Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[t1lersm0m1]

The mystery person who texted me happy birthday wasn't you. It was someone from work. Not sure why she didn't reply when I said who is this.

 

I know you know my birthday. And even if you didn't want to wish me a happy birthday, I'm sure you thought of me. You couldn't have been with me six months and then just forget me.

 

I read articles that say the dumpee feels the pain immediately, but the dumper feels relieved at first, and then the pain kicks in later when they realize they miss you. Maybe through trying to contact you I haven't given you the opportunity to miss me.

 

I'm so conflicted. I want you back, but I know I deserve better. The way you dealt with conflict was shameful. To ignore me, even when I told you ignoring me was the worst thing you could do. And then you said you didn't know what to do when I act like that. All you had to do was answer your phone so we could talk. I wasn't going to flip out on the phone. I just wanted to talk to you to resolve the conflict, but you cowered away from it because you are a coward. You broke up with me through email and you're 43.

 

I haven't cried in a week. And before that, it was a few weeks. You really don't deserve my tears. I hope my next boyfriend is like you, but confident. If you were over your wife and confident you would have been perfect for me. But I still have work to do.

 

I hope for your sake and for your future happiness, you work on yourself. I hope you learn and grow and change, because you really need to.

 

I don't wish anything bad on you. I wish you a life full of happiness. But I need to figure out how to move on. It's been a month, you made it clear you don't want to hear from me, and that we are over forever. I read the other threads here and give myself hope, but I am going to figure out how to let go.

[brokenhearted1]

After splitting up again...and then talking...then deciding to not talk again...

 

One day since I haven't talked to him. I guess he has moved on..or maybe not. He told me he was having a hard time moving on from me, but then talks about other women online. IK I shouldn't look, but it's hard. I am good at not contacting him first...he always contacts me.

 

It's tough bc my vehicle is in the shop and idk what's wrong with it...then I have to sit at home n do nothing. It's so much added stress, and I just need something to go right. It kinda feels like everything is falling apart, and that makes me miss him more. I don't even know why sometimes. It's not like he was ever really there for me anyways.

 

He broke my heart...

[lioness726]

Job hunting is already depressing on its own. But to have to deal with a broken foot that needs to heal, and a broken heart? It's even worse. The universe is turning my world upside down and even though I'm hurting so deeply, I guess the consolation is that the worst part is over.

 

I hate that I'm thinking of you right now. I'm dog sitting for my friend so it's been a change of scenery as I lay in her bed with the dogs watching Netflix. I've actually had quite a full weekend and have been surrounded by lots of friends. It's nice. I'm able to distract for a bit but then I'm forced to be by myself. That's when this sadness and complete loneliness creeps in. I know this will be temporary. Unlike you, I'm trying to face all these ugly emotions. Unlike you, I'm not going to run from situations, hardness, and especially from myself. I'm being honest with myself and allowing myself to feel this pain, dig deep, and learn from it. I'm also teaching myself acceptance. As much as I love you and I wanted with every fiber of my being for us to work, (and really believed it would too), I'm teaching myself to accept that it hasn't and it shouldn't. I really shouldn't want someone who doesn't love me.

 

Funny thing is, as I'm sitting here writing this and thinking of you, I'm just now getting a request on my Facebook from you for the game Candy Crush. Really? You DO know that you can choose who NOT to send requests to, right? I would think you would avoid sending things like that to me. Or are you just happy I haven't deleted you off Facebook and are hopeful that because I haven't, I don't hate you, and that we'll be friends soon. Or worse... you actually think we ARE friends now? Wow. I hope not. You would think that my lack of contacting you would show that but since it's only been three and half weeks since we broke up, you're not getting that. Maybe you will after three months? I'm wondering if cutting contact with your friends will achieve that as well? I don't want to cut them out of my life but I don't think I want them knowing things about my life because I don't want them telling you... Sounds dramatic, I know. But I don't even want to give you the privilege of knowing anything about me. You don't get that luxury anymore. Funny thing is, unlike any other breakup, my self-esteem about my appearance and how cool I am has NOT suffered. I still feel quite pretty (guys stare at me all the time when I go out). And I still think I'm pretty awesome. (When I engage in conversations with men, I can tell they're interested and think I'm funny and intriguing.)

 

Oddly, I think I'm desired even more now when I go out. Because I'm confident in my looks and because I'm seriously NOT looking to meet anyone. Ha. I think men pick up on that. It's like they smell my confidence and automatically know I don't want anything to do with them. I don't know if they see that as a challenge or every other girl in the place reeks of desperation while I'm donning the classic perfume of "I don't give a sh**".

Who knows?

 

I hate feeling this depression. I hate missing you. I hate that I fell for you. I feel stupid for it. I hate that you told me I wasn't the girl for you. I also hate that most of the time I don't believe that you actually feel that way. I was watching a movie today and a woman in it said that since she was so terrified of losing the man she loved, she told him that she didn't want to marry him and that she didn't love him. Stupidly, I thought of you and wondered if that was you. I wondered that since you were so deeply scarred, that your fears of more hurt stunted your ability to open up to me and love me. I really felt like you did feel that love for me. I caught glimpses of it within you. At times when you were letting your guard down, I saw it in your eyes. It was like a twinkle. But then... maybe I just wanted to see it. I wish I could ask you but how can you give me an honest answer when you're not honest with yourself? Maybe I was asking all the wrong questions while I was with you. Maybe... I shouldn't have to use so many "maybe's" with someone worthy of my love. Maybe you really weren't worthy of my love anyway.

 

SIGH

 

Slowly, I'm trying to let go of you. I've already made the deal with myself that at night, I'm not allowed to look at any old pictures of you/us or old texts when we were together and happy. Not unless I have a friend sitting with me right then and there. During the day, I'm allowed because I can always call someone or go somewhere with people (that's not a bar). I'm trying to be over this. And not so we can be friends and things can be cool again. But so I can move on and not have you in my head all the time. You're not supposed to be there. You really don't deserve that much residence. I'm trying to vacate you permanently and completely so I can build up more residency for myself. Clearly, I've neglected ME since I allowed someone like you to take up so much space. You proved to be an unworthy resident and clearly someone who never really wanted to be there in the first place...

 

And now, it's back to zoning out on Netflix. It seems to be the only thing that makes me numb for a little while.

[Melting]

You let me believe that our relationship was going great, when it clearly wasn't.

 

You are no man.

[t1lersm0m1]

My heart still doesn't understand how we could have a great weekend, and then break up 5 days later. How you could tell me you love me. But then I think of all the times you were upset and didn't tell me because you don't like conflict. Or the times I knew you were upset and you IGNORED me because you don't like conflict.

 

I think of your terrible self-confidence, and your love for your wife, who by all accounts according to you did not deserve it. Why would you love someone who was rotten to you, and push me away when all I tried to do was lift you up? Your self-esteem, that's why. I could have been perfect, and things still would have ended.

 

I'm beginning to let go. I know it's a process, and saying it doesn't mean it's done. But I think of you less, and love you less. I love you, but I love me more. I deserve my love, you don't.

[micro]

I miss you again.

Today I was thinking about you.

I realized that after all perhaps you didn't love me as much as you were saying and I was thinking.

 

When I look back, I see myself hoping that we would be together since breakup. I was waiting for you, trying to win you back, you were refusing.

You didn't understand difficulties I was having during last period of relationship...I didn't sleep well for months, and you thought only about yourself, couldn't understand me.

I was under pressure, with no sleep and your selfishness. I had to get out to solve my problems. You didn't support me, even didn't wait for me.

 

I see at ENA lot of hurt people who would do everything, the ex who left them to come back.

I did that for you....i solved my problems for the sake of us and came back....i wanted to marry you....to spend life with you, to have children with you....

I tried several times, but you forgot me fast....Yes, you didn't love me enough after all and you were good actor...made me to think that I was center of your world....

 

But now I know it was just an illusion.

[kz91]

When someone breaks your heart the way you broke mine, that's when you know.

 

When you're whole world falls apart, you'll know.

 

When you can feel the pain in your chest, you'll know.

 

When you one you need the most walks away, you'll know.

 

I know because of you.

[Nixxi]

I woke up crying again today. Everything that has been said is effecting me terribly. I feel rotten, like I'm a bad person, and trashy. I know I'm not to blame for how u feel or half the things being said about me are not true, but why didn't you stick up for me? Why did you let me get beaten into this wreck of a person I call me?

 

Where are you? You say you are not in love with me anymore. What the hell does that mean? You don't just fall out of love with someone that quickly.. It's starting to be apparent you never loved me at all. Was I only meant to be a distraction? Until someone else close by caught your attention? How will I ever know? I won't, because you ended it. You gave up on me.

 

You know what hurts the most? Not 2 days before you disappeared without a trace you told me you would be here for me, be nice to me, work on us. You lied to me, I believed you, I never thought you would do that to me. Don't you get how much you meant to me? The effect you had on bettering myself? I guess that feeling was mine alone, I stopped bringing you happiness ages ago. You know how that feels to be the only one hurting? To never be able to touch the only person on earth you love?

 

I close my eyes and still think of the day we meet. I get off the plane, drop my bags, and run into your arms. Staring into those sexy eyes and finally feeling home. It hurts so bad. I just want this feeling to go away. Please...

[Nixxi]

Jesus where are you? I've been waiting days for a conversation. Do you think that low of me now that I can't even have small talk with you? . Want me to give up, but I can't, something inside is telling me not to, I can't muffle it.

 

You know I see right thru you, I can see the real you. I can see the person you are and who you strive to be. I know all your weaknesses, what makes you tick, and what makes you happy. You are unique, incredibly loving, and the best man I have ever met. Why am I still here standing my ground? I must be incredibly stupid to think you are going to come back to me. I get so angry sometimes, can't you just see what we could have? I screwed up yes, I get that. I'm trying to show you that I am better, I can be a better person. You don't see it though, all you care about is forgetting I existed. You know you can't, you know you still love me, and you know you can lift the hard feelings. But you won't just accept me, you won't accept my faults, or my feelings. You say I don't listen to yours, but dammit have you been listening to mine? Happiness is staring you right in the face, just let it happen.

[Cons]

I said we were over, I had reasons, all you had to do was try a little harder, I even told you that I would leave if it continued, it continued, goodbye R

[Melting]

I am not sad we are over

I am sad that you let a relationship that was going nowhere go on for so long.

 

I believed you and I trusted you

[magicangel]

I know i hurt u, but u hurt me just as bad why do u not care why did u just throw me away

[t1lersm0m1]

I've nearly said all to you there is to say. I know i will keep strong with NC. So you don't have to worry about hearing from me again. I hope you miss me, but I have to stop writing to you on here.

 

You said M was verbally abusive and withheld love. I was amazing to you. I think that's why you pushed me away. Last year I pushed B away because I didn't believe I deserved the happiness he was bringing me. My head was so screwed up. You weren't ready for a relationship. I told you she did you a favor separating from you, and you agreed. You told me I had an amazing,loving heart. The first time we dated you said I brought you back to life, made you want to be a better man.

 

I'm not coming to this thread to write to you anymore. I need to limit my time on here.

 

Oh, how I wish I stuck to NC after you broke up with me. If there was to be a chance, that would have let me leave with dignity and give me a better chance. But I'm doing it now. To heal, but hopefully, once you heal, you'll realize what you had.

[magicangel]

GOD every moment hurts more than the last how can u do this to us how could I do this to us I'm empty I need u but u dnt need me Iwant u baby how did we get here 8months down the drain I miss u I love u but I lost u

[magicangel]

I dnt know how to let u go I'm pathetic I think of u constantly thisis so unfair iI'm a wreck and u r perfectly fine without me, how do ppl do NC when all I can do is tgink of u everyday I'm a bit stronger then u text and get my hopes up just so I can fall flat on my face what do u get out of it u say u wanna see me for what tho to hurt me more I need help I'm a wreck someone anyone help!

[SilverLCloud]

I have absolutely no idea why it is that you insist on sending me a message every single week, in the hopes that im going to break NC. Theres nothing left to say, what more do you want? Its been 5 months, you were absolutely horrible to me the last time i broke NC for you, you apologized, i accepted, i wrote a letter and i gained some pre closure. Please don tmake this more difficult than it has to be, for you or for me. You wanted to move on and i followed suit. Its not fair for either of us to relive the painful circumstances and for you to hope that i feel the same way i do. I honestly dont. Its taken 5 whole months to get to this point. Without grudge, i hope you realised what you did. You cant take words back, and you had the choice as to how you wanted to handle the situation. Stop punishing people for others mistakes when all they have been is honest with you. I wanted you so so bad, there was so much i would have done, did, given up and gave up for you. It was intense, it was shortlived, but above all it was the stepping stone to understand just who i am, and who i need to be. Without you. A part of me hopes you get it, a part of me hopes you figure it out on your own.

Give me the space.

[sunshine34]

I know maybe this isn't the correct spot to

Post, but it's where I feel the perfect balance of invisible and heard. Living and dead at the same time, just like my heart and soul at the moment. Ex, you broke me. You watched me faulter and swooped in to take your revenge for my mistakes. Then as if the damage wasn't worth you came back w empty promises leaving me with a broken heart in the dust.. In a way, I'm happy you left, bc you weren't right for me and without you, I grew closer to myself and my relationship with god. Now, there's a new guy in the picture that I thought was everything I've been waiting for.. I've been praying for the one for so long and finally I thought, someone is sent for me. But I'm realizing.. With each person I let get close to me that breaks a piece of my heart, it affects the next person who gets close to me. In a sense, my brokenness is preventing me from being whole. Even when the other piece could be in front of me . Bc I see all of the past mistakes in him.. Bc I'm afraid. Bc of all of the s before him. So I made this promise not just for me but for god, to finally try to salvage a bit of my purity and bring not only me closer to him but to save my soul from any more damage. I find myself struggling. Giving in to pressures bc I'm afraid.. Afraid I can't be loved without it. Afraid it's ingrained in me and I have to give into the impulse. But each time I faulter, each time I lose a piece of the specialty I'm trying to preserve. I haven't actually crossed a boundary, but the impure thoughts, the impure actions I'm partaking in and the animalistic nature of it all is hurting me. I told you I'm going to start enforcing my boundaries and honestly, I'm nervous you will run away.. I guess I can't blame you, it's a human need. But I need to put me first and be stronger within myself to fight for what I believe ln. I feel like you are going to tell me you can't take my constant concerns, but I'm not perfect.. I'm damaged in a sense.. If you can't deal, you aren't for me. And I need to remember if you loved me the way I need my future husband to, this would just be a testament to our own future. The truth is, I'm not even sure if the way I behave on impulse is something I want to engage in. Even after I tie the knot. Better to find out earlier than later I suppose I want someone to make love to me. Not have desires to complicate and convolute something so sacred and precious. I might live in another century, but I'd rather be alone than have to feel like I'm letting myself down. I've been alone so long, it might just be easier than having to suppress problems because I think you will run. I need to be selfish. Shape myself first. Today determines tomorrow and I want to live a life I'm proud of. A pure one. Where I'm not at risk and I'm responsible.

[Melting]

Today has been the first day of no sadness

[magicangel]

Yesterday I contacted u and u were cruel, I know now I need to be strong because regardless of everything that happened I was good to u, or maybe not it no longer matters I hung up u cAlled back three times u have no idea how bad I wanted to answer but I didn't now I can't stop thinking of u, but before ur cruelty u begged me to move on ha I thought u loved me, I was wrong I hope noone ever hurts u the way u hurt me, I think I might delete ur texts emails and pictures today

[iamstrong]

Ian: what do you know about wanting to be in a committed relationship? Your telly message to me made me laugh outloud mate! Other bobs heard me through the office. You want to be in a relationship with me but still free to shag other women???? Your mad! And I am pleased that I won't even entertain the idea of responding to you. "I'll get it out of my blood and then we can carry on": no, no we can't mate.

 

You are never going to be beyond a whacker and I will not waste another line on you: it is telling of my self-respect if I fancy ringing you up to even tell you to jump off. I like me too much to even be your friend. My spirits mate: he is a friend!

[kmoua7]

It's been so hard. I miss you like crazy. "I never thought I'd be here when my love for you was blind. Part of me died when I let you go". It's killing me. Why am I still hurting when it's already been 8 months since you left me? I know you're with her but I can't forget you. I can't get you off my mind. I carry this with me everyday. I love you.....don't you understand? No matter how much I say it...scream it. It won't reach your heart. We haven't even talked since you left me. You were my first for everything.

 

(sigh) .....its my birthday today. I wish you love. I wish you happiness. (blows out the candles)

[pippy longstocking]

happy birthday kmoua xx

[Melting]

I guess that I never really knew who you were.

 

I miss you

[t1lersm0m1]

I didn't want to come back here to write to you, but I think it helps me say the things to you without actually saying them to you.

 

You are emotionally broken. I wanted so badly to help you because I knew the place you are. The place where you don't feel you deserve love and happiness. But you didn't want my help. You got angry when I tried helping, angry and defensive. I know that none of this is my fault. I said earlier, I could have acted perfectly in our relationship (but who am I kidding, no one is perfect) and it wouldn't have mattered because you are broken.

 

You think weight loss is going to fix your self-esteem. I wish it was that simple. I lost 54 pounds the healthy way in 2011 and it didn't bring me self-love. I had to do emotional work to find that. You didn't want to do emotional work, you wanted to have an easy fix, and easy surgery to lose your weight. You were angry you only lost 2 pounds in the 6 months you prepared for surgery, but then you kept bacon grease on your kitchen counter to cook with. The bacteria, let alone the fat in the bacon grease....I can't even believe it. Then you got mad once when I threw away the butter you BURNT for our lobster you cooked. I never said a word about the butter being burnt. But the next day the butter was left out over night and I asked you where it was because I wanted to throw it away, and you said you were saving it. BURNT butter!

 

And then the time you were eating a warm cheese stick from your car...God only knows how long it was in your car. It's dairy, it needs to be refrigerated, and you were eating it. Your'e a NURSE for Pete's sake. How do you not know about how to eat healthy, and how to store foods? Bacon grease before weight loss surgery, and then you're baffled you only lost 2 pounds in 6 months.

 

I really loved you, and still do. I want nothing but happiness for you. I really hope you do the emotional work. In the meantime, I'm working on me. I'm getting even healthier than I was, emotionally and physically. I'm taking Tyler and my Mom to Disney in November. Once I get back I'll be ready to move on.

 

I don't plan on contacting you. I thought maybe I would wish you a happy birthday December 14, or a Merry Christmas December 25, or a Happy Valentine's Day. I kept looking for later and later dates to reach out, to give you time. But my last email to you left the door open. If you want to reach me, you know how and where to reach me. But I'm not reaching out.

 

When I first posted our story, someone said I was your rebound. It makes perfect sense. They said if you do come back, I shouldn't entertain a relationship with you for at least six months. But, I have to stop thinking you are coming back. You told me we are over forever. I have to take that at face value.

 

I am learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes, and I will never again be with a man who is not confident and secure.

[kz91]

Full moon tonight, it pains me to say that it still reminds me of you.