Travelling sucks.

[Anonymous3]

This really, really blows.

 

This morning, I was actually doing so much better driving to the Airport, not thinking about the fact that I'm alone now...and my phone doesn't jingle every 5 minutes with a new text message.

 

I get to my hotel, and man...they are the loneliest places in the world. Sure there are people here, and it's on the beach....but I can't share it with anyone. Normally I'd be sending picture messages, and just going back and forth until I went to bed...that last "I love you" text of the night used to make travelling bearable for me, and now my phone just sits....silently. I keep catching myself checking to see if the light is blinking, or if I have a message....but nothing.

 

It's day 4 of NC with her, but I have to say the situation does truly seem to be one where she just needs some time alone. I get hopeful, but at the same time I am all but certain that it is still going to be a while before she actually notices that I'm gone for now. I can't imagine she's just ice cold and feeling nothing, but she's very stubborn...and she can absolutely not talk to someone for a year if they make her mad enough.

 

I really do hate this situation...but it is starting to seem like it may actually be extremely normal (given our circumstances....each other's first LTR, dated for 9 months, never going a day without talking, seeing each other weekly...and all the stuff in her personal life) that she needs some time to step back and look at things.

 

In the mean time, I'm going to hit the hotel gym. I haven't eaten anything but a cup of chili, and some fruit here and there since last Tuesday when we had the phone conversation...I just don't feel hungry, so I guess I'm in a water fast now. I figure at the very least, in a few weeks if I'm slimmed down and somewhat attractive again, if we do end up talking or seeing each other it will be a surprise for her to see what I look like, and maybe help spark us back up.

 

I don't know...I want her to realize (because I know she will) that I was a big part of her life, and miss me. It just sucks to think that I may have to go weeks, or months without having that portion of my life back..

 

Sigh.

[waveseer]

If the water is warm enough, go for a swim, it might do you a world of good.

[Anonymous3]

If the water is warm enough, go for a swim, it might do you a world of good.

 

Would you believe that I didn't bring a suit? I just went to the Ron Jon store and bought, our of all things, a hoodie...should have bought some swim trunks!

 

I'll venture to the beach tomorrow after the work is done I suppose...that's going to suck to though, beaches are her favorite place...Oh well.

 

Life, thou art a heartless * * * * * sometimes!

[Lonewing]

The motion of the plane leaving the ground is a very emotional moment for me, and in this time of weakness I foudn that it reduced me to tears.

 

But I am improving.

[HeavyD]

Make sure you eat man. You think oh, it's fine if I skip lunch today, I'm not very hungry anyways... Well that's what happened to me. I'm a very fit guy, always have been. About 6 foot, clocking in around 150-152 on a good day. We went on the break August 24th. I stepped on the scale butt naked this morning and 132 came up... I've lost about 20lbs...

 

I know exactly what you mean about the loneliness. EVERYTHING reminds you of them. Every little stupid thing throughout the day. From what you see, hear, or feel, it reminds you of them. I was actually at the beach last weekend over labor day, and it was tough. She used to love to watch me surf (or at least try on the east coast...). I catch myself now looking in at the shore hoping to find her reading a magazine with some ridiculously huge designer sunglasses on - no such luck. I did however take a long walk and some deep deep thinking, and it seemed to help. Try and stay around people as much as you can. Even if it's late, go to a bar and grab a beer. Get some food. Stay as active as possible.

[Anonymous3]

Yeah...I can actually stand to lose some weight, so it isn't all bad. I had lunch today.

 

It really pisses me off when I go for a long stretch without thinking about the whole situation, and then some random thought sets me off...and I COMPLETELY zone out of what is happening around me. Like, I literally have no idea what was said, or done...I did it in the car today, and somehow drove 4 miles past where I was supposed to turn, even with the GPS wench yelling recalculating. I really just sucks.

 

The worst part though, is thinking about how she may or may not feel. It hasn't even been a week since she decided she didn't know what she wanted out of life, and I daresay she's not at all upset about it.

 

The one thing that gets me through those moments, is thinking about the day she decides she wants to try again, and how good that immediate power shift will feel. That scares me a little bit, because as mad as I am at her for being able to own me like this, I catch myself waiting for the day I can do the same to her.

 

It's horse crap that the she gets away so cleanly...maybe even relieved for now, and I have to try and function as I fall apart.