What do I do now?

[tiff8434]

My ex boyfriend and I have been separated almost three months. It has been a roller coaster ride since we have been broke up. The first two months he was still telling me that he had hope for us in the future and then this last month it seems that it has went down hill. He told me that he "NEVER" sees me in his future again. I dont know what to think. I feel like he is just saying that becasue he is scared and dosent know what is happening. He has alot going on and I understand that. However, he has got a whole new set of friends and is very angry and cold towards life. I love him to death and want it to work out but with him acting like this my hands are tied. I cant talk to him and I cant be there for him. He also told me I changed and I havent he is the one that is creating a whole new life. I dont know what to think, does he really mean itor not. Any guy's insite on this one is welcomed. Oh yeah as of last Wednesday No Contact has started.

[SteveNaive]

Hello Tiff!

 

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I am making the same experience now. My girl broke up with me and then we ended up being together, apart, together, apart... It most certainly feels like an emotional rollercoaster. She was scares as well and always said she did not want to lose me. However we ended up fighting last weekend and since then she has been quiet. The only time we talked was on the phone when she told me that she would be happy without me and I should accept that.

 

The only advice I can give you is to pull out there as long as you can. Do not make the mistake I did and try to hang in there, just because you think he doesn't know what he wants. He has to make his mind up. If he really wants you, he'll come back. If he doesn't...well... I know how hard it is to accept that, because I am just in the same situation.

 

I am not saying that you should give up on him though. You might have a chance, who knows. But do not try to push him and at the same time do try to get some emotional distance...in case he decides not to get back with you, you will need it...believe me. Because I tried to be as close as I can, and boy, did I get burned...

 

You said it right, your hands are tied. Nothing you can do, just sit and wait. However, try to get your mind off it...do something with friends, start your own life again. If he really decides to want you back he can still come... But it is his now to decide what he wants. He has to make his mind up. So try not to push him, leave him alone. If he wants contact he can contact you. If you want to contact him, well...do so if you have to, but do not expect anything out of it.

[Mun]

Girl do not sit and wait. Get out there! Get a new life for yourself or at least start to enjoy the one you have. Hope is the last thing to die. There is always hope, but you will have more of it if you don't sit at home just thinking about him. Men don't crave security like we do. They like adventure, the promise of things unknown. So be unpredictable. If before you would call him or look for him, stop! I tell you this: He will notice.

Don't make him the end all and be all of your existence. There is a whole world out there for you.

Things tend to go sour in a relationship when it becomes predictable. That's boring. Always stay on your toes and give yourself some distance too. It will help you decide if this is really the right guy for you, but it will also help him decide and think about you. I know it works!

 

Who wants someone that doesn't want them?

[tiff8434]

Come on guys I really need some help here. Thanks to the people who answered.

[OceanEyes]

He told me that he "NEVER" sees me in his future again. I dont know what to think. I feel like he is just saying that becasue he is scared and dosent know what is happening.

 

Hey Tiff!!

 

I've been told something like that before, and it hurt like hell. I feel for what you're going through right now. However, I can't help but wonder what could be keeping you so interested even after hearing this. It would be different if he was actually just scared at the time, or maybe even just having a rough time dealing with particular issues outside of your relationship ... but you haven't mentioned whether or not he's approached you with some sort of explanation. Has he?

 

If he hasn't and is not initiating contact with you, I would suggest that you accept that he's trying to move on. Perhaps this is why he has started hanging out with other people? Changed his lifestyle around? Maybe he's had a hard time trying to adjust to life without you, and past lifestyle choices reminded him of his life with you.

 

If things are really going to work out, he'll come back, and that's the only way it's going to happen, since he's the one who left in the first place. I wouldn't be there waiting for him though!! Have some fun and concentrate on YOU. Make YOU #1 from this point on ... let him see (even if it's not how you feel) that you are happy and loving life. Pretty soon you really will be!!!

[tiff8434]

Am I wrong to think that he can change bact to the person that he was? He acts like he hates me and I can honestly say I am not guilty of anything but loving him more then I think anyone ever has. I am doing better emotionally, however, I fill like I am holding on to a memory that may never be the present again. I miss him and love him. I really still think that he is my soul mate but I dont want to be completley nieve. Any suggestions?

[Mun]

Tiff I sent you a private message.. sorry it was so long !

 

Be strong girl...

[gemmy]

My boyfriend last year went through some weird phase. He had just graduated from college. He moved back home with his parents and started a new job. He hated living at home, but loved going out with his co-workers for drinks after work. I was fine with this, until I noticed a change in him. He was distant and often would start fights for no apparent reason. He was talking to another girl at work behind my back. When I found out, he broke up with me. It was so obvious now that I think about it. He went through this little phase for about 3 months. He'd go out with new friends and hit the bar scene (which is something he never did before). It's like how can this person go from wanting to spend every waking moment with me, to this???? I was totally confused and caught off guard. But I had to let him go. He had to experience other things w/o me there. It was THE hardest thing I ever had to do. But it made me so much of a stronger person to have to get through that. In the end, he came back to me realizing that he was miserable without me. So, i say let him be. He's obviously going through some things and may need a friend, but don't smother him. Let him live his life.

[AB38]

You want a guys opinion? Sure. First, How old is he? If he is your age or slightly older, he probably is not sure what he wants. I remember when I was 22, I didn't know what the hell I wanted.

 

I know that's not much comfort right now, I am just trying to tell you what guys in their early 20's are like. If you really want this guy back, and you were truly happy with him,(please think about why you broke up, can you fix what was wrong?) then obey the NC rule. Use it to work on yourself. Don't worry about what he is up to, because I am sure he is thinking about you just as much as you are about him. It's my opinion he has this new group of friends as a distraction, something to keep him busy.

 

Let him know what he is missing out on. Stay the course.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[tiff8434]

Thanks, for all the great advice ther eis a twist to the story now. I have heard that he has been datinga girl for like a month, I dont know if it is seriouse or not becasue there has been no contact for almost three weeks. I am staying busy and at times are very haoppy there just seems to be apart of me that is still missing and it is him. My question to all is if he is dating someone else and he told me last time we talked that he didnt see me in his future, is it hopless. Just three months agao he still wanted to marry me. It is all so confusing for me. The other girl thing is really freaking me out the thought of it is driving me mad. What can I say despite all I am still madly in love with him. What am I to think of all this?

[OceanEyes]

I have heard that he has been datinga girl for like a month, I dont know if it is seriouse or not becasue there has been no contact for almost three weeks

 

Ask yourself whether or not that really matters (whether or not it's "serious"). If I was in your position, I wouldn't think it made the slightest bit of difference. He has ended the relationship and is now seeing another girl ... you say here that you're happy, but we know better.

 

This is obviously a difficult transition for you, and whether or not you believe this, it probably is for him too. He's probably questioning whether or not he made the right decision with you and the relationship he now has with this other girl. The above male poster said that 22 year old guys never know what they want ... which I am sure is true in most cases!

 

The best thing right now is to concentrate on your own life. You're missing him, and feel like a huge part of your life is now gone. Would you rather have had this happen a year down the road when your feelings are actually stronger and more mature for him? He needs to grow up, and part of that includes doing some dating. Let him go to grow up, that's all you can do right now. You're young too, way too young to get married!

[tiff8434]

OK, so it has been three weeks since we have had NO contact. I am sad because he has not even triend to contact me. It is like he has completley forgot about me. My friends are telling me I should start dating other people but I feel that it is wrong because I am still so hung up on my ex. I dont think "true Love can be forgotten as easily as he has, I know I cant forget it I am trying to move on but my heart is not in it. Please help!