Feel like death

[waveseer]

Then I advise you to let her know that you are ready to talk whenever she is. I'm not sure it's helpful to try and be together in the mean time.

[Anonybrit]

She is coming down on Friday, mid-day, I guess I'll see how it goes... fingers crossed...

 

EDIT: At about 9am I texted her good morning and didn't get a reply, it's 2pm now, I texted her asking if she was asleep, she replied no and she didn't want to greet me.

 

There's no way she is coming down tomorrow... I guess I better get the defibrillator ready I'm going to have a full on breakdown tomorrow.

[Anonybrit]

She hates me more every day.

[kalikat]

Something for you to think about...

Honestly, she accuses you of being controlling, but everything I'm reading here sounds like she is the one trying to control you. Seems like she knows your buttons, knows what makes you upset, and actively uses those things against you to get what she wants. sounds like manipulation, don't you think?

Look, I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I understand how much you love her. But you are not going to change her -she doesn't see anything wrong with what she does.

SO - the question really is what you said before... accepting that she is who she is...do stay with her and be miserable, or do you move on and be miserable.

Let me tell you something- either one will be difficult.

If you move on, that misery of being without her will not last you forever. I promise! If you move on, you will have lots of pain and anguish...but it will go away. And eventually be replaced with a real love, someone you are more in tune with than you ever thought possible.

If you stay in this, you will also continue with the pain and anguish. But it is very unlikely that it will get better. She won't change, so the pain won't change either.

At least, by moving on, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know it's a hard thing to decide. And you will do whatever you will do. Try to step outside of it and take in the whole picture before choose your path.

Best of luck, my friend

Kalikat

[Anonybrit]

I know I haven't said much to inspire any confidence in anyone else about the future of this relationship but I'm sure if you were to talk to her she would give you a whole raft of things that I do that I could stop or change to make her happy, changes that might not be drastic and might be doable. Things that I don't realise I do, just like she doesn't realise she upsets me when she gets angry when I'm upset by her etc.

 

Maybe if those things were done and she doesn't feel like I don't make an effort to make her feel better about things, she would be less likely to react badly when I get upset, or be more in touch with how what she says and does affects how important I feel I am to her?

 

I can tell you categorically now matter how it sounds she has never deliberately tried to manipulate me, she always means well, I promise you that - and each time I have lost control, I haven't meant well, I have specifically wanted to hurt her as much as possible

 

I suppose a lot of my hope lies in the fact that we really haven't communicated well in this relationship. Really early on for no reason I can think of, she just stopped talking deeply about her feelings. We talked about this at the time and she sort of agreed with me but it just became the norm, even though the first few weeks of our relationship and us getting to know each other were really characterised by us both talking to each other on a really deep, complex, intimate level.

 

So if we can crack that then maybe things will change a lot. I have a tendency to go on and on and she has a tendency to switch off and not give me any real specifics or depth about how she feels. Together these things have always made it very hard to come to agreements or talk about our feelings, particularly because every time we argue we seem to get more and more stubborn.

 

The only thing that happens when you don't break that cycle is grief, I know that now, I just hope to GOD she is willing to give it a go with me now...

 

 

The problem is if I were to say all this to her now within about 30 seconds she would just be sick of it, as far as she is concerned our relationship failed, I put the last nail in the coffin and she owes me nothing But I honestly tried my best, all the time, and I don't think there's no chance of it working yet and I don't want to lose her, the good times we have are so incredible!!

[Anonybrit]

Ok yesterday I kept getting error messages when I tried to call her, for about half an hour, she told me afterwards it was because she was on the metro. I've been getting the same error messages now for over 2 hours, I am absolutely worried out of my mind, what if she had an accident down there? What if she got mugged??

 

Christ I can't take this I feel like I'm going to faint my parents want me to see a doctor. I can't go on like this I just can't I feel like a corpse ;(((

[kalikat]

okay - deep breath in...

Is there any friend of hers you can call, just to make sure she is okay? NOT to discuss your relationship with. But just so you don't have that worry on top of everything else.

[Anonybrit]

She finally replied and said she was in "a room with no signal", in central London, so.. ok. I have never in 2 years had that happen with her but, ok.

 

I want to die.

 

EDIT: She still won't talk to me, she said she would talk to me tonight but I'm not sure she will, I am considering seeking medical help I am having heart palpitations, going light headed and hyperventilating and stuff

[kalikat]

not a bad idea, if you are feeling so much anxiety.

(Doctor might be able to give you something to calm the nerves a bit). always take care of yourself first.

[Anonybrit]

She said she is out and she may or may not talk to me today She promised ;(

 

Does anyone know of any sleeping pills that can help you sleep during these sorts of things? I have only slept a few hours each night for the past week

 

I'm starting to get really worried about my mental health I never knew it was possible to feel this bad in life I feel like I am being swallowed up by hell, honestly every moment is unbearable.

 

EDIT: Ok I have been given something for the anxiety. Going to just wait now and try and relax.

[Anonybrit]

She called and said she was happy without me, she didn't miss me, she wanted to find someone else, that she could never forgive me and there was no chance.

 

She said she won't come tomorrow but I begged her and she said she'd come in the evening, I just can't let it end like that, everything was so wonderful just 2 weeks ago, I just..

 

My hands are numb and I can't feel anything, I am in shock and when the shock fades I know I am going to go through the worst time in my entire life.

 

I wasn't ready to lose her, she was one in a million.

[waveseer]

She called and said she was happy without me, she didn't miss me, she wanted to find someone else, that she could never forgive me and there was no chance.

 

She said she won't come tomorrow but I begged her and she said she'd come in the evening, I just can't let it end like that, everything was so wonderful just 2 weeks ago, I just..

 

My hands are numb and I can't feel anything, I am in shock and when the shock fades I know I am going to go through the worst time in my entire life.

 

I wasn't ready to lose her, she was one in a million.

 

If she's one in a million for you then she is, nobody can question that. What I will question, however, is how you expect to have a relationship with someone who is unreasonable?

[Anonybrit]

I am certain it is all over now, she sounded happy, she laughed to herself even as I cried, she said there was absolutely no chance and there was not a hint of sadness in her voice.

 

So there's nothing to be done anymore anyway.

 

I feel like my soul has died.

[Anonybrit]

This will be my final update.

 

After the call I broke down, cried for about an hour with my mother, talked about how it had all happened. Tried to sleep, couldn't. Went down to talk to my dad, he told about his experiences I told him everything that had happened, he helped me put it all in perspective. You guys were right really, it was no excuse that she didn't mean these things maliciously, actions speak louder than words and she really didn't treat me right even at the best of times, let alone when the going got tough.

 

I regret deeply the times I really hurt her, I will work on that, although I know it would not have happened if we weren't long distance - it never did. But let that be a warning to those of you in LDRs settling for less: it's not sustainable, it will catch up with you.

 

She did a lot for me you know, more than most relationships our age; she saved me from what was almost certainly going to become full on clinical depression (runs in the family) when I met her and she supported me through a looooong, difficult road to medical school.

 

I'll never forget those things, but in the end I deserved a bit better, I just hope that such a girl exists.

 

Cross your fingers for me.

 

I feel ok now, looking ahead. Thanks for all the help guys.