Rob1000 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 December 31st 2007. The Grand Hotel Excelsior, Montreux, an idyllic Alpine backdrop overlooking Switzerland's great Lake Geneva. It's about 10 minutes to midnight. We finish our dinner and take our drinks to the hotel lounge to listen to the piano player and singer, who will usher in the New Year. I'm getting a little nervous. My beautiful girlfriend, who sits opposite me in her elegant black dress, has no idea what is coming. I excuse myself momentarily and head to the bathroom for a little breath of air and most importantly, to collect a little silver box, which I've conveniently hidden at reception. The clock strikes midnight and within a second or two, I take this beautiful girl's hand, look her in the eye, and with my heart pounding with excitement, I ask her to marry me. Barely managing to withold herself, she accepts. We both embrace and share in the happiest moment of our lives together. We order a bottle of champagne that we can't afford and begin the texts and phone calls to our loved ones back home, keen to share our joy. Some 2 hours later, drunk and giddy, we finally make our way to our hotel room, fall in to each others arms and drift gently asleep, in to a world that knows not of heartbreak and sadness, but only love, joy and happiness. Bliss. January 25th 2009. Rainy Dublin, Ireland. My beautiful fiancee comes home, after I find out she wasn't where she says was going to be, and confesses she doesn't feel the same for me any more. Somewhere along the line, something had started to unravel between us, but not just recently. It started to unravel that same picturesque night in Switzerland some 13 months earlier. The engagement should have been the start of something beautiful. Something truly wonderful, between two people who loved each other unquestionably. Instead it was the beginning of the end. In that year, once the engagement ring was on, and the novelty and excitement had worn off, reality set in. But not just reality. Complacency also. Expectations of each other rose, egos grew and attitudes changed, on both sides. Without going in to the detail I have documented so well on these boards, we just drifted apart. The love was still there, maybe more so on my part, but the deep connection between us was coming apart. February 16th 2009. I leave our home and spend the night at my brothers. I have not seen her since. Today, almost 9 months later, I have found out that she is with someone else. In her own words, she is 'dating' him. I'm fine with it. I can't complain, as enough time has passed for us both to be moving on with our lives and meeting new people. She deserves to be happy and I truly mean that. This isn't about her, my love for her, or her part in our break up, or even who did what to whom, but about a love lost. A friendship and connection which is no more. Questions remain unanswered. Where did it all come apart? One day I do remember vividly now, is a warm sunny day at the beginning of August 2008. I am unhappy in my career and need some inspiration. I meet an old friend in a cafe bar just off one of Dublin's old side streets. His advice is wonderful. On that very same day, my fiancee is going wedding dress shopping. After a long talk with my friend I make a bold decision to quit my job and go back to college. A path that will take me to the happy career I have now. Moments later, my phone beeps. It's my fiancee. She's fallen in love with a dress and has decided there and then it's the one she wants. Now here's the crazy bit... Within 5 minutes of my career changing decision and the news of the wedding dress, the heaven's open and the craziest storm descends over the streets of Dublin. The rain is so heavy that all major roads in and out of the city are blocked. Neither of us can get home to share our big news. Now, I can be mystic and cryptic all I like in the search for answers, but the truth remains; no matter who did what, or how differently either one of us could have behaved, it would have come apart somehow. We just weren't destined to be together. It really is that simple. That connection just wasn't strong enough. It had come apart before, and this time it was coming apart for good. So I cannot have regrets, even though I do. I didn't love her for exactly who she was, nor did she love me for exactly who I was. One thing I have learnt is that relationships can be compared to the sky. You see, the sky will always be blue. Always. But clouds pass by and have a changing effect on our view of the sky. Some clouds are white and fluffy. Some are dark and threatening. But the sky remains blue. Its just how we view it that changes. The same goes for our relationships and how we view them. Can we survive the dark clouds! On that New Years Eve almost two years ago. I offered my heart, along with the rest of my life to someone who still means so much to me. When she accepted it, I believed that I was getting her heart, along with the rest of her life in return. But nothing is ever certain. That she has moved on a lot quicker than I have from our split may indicate she didn't give me her heart that night, or maybe just not all of it. The reason I'm still not over her, is that promising your heart to someone is the one promise you cannot just simply take back. It's not a decision that one can just reverse. I'm slowly getting my heart back. And one day I'll have the full package in my hand ready to give to some other beautiful girl. I just don't know who yet! I'm sure we all feel like this, that while our exes are out having fun with new loved ones, we are stuck on a keyboard looking for answers, coping as best we can with our loss. But for those of you who have read this, I truly appreciate it. This is the worlds best forum, with some amazing members to whom I'll be eternally grateful for their support. You, and I, deserve every happiness that comes our way and I hope all of us can look back on these days and have a chuckle about them. Love, Rob Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 That was so sad and beautiful at the same time. I really loved the ending about relationships being like the sky. Thank you for writing this. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 A really beautiful story about love Rob. I will never understand how/why all our stories fall so apart. Nice to know they are possible to begin with I suppose. Link to comment
allgood Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 That was so sad and beautiful at the same time. I really loved the ending about relationships being like the sky. Thank you for writing this. what she said... i feel a tear coming on..... hold hold hold Link to comment
Hobbes Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Heartbreaking Rob, sounds so unfair. Sorry, maybe not what you want to read but that hits hard, I totally feel for you, life can be so cruel. I don't know if I will ever understand how these things can happen, but it does happen and it leaves you wondering how anything/anyone could take that feeling and those moments away. We all go to school, college and sometimes uni and are handed some emotion responses by our parents and experiences but nothing prepares us for these types of changes. I guess it's part of life and learning but it hurts like a mofo. Link to comment
paintedblue Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Very heartbreaking. I think all in all how one moment compares to another and how things change is something that I personally hate facing. Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Jeez, that struck a chord. It will always amaze me how quickly things can change in a relationship, how it can just all unravel in a blink of an eye. I've spent the last year looking back and wondering what the defining moment was, just where did it all go wrong for us.. i have no answer, similar to you we had just finished renovating a beautiful house, was talking about our plans together and had just returned from a wonderful vacation. Then, one year ago today actually, she came downstairs, told me she was off to visit her poorly grandmother up north and would be staying the night, gave me a kiss and a hug and walked out the door. It would be the last time I would hold her in that way again. I came home the next day from work to a letter and an empty house. I've come to the conclusion that sometimes there just aren't any answers. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. Its heartbreaking but its life. We will all come out of this a hell of a lot stronger and hopefully a hell of a lot wiser. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 Gonna bump this just once! Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 And I'm gonna read this one more time How is it fair that we end up meeting people who break our hearts and take us for granted when we are very willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work? Why do these people let us fall in love with them only to dump us? Why can't we just meet someone that has the same views on relationships and is capable of love and be done with it, why oh why do we need all this suffering? This story makes me think this every time I read it. How is it fair that you loved her so much, treated her so well and she seemed to feel the same way, only to end things? How is it fair what happens to most of us who had "perfect" relationships that ended out of nowhere? Link to comment
jojo23 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 promising your heart to someone is the one promise you cannot just simply take back. It's not a decision that one can just reverse. This bit is amazing Rob my thoughts exactly! and exactly how i feel and am struggling to move forward. My preposal was on my birthday, all though he had my heart before then! I know now all i got given was a ring and his word... not his heart. Loved how you wrote this Link to comment
surfNski Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 "I offered my heart, along with the rest of my life to someone who still means so much to me. When she accepted it, I believed that I was getting her heart, along with the rest of her life in return. But nothing is ever certain. That she has moved on a lot quicker than I have from our split may indicate she didn't give me her heart that night, or maybe just not all of it. The reason I'm still not over her, is that promising your heart to someone is the one promise you cannot just simply take back. It's not a decision that one can just reverse." Exactly man, I think its very telling that my ex moved on so quickly. For me there was nothing else in this world, besides for my family, that I loved more than her. She was everything I had ever dreamt about. Of course I am still struggling, of course I am still in pain. Her being able to move on, date, and love so quickly after walking out after the rings we desighned and the names we chose for our children shows how much of her heart she was willing to commit. Anyway, again you have written al lot of how I feel. When people ask me how I am doing I am just going to send them a link to your posts Take care man... we will get there Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Anyway, again you have written al lot of how I feel. When people ask me how I am doing I am just going to send them a link to your posts Take care man... we will get thereI hear you surf. This has been the toughest year of my life. I never, ever thought that things would end up like this between us. Its just extremely hard to swallow that she's not the one I'll be spending the rest of my life with. In fact, in a year or two, I wont even know her. That is very difficult to get my head around. It's like 2+2 doesn't equal 4 any more. But you are right, we will get there! Link to comment
sooky Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 can i jump into the screen and give you a massive hug? xx Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 I hear you surf. This has been the toughest year of my life. I never, ever thought that things would end up like this between us. Its just extremely hard to swallow that she's not the one I'll be spending the rest of my life with. In fact, in a year or two, I wont even know her. That is very difficult to get my head around. It's like 2+2 doesn't equal 4 any more. But you are right, we will get there! yep, i was thinking earlier how bizarre it is that ive known my ex 9 years, spent 6 years together and gone through everything that we did together and yet I know I'll probably never see her again. Tough one. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 can i jump into the screen and give you a massive hug? xx Done! Thanks sooky Link to comment
journeynow Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 ...promising your heart to someone is the one promise you cannot just simply take back. It's not a decision that one can just reverse. I agree. I wonder about it now, how I did that, how I assumed he did too, and how I need to let thoughts about his choices go, and move on with my own heart. Link to comment
larryburst Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Rob, there is alot of kind understanding in your words, it takes a long time to get there. Its strange, even with acceptance and a good amount of time passing, there is still a tinge of sadness when looking back at the happy times and reliving the "story." With the waning loneliness, if the relationship was generally good and mature, there's an open opportunity for gratitude. Is that the way to dis-attach from the past? a touching, bittersweet story... There will be a new beginning soon enough (and with a different ending Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Just how I feel today. Thanks. Link to comment
leq Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 This thread has ruined me. No other way to describe it. Link to comment
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