Thoughts, ramblings

[annie24]

Congrats on your new job!!! That is awesome. I guess for now, just focus on paying off your student debt, other debts, building up a big savings fund, and when you feel ready, start looking around for something new. Or start looking sooner if you are really unhappy.

 

People can be huge jerks. They should call into their pharmacy in advance or use an app to reorder prescriptions if they are that concerned about waiting.

[Ellie2006]

Congrats, Layaan!!! I'm sure you'll be great so put those worries aside

[LAYAAN]

lol, Annie... ours is a big chain of pharmacies. We have an automated system that gives you a time when your prescription will be ready. At this place, we are always behind in the queue and that's why by the time people come up to the counter after having stood up in the long line, they are angry to find out that the medication is still not ready.

[LAYAAN]

Congrats, Layaan!!! I'm sure you'll be great so put those worries aside

Thank you Ellie. How have you been? Thanks for the encouraging words. We will see how things work as we move along.

[ballerinababe]

Wow! You are very brave to take that position. I noticed that pharmacies are often looking for pharmacy managers rather than staff pharmacists since fewer people want to take on the role of pharmacy manager -- much more work for not much more pay. Our current pharmacy does under 400 scripts per week and I am barely able to stay afloat, but we are understaffed. We just have the pharmacy manager and me, working opposite days, and a technician who works just 20 hours per week. I can't imagine how tough it must be to manage a store 5-6 times as busy as mine when it is also understaffed! And yes, dealing with angry people can be so tiring. You have to spend hours just acting nice and working so hard to appease people when they are being very mean or even threatening. And I'm betting standing all day is really taxing!

 

Although on one hand it sucks that I work alone most of the time, the advantage is that there is a chair in the pharmacy and I can sit and work rather than stand. Once a customer complained to my pharmacy supervisor that I was sitting with my legs crossed (oh how terrible of me!!). The supervisor threatened to remove the chair. If she had removed the chair I would have quit! You can't be expected to sacrifice your health for ANY job. Now that you are the pharmacy manager, you're "the boss," so I don't see why you can't get a chair for yourself. If necessary you can get a dr's note for it. Your health comes first!!!

[LAYAAN]

Hello BB, brave or stupid... time will tell. As of now, I'm just trying to breathe.

Yes, even I've heard that it is better to be one among the staff than be a manager. I think that it is even better to be a floater than be a manager. Floaters actually make more money than regular staff position - only down side is that they have to travel. They make more money in gas allowance. So, if one has a good car and don't mind traveling - being a floater is better. Well, there wasn't much choice in my case. Considering where we live, I didn't want to drive 2-3 hours one way to go to work. And driving in the snow and dense fog is not fun.

 

We have taller counters. So, a bar stool is what I can get, but to provide a consult - I would have to get up several times. Hence, not worth it. Nonetheless, I will have to get a special permission to use it. Even pregnant women have to get special permission for that. I have invested in a knee brace and good quality compression stockings that are thigh high.

 

I have heard about your company from someone who works there. She said that on a busy day they do 100 scripts. Mostly no tech help is available. On the up side, I hope that you have less crazy hours, more relaxed pace, less nonsense to deal with since the script volume is low. If you work for any big chain pharmacies where the major business is meds, you will find craziness (crazy pace, crazy customers, high stress). It is a little bit better if you work inside a general/grocery store - walmart, savon, albertson, costco. Otherwise, every chain is the same.

 

Customers can be such a*holes! your sitting cross legged was a problem? Good thing is that they are letting you use a chair. That's some relief. I hope things are more managable for you now. Oh, talking about mean customers - we have a customer and if his stuff is not ready, he threatens us. He said the other day "I know the system well enough to get anyone into legal problem. If you open your mouth in front of me, I will make sure that you lose your license."

[marshmlofluff]

Well...sorry to hear the job is difficult. But look how far in life you've come from just a few years ago. It's really something. You finished your PhD, met your husband, settled permanently in the US, managed cultural differences and a bad situation with the renter and stayed married, passed your exams, and then found a job. Basically, you accomplished every single thing that you set out to do. I'm so impressed by your perseverence.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks Marsh. I will come to your post when I'm down to cheer myself up.

[annie24]

Well...sorry to hear the job is difficult. But look how far in life you've come from just a few years ago. It's really something. You finished your PhD, met your husband, settled permanently in the US, managed cultural differences and a bad situation with the renter and stayed married, passed your exams, and then found a job. Basically, you accomplished every single thing that you set out to do. I'm so impressed by your perseverence.

 

Yes, I second, third, and fourth this sentiment!!!! You did everything you set out to do. Any one of those on their own is a large accomplishment, but all together - wow!!! You did really well.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks Annie.

[LAYAAN]

Husband lost his grandmother last week. She was 100+ years old. The funeral is this week. I am stressed about going to the funeral because the renter will be there, too.

Last night I happened to talk to my husband about that.

Me "Not looking to make peace with him. Not going to back down. Not interested in talking to him. He has treated me poorly. I know him and you enough that he is not going to apologize."

His response "I'm sorry to know that you two can't get along with each other. If you don't want to make peace with him, its upto you. I wasn't there when things happened. He is more than a brother to me. I'm not going to get in the middle of this."

Me "Basically, that's why he behaves the way he does with me. He is certain that you won't take any action. What you are saying in other words is - too bad if you are hurt. You can sit nursing your feelings while I go out and play with the same person who hurt you. If one of my friends did that to you, would you not want me to address her behavior? I would be very upset if one of my friends treated you that way. It would be as if she treated me bad because I see you as a part of me. Clearly, you don't see me that way. That's sad and unsettling."

 

Me "I know that he is mad at me because he wanted to stay here for a very long time, if not forever and I didn't let that happen. What he forgets is that if he can push his agenda being a friend, I can push mine too since I'm the wife."

Him "I think forever or for a very long term is not the correct way of putting it. He is confused. He lacks direction. He doesn't know what he should do next. So, he is not doing anything. He is not motivated to do anything. Until he got his motivation back, he was looking to stay here and I kicked him out."

Me "You know, I'm not motivated to go to work everyday and get thrashed by people who didn't even complete high-school. Sometimes, we don't wait to feel motivated. Sometimes, we have to suck it up and do what we need to do to push ourselves to study/work. Sure, it feels like a torture and we move slower than we would if we were motivated. We do it because that is in our best interest. We suck it up and do it because we have bills to pay. Have you ever tried telling him that? He can't expect to be living under someone's roof and keep saying 'oh, I'm just not motivated to work.'"

 

I wonder if more women initiate divorce (than men) because they feel that their husbands don't have their back. Also, I wonder if more women tend to stay single than men after divorce because of reasons like these.

 

My 2nd step of immigration - sigh - I'm working on my application. Every time I feel I'm done and this should go in now, there is still something else remaining. Ugh! I hope I finish it soon and get it sent off.

[annie24]

I don't understand how your husband and his friends are so enabling of this friend. Like, sure, all of us would like to have somewhere to live and not have to work and play video games all day. That sounds great, but most of us can't just do that. geez. People are accountants and middle managers and tax attorneys and whatever not because it was their life's dream when they were a child to be a tax attorney, but because they need to make money and support themselves.

 

Anyway, if you see him at the funeral, just say hi, and then excuse yourself to talk to whoever else, refresh your drink, check up on your makeup, whatever.

[LAYAAN]

I have given up trying to understand this guy and his friend that keeps him in his apartment and his other friend (my husband).

 

Sadly, I don't have any friends that will keep me in their home indefinitely long and without a strong reason. They also won't tolerate if I didn't work, didn't pay the rent, didn't help with household chores and just stayed in a room playing video games. So, I suspect that this is more than just friendship. His 2 friends see him as family, so they are probably doing what they can to help him out. Hard to say. I thought that only a mother can love her child like this and unsee all his flaws.

[ballerinababe]

Sadly, I don't have any friends that will keep me in their home indefinitely long and without a strong reason. They also won't tolerate if I didn't work, didn't pay the rent, didn't help with household chores and just stayed in a room playing video games. So, I suspect that this is more than just friendship. His 2 friends see him as family, so they are probably doing what they can to help him out. Hard to say. I thought that only a mother can love her child like this and unsee all his flaws.

 

He sounds absolutely disgusting and selfish and despicable. I've noticed that sometimes the nastiest of people inexplicably have the best of friends who treat them so much better than they deserve. Maybe in a way they've been bullied into the friendship and are scared to leave it? I can't think of another way to explain it. It's sort of like in junior high where the most people kids are the meanest ones. Doesn't make any sense except when you think about it from a fear/bully perspective.

[marshmlofluff]

I remember you saying before that the friend helped your husband’s mom when she had cancer, so maybe he is not a total leech? But still yes I think it didn’t make any sense that he was living in your house indefinitely.

 

If I understand, you and the bad renter are not on speaking terms now...his feelings were hurt because he felt like you didn’t like him and also kicked him out of his comfortable freeloading situation, and you are angry because he was rude, overbearing, interfering, a bully, and you had to tolerate an unwanted person in your house for a year.

 

Your husband was eventually supportive of your wishes and kicked him out. It wasn’t clear to me from your post exactly what you want him to do now—it sounds like you want some sort of apology from the renter or else you don’t want to interact with him any more. I don’t think the renter is going to apologize as I doubt he understands how annoying and intrusive his presence was to you, and I don’t think your husband is going to explain. So the alternative is that you don’t want to interact with the renter any more, which is up to you. Still though since he is an ongoing presence in your husband’s life, and it sounds like you have to see him occasionally, it might be worth having a frank conversation with him someday.

 

Anyway I’m glad he is out of the house. The rest sounds like a problem but not as big as it was last year. I’m glad things are going OK. It was disturbing to learn last year that since you weren’t on the house title, your husband could basically bring in whatever roommates he wanted without your permission. I hope that at some point you change the title.

[ballerinababe]

Correction:

 

It's sort of like in junior high where the most popular kids are the meanest ones. Doesn't make any sense except when you think about it from a fear/bully perspective.

[LAYAAN]

I remember you saying before that the friend helped your husband’s mom when she had cancer,

That's what my husband claims. I haven't seen that side of the renter. He doesn't strike me as someone who will go out of his way to help someone out and be at their beck and call. Just something that I haven't seen so far in him

 

It wasn’t clear to me from your post exactly what you want him to do now—

My husband wants his friend and I to sit down and sort it out. I'm not upto it. I feel like I'm surrendering by approaching him to sort it out. Why should I approach him for a conversation like this when he is the one who has wronged me? And I would do it only if our common friend or her pastor dad (an ex-military guy) is present there. That way I have a representation as well. My husband wont' take my side and haven't so far taken my side to put him in his place.

 

Still though since he is an ongoing presence in your husband’s life, and it sounds like you have to see him occasionally, it might be worth having a frank conversation with him someday.

Yes, I want to consider it, but as of now, I'm angry about the whole situation and I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe in future I can.

 

It was disturbing to learn last year that since you weren’t on the house title, your husband could basically bring in whatever roommates he wanted without your permission. I hope that at some point you change the title.

I talked to my husband just a couple of days ago about it. He said that the loan for this house is through the military and when he got the deed, it was only on his name. Hence, adding someone else's name to the title is not possible unless he changes the lending agency and if he did that he may have to pay more interest.

[marshmlofluff]

That doesn’t make sense to me about the loan. Maybe it’s time to consult an expert in these matters. The things you mentioned before are disturbing, like that even if you put money into the house etc. you have no ownership.

 

How are things overall? I guess you’ve been married for 2+ years now...overcame some big challenges (job, renter, green card). I haven’t seen you post in a while so I hope that means things are OK and settling down a bit.

[LAYAAN]

well, I regularly work 10+ hours a day. Come home dead tired. On weekends, I wonder what is going on with my life. I cook for the rest of the week, do laundry, go back to bed. I'm not sure where my life is going. I was going to post about it and then I felt lost again, so couldn't write anything.

 

I overall feel lost in my life. I want to get out of this job profile. Standing up for 10+ hours is not something that I can do much longer. Last week, I have had bad muscle cramps 3 times and woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain and was in pain rest of the day at work.

 

I have been trying to get lesser hours at work to work more on my immigration stuff, to do some more networking, but that hasn't been possible. I tried to reach out to some professionals on a professional networking site. I really want to start preparing and interviewing and see if I can get a job in a company somewhere. I talked to my husband to see if he will be willing to move and he is not really upto it. He doesn't want to live in a big city. I can't commute 4+ hours everyday. So, that means I will have to rent a place somewhere with my own money and see if he will be willing to live with me there during a week and we can come to this place on a weekend.

Then I think about my age and wonder if I should even try to get out of this job profile or just suck it up. I also think about the fact that this job is very close to this home and if I leave now, it won't be possible to get it back soon. They will have to appoint someone to keep the show running here.

I'm not sure what to do about that.

[marshmlofluff]

Standing all day is hard, I agree. I bet there are desk jobs you could get into, especially in regulatory, though of course sitting all day has its own problems. There might be something remote-based where you can work from home...maybe consulting. There are probably consulting firms that work with your home country and so maybe you'd be able to visit regularly. Well, you did the hard part and passed your boards...and soon you will have a permanent green card, so now you have many options. You can also just turn over the immigration paperwork to an attorney and let the attorney deal with it, if you don't have time.

 

I'm surprised that your husband is totally unwilling to move closer to a city even though you changed countries for him. The issue with house title also makes me uneasy. Well, every marriage is different, but those particular things would be problems for me and cause a lot of friction. And the roommate situation of course. I hope having a salary makes you feel a little more comfortable--before you felt like you were not contributing fully and therefore had no voice.

 

I guess though that whether one is married or single, this is life; work and go home tired?

[LAYAAN]

Immigration application finally turned in. Now, the waiting game begins. I decided against getting an attorney this time because it is only 1 form and rest all is the evidence that I had to provide. Keeping my fingers crossed.

[marshmlofluff]

Happy to hear it! I am glad you saved the money on an attorney. Our experience was smooth and I hope yours is too.

[ballerinababe]

That's great! How is everything else going? How's the job, husband, etc?

[LAYAAN]

Happy to hear it! I am glad you saved the money on an attorney. Our experience was smooth and I hope yours is too.

I hope so. We don't have kids, no joint loans/mortgage. My last name is not changed on any document other than marriage certificate (since I was in the middle of completing step 3 to get licensed when we got married, so to avoid the drama I didn't change my last name on my appliation). That looks bad on the application. I hope that they dont' count it against me.

[LAYAAN]

That's great! How is everything else going? How's the job, husband, etc?

How are you doing BB?

I can go on writing about my job, but it probably isn't anything that you don't already know. So, I will keep it to myself. I go to work 5 days/week... that's it.

I have been looking into BPS specialities/certifications and doing my research about it, talking to people, etc. Have you considered that?

 

Other than that nothing new.

Husband is doing okay. We went on a one-week vacation in late October. It was great to get away from work and be doing nothing, just relaxing and enjoying a new place.