People there is hope

[HeartBrokn]

Hey ladies and gentlemen I am writing this to let you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that is not some cliché. I promise. Two months ago I didn't think I would ever get over my wife of 10 years. I was extremely depressed and I felt like because I was in the relationship for so long I would never be able to bounce back.

 

The thing is it's very difficult to look past the sorrow, the feelings of depression which make you paralyzed to life. The thing is like most people that have been through this say is you have to start focusing on yourself. That means you have to do things that make you happy. Learn to play a guitar, learn another language, change your wardrobe, you hair, maybe meet new friends, change your daily routine, join clubs through link removed or other sites like that, come on here and post a joke or listen to one from other posters. Bottom line is if you harbor the feelings of sorrow it will take you incredible long to get over someone. It will get worse and worse until you body and mind say enough is enough. But you are better than that and you don’t want to wait indefinitely to change your life for better. You are the only one that can make that happen. Lean on your friends, I had so many friends that were supportive. All these things will help you get over your X.

 

I am happy to say that although I am going to be moving away from my kids in two weeks (sad) I am feeling very happy now compared to how I was two months ago. Oh and read a lot of books, talk to new people start dating, lower your expectations for everything. Seek joys in little things. Laugh, and watch comedy. Overwhelm yourself with lots of stuff and you will get past it. Sorry for a little disorganized post I just felt like giving you some insights on that I have been through in the last few months and how I got over it. Good luck all

[Capricorn3]

Great post! I'm sure it will be an inspiration to others who find themselves in the same situation. Hope it all goes well for you.

[dandan78]

I love posts like these. I feel there are far too few of them.

[kvb10]

Thanks! I'll keep these things in mind.

 

Yea we need more 'getting over it' success stories and less 'getting back together' success stories which cause people to cling to false hope. The true hope should be to successfully move on and be a happier person.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

how long ago did you break up? Feeling this way after only a few months following a 10 year relationship is pretty impressive. i dont know how some people are able to move on so quickly!

[HeartBrokn]

Well we were having issues of my X not wanting to be around me back in October after I confronted her at the end of the month she told me she wanted a Divorce. So it's been almost 3 months. I was really devastated, crying every night for a few weeks just thinking about us going apart and me being away from my kids. My dad gave me great advice and that was to put that behind me and start moving forward. When he initially told me that my first reaction was, man you are heartless don't you realize that this is my wife and my kids I am losing? The truth is he was completely right. What happened to me was out of my control and therefore out of my hands. We cannot control the world, although we try to all the time. After I realized this I started to move on.

 

However what I think what helped me the most is to get myself out there. I didn't just sit in my house in pajama and look at my Xs picture every night before I went to bed and wonder why, or if she only knew how much I loved her, etc. I started to tell myself it's her loss, and really it was. My wife was gorgeous, she was a model material and a great girl, but I can do better.

 

Making yourself feel better is really what the trick is. I used to always depend on other people for happiness, and although we are social creatures and we need human interaction we are ultimately the ones who make us feel the way we do. We are the ones who decide to be in a happy relationship, or a bad one. We are the ones who decide, ok she/he dumped me and that is ok. I have grieved and now is the time to go out and love life again. It's normal to go through all the stages of loss, but what I am saying is you are the one that holds the key to your happiness and you have the power within your to pull yourself out of the rut. The sooner you realize this and do the things I said in the ^^ post you will get over your loss and start living again

[bungalo]

Just curious, why didn't she want to be around you?

[HeartBrokn]

Well she said "she loved me but was not in love with me" lmao, what a line. I don't really know other than I think she thought that we were not compatible for each other. That was the best reason, so it takes ten years to figure that out. Either way I personally think she was going through mid life crisis and felt that being with me was not making her happy. Also, she was very insecure and older than me, and I think she maybe felt her shelf life was expiring for her looks and wanted to seek attention from others to feel better about herself.

 

This sort of goes into another subject and that is marriage and/or long term relationships and what people realistic expectations should be. No one’s marriage is perfect and ours was far from it but I was willing to work at it 100% where she was cold. Bottom line is there are millions of reasons she had and why she walked away but ultimately she really didn't have a good one. I did not physically or emotionally abuse her, in fact I was very good to her. I often put her desires over mine etc. It doesn't matter though because marriage only works when both people want to work at it.

 

So again to bring it back to original subject and that is even when you are the dumped, pick yourself up go out and turn your life around.

[Orlander]

sounds like you got the better end of the deal. She'll likely carry her unwillingness to work out problems and "coldness" into future relationships while you will offer something not many people do offer.. commitment and openness.

[Kaytie]

My ex of 12 years left 9 days ago and I got the same line about 'not in love.' Interesting how it takes over a decade to figure that one out.

 

Oddly enough I am feeling better about things and far more positive even though it's only been days. I mean, I could be in massive denial, but I've stopped crying and have accepted that things are over.

 

Like grief when someone dies, I think we all experience recovery differently. I think the fact that I was also willing to work on things (like you) and she wasn't is helping me realize that the woman I want for life wouldn't give up like that, especially having invested so many years.

 

Thanks for your post...it's really good to see the silver lining ones

[HeartBrokn]

My ex of 12 years left 9 days ago and I got the same line about 'not in love.' Interesting how it takes over a decade to figure that one out.

 

Oddly enough I am feeling better about things and far more positive even though it's only been days. I mean, I could be in massive denial, but I've stopped crying and have accepted that things are over.

 

Like grief when someone dies, I think we all experience recovery differently. I think the fact that I was also willing to work on things (like you) and she wasn't is helping me realize that the woman I want for life wouldn't give up like that, especially having invested so many years.

 

Thanks for your post...it's really good to see the silver lining ones

 

Hey no problem Kaytie, thats good that you are moving on. The thing is I went though a wave of emotions. I felt great for a week then I would feel like crap and that went on for two months but now I feel much better and don't look back at all.

[Kaytie]

Yes, I am bracing myself for the 'down' periods again. I know it will probably happen, but for the time being I am so grateful that I can eat and sleep a bit better.