how can you just flat out ignore someone?

[arsenic_n_lace]

I'm not sure if this is the right thread but... me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about eight months now and every couple months one of us will contact the other and we’ll try to be friends. Usually this only lasts a few days because he always ends up ignoring me for no reason which I hate so I’m never going to contact him again because of that but anyway…

 

We were talking fine for four days and then I asked him a question and he didn’t answer so I waited a few hours and said “don’t you think” and still no answer so then a few hours after that I sent him a message saying “well I guess you’re busy, let me know when you have a second” and still nothing. I waited another two and a half days and then got fed up and sent him a text message saying that I was done and that this was it. You know what? He still didn’t say anything, shocker! Lol

 

Anyway, I’m just wondering does this happen with anyone else or am I just lucky? I just find it odd because he makes such a big deal about wanting to be my friend but if he really did then he wouldn’t ignore me so then what does he want? I guess it doesn’t really matter since we’ll probably never talk again anyway but is anyone else going through something similar??

[25thfloor]

you can't be friends right now. regardless of what he says, it's not going to happen. you'll be linked to him forever if you don't just NC.

[miss_sunshine86]

I dont know - but why not ask my cold hearted piece of * * * * ex for tips.

he ended 4 yrs over an E-mail.

[sophie274]

My ex has done the same thing. Watch the actions, not the words. I realized it didn't matter what he said, the fact is, if he wanted to be friends, he could call, e-mail, text, not cancel on me all the time.

 

I'm sorry. It was hard for me to accept that he couldn't even be bothered to make the effort to be friends with me, but once I did, I stopped torturing myself and stopped reaching out for him. I wouldn't be friends with anyone who ignored my attempts to reach out, why make an exception for an ex?

[miss_sunshine86]

well i dont understand how someone can disappear over an email after 4 years when i had NO Idea anything was wrong

nevermind

[AmandaB]

Its been 7 months for me since the breakup of a 6 year relationship and ihavent heard a single word from him since the day he left me. Dropped off the face of the planet.

[regular joe]

It's been six months for me. She will not talk to me or even face me. I can't even get her to talk to me about what she wants to do with her things. I contacted her via e-mail and now have a pen pal deal with her lawyer brother going on. There is no need for it.

[miss_sunshine86]

its rude.atleast give someone ONE discussion.

[hexaemeron]

its rude.atleast give someone ONE discussion.

 

Why does it matter? If it's over, why not just accept it and move on?

[miss_sunshine86]

a discussion to END it then! whatever! just A discussion, not an email saying "IM MOVING ON" and no word again. that is just rude

[hexaemeron]

a discussion to END it then! whatever! just A discussion, not an email saying "IM MOVING ON" and no word again. that is just rude

 

And how would you handle an in person discussion like that? Your conversation style even here is very aggressive. I find it likely that you'd either freak out in anger or end up sobbing. Neither of which is something people want to see. It's hard to know you're hurting someone for something you just feel you need to do.

[miss_sunshine86]

Okay then - how about some indication that things were going to end? Not a perfect weekend together and talk of living together followed by a sudden E-mail you have no idea why you received.

Well - it may be hard for the dumper, but if you give someone 4 years of your life, I just think that you deserve more than some angry E-mail to end it.

[25thfloor]

actually, i figured out a very long time ago....closure is a luxury. It's never to be expected...just appreciated when you get it. and most of the time when you get it, the person doesn't even know the truth themselves.

[Mauxly]

What I've noticed is that this is kind of a man thing. Sorry if this offends any of the men on here. I can't speculate why they do this, but so very many of them tend to disappear off the face of the earth when the once TRUE LOVE fades.

I use to get shocked and offended that a man that once professed his undying love for me didn't even want to be friends when it ended. But I think it comes from two things. First, the definition of love for many men is really different than my own. And the other is that they have a difficult time with their own emotions and emotional situations. So the flee anything resembling weird interaction.

If you've got a Houdini on your hands, please, please don't take it personally.

The last guy that split without a trace crushed me. Not because I loved him (I didn't at all. Have no idea why I dated him) but because I felt so hurt that he didn't even care enough about me to treat me with respect (again, after telling me that he loved me. But then, they all say that lately).

He did the same exact thing to his next g-friend. The one he told all of his friends he was going to marry. That sad little dude has issues.

It wasn't about me. And this ISN'T about you.

[miss_sunshine86]

well - i knew he had issues, i guess i was the mug for accepting him in spite of them . sorry hexmanon but this is a break-up board, not the be nice and happy to everyone board.

[shes2smart]

Okay then - how about some indication that things were going to end? Not a perfect weekend together and talk of living together followed by a sudden E-mail you have no idea why you received.

Well - it may be hard for the dumper, but if you give someone 4 years of your life, I just think that you deserve more than some angry E-mail to end it.

 

Ah, but that's life -- messy, inconvenient, painful, unscripted, sometimes less than we "deserve", and rarely how we think it "should" be.

 

Once you accept that, it really doesn't matter how things happen...you can just get on with the business of making the best of the hand you've been dealt.

[miss_sunshine86]

I guess. Just going to try and move on and stop trying to find out why.

[Mauxly]

well - i knew he had issues, i guess i was the mug for accepting him in spite of them . sorry hexmanon but this is a break-up board, not the be nice and happy to everyone board.

 

I disagree. This is a support group. So, for the most part, if I don't have something nice/constructive to say I'm not going to say it at all.

 

There are too many people on here in enough pain as it is.

 

That being said, I'm sorry that you are having a rough time and that sounds like a brutal break up. You are in the right place.

[JonasWaingaro]

It's not really a man thing, plenty of women do this aka my situation. An email break and pretty much 4 months of silence and ignoring me. Booooo I also don't buy people are jerks so deal with it and move on. I go out of way not to be around jerks so having the person I love with all my heart suddenly act like one is almost as heartbreaking as being dumped in the first place. It's unbearable. I dunno, maybe I'm just a big old softy. I hate to think this will harden me to life and love, I like being a big softy. Oh well.

[miss_sunshine86]

I wasnt being horrible to anyone on the board I was just saying how i feel but he said i'm aggressive anyway it doesnt matter

anyone else spending this friday night with pjamas and a dvd? xxx

[HeartGoesOn]

No offense to anyone, but I never could see any rhyme or reason for wanting to be friends with an ex. Move on...chapter over!

 

Just my opinion...

[Mauxly]

I wasnt being horrible to anyone on the board I was just saying how i feel but he said i'm aggressive anyway it doesnt matter

anyone else spending this friday night with pjamas and a dvd? xxx

 

I didn't see you being aggressive either. Just a woman in pain. And we pretty much all are right? Or we wouldn't be on here.

 

I'm going out both nights this weekend. Can't stand another night of the mopes. Kind of worried about Saturday because I'd bet my left hand that my ex is going to be at the show. But I can't completely avoid him, this town is soooo very small. So I'll have to put my big girl panties on and just deal.

[miss_sunshine86]

I'm going out tomorrow... Going to get extra dressed up too, just not going to drink cos that always brings on the waterworks! x

[citymouse]

And how would you handle an in person discussion like that? Your conversation style even here is very aggressive. I find it likely that you'd either freak out in anger or end up sobbing. Neither of which is something people want to see. It's hard to know you're hurting someone for something you just feel you need to do.

 

What a cheap, flimsy shot...

 

There is something called decency. And obligation.

 

Yes, it's hard indeed to know you're hurting someone for something you just feel you need to do - NO KIDDING.... You think?????

 

 

Hard, as in difficult, as in requiring cojones, as in, nancy-boys-who-are-afraid-of-women-crying need not apply.

 

Stand up and be a man, for God's sakes....

 

 

In my experience, real men don't make excuses for shabby treatment of women.

 

You know, if someone is such a big, tough, guy, then why is he uncomfortable with a woman's tears and anguish? What kind of real man shames a woman for crying and having the emotions that millions of years of evolution and instinct gave to her? Not a real man IMO

 

If a man is tough and cold enough to make a woman cry, then he should own it -- and deal with the guilt that belongs to HIM. Don't try to shame her for being human...... Jesus, this p1sses me off and pushes my butttons! ARGH

[Mauxly]

Hard, as in difficult, as in requiring cojones, as in, nancy-boys-who-are-afraid-of-women-crying need not apply.

 

In my experience, real men don't make excuses for shabby behavior or treatment of women.

 

ABSOLUTELY!!!

You've got these little boys in grown men's bodies dancing all over the self esteem of the women they use and discard with zero explanation or tact. They don't want to play with the toys they broke, and they don't even bother to put them away. Pretty disgusting state of affairs. And it seems like for the younger people, this is the norm.

 

However, if you are a woman and this has happened to you once, got that sucks and join the club. If this has happened to you repeatedly, ummm...you are not looking out for yourself at all chicka. Yeah, lots of men are duchebags, but not all of them. And if you keep hooking up (rapidly) and getting discarded like a piece of meat. It's probably time to stop acting like a piece of meat.

 

By the way, by YOU, I don't mean the poster of this, or any of the respondents. Actually, none of the posts on here reflect this particular situation, so this is kind of an unrelated rant. I'm talking about the women who hook up with men right away or hook up with taken men, or hook up with men that are obvious players, and wonder why they never hear from them again.