said they were unhappy and thought they could do better in life (doesn't matter relationship, work, or anything) I would encourage them to go for it. It just sucks when you are the one being hurt from it.

 

- I hate that she blames me for her unhappiness. She says we were like an old couple, like her parents. Were we the most outgoing couple?? No. But she never saw/appreciated the times that we did do things together. She forgets that every single time I did suggest something, she never wanted to do it. She could have easily suggested things for us to do instead of now doing it solo. She makes her own happiness; not me. I should be the person who shares it with her.

 

- She forgot that she was one-half of the relationship. She wanted me to do everything. Plan activities, do this do that, and then more. But she never thought about maybe carrying some of the load herself. She thinks she is so fabulous because she is cute, has a decent job, cleans and occasionally cooks.

 

- I hate that she how she tried to change me. I am not perfect. But instead of trying to change me, change the relationship. Don't go to the two extremes of trying to change me or running off.

 

- Again, I hate that she left me for someone who yets to exist. (No offense to those who were left for someone else). I mean I loved this girl. Some of you who have followed my story know how upset I was about her buying a house. I was upset as hell, I thought it was over the minute she bought it. But I got over it and just considered another challenge in our relationship. I was over there for a month, every weekend, putting things together, I was out shopping with her every weekend trying to make sure she got the best deals on things. (No I did not buy them, she did). Yet, it was always I wasn't doing it when she wanted, I did not do it right, I did not save her enough, etc.........

 

- I hate that she never really put in any effort towards recon. I mean she did not even tell her family that we were back together. It may not sound like a big deal, but I have been in two long term relationships were I did not meet the parents for over a year because of the color of my skin. So this was a little upsetting to me. It also bothered me when she had a dinner for her, her friend, and her friend's husband and did not invite me, because she felt "embarrassed." Not like I really wanted to go, but still it showed me something.

 

- I finally realized that most of our arguments were really started because of her. I am so laid-back and one of the easiest people to get along with. Yet, during the last two months. I see that it was her starting the arguments. Most of the time it was her holding a double standard, or telling me what to do. I am not the type of guy who thinks the woman is right 100% of the time. More like 80% of the time, I will "say" she is right. This girl just really knew how to bring out that side of me.

 

- I hate how she never really knew me and I knew her like the back of my hand. I know exactly why we broke up this time. Even told her the reasons before she told me. Yet she really did not know anything about me. She kept judging me. Who judges the person they say they love??? She knew little about me, even after I would try and tell her.

 

- I hate that I stayed with someone who was so negative, degrading, and just disrespectful for 3 years.

 

- I hate knowing that if she were to call tomorrow and say she was sorry and wanted to start over, I would forgive her.

 

 

Sorry these have been the things on my mind the last few days and just needed to get them out.

 

 

 

-

[HopefulDrew]

- I hate knowing that if she were to call tomorrow and say she was sorry and wanted to start over, I would forgive her.

 

Sorry these have been the things on my mind the last few days and just needed to get them out.

 

-

 

No need to apologize to anyone here

 

Why would you forgive her so easily? It sounds like you have learned more about the type of person you want to be with. Maybe she could become that person, but wouldn't you want to see that she had changed? If you let her come back as she was, then history would likely repeat itself.

[AutumnBorn]

Nap, I could have written your post myself. You and I can see how things weren't good, yet we'd take that miserable person back to end our suffering - and that's probably what I most need to forgive myself for - loving someone who was so miserable, who treated me so badly, and knowing I'd take him back if he wanted to try again.

 

How can we begin to forgive ourselves for having had so little self-respect for so long?

 

(From the very beginning, I told him he was looking for a Fairy Princess. I thought someday he'd say "you are my fairy princess". Nope. Never happened. This year my Halloween costume was a Fairy Princess - a purple and black fairy wearing a tiara and carrying a scepter...he asked twice about my costume, looked stunned. Just because I wasn't his fairy princess doesn't mean I'm not one. It's my secret identity and he never figured it out.)

[Nappyloxs]

That was cute about the hallloween costume!!

 

I definitely feel like I am moving forward. I just know that if she were to say "let's work things out" I know in my stupidity that I would. It is just the type of guy I am.

 

Last night she called to vent about her family. I haven't heard from her in a few days and then she calls. I answered and told her I was busy. I was watching a movie. It felt great. Normally, I would stop whatever it was I am doing to talk to her. This time it was nice to continue doing what I was doing.

 

I did talk to her later about her problem. Again, I am just that type of person who listens. It was great! It wasn't like hearing her voice made me fall back in love with her or miss her. The conversation just reminded me of how much she only thinks about herself and how much of a negative person she is.

 

I may not be perfect or everything she wanted in a man, but it is okay. It lets me know that I am perfect for someone and everything that a woman. I just have not met her yet. You are someone's fairy princess, you just haven't met him yet!!

[Nappyloxs]

No need to apologize to anyone here

 

Why would you forgive her so easily? It sounds like you have learned more about the type of person you want to be with. Maybe she could become that person, but wouldn't you want to see that she had changed? If you let her come back as she was, then history would likely repeat itself.

 

You are exactly right. I blame my mom for making me become such a forgiving person!!! Honestly, I just think it is one of the qualities of love is to forgive. I do it too much with woman. I am friends with many exes and many woman I have dated, even if they dumped me or whatever.

 

Yes, I think I know what I want in a person, but still, I do not expect Mrs. Right, to have all the qualities. I am not looking for someone who is perfect, just someone who is perfect for me. I use to believe that in this relationship. I knew she did not have all the qualities that I want, but I felt she was perfect for me. I am still going to hold onto that belief, I am not going to let her make me worst this time around.

 

My one main problem is that I got so use to the negativity, the lack of support, the constant complaining, and ridicule. I really have forgotten that there is something else that is better. I am just too laid-back. I know it has affected me, but I downplay the severity of it.

 

Hopefully, once I see that there are much better women out there again, I will realize that I was stupid for not getting out a long time ago.

[quirky]

I loved the halloween costume thing as well, I'm inspired!

 

Nappyloxs, I understand your frustrations. The reason she didn't say to her family that you were back together is because she wasn't sure. Plus they must have listened to her slagging you off and it's difficult to admit to them you're giving it another shot until it becomes solid. Another reason is that she maybe she felt betrayed of herself falling for you again when she's after something else.

 

I think she will understand her shortcomings later in time. She hasn't had to do it completely because she's still had your attention so no reason for her to believe she's not good ya know? I'd like to add that even if you are perfect for a month it doesn't erase the perception and the deep associations this person has towards you. My ex was great for 2-3 weeks. But it couldn't undo what had happened. I had just closed up. Simple.

 

It will naturally take some time for this to settle..are you gonna keep in touch with her?

[Nappyloxs]

I agree with you why she did not tell her family, but it still irked me having been in that situation before. And for her to do it after almost 3 years together.

 

The statements about perfect is because we haven't met them yet. Once we meet them, we will always be perfect to them and them to us. Will the relationship always be perfect? No. But when we meet that person that we are perfect for and they are perfect for us, we will last. And that is what makes us perfect for one another. We can overcome any challenges thrown our way.

 

Will I keep in touch with her? I don't know. Maybe, but I don't plan on it. I have been really busy with work and that has helped lately. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks. But I really don't plan on it. I still think of her, but it is only here and there. I really struggle with the "should I call or write them" phase anymore. I have no problem not calling her.

 

I agree that she may discover her shortcomings, but I am planning on being long gone when that time comes.