Thanksguys

Stop it! I hate you! I hate that you weren't who I thought you were! It is my fault for being so naive! I hate myself! Aaaargh!!!

I hate that you've moved on this quick like I was nothing.

I am soooo angry at myself. You lied to me. Why couldn't I see it? I was so naive. I was so smug the whole time, thinking I'd found a good man. Makes it worse that we had loads of great times because now I don't know what lies you weretelling then. All I know is you lied at the end but I'm stuck wondering what else you've lied about and it's stopping me from moving on. Why did you tell me you were ill. It's all over fb that you're drinking and exercising and travelling. Doesn't seem like you're that ill then?!?! And me telling everyone that I feel so sorry for you. 'The poor man' 'it must be terrible'. It's not though is it because it's just not truuuuue!!!!

I broke a week's NC last night and guess what? It hurt! More fool me! Anyway I'm glad to report that your horrible cold reply to the simple question of 'how you?' Has made me realise just what a horrible person you are. Haha! I didn't wake up thinking about you for the forst time in three weeks.

I Hate that you said to me 'i always said my heart was taken'. NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU NEVER SAID THAT. What you said, it's now clear, was so carefully worded and false and constructed that I was always floating on air. You're a horrible person. How dare you try and be so clever, and shame on me for falling for it! Shame. On. Me. I hate that you think you were honest with me. I hate that you are carrying on with no regrets or pain, and with your conscience somehow clear. Shame on you for stringing me along! Shame on you for thinking you're all that! Shame on you for using me! Horrible man! And by the way all your friends are hideous. All your horrible friends that are probably laughing at me with you. Shame on you all.

I have loads of questions for you but I don't want the answers. I hate myself for knowing you had massive issues but I chose to ignore them. I'm sad we're through but I know it was the right thing because I deserve someone better. You were never awful to me but you were so so distant. Why did I let it carry on? And why did you? What the hell is the point of going out with me when you are not over someone else, only to treat me so well, compliment me, tell me all those things, draw me in, make me love you and then dump me when I get too close?? You LET me get that close! You made me get that close! You drew me in with the way you treated me and I'm so angry at myself that I ignored your baggage, thinking it would be fine in the end. You've lost a good woman here dude! You just dropped me and will go running back to her. I hate you. I hate her and her stupid smug face. I hope it doesn't work out and you come crawling back to me and I will say 'whatever mate!' and walk off with my head held high. Haha. You're so tricksy you stupid tool!

Using your illness as an excuse when really it's the fact that you're still in love with your ex is making me ANGRY! At myself as well as you! Why did I let it go so long even though I knew you had baggage? I feel stupid, strung along, angry, sad, gutted and I want answers that don't exist. I really hope one day you wake up and I'M the one you regret losing. I'm going to hold my head up!