Why do so many rape victims not report the crime?

[gravity]

the other night I was talking with my GF about rape in the US, and I realized that of the 4 girls I know who have been raped only one involved the police. and that was because she had to go to the hospital after.

 

Why do so many women/girls stay silent about this? I feel like there are TONS of resources available to help you as well as punish the loser(s) who do this type of thing (like rape kits, support groups, counseling).

 

I'm so confused . . . by staying silent they let these creeps go free and unpunished and allow them to possibly violate another girl.

 

Once a few years ago I was at a party and a couple of friends of mine saw a dude acting sketchy and dropped something into a girls drink. We grabbed him, called the cops, and sure enough they found more roofies in his jacket. I'm not gonna lie, we roughed him up a little too.

 

Why is this behavior not the norm? (Involving the police that is. I don't recommend the violence, but we were young and a little drunk)

[dragon lady]

Some people who have gone through with it have said that the court ordeal was more humiliating and emotionally taxing than the rape itself. This is part of what puts so many women off reporting. Sometimes a girl just wants to get on with her life and deal with it her own way.

 

BTW, good for you for stopping that sketch ball.

[jengh]

The guy threatened to kill me and my family... I was 14, naive, and believed him. Also, I didn't want my mom to get mad at me. I thought she would say it was my fault. I was ashamed.

[Seraphim]

There is a lot of shame and trauma and you do not want to relive it over and over and over and over in front of other people. It is emotionally very difficult. I did go to court at 14 and the person walked. So I relived it for no reason.

[xShannyx]

1. They may feel that it was their fault. I've heard some girls that "maybe if I didn't dress provocative.." which is complete bull.

 

2. They think they'll feel humilated in court.

 

3. They just don't want to think about it.

 

4. They may feel like no one will believe them.

 

5. They may feel that if their rapist is not found guilty the rapist would come after them and finished what they started.

 

And many other reasons

[gravity]

Ok, I hadn't considered having to relive the experience in court, especially just do have the dude walk, that sounds terrible.

 

Would you feel guilty if you later learned that the same guy raped another woman after?

[anggrace]

Some girls feel numb and confused after the rape. And as strange as it may sound, some feel guilt. Especially if it was someone they knew.

[Seraphim]

Ok, I hadn't considered having to relive the experience in court, especially just do have the dude walk, that sounds terrible.

 

Would you feel guilty if you later learned that the same guy raped another woman after?

 

I am sure the guy did. He is a pedofile and started raping other kids when he was 11. I was the only kid that went to court, he walked back then cause back then the victim had to prove beyond a doubt it happened. I had to stand in court without my parents and face HIS questions as he had no lawyer. This was the discovery. Then before the trial the prosecuter ripped into me hour upon hour to "ready" me for trial and I could not take it. So the jerk walked.

 

Not only that I lived in an entire state of trauma every single second of every day for 3 years thinking of being assaulted over 100 times. ALmost 30 years later I still have my issues.

It is NOT easy to report this.

[gravity]

1. They may feel that it was their fault. I've heard some girls that "maybe if I didn't dress provocative.." which is complete bull.

 

2. They think they'll feel humilated in court.

 

3. They just don't want to think about it.

 

4. They may feel like no one will believe them.

 

5. They may feel that if their rapist is not found guilty the rapist would come after them and finished what they started.

 

And many other reasons

 

1. I agree is total BS

2+3. I think I understand now.

4. I find hard to believe, I mean there is TONS of public awareness about rape. In HS and college it's beaten into you. At least around here the cops come running at the cliche "girl in trouble"

5. definitely a scary thought, but isn't that why we have police?

 

Thanks for your replys guys (well, girls mostly), it's starting to help we wrap my head around it. It's just that I feel like we have a certain responsibility to help each other out by punishing these actions.

[dragon lady]

Ok, I hadn't considered having to relive the experience in court, especially just do have the dude walk, that sounds terrible.

 

Would you feel guilty if you later learned that the same guy raped another woman after?

 

The burden of guilt should not fall on the victim's shoulders. They did not choose to be in that position.

[g84]

I think that the points that the others have put forward make sense; i wonder if some people worry that the person they confide in will somehow think it was their fault; maybe in some cases the victim believes that it's safest to keep it in her own mind rather than putting it out there to be examined by someone else.

[Seraphim]

I think that the points that the others have put forward make sense; i wonder if some people worry that the person they confide in will somehow think it was their fault; maybe in some cases the victim believes that it's safest to keep it in her own mind rather than putting it out there to be examined by someone else.

 

There is nothing more violating and people DO judge you. That is the thing. Also there is your own safetly to consider. I was stalked for 3 years after.

[gravity]

The burden of guilt should not fall on the victim's shoulders. They did not choose to be in that position.

 

I agree, but don't we all have a responsibility to report crimes and protect each other?

 

Maybe I'm just an idealist trying to figure out a far from ideal situation.

[Seraphim]

I agree, but don't we all have a responsibility to report crimes and protect each other?

 

Maybe I'm just an idealist trying to figure out a far from ideal situation.

 

As I said.....going to court or reporting a rape is not as easy as you think it is.

[fantastic]

I agree, but don't we all have a responsibility to report crimes and protect each other?

 

Maybe I'm just an idealist trying to figure out a far from ideal situation.

 

If you were raped by another guy, would you want to go to court and relive the humiliation?

[pinkelephant]

my friend was attacked and she was too shock to do anything. the person she came for help didn't report it so she didn't. she's pissed that she didn't, but i mean, can't do anything about it now.

 

 

another friend was a statutory rape victim (was only 14) and when she tried to report it, the police were a-holes about it. so... she just didn't want to have to go through that humiliation infront of an audience...

[g84]

There is nothing more violating and people DO judge you. That is the thing. Also there is your own safetly to consider. I was stalked for 3 years after.

 

I understand what you mean, i definitely have no doubts that it's a really difficult situation to deal with in so many ways. A friend of mine kind of went through something similar, and i know that she felt unsafe and afraid for a long time.

[Seraphim]

One has to think too when you go to court there is going to be a defense lawyer who is going to "rape" your character and portray you as some sleazy hoe. You would not believe what they bring up and that is even with a child. Every single sex encounter you have had will be under a microscope,they dig through your past,your friends. They sniff through your life. You have NO idea.

[dragon lady]

I agree, but don't we all have a responsibility to report crimes and protect each other?

 

Maybe I'm just an idealist trying to figure out a far from ideal situation.

 

 

I don't think you can give that responsibility to a victim. Especially not a child like those above. The rapist is the only one who bears responsibility for his/her actions. It's not the first raped person's fault that another person was raped. I'm quite shocked that this has even been suggested.

[gravity]

If you were raped by another guy, would you want to go to court and relive the humiliation?

 

obviously nobody want's to relive a terrible experience, especially in front of others.

 

But yeah, I think I would. But then again I've been humiliated in court before.

 

I guess this leads to the question:

 

Why is rape more humiliating to the victim than to the aggressor?

 

thanks for all the quick replies guys.

[xShannyx]

1. I agree is total BS

2+3. I think I understand now.

4. I find hard to believe, I mean there is TONS of public awareness about rape. In HS and college it's beaten into you. At least around here the cops come running at the cliche "girl in trouble"

5. definitely a scary thought, but isn't that why we have police?

 

Thanks for your replys guys (well, girls mostly), it's starting to help we wrap my head around it. It's just that I feel like we have a certain responsibility to help each other out by punishing these actions.

 

Yes there is a lot of awareness about but what about situations where some poor girl, no one(other than family) knows about is raped by some powerful business man that everyone knows and loves? Or about about when she's raped by the popular school jock that every girl wants? Who would many people honestly believe?

 

And yes the cops are there but they're not perfect.

[Seraphim]

I don't think you can give that responsibility to a victim. Especially not a child like those above. The rapist is the only one who bears responsibility for his/her actions. It's not the first raped person's fault that another person was raped. I'm quite shocked that this has even been suggested.

 

That is the EXACT line that was used with me to get me to go to court, by the prosecution even. That I would bear responsibility if someone else got raped. I was a little girl who had been raped over 100 times and I had to stand and face my attackers own questions in court with no one to stand beside me.(my parents were not allowed in court so they would not influence my answers). It was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. It still makes me shake to write about it and it was 29 years ago. They let him call me a * * * * in that court and tell all kinds of things not true about me,the read my diaries in open court. That almost ripped me to pieces emotionally and mentally. For anyone to even THINK that I am responsible for anything in that makes me sick.

 

Thank you for realising a victim is not responsible.

[gravity]

I don't think you can give that responsibility to a victim. Especially not a child like those above. The rapist is the only one who bears responsibility for his/her actions. It's not the first raped person's fault that another person was raped. I'm quite shocked that this has even been suggested.

 

I definitely wasn't talking about children here.

 

Our justice system is based on people coming forward and speaking out, even in the face of more violence, that's how you stand up to bullies. Each situation should clearly be evaluated by the victim obviously, I'm not saying I know better than the person involved if you feel threatened it's completely your call, in any instance, not just rape.

[dragon lady]

I, for one, am disgusted to hear that. I'm so sorry Victoria.

 

OP, I think that unless the legal system gets a makeover, there is going to forever be people who refuse to report. Easier said that done, I know.

[Seraphim]

I, for one, am disgusted to hear that. I'm so sorry Victoria.

 

OP, I think that unless the legal system gets a makeover, there is going to forever be people who refuse to report. Easier said that done, I know.

 

Yeah, the legal system raped me again.They also let a pedofile get away, and he is still out there and never been jailed for his activities. He is a sociopath on a long run. Hopefully someone will catch up with him. I tried my best and it was all I could do. I can never go back and prosecute again, and I am not sure I would. It has left me scared though for the remainder of my life. I am no longer a victim but a fighter and it wont keep me down, but it DOES affect every aspect of my life probably for the rest of my life.

 

Thanks for the support DL.