Odd Contacts

[Raoul]

My Soon-To-Be-Ex-Wife (STBXW) contacted me twice in December. She is having an affair with a major lowlife. As best I can tell, she took up with this guy sometime in early 2008.

 

In August '08, when I found out (detectives), I offered her a chance to stop seeing the guy and work on our marriage & family or I would file for divorce. She simply said "I can't do that (stop the affair) right now". I filed later that day. She moved to an apartment a month later. We now share custody of our 3 children (week on, week off).

 

She got pretty crazy as we split. In April, after she just entered the house and began berating me and swearing a blue streak in front of the kids, she hit me several times as I helped her out of the house.

 

Since then, I've kept a pretty strict Limited Contact regime with her. I will only discuss our children or the divorce. That's worked for me, even as the divorce drags on and racks up a tab exceeding $50,000 (for me alone).

 

She does not seem to think that her effort and attention are required to finish what she started. Multiple proposed separation agreements from me to her are ignored by her attorney and her.

 

Because of how bad things went any time I tried to speak with her about 'us', I've decided that if we ever discuss anything but our children or the divorce, she will need to clearly tell me that she wants that. Otherwise, its strictly kids or lawyers so far as I'm concerned.

 

Two weeks back, I get a text in which she says that she saw me in my car outside her office and asks me if everything is okay. I've not been near her office in years.

 

Today, she calls me. I missed the call and call her back, asking why she rang me. She said that I had called her and she was just calling me back. Like most mobile phones, my phone has a 'calls list' that logs all calls in or out. There was no call out from me to her.

 

I wrote the text off as a fluke. But two of these oblique things in a month? Maybe still coincidence, but...

 

Anyone else have stuff like this that they can relate so that I can make sense of this?

 

Yours in confusion,

Raoul

[newyorkguy]

sounds like shes just coming up with excuses to contact you. it would seem to me that youre really on her mind but my advice is ignore it finish the divorce and be rid of her. well, as much as you can seeing as how you share children some contact may be necessary.

[annie24]

yikes!!!! stay the heck away from this crazy woman!!! that's my words of wisdom. I hope this divorce is over soon.

[DN]

The possibilities range from regretting the split and tentatively trying contact to trying to frame you as a stalker in order to get a better divorce/custody court decision.

 

Given the history I would think the latter more likely.

[Raoul]

NYG, Annie & DN,

 

The rapidity and consistency of your responses (keep moving away from her) is telling. I'm way done with her, despite being married to her for 24+ years. I just thought that it was odd to have almost no contact from her for 9 months and then have these 2 ersatz contacts.

 

Thanks for your views and quick replies.

 

Raoul

[Raoul]

yikes!!!! stay the heck away from this crazy woman!!! that's my words of wisdom. I hope this divorce is over soon.

 

Annie,

 

Me too! But she's clearly dragging her feet. Less I think because she's 'pining for me' (lol), maybe more because she finally gets what she's done to our children.

 

She started this rollercoaster ride. Why won't she get it done? I don't get it at all.

 

Raoul

[Raoul]

Given the history I would think the latter more likely.

 

DN,

 

Wow! hadn't considered that. But you are right. Given her actions, she could indeed be trying to set me up.

 

Thanks,

Raoul

[lostandhurt]

Raoul,

The mind of the WAS swings from one extreme to another which you know all to well. Trying to make sense of any this will only bring you grief. I suspect the holidays and how crappy here fantasy life has turned out are probably the cause. You are a solid guy and she is trying to use you for something. Don't fall for it.

 

Keep your distance at all costs.

 

Lost

[Raoul]

sounds like shes just coming up with excuses to contact you. it would seem to me that youre really on her mind but my advice is ignore it finish the divorce and be rid of her. well, as much as you can seeing as how you share children some contact may be necessary.

 

NYG,

 

I'm trying to complete the divorce. She's just not 'there'. She acts like this thing will complete itself.

 

As for contact, with 3 children (17,15,12) we'll have to stay in some kind of touch. I just try not to have face-to-face with her, preferring text or email to have a trail and an occasional (brief) phone call. Keeping it infrequent and short seems to be helping me.

 

 

Thanks,

Raoul

[Raoul]

Raoul,

The mind of the WAS swings from one extreme to another which you know all to well. Trying to make sense of any this will only bring you grief. I suspect the holidays and how crappy here fantasy life has turned out are probably the cause. You are a solid guy and she is trying to use you for something. Don't fall for it.

 

Keep your distance at all costs.

 

Lost

 

Lost,

 

Thanks for weighing in! I thought about putting this in John's thread but opted for here.

 

I've now idea what this means. But I will take your advice. Not sure about 'all costs'. But the WAS tango is a dance I tired of a while back.

 

Happy New Year,

Raoul

[lostandhurt]

By all costs I mean putting your ego and pride in the drawer and leaving them there. You two were together a long time and she knows how to push your buttons.

 

Leave her to her demented world.

 

Lost

[Raoul]

LEave her to her demented world.

 

Lost

 

Good advice Lost. Thanks.

 

Happy New Decade,

Raoul