I brokeup with my b/f a month ago after a 5 yrs relationship

[Leona]

Hello all, i'm new to this page and i hope to get some feed back on what to do to help this pain after a breakup that was never expected. On May 9th was a month that my ex broke up with me a week before our 5 years anniver. for no reason just said we needed time apart, i asked if he was seeing someone and he claimed breaking up with me had nothing to do with any other girl, just he wanted to be alone, well the next day I kicked him out after 4 and 1/2 years of living together, he packed everything and moved out still claiming he loved me, then 2 days later i check his voicemail and i heard a meesage from a girl telling him she missed him and she loved him, I then found out she works with him and i confronted him he was shocked and said they have just started talking, well i don't believe him cuz someone doesn't say "I love you" just after a week of talking. Well the thing thats killing me is knowing that i now now this is not the first girl his cheated with, i actually knew about the others but never told him cuz i was afraid of being with out him, see my ex has everything any women wants, he nice, loving, hard working, just he can't stop cheating, but i accepted that because he really show me he Loved me, after 5 yrs of a relationship he still treated me nice and said nice things like we were on our first date, he was sooo sweet that i feel i will never find someone like that ever again. I'm 24 and he is 32 with 2 kids, i became a family with him even though i had a hard time accepting his kids, the only reason i did is cuz when ever i found out he had been with someone else i would not tell him but instead i let my anger out on all 3 of them i see where i went wrong. My problem here is that i feel like it's all my fault yet i know it's not but i can't stop thing of him i really want him back, i'm so confused, can someone help. As the days go by my pain get worst instead of easier.

[goodquestion]

Hey,

 

You admit you made mistakes, and you are working on that, which is awesome ... but not matter what you did, or ever will do, does NOT give anyone the right to cheat on you. Cheating is inexcusable, you know that, I know that, everyone should know that ... you are super strong for kicking him out, I commend you for that, good job girl! I know you feel terrible, but you got two thumbs up in my book ... just be strong ...

 

l8r

[lisaria]

Hey Leona,

I'm sorry you are going through this because of some sob's selfishness. I am a little like you in that my ex also cheated and lied. I've had a hard time getting past this and still would take him back in an instant if he wanted that (I think). But he hasn't made the effort and I'm not sure if I want to yet. Anyway, that's another story....I also sometimes think that I wish I had never said anything when I found out he was cheating the first time because we'd maybe still be together, but I can't do that. You shouldn't have to do that either. But that's over now. The thing to do is to only think of yourself now. You must not concentrate on him. He lied and cheated not only to you, but to his kids too. My ex had a wonderful little boy that I absolutely love, but I've not heard a word about him since we split Superbowl weekend. I sent him a b'day card last month but heard nothing. I hope he got it. The kids get comfortable with you, they accept you, maybe love you and then he does that. He did it to them also. I have a hard time accepting this of my ex, but it's true. So he hurts us and them. Why? I can't figure that one out.

My ex was probably the most charming and fun-loving man you will ever meet. Always women waiting in the wings to be with him. He is just that kind of guy. Sounds like your's too. Are they narcissists? I'm not sure. Mine has characteristics of that, but also of co-dependency traits. Where does that leave me? Unhealthy. I'm working on it though.

You have to pick yourself up and go forward. If it's only going for a walk this afternoon. Be strong. Move. Exercise. And don't contact him yet. Wait. See how you feel later on. At least a month of no contact. Heal during that time. Work on yourself. Think of yourself. I know how hard that is. You will have up days and down days. The thing to do is get through those down days anyway you can. Take it one minute at a time and remember that it won't last.

You must stay strong. Do not let him see you cry. Fake it till you make it (as Dr. Phil says). If you run into him act like you're the happiest person on earth. He's not bothering you, even though you feel like you're dying inside, never let him see that.

I am sorry this is happening to another person. If you need to yell and rant do it up here or find some friends that will sympathize with you. Talk about to them or us. We are always here.

Lisa

[debisfun]

I'm going back to my standard advice...

 

Get the book "Women Who Love Too Much". Your story could be one of the case studies in the book. It won't be easy to read, but it will help you identify what YOU need to to change so you won't let this happen again.

 

Remember, this "other" woman is only getting a lier and a cheat. Would you want that on one of your friends? I would hope not --- so start thinking of yourself as a friend to yourself. You'll be amazed at how it could change your perspective. Good Luck. READ THE BOOK!

[tiger_lilies]

I know that you want him back now, because you are not used to being on your own yet. The familiararity of not having him around will be hard to get used to. I read somewhere that it takes at least 3-4 weeks for your brain to break a habit, i.e., getting used to the idea of breaking up.

 

But you have to face the fact that his guy will cheat on you again and again because he's done it before and you kept quiet about it. Meaning, he thinks he can get away with it. You must stop that vicious cycle. You do not deserve to be treated like this. If you take him back now, he WILL cheat on you again, instead this time, he'll probably be better at hiding if from you.

 

I understand your pain, trust me, I've been there. Be strong and cry your heart out, but what ever you do, DO NOT contact him. Give yourself this time to think about things. You have a lot of thinking ahead of you. If you contact him, it will only set you back to square one. Vent as much as you need to, but I repeat, don't contact him.

[QTpie87]

yes,

he shouldn't have ever cheated on you. i don't know how to tell you to make the pain go away only just try and think of it this way, it wasn't anything personal against you, you two just weren't right for eachother. i know that it is really hard to think of in that way but that is one of the way i got over it. also just talk to people. feel free to pm me anytime.

love qTpie87