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i feel even more insecure about myself after the break up


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i feel very insecure about myself.. ever since my boyfriend broke up with me, i feel like i will never fall in love again. I still see him on the weekends, go for lunch, watch movies, etc. he says hes still in love with me, but due to obstacles and his current situation, he cant be with me.. i really love him and want to wait but its driving me crazy. i feel like crap all the time. he basically dumped me for no one but still wants me in his life, only now im second best. before we broke up, he used to complain about my insecurities because i could never stand up for myself and i dont think i could do anything life changing for my future. i used to cry to him alot about how down i was and he could sympathise because he used to have depression. Hes the kindest guy, but when it came to my feelings, he wanted me to figure it out on my own because thats what he did.. now that we arent together, i feel even alone. yeah he is still very much in my life. but i feel like he is only there because he feels bad leaving me. i feel like i rather die then be like this. i have never trusted guys before (i was raped when i was 14 when i was at the beach and these male passerbys who were about 17-18yo, jus watched as i was assaulted, so hopefuly u can understand my insecurities..)and since being with my ex, i have actually opened up to a male and dont think i can feel the same way again. i am aparently a very attration person. i am a size 6, natural DD and have an asian decent and i get double stared at and hit on by ALOT of men,, but all i think is that they just want sex and dont care about me..girls even get envious. ive even had two of my friends get boob jobs because they liked the size of mine.. but i still feel really down about myself and think im ugly and no one will ever appreciate me the way my ex did.. please help me. how can i overcome this and move on. its been three months since the break up.. we were together for 2 yrs.. and its been 5 yrs since i was raped.. i just want to be happy. seeing a therapist and psychogist doesnt help.. its in my head.. whats the best advice. and if i cld somehow overcome, cld i get my ex back, or even possible move on and trust men again

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First off... I'm really sorry for your pain. What happened when you where younger is horrible.

 

I have not had happen to me what happened to you... but I know what it feels like to be that sad and depressed. You need to give a therapist a chance. It does not work over night. It does get better. You need to love yourself and find ways to heal. You have not healed yet and you pass that on with you with other people. Men and women do this. It does not mean that you are an undeserving person. It does not mean that you are not worth it... but YOU have to feel and do that. Go to the therapist.... go to one of those group meetings for rape victims. You will see the difference after a while. Get this book... I suggest the audio book version of: The New Codependent. It's really good. Listen to it... or read the book... you will be able to understand why it applies to you. And for now keep your ex boy friend as your friend. Work on yourself, and if after some time has passed / you have healed inside / and you both want to give the relationship a try then... then go for it. But now you need to work on your healing and not worry about being in a relationship that is just going to mask the pain and problems you have inside. At least he is there as your friend... and sounds like he very much is. But don't focus on him. Focus on you. You will make him happy... because someone he loves is taking care of themselves... and you will be making YOU happy.

It's hard work... and it's not going to be instant. It can take a long time. But you have to think about what is important to you? Covering this up/ or being happy and free from your pain... and allowing yourself to really love yourself and someone else...

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Look, he broke up with you and wants to keep you as a friend to enjoy the benefits of a friendship, yet he wants no commitment from you. No wonder your self esteem feels low, you know you are settling for second best. the best thing you can do is go NC, cut him out of your life and start to rebuild your self esteem. You need to honor yourself and believe me, will feel better for it.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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