Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sunshine34]

My heart is still broken I wish it would heal faster and I'd be over you. I hate you

[sunshine34]

I get these urges from time to time, urges to run back to you and "win you over " I rationalize it in my brain, well we both love each other, we both want to be with each other and even if somehow this is true the part that hurts remains the same.. We live far away and you don't treat me in a loving manner.. You treat me like I treat my car, a few dents, banged up but you don't invest in fixing them because you know you'll replace me in the future . You know I'm just a means to an end and you'd rather wait for the future than deal with me. You leave junk in me, you don't treat me like I'm new anymore . You don't care how other people judge you for how you treat me , because I'm still just something you used to love. Something you used to be so proud of that made you so happy and now all you have are negative comments. Find memories but no respect. I still have fantasies about waking up to a message from you saying you love me and you understand. That you can be more loving and wish you could take it all back. I miss how comfortable we were. How easy it was to love you and how effortlessly we fit

[sunshine34]

If I could have anything right now I'd want to go back a year.. Just live one night over and embrace the one night I should have but didn't. When we moved in together to that house and we went grocery shopping and had dinner on the floor. It was special but I resented you, resented you for all the lack of emotional support you gave me, all the unfulfilled promises, but now I could appreciate the specialness of that moment and know better times were coming. Maybe I could've stopped everything from going to . Because even though both of us didn't have much, you did everything you could to support me in all the ways I wanted and that was beautiful. I won't forget those times. Life was so full of possibilities, there was a fear, but if I could have the strength I have now then, I wouldn't have left you. I would've stayed and finished biochem at fiu, maybe I would've gotten a job in miami and I'd be happier. I still think we would've fallen out bc ur new job you have now changed you. It's funny just like you always said the version of you that behaved like james was callous and calculated , as soon as everyone started calling you james and it wasn't just me bc I liked how our names sounded better together you became callous and calculated.. I miss Aaron. I miss um, I miss us. My life feels empty without the meaning we had and it hurts to think you are easily forgetting me

[Thanksguys]

I Hate that you said to me 'i always said my heart was taken'. NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU NEVER SAID THAT. What you said, it's now clear, was so carefully worded and false and constructed that I was always floating on air. You're a horrible person. How dare you try and be so clever, and shame on me for falling for it! Shame. On. Me. I hate that you think you were honest with me. I hate that you are carrying on with no regrets or pain, and with your conscience somehow clear. Shame on you for stringing me along! Shame on you for thinking you're all that! Shame on you for using me! Horrible man! And by the way all your friends are hideous. All your horrible friends that are probably laughing at me with you. Shame on you all.

[spazmy]

Day 9 of NC. I feel I am gradually growing stronger. Am seeing so much more of you even though we do not communicate. Reflecting on the time I spent with you is helping me to understand that you were an illusion. You were an illusion mostly of my own making. This is the path to healing. This is the way forward. To slowly dissolve one's own illusions.

[hopelessincan]

You're right. It's for the best. I just spent the last hour going through our vacation pictures. I never did give them to you. I told you how grateful I was to you for bringing me back out of my shell. I don't think you realize exactly what that meant.

I take it back, it's not for the best. But it's gotta be, at least for now. Still miss you. But I'm so angry and upset with you.

They all tell me you'll me back. Why don't people mind their own business? You're not the only one Im not talking to...

[toolovehim]

Thanks for creating this thread again! At least I have a place to say, there is no way to make someone loves you.

 

I don't text you not because I no longer care, not because I no longer need and want you in my life, but because I understand that you will be happier with someone else.

I wish I was kissing you instead of missing you.

[BoredUp]

watched 50 Shades of Grey. I'm so thankful you always told me you loved me before making love to me... and how you'd patiently wait for me to acknowledge it before continuing.

[Getting there]

I carried you and held you up for so long never receiving anything in return. You weighed me down and made it difficult to hold my head up. Moving on and feel so much lighter without you as baggage.

[hopelessincan]

i know we are done. Reality set in today. We cant fix our $ until you fix yours and I fix mine. Know that I love you though. Im sorry we met at the wrong time.

Ironic thing is, I cant fix myself until we fix us. So goodbye and I love you

[BrookeHx]

I've finally reached a point where I don't need you any more. I miss the times we had together and the times spent with your daughter. I miss how I felt when we were happy and I miss the guy you used to be but that will pass in time.

 

I wish you would have cared enough to fight for me and to work things out but I'm grateful you didn't as it's helped me to move on and see your true colours.

 

I don't think you intentionally hurt me. I think you handled things the wrong way. I know you felt guilty for a while too. You apologised and that's something.

 

I wish you would let me go now. When ever I no contact you get in touch a week later with small talk. That's not helping me at all. You build my hopes up when nothings changed. Two months down the line you still don't want to be with me.

 

I'm dreading working with you in a few weeks time. It will only be for three months until I transfer. As far as you'll know your presence won't affect me. I'll be putting a brave face on at work. I hope I can stay strong and not go running back to you.

[sunshine34]

the urges to contact you are becoming stronger.. i dont understand my healing process.. why was it fine and now it is getting worse a week or aocuple of weeks in? i keep reminding myself it makes no sense ot contact you anyways, you treated me so badly and you want to forget me. you don't actually care for me and you have most likely moved on, you just like to say im the enemy and you are the victim because u are a pansy

[sunshine34]

i am so depressed i dont care about anything anymore.. dont care i havent heard from my job, dont care aout what i eat, dont care about the gym, dont care about the weekend, dont care about anything and i feel nothing but sadness and confusion over you, and the urge to sleep/never wake

[DepthOfField]

I have come such a long way since I had to walk away from you. I still don't know what really was going through your head that caused you to push you away from me late last year.

 

Healing from this has been such a long windy journey, I'm still left speechless. I've spent the past several months working on myself, becoming a better man, and appreciating all the amazing people, animals and things I have in my life. I've reached a point where I'm content being on my own and no longer overwhelmed by the debilitating heartbreak.

 

Despite all this, I still do think about you. A lot. A tonne. I still sometimes wish I had you back in my life, but that's just a fairy tale for now. It will never work out between us.

 

At this point I will continue to live my life and perhaps someone amazing will come into my life.

[sunshine34]

I need to stop mourning you as if you are dead.. You are very much alive and happy just choosing to want me out of your life. That doesn't mean my life should stop or my future will never be happy.. I keep reminding myself I was okay after my other exes that at one point in time I felt this sorrow for them, yet my brain tells me this is different even though I know it's not.. It's an illusion to get me to hold onto some type of hope, as if that would bring you back. I'm holding onto your stuff for the same reason and I know very soon I need to let it all go. My heart hurts because it recognizes you as its counterpart. And a tone point in time I truly believe you were, I guess it's easy to forget why I left when you are vanished from my present and my future. That part cuts deep despite understanding it because I used to be like you. I used to think my healing and happiness would come from completely shutting that person out and even now I know I need that to heal, the difference is I feel as though I've matured enough from those times in my life to know if we never speak again, all of this was in vein. The entire thing was a waste of time and it is as if you were a phantom of the past. I know that is how things will be and it destroys me.. Which makes zero sense because I also don't see how you can fit in my future any other way but romantically.. Maybe it's my subconscious wishing you'd go back to how you were , loving and sensitive and I'd stay full of love like I am now and was in the past few mos. that's the alternate reality I live in now, until I wake up and remember I can't talk to you ever agan.

[sunshine34]

I can't tell you I miss you or that you're all I think of, you're the only one that reached into me and I made a life with. Every day I keep thinking of where I was last year, where we were and how I felt. The good times, the bad times. The ones I'll take with me always, and knowing whatever I go through moving forward will be without you.. That one day I'll be forced to replace you and you song remember me.

[sunshine34]

What happened to us? What happened to you?? Is it me that turned you into this?? Is it me that pushed you into her? Is it me that pushed u away from me to the point where excuses became your primary mode of sympathy ? Where your heart didn't reach out to me but your anger did instead. When did love become a word instead of actions? When did you really leave me? It was long before you forced me to leave you. No one will ever know the girl you did, you wounded her into a place that she will never come out of and the worst part is you don't xare. I see all these posts of people in new relationships, so invested in something so superficial and I see you in those posts. I see you and I think of what you are doing ? What girl are you giving the attention you couldn't give to me? Whose getting the love I screed and pleaded for so easily? What makes her so special and why did you do this to me? Did you even know you were doing it? Why don't I matter and why did you use all the words in the dictionary to convince me I did? What was the point of deceiving me? To deceive yourself so you could never take the blame for the downfall of us? It's so twisted but it's so you. Cruel and confusing just like your mother. I just want to feel smething again, I want to feel like my future is not just going to be a gaping hole and me next to a cut out of someone that was supposed to be you.. Always trying to fill a slot that will never be filled , placing someone in your shoes.. Will I ever have connection? Will my feelings for you ever fade or have you been the last person to break me?

[hopelessincan]

Its been 11 days. I still cant smile. I wish we had met at a different time. I think 11 days is usually as long as we lasted before. Gotta love your strength. Your head I think has decided for your heart. You've been so silent. I cant handle not hearing your voice. Why cant we just accept each other? I'd rather disagree and learn how to work together than feel this. Worst feeling ever.

 

'I never felt good enough for you. That's never happened to me. Usually I feel they aren't good enough for me, but I still stick around anyways if I tried long enough.

 

I cant even focus much any more. No matter what, Im proud of myself for leaving you be. Its hard as heck for me, but I know its gotta be this way. Pushing never helped us. And despite you thinking it was just me pushing, you did as well. Just in other ways. I just was able to brush it off.

 

Still miss you like crazy. Sorry I was such a pain and stressed you out. Wish I had known earlier. I hope you are well. And I hope you are actually taking time to think.

 

And I hope I can finally learn how to live in the moment. Moments suck now....but they sure didn't before. If anything, you taught me how its supposed to be.

[Thanksguys]

I broke a week's NC last night and guess what? It hurt! More fool me! Anyway I'm glad to report that your horrible cold reply to the simple question of 'how you?' Has made me realise just what a horrible person you are. Haha! I didn't wake up thinking about you for the forst time in three weeks.

[sunshine34]

I can't concentrate on anything but the lack of you in my life. I had a dream with you in it and you were a real jerk to me, I've been having the same dream again and again and I'm not sure why.. I don't know if it's my form of telling myself you're a jerk or what. I wake up missing u and messed up

[Getting there]

3 weeks, I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since we last talked. It's been so strange going from talking everyday to not talking at all, but I AM FINE. Despite the pain I felt when I found out you cheated, I'm doing really well! I questioned everything and the past 3 years when it happened, but after much thought, I don't think my memories are wrong. We loved each other very much, but you also liked the attention someone else was giving you as well. We just grew into different people and you made some bad decisions. There was a lack of integrity and respect there, and I have no doubt you'll continue to treat this new girl the same way until she realizes that she deserves better. I think about you everyday and I miss my best friend, but that will pass with time. I don't doubt you ever loved me, but I know I deserve more than you can ever provide. I don't wish you any pain, but I never want to see or speak to you ever again. I am happy without you in my life.

[sunshine34]

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you x10^6

[BoredUp]

wow, it's almost been 3 weeks. i'm finally at the point where i know you're not going to contact me. i was very firm when we broke up not to contact me in any form. i was worried about you stalking me and i was operating on a high level of stress. you're probably mad at me for being so rude about it, whenever i try to put myself in your shoes, i feel like you absolutely hate me and it's messing with my head. but ok, after giving it considerable thought. i was patient, i was firm, i tried extremely hard. i want to say i tried my best, but i know i messed up sometimes and wasn't perfect and that messes with my head also. i know how crazy immature i've managed to be in the past... with other relationships. there might have been crazy immature points in this relationship too, but nothing on the levels of where i used to be at, those really embarrassing points, the ones you regret for the rest of your life. i can't let my past behavior make me feel horrible about this relationship. no, because in this relationship, i was enough. i wasn't perfect, but i was enough. i was gentle enough, i was caring enough, i know i just wanted to make you happy and was genuinely thrilled if you showed any signs of happiness, i tried enough. this is enough, i don't have to keep beating myself up. you hate me because of your own personal issues and insecurities. you can't be friends with me because you're incapable of being friends with even your own family members. you won't see a bright side or any benefits of having a friend that's been through some similar tough experiences as you, because... you just don't think that way, see a bright side or need friends to be happy, you're fine being alone, you never did reach out, you never will reach out, it's just the way you are.

 

i wonder what you're thinking. i mean, we agreed we'd be friends "no matter what". so, you know i'm out there wondering all sorts of stuff. i wonder if you know how much i'm out there beating myself up. i wonder if that makes you happy. i can't help but to come to that conclusion. it probably makes you feel extremely content, secure and in control somehow. well, have fun with that then, i guess. i'll try to move along here as quickly as humanly possible, now that i know what you say and promise means absolutely nothing... or worse, takes the backseat to your... issues.

[toolovehim]

I am so confused, so cofused. What do you really want? Do you like me? Why?

[toolovehim]

There are hundred reasons I should walk a way, but....