Times like these I want to shut out the world

[onewithbooks]

So today was a pretty good day. Then Mom came home and told me of the passing of the husband of a friend.

 

This man was a great man. He took care of his wife like no other man I have ever seen. He curled her hair in those back places that are hard to get to. She loved false eyelashes but had trouble putting them on, so he did it for her. He supported her through long illnesses and loved her.

 

Last night he went to sleep and did not wake up this morning. I cannot imagine the grief she is having. To know that the man she loved, who loved her, died beside her and was not awake to save him.

 

Times like these I think about my own life and relationships. I think about what I would do in her shoes. Part of me thinks its better to just love, because even when you have the hurt, at least you had the love too. The other part, the stronger part says "that is the reason why you dont let people in at all".

 

I have worked really hard at being strong and at being independent. I give advice more than I ever seek it out. I just dont show that side of me, even to the ones who love me and that I love. My fear is that if I make myself vulerable to them and they leave -for whatever reason- then what? I have become dependent on them and in turn, will be lost when they are gone.

 

I have known that feeling of lost. Its not a feeling I ever want again, but at the same time, what about those I can't help but love and let in my life? How do we find a balance?

[RideOn]

Very sad to hear about the lady's husband. He sounded like he would move mountains for his wife. What great dedication and love he showed for her.

 

Whenever you find the answer to your question, please let me know. I feel the same way as you do. Losing people that I care about because I depend on them too much is a huge fear of mine.

[onewithbooks]

Yes he really would have. He was just a really great guy.

 

I think the only answer is you cant help but take the chance.

 

There was a great episode of Sex and the City that illustrates this. The main character Carrie's computer crashes and her bf Aidab buys her a new one. She tells him that she cant accept it. She cant accept his help basically because she has been independent for so long, what happens if she gets used to him being there and doing things and then he goes away. He wanted to know where he was going, and Carrie said that she didn't know. Basically he wanted to know what was the worst case scenario. In the end, Carrie accepts the fact that she has to let him in her life.

 

To me this perfectly illustrates my #1 reason for not being dependent on anyone. But then I have to ask, am I missing something in not being less guarded? I tend to let people in so far and then I shove them away before they get to close. I feel terrible for them, but there comes a point when self preservation takes over.

[thejigsup]

I've gotten to the point that I let no one in all the way. I am very independent and not much of a romantic at all. I love my bf and he loves me, but we are not gushy about it and we are both heavily involved in our careers. If he wasn't there tomorrow morning, I would be okay. The only losses that would mess me up badly would be if I lost my son or my cats. They are worth it, though. If you find someone who operates like you do, it can work very well.

[onewithbooks]

Do you ever feel like you are not being totally honest with him because you dont let him in all the way?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

This is my biggest fear... I cried during the movie UP for this reason. How can you dedicate your life and love and everything to a person knowing they cannot help but disappear?

 

So hard to swallow. Tragic, inevitable... gah

[onewithbooks]

ISH - I know but I think its also important to ask, have we really lived if we dont?