Thoughts, ramblings

[Seraphim]

Not sure why, but I'm not able to shake off my gloom. Every day I wonder if I should really go back to work at the same place. I am having nightmares about the workplace. I feel that I was bullied, I was ganged upon, I was never trusted by the management to do the job well, I wasn't appreicated for the hard work, and I wasn't provided support when things went south. My previous boss came only once to visit and she really didn't care to explain where I was lacking in my performance, where and how I could improve, and gave me a rating of 2.7/5, rated the place as red (out of red, yellow, and green), and went away. I found out about my rating a week before I went on medical leave. I really don't want to go back to that place again. Even though I have asked my boss for the permission to join work, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by joining back.

 

I'm struggling with a serious lack of confidence now. I feel like a failure and I feel like I'm a good-for-nothing employee when the techs ganged upon me and complained against me. This feeling stays with me all day. I am able to sleep only when I take a sleeping pill and when my husband is not home, I stay up most of the night. I know that none of this is true and may be I just got placed in a bad situation, but my feeling of self worth has taken a big hit because of what happened at workplace and how I feel I was treated. I am not able to move forward and I'm dreading going back to same workplace.

I would call your doctor and see if you can get some counselling appointments .

[LAYAAN]

I'm very worried about the job market moving forward. My state has 13 schools pouring kids out into the already saturated market.

https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/ca-pharmacists-whats-going-to-happen-in-the-next-three-years.1248962/

[LAYAAN]

I went to the store yesterday to get something. The cashier there told me that my boss has resigned from her current position as a district manager and has decided to step down to probably a store manager's position. Official reason given was I have to tend to a sick family member. Internally, people think that it is because of this store and the chaos that she decided to leave. I'm still trying to process this. Not sure what to make of all this.

[annie24]

I would call your doctor and see if you can get some counselling appointments .

 

I agree. Please try to get some help through this time. I think it is not fun now, but you’ve been through worse. I am confident you will find a new job. Your workplace sounds horrcule, the sooner you leave the better. Maybe try tutoring to make extra money.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks Annie and Saraphim, I've resumed going to a local counselor a couple of times a month. I'm paying out of pocket, so I'm not sure how long I can keep going.

[LAYAAN]

There is a tiny update in my life.

I will be starting a new 'per diem' hospital position at a nearby hospital. Right now, I don't have a full shift. They give me 2-4 hours a couple of times a week. They said that if they got more patients or when the director goes on vacation, they can give me more hours. I am hopeful to learn something new and be of use to them. I will also have that experience on my resume'.

 

I am working a couple of days a week at the previous workplace. It is the same old story. I try not to pay attention to anything other than my work, but it is difficult for me to see things happening and to keep quiet about them. They have hired a new tech from the outside and transferred a tech internally and I have seen attitude issues with them already. I am at my happiest when I'm not working there. If it wasn't for money and having a job, I wouldn't have gone back.

 

Recently declined (not sure if I mentioned it before) a full-time position at another chain. It was a 3-year contract and they were willing to give a sign-on bonus. The drive there is an hour on a good day and 2-4 hours on a bad day. I'm okay with letting go a good sign-on bonus, but I really do not want a 3-year contract with another chain to tie me. I can't continue working at two different chains simultaneously, so I couldn't ask them for a part-time position, either. Hence, I had to let it go.

[marshmlofluff]

Yes, that commute sounds pretty bad.

 

In the future if you find a job that seems like a fit but is a little bit farther than you like, one thing you could think about is buying a car that is eligible for an HOV sticker. A lot of my colleagues who live far away drive Chevy Volts or Bolts. It doesn't help the distance obviously, but there is never much HOV traffic.

 

I also know a couple of people with long hours and commutes who just found and hired someone to drive!

 

Anyway I'm very happy you have some options and can work a little for the time being.

 

If you think about some consulting type thing, you may have a chance of being able to do full time work from home.

 

Industry jobs that require a lot of travel are sometimes home-based too...I am thinking of sales, medical affairs, etc. Like suppose you work for a company based in another part of the country, but you become a manager for their sales in your state. They have no office in your state so you work at home. Regulatory affairs sometimes also offers home based opportunities, without as much travel, depending on your role. But of course these are all non clinical, non-traditional roles for a pharmacist.

[LAYAAN]

Hello Marsh,

Do you know how much a personal driver costs?

 

I'm interested in finding out more about consulting gigs, but I always thought that I am not master of anything so who will want to hire me as a consultant? Am I wrong in self-analysis? I would love to find out more.

[LAYAAN]

Currently going through a rough patch.

In terms of health - knee injection series is over, but knee is swollen. I have started getting injections in finger. It has been a month after my 1st finger injection (new treatment) and the inflammation has not subsided enough to proceed with the 2nd injection so we have postponed the 2nd injection to next month.

 

The techs are unruly at my retail job and specifically 1 tech (61 year old) has been going around saying nasty things about me and recently yelled at me in front of the rest of the team. Why? because I objected to her going home early whenever she wants and I'm holding her to work the scheduled hours. Another tech that they paid higher salary to and transferred from a different store is a bully and has been bullying everyone around including us.

 

They asked me to be the manager again which I declined, so I'm unclear about my status and future with the company.

 

They have transferred another lady from a different store to help us out who has been kind and supportive of me and has been wanting me to work at my regular store more hours because the current staff member is basically useless and works against the workflow and gets hung up on the problems instead of keeping the production going.

This lady and I had a long conversation recently about a floater that I tried hard to stop from coming to our store and that has upset me. They kept sending a floater here for over a year and after I took over, she and I started clashing. My problem with her was - snapping at me for nothing, not wanting to work hard, princess-like attitude, wanted everything to be catered to her even when we were severely short-staffed, and endless complaining about everything including the weather, the drive, customers, techs, and on and on. I talked to the district manager from sending her here and she listened to me and in Mar-April, they stopped sending her here. When I tried to talk to the store manager about her, I was essentially told to shut up because "she is the only one who is a half-decent one that is willing to drive up to here." Recently, this lady told me that they put her to work with this floater a few times and this lady hated it. After a while, she had had enough and went to the store manager and put her foot down "only one of us can stay. You pick. Whoever you pick, I am okay with that. I'm doing you a favor by coming to this store and you are making things hard for me by giving us this kind of floaters?" They quickly got rid of the floater. When I learned this from her, eventhough I'm happy (the princess won't be coming here again), I'm also hurt. Why did the store manager not take my requests seriously? Is it because I have no value to the company? Is it becuase - "oh well, this is her home store. Where is she going to go even if she doesn't like it here?"

Now, the corporate seems to give me the same attitude. I'm working every Sunday and on weekdays I'm working closing shifts. These are the times when other stores in the area are closed and all problems crop up (problematic scripts, insurance issues, why is my med not available, entitled techs leaving early). I've to work extra hard to either clear the work queue for that day or bring it to a good stopping point. This is adversely affecting my health and keeping my finger from healing. As if this wasn't enough, now to get enough work I'm being asked to go to the farthest store in the district which is about 80 miles one-way from my home. I'm fast approaching my breaking point.

 

I joined the hospital job with high hopes. I thought that I would be able to learn more even though I was getting just 10 hours a month. I'm losing hope with that job primarily because there is no teaching involved. So far I have been given 2 hours, 4 hours per shift and everytime I'm there, the manager leaves me to work alone. I told her that I have never had this job before and I need to be trained properly before I can be left alone. This is a matter of life and death of individuals. She told me that they dont' have budget to accomodate two staff members since they are a small hospital. Additionally, something bad happened. I was given a full 8-hr shift by myself and a senior tech by my side. I thought that she would guide me, but she didn't. She tolerated me for my first full shift and next day everything went wrong. The nurses didn't get the med on time so they complained against me. I tried to reach the manager while she was in the full-day training and she got upset with me and the senior tech threatened to quit if they didn't remove me. So, the manager left her training, came back and asked me to leave. I am scheduled to go back in today and I will, but I am seriously thinking of putting in my 2 weeks notice. I will also talk to the HR today to see if they are aware of this situation.

 

I let go of a full-time position at retail for the hospital job and now even that is not working out. Not sure why, but I feel that I'm getting bullied at both of my jobs. I'm very discouraged and not sure if there is something wrong with me that this has been happening to me.

[Jibralta]

Not sure why, but I feel that I'm getting bullied at both of my jobs. I'm very discouraged and not sure if there is something wrong with me that this has been happening to me.

 

If this is happening everywhere, then I think you should probably scrutinize your approach/behavior/performance/attitude. Maybe you need a little fine-tuning in one of these areas.

[LAYAAN]

If this is happening everywhere, then I think you should probably scrutinize your approach/behavior/performance/attitude. Maybe you need a little fine-tuning in one of these areas.

I was told by the manager at the hospital that the tech who complained against me and threw into a fit is known to be a bully and they would love to get rid of her, but they are not able to find someone with those many years of experience.

The tech who has been relentlessly going after me at the retail job was written up hundreds of time and was recently suspended for 3 days for losing it on one of the staff members in a really ugly manner. She is known to be a problem. That staff member is leaving soon, so he has no desire to go after her. If I was leaving, I would think the same, but since this is my home store, I have to fight back. And everytime I stand my ground, she reports me to my manager and says that I was being rude.

So, I don't know what to do.

[marshmlofluff]

No idea on the driver cost; people found them on Craigslist, though. As far as consulting, you have pharmacy and regulatory experience--I would think that life science consulting firms would be interested? If you don't have ideas about where your knowledge might be helpful maybe you can find people on LinkedIn who have similar backgrounds and are doing consulting.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks Marsh. I will search on LI.

[LAYAAN]

I'm sorry. I have nothing positive/happy update to report.

Things are getting worse at my retail job. The tech is willing to go to any level to prove her dominance in that store. She bullies especially younger women in higher position than her (she is doing it to another girl floating to that store). I met with the district manager (this is the 4th district manager in a year's time) and requested to be taken out of my home store due to bullying. He said that he can't do anything about what has happened in the past if the person wasn't written up. He can only start afresh. Since this is a union store, he said that he can't just move people around or transfer them whenever and however he wants. The union would go after him. So, I requested to start floating to other stores. He agreed. I'm pulled out of the home store where I was getting bullied at and now I have another problem. There are no hours at other stores. So, there are weeks when I get not even one shift to work. I went to the union for help. They said "We can't do anything to help you. When you chose to go part-time, you are promised no hours. If they have hours, they will consider you, but they are not obligated to give you any hours anywhere."

 

The knee swelling hasn't gone down. I'm going through 3 days of physical therapy a week. Future injections are canceled until we get the swelling down. In fact, knee pain has increased to a point that it is now interfering with my sleep and getting in and out of shower. All movements have become very slow. Finger swelling is the same story. My doctor has asked me to reduce working in retail and stop working this job altogether, if possible. I'm staying prayerful and hanging in there. In theory, I'm employed, but in reality I don't have have a job.

[annie24]

I forgot if you wrote about this - but can you take a medical leave of absence until this issue is resolved?

[LAYAAN]

I thought about going back on medical leave (I was on medical leave from mid-May through Aug and during that time I received no medical treatment, no physical therapy. My ortho just pulled me off work and provided no treatment). I thought of resigning from this job altogether. Then I thought, what will that achieve? I don't have hours anyway and I don't have another job. So, let me keep this job on paper and keep working on getting better and getting a job that is a better fit.

 

This seems to be a long drawn-out process. Sadly, how much longer... I don't know. I've been dealing with my finger pain since Dec last year. I pushed through the pain and swelling and after a few medical tests and a couple of prolotherapy injections, there is not much relief. Knee pain is more bothersome and interferes with daily activities. My fear is that by going on an extended medical leave, I will make myself completely irrelevant at work. Whether I stay on in retail in future or not, if I go on a long medical leave, my district manager may not think of me for any position in this store or any other store. If I go on a medical leave for a year, I lose my position and I have to reapply and the job market is bad right now (and given the saturation it will continue to be be difficult). Now, by staying in the floating pool, I'm at least there in some way. I'm not sure if that makese sense or not.