What drives me crazy about women.

[AmandaB]

yeah, you're right on that. I certainly wasn't saying guys are an exception. I was just saying that this is the Typical Girl thinking. Typical Girl goes for the Bad boy, she gets hurt. That's all!

 

I understand that Its so true.

[erks]

Oh she's a pain in the ass, forget about her.... woman are mad

[Mellie]

I think she was just putting the feelers out there, keeping her options open, taking her time, making her mind up, and ultimately going for what she wanted. Who knows whether the other guy was good or bad. You know you're one of the good ones - it doesn't take anything away from that. Is it 'nice' to give mixed signals? Not particularly. But unfortunately, for some people (male or female, makes no odds), being nice and taking account of other people's feelings isn't top on their list of priorities. Sometimes, it doesn't even figure. I'm sure she thought, after buying you lunch, the two of you were square and she didn't owe you anything. Honestly, from what I read, she sounds like an independent and driven person. Maybe she drove too fast past all the nice guys she was complaining about missing, who knows. But if she was that lacksidasical at the beginning, can you imagine the hoops she'd have you skipping through later on?

 

I'd call it a lucky escape.

 

(But that is just my opinion.)

[jettison]

Oh she's a pain in the ass, forget about her.... woman are mad

 

I don't understand how most people are calling this woman "crazy" when all she did was flirt with the OP. What's crazy about that? Was she suppose to commit to being his wife or something? They barely know each other. She's throwing out the flirt vibes, seeing what he's all about, seeing how he'll react in certain situations, and she does this, consciously or otherwise, to test her computability with this person.

 

If she says "friend", and he's upset, or she mentions another guy, and she's suddenly defriended on FB, then she has her answer. "Not the guy she was looking for." Women DO NOT WANT a guy that will crumble at the first sign of strife or rejection. They want someone who will stand steadfast, who won't be bowled over and put out, and someone who can take care of himself emotionally, and need not depend on the validation of a woman that he doesn't even know very well to be ok.

 

People can say "she just played these stupid games so good riddance", but she was just more overt about it. We ALL play games whether you choose to believe it or not, and most aren't even conscious of the games that they are playing. It's not stupid to "test" either. If she didn't test out someone she doesn't know very well then she would just be blindly accepting new potential love and sex with a random man. How does that make sense? It sounds infintiely crazier to take that approach.

 

So it does men no good at all to cry and moan about what amounts to biology and darwinism. That's just how it is. It's as futile as complaining that the sun is hot or the grass is green. Why fight it? So since you know what's going on beneath her hood, why not just indulge it, play it through, show some emotional courage, and some couarge in yourself, and don't let her lead you around by the collar.

 

This is what women mean when they say "I'm attracted to a confident man". They don't always articulate it very well, but most women are patently put off by a guy that can get hurt so easily by them. It may not be "fair", but it's nature. It's that protection thing going on. If you can't stand up to them without crumbling then how on earth are you going to stand up to the world as her mate in the big scheme of things?

[Knight of Hope]

Women DO NOT WANT a guy that will crumble at the first sign of strife or rejection.

 

We are told to accept it when a girl says no. A rejection is final. Being steadfast through rejection is not a good idea. I have tried it myself and it got me nowhere except a few steps more depressed with myself and my life.

 

A guy who can stand strong through strife is one thing. A guy who will stand strong through rejection like the OP got is not doing himself any favors.

 

I agree with most everything else you said, just not that one part.

[jettison]

We are told to accept it when a girl says no. A rejection is final. Being steadfast through rejection is not a good idea. I have tried it myself and it got me nowhere except a few steps more depressed with myself and my life.

 

A guy who can stand strong through strife is one thing. A guy who will stand strong through rejection like the OP got is not doing himself any favors.

 

I agree with most everything else you said, just not that one part.

 

Ok, well, it got you nowhere, but you don't speak for everyone. I have been told "no", kept at it, and got the girl. It's happened several times. "I couldn't resist you... you were just so confident that it would happen, and nothing I said seemed to phase you." That's almost a quote from the last time it happened. It's more then just possible. There are tons of stories about a persistent guy ending up with the girl.

[Byron1979]

Okay. First off, I didn't feel like she owed me anything. I felt hurt because I liked her and honestly, she decided that she liked someone else better. That's her choice and her right. But I don't want to hang around and persist, when I'm already second choice. Maybe other people are fine with that or don't look at it that way, but I just don't want that. Second, I'm annoyed that she lamented that she can't find a nice guy, said I was a nice guy and seemed mystified that I wasn't with anyone. Only to decide on someone else. She seemed uninterested after the first time, so yeah, I was careful to figure things out. But as much as I don't want to be the second choice, I don't want to be the guy that she cries to if the one she's dating hurts her. Sorry.

[waveseer]

Okay. First off, I didn't feel like she owed me anything. I felt hurt because I liked her and honestly, she decided that she liked someone else better. That's her choice and her right. But I don't want to hang around and persist, when I'm already second choice. Maybe other people are fine with that or don't look at it that way, but I just don't want that. Second, I'm annoyed that she lamented that she can't find a nice guy, said I was a nice guy and seemed mystified that I wasn't with anyone. Only to decide on someone else. She seemed uninterested after the first time, so yeah, I was careful to figure things out. But as much as I don't want to be the second choice, I don't want to be the guy that she cries to if the one she's dating hurts her. Sorry.

 

You are absolutely right not to chase people who annoy you. I doubt she'd want to be with you when you are so annoyed with her anyway.

[Knight of Hope]

Ok, well, it got you nowhere, but you don't speak for everyone. I have been told "no", kept at it, and got the girl. It's happened several times. "I couldn't resist you... you were just so confident that it would happen, and nothing I said seemed to phase you." That's almost a quote from the last time it happened. It's more then just possible. There are tons of stories about a persistent guy ending up with the girl.

 

True enough. Persistence can pay off, but if you're too persistent with some women who are dating someone, you'll just tick them off. That was my point. Probably just should have said that.

[Byron1979]

You are absolutely right not to chase people who annoy you. I doubt she'd want to be with you when you are so annoyed with her anyway.

You know what? Maybe you should understand what it's like to get told that you're a nice guy by a girl/woman that you're interested in and get told that you're great and then ultimately passed over. Yes, crap happens and it sucks and I get it. It's her choice. But you know what, I'm a sensitive guy, or so I'm told. And it's happened enough times to me, and other guys, that at this point, I've just gotten sick of it and I don't need it. I just wanted to blow off a little steam on here, expecting that I'd get some conflicting advice, but you know, I don't need to be treated like that by you. Fine, so I'm mad that I got passed over. I'm petty, I'm immature, whatever. I don't care anymore. Who are you to judge me? Seriously.

[waveseer]

You know what? Maybe you should understand what it's like to get told that you're a nice guy by a girl/woman that you're interested in and get told that you're great and then ultimately passed over. Yes, crap happens and it sucks and I get it. It's her choice. But you know what, I'm a sensitive guy, or so I'm told. And it's happened enough times to me, and other guys, that at this point, I've just gotten sick of it and I don't need it. I just wanted to blow off a little steam on here, expecting that I'd get some conflicting advice, but you know, I don't need to be treated like that by you. Fine, so I'm mad that I got passed over. I'm petty, I'm immature, whatever. I don't care anymore. Who are you to judge me? Seriously.

 

I didn't judge you. I supported you.

[Byron1979]

I didn't judge you. I supported you.

How? I honestly, didn't quite see it that way. Something must have gotten lost in translation.

[waveseer]

How? I honestly, didn't quite see it that way. Something must have gotten lost in translation.

 

I understand that you feel you've been treated unfairly. I also understand that dwelling on those feelings will not resolve them. The key to resolving your situation is to find a woman who makes you feel good rather than angry. You don't want a woman who would accept you while you are annoyed because that means she feels guilty and you are helping her perpetuate it.

 

So, accept your feelings and promise yourself that you will waste no more moments on women who annoy you but rather you will turn your attention to those women who might actually appreciate you.

[Byron1979]

I understand that you feel you've been treated unfairly. I also understand that dwelling on those feelings will not resolve them. The key to resolving your situation is to find a woman who makes you feel good rather than angry. You don't want a woman who would accept you while you are annoyed because that means she feels guilty and you are helping her perpetuate it.

 

So, accept your feelings and promise yourself that you will waste no more moments on women who annoy you but rather you will turn your attention to those women who might actually appreciate you.

Okay. I understand. And you're right on all that. Right now, I have been simply trying to get it out of my system, so I can move on.

[Shudder]

last time a girl did something like this to me we hung out, then she stopped talking to me, stopped responding to my calls/txts for 6 months. then out of the blue called me up and wanted to meet again. so being silly me, i said yes. then she tells me she got a bf and he was possessive and i was like whatever.. turns out she just wanted me on the side to vent about all the stuff she was unhappy about when with him. so i cut her out of my life since i got tired of that and didnt need it.

 

 

good thing you did it early too. save's you a lot of hassle.

[marco76uk]

True enough. Persistence can pay off, but if you're too persistent with some women who are dating someone, you'll just tick them off. That was my point. Probably just should have said that.

 

The whole persistence question is really awkward. No doubt it CAN work - Johnny Cash asked June Carter to marry him something like 30 times before she finally said yes, and that went on to be an incredibly strong partnership.

 

For me, persistence has never paid off. Girls have tended to go straight from mumbling and monosyllabic to exploding with "what the hell is your problem?", without the polite "thanks but no thanks" bit in between.

 

It seems better for your sanity to just keep moving, and not stop and fix on one girl unless she gives you an absolutely concrete reason to do so. But that isn't really the most romantic way of doing things...

[Timbone]

That's the funny thing. In all cases (generally) the best thing to do is walk away, because the outcome is good in both resolutions.

 

Why?

 

Because women will either not be interested in you, to which you say, "okay thanks", and take the high road and don't contact them back and maintain your own sense of self worth; or they will wonder "Why isn't this guy calling me? He must have something special going on, or he's seeing a lot of other girls. I wonder what I'm missing. I should call him," and then all of a sudden you're dating the girl that wouldn't see you because you made her crazy, wondering why you're so much better than she thought you were at first.

 

So, you get your self-worth, or you get the girl.

 

Pretty great, huh?

 

I feel for you though, man, I really do. It's a crazy dating world.

[AmandaB]

To tell you the truth OP I wish I could meet a guy like you on one of my hikes. One who will pursue and make and effort w/ no games You know that you clicked and you pursued it the best you could, kudos to you.

[Day_Walker]

Putting yourself out there can suck, but it is not the end. Yea what she did hurt you, but you will vent andyou will bounce back. Your previous track record with women is of little concern. You should learn from your past and not live in it. There will be women in the future and perhaps you will get hurt again but as long as you keep learning when to steer clear of certain women or their actions then you will be better prepared.

[Brightest Dark]

Maybe she was flirting but it also sounds to me like she was just being friendly and liked hanging out with a guy. I'm a girl who likes having male friends to hang out with - and I think it sucks if a guy suddenly doesn't want to have anything to do with you just because you're not interested in him. Ok, you were hurt, but I think you should have calmed down and thought about it more before de-friending her. Of course if you're the type of guy who doesn't want any friends then I guess you've gotta do what you've gotta do, but it may show her that she did the right thing by not picking you, since you went in a huff. Who wants someone who is gonna throw little hissy fits when they don't get their own way?

[YakasJourney]

Maybe if the OP was more confident, and was just looking for a casual relationship, she may have responded better. But if he is trying to get to know people and looking for a partner, then as others have said, she was not the right person for him and he should move on and brush it off. It sounds like she may be just looking for guy friends.

[Byron1979]

Well, I'm grateful for some comments and not so much for others.

 

Waveseer: I'm sorry I misunderstood what you said in the first place, and once again, what you said after you clarified was right on.

 

Timbone: I agree about the Self-worth thing. As for getting the girl, I think I lost that since I de-friended her on Facebook, the second outcome probably won't happen. Though I feel I did the right thing, if for no other reason than to protect myself. And if that looks bad, then that's too bad. I don't regret doing it. I had to walk away from that, and that was the truth.

 

AmandaB: Well, if what you say about yourself is true, where have you been all my life?

 

Brightest Dark: Okay, so she just wants Male friends as well. I do have female friends. Most of them don't ask me questions like that about my personal life and I don't discuss it with them until we get more comfortable than I was with her. Honestly, I don't need to be judged by you simply because I don't want to be the guy she complains to because she can't find a good guy. And I don't need to be judged by you because I broke off contact with her to protect my heart. I didn't just do it in a fit. I gave it some thought. And honestly, it felt right. But you weren't there. But hey, it must be very convenient for you to get on your high horse and look down your nose at me. Thanks.

[Knight of Hope]

Timbone: I agree about the Self-worth thing. As for getting the girl, I think I lost that since I de-friended her on Facebook, the second outcome probably won't happen. Though I feel I did the right thing, if for no other reason than to protect myself. And if that looks bad, then that's too bad. I don't regret doing it. I had to walk away from that, and that was the truth.

 

Right on. A wise person once told me that you have to do what you feel is right for yourself at any given time, and that's exactly what you did! And not feeling regret over it is even better. Well done, man. Well done.

[Byron1979]

Right on. A wise person once told me that you have to do what you feel is right for yourself at any given time, and that's exactly what you did! And not feeling regret over it is even better. Well done, man. Well done.

Thank you. And as for the confidence issue, I feel I did a pretty good job defending myself and my position here.

 

How's that for confidence?

[AmandaB]

AmandaB: Well, if what you say about yourself is true, where have you been all my life?

 

 

I just did the same thing in my hiking group that Im part of, haha. Did you find your hiking group through link removed? Anyways, I found a guy that I really clicked with. We did a few hikes together, exchanged some texts and things were looking up. He mentioned how he looked forward to seeing me on a hike in the near future and so forth. I was not as brave as you are and I thought he could at least meet me half way if you know what I mean. Well I sent a text a week and a half ago and nothing. I sent an email 5 days ago and nothing. I give up w/ him. If I see him at another event I do if not then whatever. Everybody in the group noticed chemistry between the two of us so I dont know what happened. I wish this guy would just not play the stupid games and be upfront. I hate the games. Tell me you dont like me, tell me you like me, he should at least tell me something and not ignore me.