I HATE my ex-husband

[Nidania]

This is a vent, I'm seriously ticked off, and I just need to get it out.

 

Okay. So I have two kids. I have sole custody. They're 12 and 10, soon to be 13 and 11 in a couple months. I've recently started a program called RCIA, where I can become a member of the Catholic Church. They meet every Tuesday night.

 

So, I go to Mass at 7pm, then have class from 7:30pm to 9:30pm. I'm also part of a pool league, and after class, I come home to make sure everyone is good, and sometimes I'll head out two blocks away to play my match. Sometimes I stay home after I get back from church.

 

The laws here state that a child can be left alone for a couple of hours once they reach ten. From 11 and up, they can be left alone for longer. My 10 year old just went through the Babysitting Course that is offered annually. My 12 year old is 13 in a month's time.

 

So tonight my ex-husband calls me at 11pm, to "make sure I'm home." I asked him why he was calling. He said "Well you're going out all hours of the night and leaving the kids alone."

 

Um. It's once per week. I'm not going to the bar to get drunk and party, I'm going to CHURCH. I'm 2.5 blocks away, and have a cell phone with the number posted right beside the phone. I'm home at about 9:45pm.

 

Keep in mind this guy doesn't pay full child support, doesn't pay for any medications or appointments or field trips or clothes or anything the kids need. He cancels visits on them at random, seeing them maybe twice per month.

 

And he calls ME to accuse ME of being neglectful.

 

I have spoken with the kids' school, their counselors, my parents, and all of them think that this arrangement is perfectly okay. It's also perfectly legal. The kids are fine when I get home, the house is in one piece, and they're content.

 

So how in the h*** does HE get off trying to act all high and mighty with ME? If he cared so much about his kids, shouldn't he, you know, help take care of the things that don't involve a phone call? Like prescriptions? Or dentist appointments? Or maybe keeping his promises and not breaking visits 12 hours before they're supposed to happen, and have me tell the kids that he's not coming after all?

 

GAH. I threw the phone after that phone call.

[addy]

Thats shocking. I hate people who get all high and mighty when they them selves never do it.

 

This might be jumping the gun, but say if he took it a further step, and complained - like to a government place, where would he go? I wonder if it would be benefical for you to call them and know where you stand if he does.

 

Might be different were u are, but here they generally investigate claims of neglect. He seems the type that just might.

[Nidania]

Thats shocking. I hate people who get all high and mighty when they them selves never do it.

 

This might be jumping the gun, but say if he took it a further step, and complained - like to a government place, where would he go? I wonder if it would be benefical for you to call them and know where you stand if he does.

 

Might be different were u are, but here they generally investigate claims of neglect. He seems the type that just might.

 

He's called twice before actually. He got in serious trouble the second time, as both times when I was contacted, they came to my house and said "Why am I here?" My answer was "I have no idea."

 

The second time he tried to pull this, he was cited as harassing me and abusing the governmental system. I hope he's not stupid enough to try it a third time.

[Seraphim]

It is all noise. He wants you to feel bad. Your kids I am sure are fine as long as they know they have an adult close by to rely on if an emergency arises.If you have the law on your side as well do not worry about him, he is just blowing noise.

[addy]

He's called twice before actually. He got in serious trouble the second time, as both times when I was contacted, they came to my house and said "Why am I here?" My answer was "I have no idea."

 

The second time he tried to pull this, he was cited as harassing me and abusing the governmental system. I hope he's not stupid enough to try it a third time.

 

Oh, in that case, thats good, at least the government people know he is wasting their time. Its good they are on your side.

 

If he tries again, maybe he'll get in trouble.

 

 

 

Its amazing how one person can be come so vindictive about it and yet, not even lend a helping hand to his own kids.

[Nidania]

Thanks guys. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone in thinking he's being an idiot.

 

The kids know in the unlikely case of fire or medical emergency, to go accross the street to the neighbour's house and call 911.

 

If he's trying to make me feel bad, it's working. After 5 years, he still knows just what buttons to push.

[addy]

No problem. He definatly is. he doesn't even seem interested in his kids. Terrible.

 

Theres nothing wrong in leave kids alone for a few hours at that age. You know your kids better than he does. You know what they are like and how they will act in situations.

 

Yeah that does suck, is there a way to release the 'anger' in a way - running, kickboxing or something.

 

I think maybe he knows you get upset/angry - he continues to do it. He knows hes provoking you - and he probably enjoys it. he knows hes going to get a reaction. So he keeps doing it.

[abitbroken]

It's all manipulation. He's trying to intimidate you. In fact, I wouldn't answer the phone at 11 pm. Look at the caller id and don't answer. And if there is any question from anyone at why you don't answer = tell them that your children are asleep and so are you, and no one picks up the phone at that hour. Maybe some will think that's a lie, but you can make it a rule, and its all about setting firm boundaries.

[greensleeves]

He sounds like a complete jerk. If you have call display, don't answer next time he pulls this, that way he'll have to leave a message and you'll have a record of whatever he says.

 

He's probably jealous that you're out and having a life.

[Nidania]

He's probably jealous that you're out and having a life.

 

And you see, that's the part I don't understand. He's shacking up with some chick, who has her own kids. He works (I'm unemployed and starting school in a couple months) He already gets to shirk any responsibility he wants to, I'm the one cleaning up the sick when the flu hits.

 

What is there to be jealous of?

[Seraphim]

And you see, that's the part I don't understand. He's shacking up with some chick, who has her own kids. He works (I'm unemployed and starting school in a couple months) He already gets to shirk any responsibility he wants to, I'm the one cleaning up the sick when the flu hits.

 

What is there to be jealous of?

 

It is not about jealous, it is about revenge and sticking it to you, because you do not want to be with his fool butt.

[Nidania]

It is not about jealous, it is about revenge and sticking it to you, because you do not want to be with his fool butt.

 

Now this I can believe. I spent 9 years with him. I got my kids out of it, and I will always be grateful for that.

 

Everything else... well let's just say I should have listened to my Father when he whispered to me at the end of the wedding aisle... "We can turn around and go home right now. You don't have to do this."

 

I already told my Father he was right

[Seraphim]

Now this I can believe. I spent 9 years with him. I got my kids out of it, and I will always be grateful for that.

 

Everything else... well let's just say I should have listened to my Father when he whispered to me at the end of the wedding aisle... "We can turn around and go home right now. You don't have to do this."

 

I already told my Father he was right

 

My father said the same thing funny enough. Both my parents did. I have my beautiful son however so he is my greatest blessing in the world. I have spent 20 years with my husband almost 16 of them married and you know what if it was 16 years ago and my dad had said that and I knew what I know now I would have run screaming out of that church...........LOL

[Nidania]

And the harassment continues today.

 

I gave him the kids' counselors numbers so he can bug them instead.

 

Just... ugh.

[Seraphim]

I would not even answer the phone. Just remember it is your phone and you pay the bill. Tell him if he does not want to talk about anything constructive about your kids he can not call you.

[Nidania]

Well, he's decided to continue being an idiot, so I decided that today is a good day to call my attorney and nail him for the missed child support payments. I've been dragging my feet on them, so now is as good a time as any

 

My Dad called me this morning and asked me if I really felt like being walked over by him for the rest of my life. It was like a bucket of ice water over my head. I definitely don't want that.

 

So it's back to court, and I feel strangely empowered by it this morning.

[Catdancer]

Good for you. What a hellish saga. Come here and vent and get all those negative emotions out and we, your loyal peeps on ENA will man bash with you until you feel better. Your ex is a total douche!

[Nidania]

Thanks Victoria and Catdancer

 

It's not so much man bashing, as the fellow I'm with now is the complete opposite of my loser ex husband. My current partner is kind and sweet, patient and understanding. The ex... um... no.

 

One thing I can guarantee you... my ex husband will be scared to death when he receives the summons I'd pay to see the look on his face.

 

It's weird... I'm normally a very nice, calm, quiet person. I don't like making waves or problems for anyone.

 

But he started it.

[Seraphim]

Thanks Victoria and Catdancer

 

It's not so much man bashing, as the fellow I'm with now is the complete opposite of my loser ex husband. My current partner is kind and sweet, patient and understanding. The ex... um... no.

 

One thing I can guarantee you... my ex husband will be scared to death when he receives the summons I'd pay to see the look on his face.

 

It's weird... I'm normally a very nice, calm, quiet person. I don't like making waves or problems for anyone.

 

But he started it.

 

That is the thing I am never out to start anything but I might dang well finish it.

[bewilderment]

Holy Moly....his attempt to make you feel guilty is only a reflection of how he actually feels about the fact that he is barely a father. My soon to be ex is quite as bad, but has said very similar things.

 

I am currently a stay at home mom, but I go to 2 college classes twice a week towards a second B.A. degree. He works ALL the time, goes on week long vacations, does whatever the hell he wants, when he wants, and only sees the kids a few nights a week, and MAYBE 1 full day a week. He tells me the fact that I get babysitters or family to watch the kids twice a week while I'm in class that I am extremely selfish. It is very frustrating, but it all comes from how they really feel about themselves, they just don't realize it.

[Nidania]

Holy Moly....his attempt to make you feel guilty is only a reflection of how he actually feels about the fact that he is barely a father.

 

I have to wonder if this is what's going on here.

 

It got better today. I did get a call from the Children's Aid Society. They are coming on Wednesday afternoon, because of me leaving them alone while I attend church on Tuesday evenings. My ex-husband reported me for neglect.

 

I can't believe he actually did it. Yes I can. It's just like him. I've already called the kids' counselor. She was appalled, and will be here with me when they come on Wednesday to stand up on my behalf. She can't believe the CAS believes my ex, but the law here states that as soon as a report is made, they have to follow through with a visit.

 

I respect that, and I'll have the tea on for when they arrive.

[Nidania]

Update:

 

The Children's Aid Society came, and they gave me a clear pass. The worker wondered what she was doing there in the first place. Turns out my ex just said I was "going out at all hours" and that's it! She was stunned to learn I was going to church.

 

Anyways, there's no issue, and I'm free to keep doing what I'm doing.

 

I can't wait to haul him into court for child support he's not paying. The CAS worker actually offered to help me with that at the end of the interview!

[Catdancer]

Update:

 

The Children's Aid Society came, and they gave me a clear pass. The worker wondered what she was doing there in the first place. Turns out my ex just said I was "going out at all hours" and that's it! She was stunned to learn I was going to church.

 

Anyways, there's no issue, and I'm free to keep doing what I'm doing.

 

I can't wait to haul him into court for child support he's not paying. The CAS worker actually offered to help me with that at the end of the interview!

 

Good! He is being quite the jerk. All he did was drive the point in to the CAS worker that you are an amazing mama!!!