Hey

[ATLstudent]

So I've been having a personal and mental vacation lately, With the help of Lexapro, I have been having some temporary peace of mind, a somesort twisted trip back to my normal mind set, and a feeling of well being, But i dont know what I am setting my self out for, what life I am choosing, What kind of path I am setting out on

It feels better, but its not short of any perils, I was reminded last night of the physical manifestation of what goes on in my thoughts. My body doesnt fit my emotions, and it surely doesnt react to females the way I've prayed it would.

So I begin to question whats worth what, why struggle, why go through things, why live, why even breath, when life is an seemingly impossible journey for me, A constant reminder of those thing I wish to never focus on, and Providing no sense of relief of those feelings. Why I am destined for what it seems life has in store for me as of now, Whats the point of having pain, struggle, I know that struggle can motivate, force change, and create beauty, But what if its cutting me off at the knees, and keeping me trapped. Is it a worthy call to choose medication, ANd depriving myself of necessary hardship and stuggle. DO need to be depressed right now

Taking Lexapro has made me, social again, seeing my parents in a totally different light, and generally liking people more.

My mother shared with my that she recently found her journal from her adolescence and early adult years, and said it was filled without alot of depressed thoughts and sadness, Theres a whole that seems to exist in people, and when its yearning it hurts, Its like that little part of you that reminds you that you need love or the company of a significant other, It seems to run in my family, maybe yours as well, I believe my mom filled this hole with drugs and alcohol in her younger years, then had me and my brother to fill her up and that, and is still surviving all of that, my brother is still stuck. But she has described never feeling love, maybe that has passed onto me. I just wish I could make it happen with someone, and stop being held back by my issues, God.......I just want my body to react the way my mind wants it too

[ATLstudent]

I just want help, and a solution

[catfeeder]

I'm glad you're feeling better. It sounds like you're in a mental rush to get somewhere, as though taking small steps is frustrating for you. What's not working?

 

My best,

Cat

[Capricorn3]

My body doesnt fit my emotions, and it surely doesnt react to females the way I've prayed it would.

Could you clarify this part please? I'm not sure if I understand it correctly - are you saying you're not attracted to women, but rather men, and that causes you anxiety in some way?

[ATLstudent]

Im attracted to females, but having trouble being physically aroused in sexual situations with them