Some positive things about a New Year

[rapunzel]

Symbolically the New Year represents a new start. I was never one for keeping resolutions nor making them but just thinking about some fresh and positive ways to start this new year.

 

1. Acceptance of what "is", not what "could have or should have" been.

 

2. I no longer have to beat myself up for what happened. I beat myself up mercilessly for over a year and it did not bring him back nor make me feel any better. So I no longer have to do that.

 

3. Giving myself credit for handling myself with grace and poise while having to work, rehearse and perform with him. For some reason I have neglected recognizing this positive. I never chased, pursued, begged, cried after either break up. I made many mistakes, sure I did but one thing I can be proud of is that when he broke up with me both times, I let him walk without a fight, without tears, without begging, I never once, not once initiated contact, called, emailed, fished. Certainly he did typical dumper fishing behaviors and I fell for it but it's all over now and I can look back and be proud of the way I handled myself. I did let him see me sweat this past July when he initiated a talk with me, but it's OK - I'm human and I have feelings. So what if he knows that I cared about him, maybe that was a good thing. And he initiated that contact, not me.

 

4. I no longer have to give in to thoughts that he might come back. He is in love with someone else, and he is not coming back. Ever.

 

5. There are goals I can work towards that will make my life happier. Upgrading my living space by purchasing a condo and making it a warm, nicely appointed environment for me to enjoy and for me to feel comfortable inviting friends to. This is a goal I will accomplish in the next year or two, depending on what happens with the market. I am worth it.

 

6. I have so many things to be thankful for: good friends, fine family, good health, financial stability, a future that is still bright despite the fact that I do not have a partner.

 

7. The realization that it is truly up to me to find contentment and happiness. A loving partner is icing on the cake. I am not "less than" anyone because I do not have a boyfriend. And there are at least three guys who have expressed interest in me in the last few weeks, so I do have some irons in the fire.

 

8. Acceptance that people are going to think and do what they want and I have absolutely no control over this. What I do have control over is what I think and what I do. There is great freedom in this truth.

 

I think that's enough for now. Happy New Year to all.

[Celestialagape54]

^^ This is awesome rapunzel, you should keep a copy of it somewhere near you when you might be feeling down!

 

You are worth it and I think what you have done here is perfect, it seems you are well on your way toward a great 2010. I hope everything works out for he best!

 

Happy new year to you too!

[Celadon]

You have turned your experience into some positive lessons, rapunzel. I applaud you for that.

 

I can really relate to what you wrote, especially the fishing behavior, which I also fell for with my ex. But you're right. We're human. I'd rather be human than cold-hearted. I even gave my ex a second chance. Although I wouldn't make the same choice again now, I'm not ashamed to have had a tender, forgiving heart.

[UltimateX]

Fantastic post! Your words showed some real truth and strength and made me think about all the good I have in my life. Thank you!

 

X

[rapunzel]

You have turned your experience into some positive lessons, rapunzel. I applaud you for that.

 

I can really relate to what you wrote, especially the fishing behavior, which I also fell for with my ex. But you're right. We're human. I'd rather be human than cold-hearted. I even gave my ex a second chance. Although I wouldn't make the same choice again now, I'm not ashamed to have had a tender, forgiving heart.

 

Yes, I had a second chance as well and it failed...miserably. I feel good that I gave him a lot of love and hopefully he appreciated it a little bit...I think he did but ultimately we were just not a good match. Rather than revert back to comfortable, familiar behavior of self blame I will tell myself (as others have told me): "We were just not a good match." I work with him and it's been a long haul, and he has a new young, wealthy girlfriend but it doesn't matter. He is no longer in my life other than as a colleague and I can always bring that to an end if I decide to leave the group.

 

So a failed attempt at a relationship - not the end of the world. Not worth the suffering I endured (and placed upon myself) for the past year. Today is a new year, a new decade and a new beginning. No more tears over him starting today.

[rapunzel]

Thanks lunastar and UltimateX. There are things to be happy about, and it's up to each and every one of us to find our own 'bliss'. We cannot depend on others for it...it just doesn't work that way. When we find our own bliss, we will be able to attract the kind of people we want in our lives.

 

So here's to a new year and to celebrating the most important person in my life - me. Of course, I will celebrate and love others, and hopefully, be able to give and open my heart to others. But just like on an airplane when we are instructed to first give the oxygen to ourselves before helping others, we must love and take care of ourselves FIRST and then we will be able to love and take care of OTHERS.

[nothing fancy]

^^ This is awesome rapunzel, you should keep a copy of it somewhere near you when you might be feeling down!

 

You are worth it and I think what you have done here is perfect, it seems you are well on your way toward a great 2010. I hope everything works out for he best!

 

Happy new year to you too!

 

HERE HERE! 2010 is gonna be sweet!