LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 This is not an arranged marriage situation. This man is out of state and we have talked on phone 2-3 x. Now here is what I don't understand. He has my home phone no. and ALWAYS calls me on my home phone. Fine, no big deal. Lately, I've been very busy so I missed his phone calls. So, I shared my cell no. with him. (Did I make a mistake there?) He had not asked for it. He never calls me on my cell ever. When I asked our common friend who introduced us, why he does that, she said "Oh, he doesn't like it when a woman talks with him in front of others." What? What is that supposed to mean? I don't normally take my personal calls in front of others, but why is he picky, fussy and controlling about where someone answers their phone? The other day he left a message in a raised voice on my home phone, "You are never home." Well, that's why I gave you my cell no dude. What else am I expected to do? Why does he act this way? Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Well that's annoying...I wonder what else he has issues with! Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Wow, he sure sounds like a nut case Was this guy introduced through a mutual friend Tinu? I think one of your main problems is you do not run into quality men at all. Almost all the guys you meet are nut jobs. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 hello Gry, Yes, he was introduced to me through a common American friend. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of stopping the contact/conversation. I don't know what else will I have to face with this man. Link to comment
hers Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Maybe he doesn't call your cell b/c he doesn't want to disturb you when you're with others. That's how I'd take what your friend said, anyway. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 Well, but if you are not able to catch someone home and they have give you their cell no. why won't you contact them on that no.? If I'm busy with my friends I'll tell him so. Just b'coz I'm not home doesn't mean that I'm with my friends. Sometimes I'm just taking a walk in the neighbourhood, or watching dogs in the pound or watering the plants or something. I can talk then. Link to comment
hers Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Many people still see cell phones as emergency use only, even if others tell them to call them on it. They don't want to play a guessing game of what you're doing when they call you and if you'll be able to talk. Also they may not want to call you on it and have the "rejection" of sorts of you saying you can't talk right now or something. I don't think it's something to think badly of him over. I wouldn't call it controlling. Maybe just an insecurity on his part. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 hmm... okay hers... now what to do? I'm rarely home these days. Should I explain to him calmly? or just leave? Link to comment
hers Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 I'd explain to him that reaching you on your cell is best and leave it at that. If he continues to call your house phone but refuses to call your cell, then I'd wonder if he were worth much, since he'd seem to have a problem listening to what you want (which to me could symbolize a lot more in the long run) Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Tinu, if I remember correctly you always had a problem with phones. It actually took you a while to give out your cell number... and also you were not available to pick up calls due to your work load. Is it still the same situation now? I ask this because I cannot understand that guy repeatedly keeps calling you on the home phone and then complains you are not there. It does not make sense. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 I would tell him that if you are busy when your cell rings, just like when your home phone rings, you will let it go to VM so that he doesn't need to worry about disturbing you when you are out. And, that if you take the call you will be able to talk in private. And leave it at that.....I would find his message annoying. Link to comment
jul-els Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Seems weird. If it were me I would move on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Maybe he doesn't call your cell b/c he doesn't want to disturb you when you're with others. That's how I'd take what your friend said, anyway. yes, that's what i gather. anyways, don't take it personally. just return his call whenever you get a chance! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Maybe he prefers to call the home and because cellphones are expensive. I know that if someone has a home phone and a cell phone, Id prefer too and opt to call the home phone...and because its cheaper. Costs me a few pennies to ring a home phone.....costs me POUNDS for a few minutes on a cell. But still...if I wanted to reach someone in an emergency, I'd call a cell, or mobile as we call them. I wouldnt moan they were never home, if I had their mobile enumber. He sounds a bit insecure, in regard to where you are, what you are up too or who you may be with. Worried that perhaps you have a life, that doesnt include him.... Doesnt mean he will always be that way and turn into the male version of Glen Close, ie: rabbit boiler!! Just likely to be insecure and unsure of where you two guys stand or where it is headed. If you like him, hang on in there and see what happens. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 Tinu, if I remember correctly you always had a problem with phones. It actually took you a while to give out your cell number... and also you were not available to pick up calls due to your work load. Is it still the same situation now? I ask this because I cannot understand that guy repeatedly keeps calling you on the home phone and then complains you are not there. It does not make sense. Yes, but that was then... this is now. I gave him my cell no. b'coz thats a better way to reach me. The reason I'm annoyed b'coz if someone gave me their cell phone, I take it as they are okay with my calling them. I appreciate if he is concerned (thats a big if) but don't do my part of thinking. I've given you my cell no. Just call. No matter how long you try calling my home no. you are not gonna get anywhere b'coz these days I come home just to sleep. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 I would tell him that if you are busy when your cell rings, just like when your home phone rings, you will let it go to VM so that he doesn't need to worry about disturbing you when you are out. And, that if you take the call you will be able to talk in private. And leave it at that.....I would find his message annoying. Isn't this assumed Batya? If someone is busy when you call their cell they either hit end the call or let the machine ring and VM pick right? What surprises and annoys me about this man is we don't know each other well and he is already making assumptions "oh I don't want her to answer my call in front of others." Well if I do, thats my business. You mind yours. The same thing can happen even if I'm in my house. I can answer in front of my roommate, friends, dogs, whatever. Why you need to know? Why you care so early on? Why do I owe an explanation so early on Batya? Why do I need to reassure that I'm not doing something that he might be afraid I'm doing? I don't like it. Am I asking him where are you answering my call? I don't. Link to comment
hers Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 i think you're acting more annoyed than you need to be. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 okay, thank you hers. I'll just tell him the message that posters here have suggested and see what his reaction is. Thank you everyone. I appreciate it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 i think you're acting more annoyed than you need to be. yeah, i mean, i would just accept that's how he is, and then just return his messages when he leaves you a voicemail at home. not a big deal. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Ariel, calm down. I didn't know this man would be like this until now. Moreover he is introduced by a common friend. I haven't had someone give me this excuse so I'm asking here if I did something wrong or the guy is worth nothing and should be left alone. Why are you responding this way to my message? I myself don't have much experience in dating. I've to ask Qs to get an answer. Oh, I'm very calm, Tinu. It's just frustrating to see the same postings month after month, and nothing changes. You start to engage with some guy online who lives far away, or has some other reason to not meet for an extended period and therefore over-invest, you then get WAY WAY upset and blow it WAY WAY out of proportion over something he said, did, didn't say, didn't do, then you make it a personal cause celebre, dig your heels in, draw a line in the sand, and then you convince yourself you have a reason to blast him or reject him. You become excessively critical of the slightest behaviors from these guys, and then twist the situation around so that it appears in your mind, that the guy was somehow unfit, unworthy, or unstable, and then you can feel better about the sabotage you've commited. What you seem to like to do, is look for the bad, nurture it, instead of encouraging the positive. It's almost as if the energy you expend in these fruitless dances is sufficient interaction and romance for you, because honestly, I am fully convinced the only real barrier to love in your life is you, your reactions, and your choices. Until those are genuinely and honestly examined, it will continue to be later, rinse and report. With this guy, is his phone etiquette really that concerning and worthy of drama or further examination? Or, couldn't (shouldn't) it be a situation where you just tell him that you're not home much these days, and would hate to miss his call, and encourage him to reach you on your cell? Wouldn't (shouldn't) that be the logical reaction if you want this to work? Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 I'm sorry Ariel that I ever paid attention to your message. You have something against me and my posts I guess. You come accross as a harsh person. Thats not helpful. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Tinu, other than this phone eccentricity how is that guy otherwise? How many dates have you gone with him? If he is okay in other areas then it would benefit you to overlook this phone issue and continue going on dates with him. You can also politely tell him that it would be great if he can call your cell as you do not wish to miss his calls. That would make him feel good and also get the message that you are interested and do not want to miss his calls. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 sorry for the off-topic but what is meant by 'rabbit boiler'? Link to comment
jul-els Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 sorry for the off-topic but what is meant by 'rabbit boiler'? link removed Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 why do you question new people with psycho behavior all the time? can't you just move on? Link to comment
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