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What drives me crazy about women.


Byron1979

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Okay, I know I'm being petty, but for crying out loud, I am human and if I need to get out of a situation to save my sanity, then I'll do that.

 

I joined a hiking group a couple months ago. At one of the hikes, I met this girl. We seemed to have a lot in common and got on well. I rode back to a park & ride with her, and she mainly said that she wasn't interested in me and was worried that I might have been trying to get with her or something. I felt a little hurt but moved on. A few days later, she contacted me on Facebook. She wanted to be my friend on Facebook. I let her. We talked a little on facebook and joked around. So, a few weeks later, I was going on another hike, and she didn't want to drive to the location, so I offered to drive her. She accepted and she bought me lunch after the hike in fair exchange. But we had some good talking on the hike. She talked about how she had done some traveling. I said that I haven't had much of a chance to, but I'd love to travel. She mentioned the possibility that we could take a trip together. I said that would be cool, if I could get my money situation together. Anyway, after the hike, on our way to the lunch the group was having, she was like "So, you're totally single?" I said "Yes". She asked why, to which I responded by asking why back. And she told me that I'm a nice guy who seems to have his * * * * together, and lamented that all the nice guys seem to be in committed relationships or are married and all that's left are assholes. Later on in the day, after we went our separate ways, she sent me another message on Facebook, saying that I was pretty cool, and anytime I wanted to hang out, just let her know. The next weekend on Saturday, I messaged her and asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said that she would love to but couldn't because she had plans and asked if we could do it another weekend. I said, what about next weekend. I didn't get a response. Anyway, we did joke around on Facebook later, and I messaged her again (this is 3 days later) and asked if she wanted to hang out. She said that she'd like to see me, but she just started dating someone. ](*,)

 

You know, I really felt hurt. I de-friended her on Facebook, and made it so she couldn't message me. Maybe I overreacted, but I have a terrible track record with women, I'm almost 30 years old, and the last thing I need now is a woman who is not interested in giving me a real chance acting mystified that I'm not with anybody, calling me a nice guy and complaining that she can't find a nice guy and then going to date someone else. I feel so hurt. Yes, I'm immature. I'm a wuss. Lay it on me. But I will say I am a human being and was trying to protect myself in the end.

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Sucks bro. But I have to tell you, its a good thing that you got out of it early. Better then doing things together for a while, then asking her out and getting denied, then still doing things together. In the end, getting played like a fiddle. Because I've been there, done that, and I have to say it was pretty sad. I was hurt, big time, especially when she was making moves on my boy one night, but I also don't know what hurts more watching her do all those things along side others to show me shes not interested or my boy knowing because she told him and not telling me.

 

I don't know what to really say. I guess its a good thing that your cutting off contact. We don't know we have until we lose it but its also true we dont know what we've been missing until it arrives. One day she is going to realize what she's lost by turning you down. And once you're dating someone she will be interested.

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Honestly, from your description, it doesn't necessarily sound like she meant to be anything but friendly. Or, did you really get a vibe that she wanted to date or get to know you in that way? It is really hard when you can't find someone you click with. But, just because someone is friendly doesn't mean they must then take it to the next level. I understand why it would be frustrating, but I don't get that she did anything wrong. It sounds like you may have come on a bit strong--even approaching the idea of dating before you knew each other, and maybe she just needed to pull back. Maybe that's what drives HER crazy about men.

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I think that she knew that you were interested (how could she not?) and wanted the ego boost of having you pursue her - she didn't like it when you backed off. Then she pulls all the Facebook stuff and even suggests going on a trip together - not something a woman does to 'just a friend'.

 

She's a tease and you got whammed by her. Like someone else said - better to find out now.

 

Fortunately, not all women do this.

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Honestly, I did everything not to come on strong. I was just trying to get to know her. I even tried to keep her at a little bit of a distance. Maybe I wanted at least a chance. And I was trying to keep it casual. But you know. I'm fine with people being friendly, but for crying out loud, I really don't need probes into why I'm single when I don't know someone that well, if they're not interested. I feel patronized.

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I think that she knew that you were interested (how could she not?) and wanted the ego boost of having you pursue her - she didn't like it when you backed off. Then she pulls all the Facebook stuff and even suggests going on a trip together - not something a woman does to 'just a friend'.

 

She's a tease and you got whammed by her. Like someone else said - better to find out now.

 

Fortunately, not all women do this.

 

Good point about the trip, actually. It's true, not all women do this. Hopefully most do not.

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Honestly, I did everything not to come on strong. I was just trying to get to know her. I even tried to keep her at a little bit of a distance. Maybe I wanted at least a chance. And I was trying to keep it casual. But you know. I'm fine with people being friendly, but for crying out loud, I really don't need probes into why I'm single when I don't know someone that well, if they're not interested. I feel patronized.

 

Maybe that was the problem. You did everything not to come on strong, therefore protecting yourself, therefore sending a signal to her that you are used to or expect to be rejected. If you had come on strong, and you had just let it fly, and you had just said what you wanted to say up front, with no apologies, and didn't worry about the outcome, then maybe she's see you as a potential mate.

 

Women really do look for stuff like that. If you are merely reacting to her signals, and not just taking what you want (so to speak), then they might just figure that you're not forward or commanding enough to make a relationship happen.

 

Anyway, all just food for thought. When she said the "friend" thing at first, you could have just said "nonsense, we were made for each other!" followed by a sly grin, and who knows what really would have been possible. If a woman knows that her saying no has the potential to throw you so far off the deep end that you'd have to defriend her on Facebook, then they've kind of got their answer. They wouldn't want to date you. In a sense, it's a test. "Can I get to him so easily, someone he doesn't even know?" Subliminally, sometimes, that's what's going on.

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You gave me food, and I'm going to give you my Beef. Every time I do something, I'm being told that I'm coming on too strong, so what do I do? Pull back. Seems reasonable. Measured. Hell, someone in this thread thought I came on too strong. You know, command in this case, takes listening to the other person and not overstepping. It's as much for their benefit as for my own. But seriously, Tests? I can't deal with this crap. It takes two to tango, and I don't need this in my life. Screw it if that's the case. In fact, screw them all.

 

 

On edit: I'm sorry if I came off bad. But if what you say is true, it's pretty childish.

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You gave me food, and I'm going to give you my Beef. Every time I do something, I'm being told that I'm coming on too strong, so what do I do? Pull back. Seems reasonable. Measured. Hell, someone in this thread thought I came on too strong. You know, command in this case, takes listening to the other person and not overstepping. It's as much for their benefit as for my own. But seriously, Tests? I can't deal with this crap. It takes two to tango, and I don't need this in my life. Screw it if that's the case. In fact, screw them all.

 

 

On edit: I'm sorry if I came off bad. But if what you say is true, it's pretty childish.

 

I get your frustration, but life's not fair. Most people, just like you, are coming from places of insecurity and frustration, and they're feeding off of everyone else's insecurities as well. The trick is rarely how strong, or how weak, or how forceful, or how mellow you're coming off. It's about you accepting whatever it is you're doing, and not demanding validation of your actions from the other person. The more you look for a potential mate to validate whatever it is you may be doing, the more you put yourself at the mercy of that person.

 

So don't "act" like this, or "act" like that. Be whoever you are, and don't let what some woman tells you deter you just because she says "this is how it is." A woman can drop the "friend" tag on you, and you don't have to sweat that. Instead of being hurt by it, you could have just responded in stride with "that's cool... I don't mind having a hot friend like you."

 

And as for the "dating" thing. You could have said, "boyfriend, boyfriend?" Get her to spill. Lots of women have boyfriends, and most women don't have those boyfriends for long. Being boyfriend/girlfriend isn't a binding contract. Ask, "does your new boyfriend mind when your male friends send you roses at work?" Be playful. If her opinion of you seems like life or death to you then it's going to stress her out, put her ill at ease, and make it harder for her to get close to you.

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I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. It's not that simple. In many ways, you're telling me to do things that are not in my nature. Furthermore, sure, she could stop dating him. Then she could have gone and dated someone else, even if I didn't break off contact with her. And I already knew she was single a week and a half ago when we went on the hike. But you know what, I was interested, and I'm not going to be anybody's second choice. What the hell did she care that I was single? Why couldn't she have left that alone?

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Im not surprised you were reading more into it, she was giving off signs that perhaps she did like you are more than a friend. Some women are just like that.....they like to lead men on. It injects some excitement into their boring lives, at least until a guy comes along that they are interested in.

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Eh, I wouldn't bother yourself over her much anymore. Anyone that doesn't take the chance with someone like you that is clearly dateable and relationship material is likely just going for the Bad Boy hookup, and will invariably get hurt down the road.

 

This means that while she may have been nice at first, she is certainly a Typical Chick. You don't need that. You want better than average and typical. At least you found that out now.

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The Typical Chick is the one that says she wants a guy that's nice to her, and sweet, and all that, but when it comes down to who she's actually dating, she goes with the jerk, or the Bad Boy, and then wonders why she's not getting what she wants because the guys she's dating is just out to get what he wants.

 

The better girl is the one that knows what she wants, and does things that ensure she dates the kinds of guys that she says she is looking for.

 

That's my definition of Typical Chick. Those aren't the kind you want, a dime a dozen.

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This is not fair to girls like me. I am a female version of yourself. Im not looking for the bad boy. I met some guy on my hiking group where I live. Our situations are very similar except nobody actually said they wanted to date the other. We werent as upfront i guess. We did something like 3 hikes together and I would always give him a ride. We texted a few times and he mentioned how he "hoped to see me on a hike in the near future." Well its been almost 3 weeks and nothing! I have sent out a text, nothing. i have sent out an email, nothing! Men do this as well. Im looking for someone who doesnt play these lame games. Im 28 and Im over the games.

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But see, you haven't actually gone out with the Bad Boy regardless of what you say you want in a guy. You haven't dated him and then wondered why he's not treating you right, despite what you knew about him in the beginning.

 

This guy is playing games, or he is not interested, I'm sorry to say. But I don't think your experience means you fall into that category.

 

Sure, some jerks and bad boys will be disguised as something nice or dateable to you, but it's actions like what this guy has done that show his true colors. Typical Girl wants the bad boy look and not the attitude, but they are generally mutually exclusive.

 

If you were to continue to pursue him after how he's treated you, then I would say you are sliding towards Typical Land.

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The problem here is not the OP, it's her. She is the flaky one sending very mixed signals.

 

OP, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, you just ran into a flaky woman (there are many, as you know). Don't worry, there's good ones out there too... somewhere

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That's what I'm talking about, Amanda. You spot them, and don't do anything with them. The ones I'm referring to would see, and get that feeling and might even know for sure that the bad boy is only after one thing, and yet she would go with him anyway.

 

Why? I dunno. Look good to her friends, he's too hot to say no to, she thinks she can be the one to change him.

 

You don't sound like you do that to yourself. Typical Girl does.

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That's what I'm talking about, Amanda. You spot them, and don't do anything with them. The ones I'm referring to would see, and get that feeling and might even know for sure that the bad boy is only after one thing, and yet she would go with him anyway.

 

Why? I dunno. Look good to her friends, he's too hot to say no to, she thinks she can be the one to change him.

 

You don't sound like you do that to yourself. Typical Girl does.

 

I try to avoid guys like that. You can never change anybody. I know PLENTY of girls who keep trying to change their men and they keep getting screwed because of it. Yea, Im stopped everything w/ this guy. Im not doing anything more. I dont like that crap.

 

Woman do the same thing though. The OP got played by a woman. Both man and woman are capable of this crap.

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I believe it's not as black and white like bad/good. I actually believe both sexes have the potential for both. Personally that's what I find interesting because it's real. When you are not always "nice" that doesn't translate you're bad, rude, unappreciative and all that. Being respectful doesn't translate to becoming a doormat. Being playful, like jettison suggested, doesn't mean you play games. It's about being free and understanding that everything in life and people has equal amount of plus and minus. Like the batteries.

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