Maintaining No Contact..help?

[metrogirl]

Of course I am.

 

But not hearing from someone/someone dissapearing is like a form of emotional torture. Part of mes worried. Part of me is angry. Part of me sad

 

I've put all the stuff hes ever written/gave me in a bag. I think thats a good start.

 

The last text was so sweet. Then nothing.

 

As much as you guys are ALL right, I know you are, Im taking this all in and im very greatful for all the advice.

 

I just wish I knew why, I want to know why.

 

You will probably never know why, heck he may not even know why he acts the way he acts.

 

The point is, if you continue to condone his bad behaviour he will continue to act the same way and no amount of tears or belly aching on your part is going to make him change that.

[miss_sunshine86]

Hi

im going through the exact same thing

he was in my life for4 years.

and hes disappeared about 4 times.

last time for 10 months, and now we got together officially, and he finally made it official, and talked about living together, and disappeared 2 weeks ago.

its impossible not to try and talk because i know how good things were, but from now on im not as i have to tell myself why would i want to talk to someone who doesnt wanna tlak to me, same as why would i wanna be with someone who doesnt wanna be with me for sure, cos if he was sure, he wouldnt be doing this.

so im trying the NC thing too, its so hard, its been a day for me.

x

[miss_sunshine86]

BLUE

My guy is EXACTLY the same.

He has NEVER raised his voice, he treated me like a princess when we were together - but he's disappeared.

Before he did it this time he had done it 4 times before - and that was only for long periods.

He used to do it for 4/5 days at a time on a regular basis.

Plus he got 2 women pregnant (1 night stands) in the "disappearing" time.

I got past all that - yet he disappeared again! and im heartbroken!

I know exactly how you feel.

I'm trying to move on once and for all. We can do it together!x

[Clabs]

Blue

 

You are making excuses for him here. If he was so great then you wouldn't be in this pickle right now.

 

I know you worry about him, but does he worry about you at all? It really doesn't sound like it to me.

 

Good for you for staying strong but draw yourself up out of this and look at your relationship from above. It is completely imbalanced.

 

You say he has never had a GF before and I really think you would do him a favour by dropping his sorry @ss because he has to learn that this is not how relationships works - this is not how you treat someone you apparently love.

 

And you need to learn to walk away from people who have the social skills of a garden rake and who treat you so badly.

 

Life ain't always easy but can you honestly tell me you would not be better off alone than in this "torture" as you put it. You wouldn't be on the shelf long.

 

Keep it together hun - it will get easier.

 

Mark

[metrogirl]

Mark, you make a good point here. He doesn't seem to be too worried about Blue, if he was he would be the one doing the calling to make sure everthing is okay.

[SapphireNoir10]

Last time I ignored him back he DID end up calling back in a week and coming over etc. So Im staying strong and havent text/called. I do want to talk to him at some point, but to end it.

 

I wish it was easy just to listen to my head and say 'buhbye' I wish I could control my emotions Im trying so HARD.

 

And thanks for sharing your story heartbroken. Its horrible isnt it?!

 

Why doesnt he just DUMP me ??? two word in a text would do me, and I'd be movin on.

[drewciouS281]

Still nothing, Im on 24 hrs of not contacting him and this is almost night three of not hearing from him.

 

I just wish I knew WHY?!

 

Do you think hes insecure? And he gets kicks out of knowing I'd do anything to get him to talk to me?

 

HE does want me to move in, he even drew up a solicitors contract on terms/bills etc.

 

BUT

 

That isnt the issue

 

I HATE THIS

 

 

no matter how old we are people still play control games and its obvious he is doing so. like i said, focus on the negative and tell yourself you deserve better. It hurts and you probably feel lonely but better to be alone and better yourself than to deal with the hurt and confusion from this dude.. think about it. write out a pros and cons list and your answers will come from that.

[SapphireNoir10]

There are a lot of pros

 

and a lot of cons

 

Its crazy

 

WHAT is he doing?!?!?!

 

Why can't he have the decency to tell me its over rather than disaapeaar?

[Clabs]

Last time I ignored him back he DID end up calling back in a week and coming over etc. So Im staying strong and havent text/called. I do want to talk to him at some point, but to end it.

 

I wish it was easy just to listen to my head and say 'buhbye' I wish I could control my emotions Im trying so HARD.

 

And thanks for sharing your story heartbroken. Its horrible isnt it?!

 

Why doesnt he just DUMP me ??? two word in a text would do me, and I'd be movin on.

 

Why would he dump you? Duuurrrggghhh! Because he has you when he wants to. Why put an end to that? He is not daft - he seems pretty smart to me. And you put up with it.

 

Dump his lame @ss for f sake. Come on Blue - WAKE UP!

[SapphireNoir10]

The thing is i am woken up. I know this is disgusting and ridiculous and horrific and awful.

 

But its kinda hard to end it properly or anything when I dunno where the heck he is or what the heck hes doing. OR when he'll pop up.

 

AHHH

[metrogirl]

Why doesnt he just DUMP me ??? two word in a text would do me, and I'd be movin on.

 

 

How would that make it any different? If you are going to move on, then move on. He doesn't need to be the one to officially call it over.

 

You can show him that you are stronger that what he percieves you to be and dump him.

[SapphireNoir10]

I know I know

 

but at the same time. I dont get his behaviour

 

Its like...why do this if you dont want to break up? But he does it time and time again and usually goes crazy if I try and end it. Must be a power thing.

[Clabs]

The thing is i am woken up. I know this is disgusting and ridiculous and horrific and awful.

 

But its kinda hard to end it properly or anything when I dunno where the heck he is or what the heck hes doing. OR when he'll pop up.

 

AHHH

 

Hun - he is not with you and loving you and making you feel secure. He just makes you feel sh!te.

 

It is not hard at all - you are clinging to anything - and nothing.

 

Take charge and get your @ss out of there.

 

Grrrrr!

[SapphireNoir10]

Well. I am. Im in NC and i've packed up all his stuff.

 

Im just wondering why

[Clabs]

What do you mean, hun?

[SapphireNoir10]

Like when were together. Literally hes a sweetheart

 

But as soon as were apart he does crazy stuff like this, theres no reason

 

And its like he wants me to split up with him but wont let me

 

Its just...eh?!

 

And thanks guys

[drewciouS281]

There are a lot of pros

 

and a lot of cons

 

Its crazy

 

WHAT is he doing?!?!?!

 

Why can't he have the decency to tell me its over rather than disaapeaar?

 

Him dissapearing is his way of telling you its over. Your just choosing not to accept this.

[SapphireNoir10]

Hes done it like six times before...and always comes back apologising. Why would he do that if he wanted it over?

[annie24]

this is his game. he likes the control. he sees you and the relationship as a toy. he doesn't see you as a real life woman with feelings and he isn't mature enough to appreciate a real relationship. this guy is a creep, plain and simple. obviously, you don't keep ditching someone if you want a relationship with them.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its just weird. He says he does it because he feels like he makes it worse otherwise or just wrecks everything and only seems to make me happy in person EH!?

 

Still nothing btw.

[Serendipity_11]

I agree with everyone else who has said go NC. My ex was pulling the same stuff on me towards the end of our relationship... disappearing because of work, lack of phone service, the chupacabra stole his cell phone, you know, the typical things that could happen. Turned out he was cheating on me. I never saw that coming because we had made all these plans for the future, but he did it and was trying to pull a "fade away" and I only ended up making a fool of myself for calling him while he was doing this....asking how work was going? If I could do anything to help him out with things/his stress...

 

If he wants to leave, then let him leave. Send him an email to pick up his things and be done with it. Don't waste months of your time and emotions on someone who isn't worth it. He might have been nice at the get go, but that doesn't change what he is doing to you now.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thing is when were together, hes lovely, cooks me meals, does all the cleaning/washing up, makes me tea, rubs my back, tells me how beautiful I am. We have a great sex life/emotional connection when were together

 

But these arent the actions of someone who love sme, its actions not words. I know that I really do.

 

thing is he definatley doesnt have anything to hide...I dont get it.. you know when your hurt and the person you want to turn to is your SO? its awfulw hen the person that hurts you is them.

[citymouse]

Catfeeder, you are my hero.

[Ac143]

Blue, how do you know 100% he has nothing to hide? He is hiding something if he disappears for days. No one just disappears for no good reason. Im sorry.

 

I was with a guy that was awesome to me in person, he did everything for me. He was just perfect & I loved him so much and he said he loved me. When we weren't together he hardly ever called me though, drove me nuts. Sometimes a week at a time, I dealt with that for 2yrs and I have to say I was stupid for sticking around.

[avman]

thing is he definatley doesnt have anything to hide...

 

Come on Blue. What about the job and school stuff he's lied about in the past. He lies ALL the time. To quote one of your previous posts:

 

I posted yesterday about how my boyfriend always lies about stupid little thing. Hes lied about contacting his mum etc to my face, his monetary situation, and about other stuff. I've only EVER found out his lies through seeing a text, or someone else telling me that hes lied.

 

Today he came round and I said 'Look is theri anything else you've lied to me about' He swore to my face that he hadnt, he was sorry, and he'd never lie again.

 

Well, he has a new job, has had it for about a month, a week into the job he said they were cutting his shifts to weekends.

 

I find out today from a family member thats friend works with him there, he got sacked three weeks ago, for forgetting to turn up to a shift.

 

You must open your eyes here Blue. You keep going on about how wonderful he is but you are choosing to remain blind of every warning sign that you see. And these signs are great big ones with flashing neon lights.

 

You remind me so much of this young mom I'm working with now. I sat there listening to her tell me how her boyfriend beats her constantly, saw the bulging purple and yellow bruise around her swollen eye, felt the lumps on her skull, and saw her tears. Yet 2 minutes later she goes on about how he's her best friend and she's all alone now and if she'd only change then he'd come back to her. In 2 minutes she'd already brushed aside the part that he just finished trying to kill her (again).

 

I'm desperately worried for you Blue. You must open your eyes and see the truth.