Just finished what may be the longest letter in history, yes I sent it.

[Nappyloxs]

I just broke NC again after day 2. I wrote the longest letter. It really said everything I have thought about during the last two months. Stuff I said before, stuff I didn't, really personal stuff from deep down inside and just little things.

 

I want to stop thinking about contacting her, so I wrote what I think was really everything down.

 

I am glad that I did, she may never read it because it was so LONG. But I told her everything. That was something I did not do during the relationship.

 

I think this will help with me moving on, because now I know there is not one single thing I did not tell her.

 

The letter took hours. I would walk away, clean, and when I thought of something I would go write it down.

 

I don't think that she will comeback, I even put in there that I wish that it was the most beautiful love letter in history, but that its just dream.

 

Has anyone ever attempted this? And did it help you move forward?

 

I am just at the point were I am tired. I am tired of thinking of her, tired of writing posts about her, tired of talking about her. I want her all out of my system since she does not want to be in it.

 

I really hope it makes me stop all contact and start moving forward with my life.

[NEVEAH]

Yes...as long as you do NOT expect anything to come from it...or that her NOT responding in any way will not hurt you or set you back...it can be a healing tool.

And if she does not read it all now..she may decide to come back and read more of it later. One never knows..but at least you put it out there. This was done for you..and not for her. As long as you have that mindset, you can move on much faster.

[moondog627]

Yes, I've done this as well with the "intentions" of simply saying one last thing that I needed to say. But when she didn't reply that made me furious, hurt me deeply, and set me back a few more weeks. Don't expect a reply back. Instead focus on moving forward and healing yourself. Good luck.

[doyathink]

Yes I have done it, and yes it helped. It gave me the closure I needed for myself so I could move on. And it worked. Hope it does for you as well. Some say dont do this, but if it's what you have to do for YOU....then I think it works.

 

I didn't get a relpy...but I wasn't looking for one, or wanting one.

[Nappyloxs]

That stuff is even in there. I really did it for me. I am actually happy that I got it all out. I have written the "this is last letter" before. This one is different in that I really wrote everything. Actually took my time instead of just writing. I went through three versions. Just kept adding and adding stuff.

 

I don't expect her to respond (in there); don't expect her to comeback (in there). She has not responded to anything in two months. So I highly doubt that this letter will make her respond.

 

I just want to start moving forward in my life. Last night, I was talking to my mom and for the first time (I talk to her almost every night about ex.) I said I am tired of talking about ex. and felt tired of talking about her.

[Hobbes]

Did this last week, I am near the end of all this now though so it was just another final step I needed to make to move on.

[moondog627]

Nappy,

If that's what you needed to do then cool. Do whatever you need to do to move on. But when I wrote my ex "that one last letter" for the 3rd time I instantly regretted it after I hit send. Because when I sent it I only gave her more power over me. And the fact is, we ALL have a lot of power over our own lives. The way I see it is if I broke up with someone and they basically said "aw, that's too bad, I had a great time, best of luck," and I never heard from them again, that would make me feel REALLY bad. Like THEY were moving on. It would show that they have a lot of strength and it goes to show that WE (dumpees) have power too. Stay strong Nappy. You said what you need to say. Now work on you and don't give your ex any more of yourself.

Best

[Hobbes]

Nappy,

But when I wrote my ex "that one last letter" for the 3rd time I instantly regretted it after I hit send. Because when I sent it I only gave her more power over me. And the fact is, we ALL have a lot of power over our own lives. The way I see it is if I broke up with someone and they basically said "aw, that's too bad, I had a great time, best of luck," and I never heard from them again, that would make me feel REALLY bad. Like THEY were moving on. It would show that they have a lot of strength and it goes to show that WE (dumpees) have power too. Stay strong Nappy. You said what you need to say. Now work on you and don't give your ex any more of yourself.

Best

 

Moondog, I don't get your point here - THEY are moving on by sending this.. and if the dumper feels REALLY bad for the first time as a result, well then it's about time..

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks Moondog.

 

I felt lighter and happy pressing the send button, because I know that it was every single thing possible this time. I feel happier and lighter now.

 

I hated that she had so much power over me after two months.

 

I am going to try and stay strong. I feel happier today, because of the letter. Because I know it was for me. And that is better than I have felt in a while. I will see what tomorrow holds.

 

I really hope this is the last contact, its why I took my time and put everything down. I know I really cannot say anything more. Its great, because I really think that anytime I do think of contacting her, I just can look at this letter and know that I already said it to her.

[waveseer]

I give you credit for getting it all into one email, Nl. I had to send many over a long period of time before I finally felt like everything had been said.

[moondog627]

Moondog, I don't get your point here - THEY are moving on by sending this.. and if the dumper feels REALLY bad for the first time as a result, well then it's about time..

 

Not always though. I would say in more times than not that people sending another "last letter" do so with the (maybe) subconscious agenda of hearing back from the ex. Point is, WHO CARES if the dumper feels bad or not? You know what would REALLY make the dumper feel bad? MOVING ON.

[supercalifragilistic]

Good for you, you are braver than me. I think that would help, but I haven't done it yet. I was going to get to tell him all of this in person, but since I moved to a different city, I don't think I'll have that opportunity anymore. And I don't know how I feel about my ex having a copy of a letter that will be so personal and private. The fact that I can't get it back after he reads it bothers me a bit.

 

But I think it would feel good to know that I truly did all I could, that I said everything I had to say, and if it means so little to him that he doesn't even bother replying, then I will really be able to move on, because if a letter like that does not touch a person AT ALL, then they really don't deserve us anyways.

[moondog627]

But I think it would feel good to know that I truly did all I could, that I said everything I had to say, and if it means so little to him that he doesn't even bother replying, then I will really be able to move on, because if a letter like that does not touch a person AT ALL, then they really don't deserve us anyways.

 

Super, let me start by saying I honestly feel for you. I really do. I'm in the same boat as everyone else here. But sending out some super-magic-incredible-letter is not going to win your ex back or make them think twice. Chances are that how our ex's feel is due to a long and gradual process over many weeks (maybe months). You can't turn that around with a letter. And (from personal experience included) I think many people send out a letter as a final, one last ditch effort. And I promise you guys, moving on and letting go of your past is a FAR more powerful statement than any letter ever will be.

[Nappyloxs]

 

But I think it would feel good to know that I truly did all I could, that I said everything I had to say, and if it means so little to him that he doesn't even bother replying, then I will really be able to move on, because if a letter like that does not touch a person AT ALL, then they really don't deserve us anyways.

 

Part of the reason that I wrote it. The other part was to move on.

[Nappyloxs]

Super, let me start by saying I honestly feel for you. I really do. I'm in the same boat as everyone else here. But sending out some super-magic-incredible-letter is not going to win your ex back or make them think twice. Chances are that how our ex's feel is due to a long and gradual process over many weeks (maybe months). You can't turn that around with a letter. And (from personal experience included) I think many people send out a letter as a final, one last ditch effort. And I promise you guys, moving on and letting go of your past is a FAR more powerful statement than any letter ever will be.

 

I put that the super -magic letter in there. I know its not going to win her back; it may make her think twice. My breakup was about a gradual process that I described in the letter. Don't expect to turn it around. Maybe it was a last ditch effort, I can't lie and say that I don't hope the letter makes her realized how much I love her.

 

But for me, writing the letter was powerful. Right now, I feel more at peace with myself. I probably could be diagnosed with depression over the last two months. This letter made me know I have know done everything I could, expressed every feeling and thought. I think I can now move forward.

 

And like the post before, if she does not respond after this letter. I know she is a cold-hearted gypsy. And we were not meant to be. I would not want to be with someone if after express each and every one of my feelings, even stuff I don't want to admit. And they don't respond, that shows me she doesn't care and wasn't for me. I want someone who can forgive me once I realize that I made a mistake and loves me enough to believe that I mean what I say, have changed, and to give me a shot to prove it to her.

[LillyLooWho]

If you are happy that you sent it, then it was the right thing to do. There are no absolute rights or wrongs when it comes to the business of breakups. Unfortunately. Just try not to wait for a response. I wish you luck with this.

[jul-els]

I have done this before without sending it and it made me feel tremendously better. As long as you don't expect a response, I think it will help you to gain closure and move on.

[arcadefire]

I've sent a similar letter to my first ex. He broke my heart. I sent a painfully long email to him, told him not to reply, but secretly deep down I wish I had gotten one. If any, one that says he wants me back with full force.

 

Didn't happen. I felt shattered all over again. Rejection twice over. At that time I regret having sent it, but now, I could care less. You move on and learn from your experiences.

[dandan78]

I've fallen into this trap several times now. It felt great writing the letter(s) but the moment I realised I wasn't gonna get a response or I didn't get the response I wanted, I instantly felt regret and set back.

Now I either write it in my journal or on here. I am then already prepared for the lack of response but also get the relief of having put how I feel "out there".

[Rob1000]

I sent one back in May. It was a really nice letter, but she got really upset, because it hurt so much that we had broken up. Even though I had figured out where we had gone wrong, she was honest enough in her reply that we could never go back. And I know she was right.

[Talus]

Happy for you. I hope it keeps up with this positive effect on you.

 

 

One thing I've noticed is people always have more to say. You may have felt like you said EVERYTHING. But what about a month from now... something else might pop up and you'll feel like you need to explain. Either way mate, be proud. Just if something else does come up, write it down, or post it here. Just don't send another email or letter or anything.

[Nappyloxs]

Update.

 

I slept the best I have in a while. I was actually up at 7:30 on a Sunday! I still thought about her the moment I woke up, but it was different. I feel stronger today.

 

I will admitted I added somethings to the letter and resent it. (v4)

 

If she reads it great. If she doesn't, oh well. If she responds, oh shoot! If she doesn't respond, I already am prepared for that. The letter wasn't really for her anyways.

 

I think the consensus is she won't respond, just from what others have posted. But I also figure those who may have written something similar and their ex. did comeback are not in this forum.

 

I realized that if she doesn't respond I don't want her. This is my third breakup and I have also date many women. Each one of my previous exs came back, not always to get back together but came back. Women I have dated came back. I always gave them a second, third, whatever chance. That is just the kind of guy that I am (Thanks, Mom). I don't regret giving them those chances. The only one were it really set me back sometimes was with my previous ex. She would come back every few months after she broke up with some guy. Every time I use to think this is it, she come back. Slowly, each time I knew it was because she need a shoulder to cry on. And I was always there for her. Its just how I am. Then on the last time, I realized I did not love her anymore (I love her as an ex., but not get back with her). But you know what. By being there for her all those times, we created a special friendship. She has been there for me through this breakup, even though I had not talked to her in months. (FYI, I even asked her to help my ex.'s father, who is laid off, with some part-time jobs and she said no problem, ex. said no way. The reason I asked because both exs are from the same country). So I know I want a woman who is willing to give me another chance, because I am not perfect and make plenty of mistakes.

 

I have looked at this breakup from my side, her side, and tried to find the middle. I only hoped she would do the same. But, I know she won't.

[Nappyloxs]

Happy for you. I hope it keeps up with this positive effect on you.

 

 

One thing I've noticed is people always have more to say. You may have felt like you said EVERYTHING. But what about a month from now... something else might pop up and you'll feel like you need to explain. Either way mate, be proud. Just if something else does come up, write it down, or post it here. Just don't send another email or letter or anything.

 

Thanks. I know there will always be more to say. I think I got the last part out. This morning's part was stronger, because I was stronger.

 

In a month, I may have more to say. Maybe I will send it, maybe I won't. I don't know yet. Just right now, I know I am happier, stronger, and well-rested. Still have to take this breakup day by day. But today is starting off as a good day, even if I broke NC already.

[Nappyloxs]

I sent one back in May. It was a really nice letter, but she got really upset, because it hurt so much that we had broken up. Even though I had figured out where we had gone wrong, she was honest enough in her reply that we could never go back. And I know she was right.

 

That would suck if ex. does that. 1) because she respond. 2) And this has always been my philosophy, whether right or wrong, is that it can go back, it just takes two to both want it and put in the extra effort to make it work. The problem is that many times after a break (or breakup), we just fall back into the same bad habits as before. We forget about the "break" and what we said we learned from it. I think whether she comes back or the next time I meet the one, I will look back on these messages I wrote to remind myself what I did wrong last time. (Thanks to online backup and gmail, the messages won't go anywhere)

 

The very root of my breakup was that I just did not put very much effort into it. I made excuses of why I could not put effort into it. I don't ever want to do that again.