ellie999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 ok, so i have a thread in the healing section..... so i just got a message from her at 3 am, that never in all my life, did i ever expect to get. she left me. went on to another guy. destroyed me. so yall can read the letter i sent. so she just messages me "hey. i havent read your letter yet, but ive heard how awesome your doing. i just want you to know that i hurt too. the pain of our relationship tearing apart is still healing for me. im so sorry that i hurt you. and i want you to know that xxxx was just a rebound thing to help me get past you, not a replacement. im sorry i had to act so cold and distant. i really want the best for you." have zero idea what to think. i know its best just to not respond. shell read the letter. so i mean theres nothing i can do right now. wow. just at a loss of words. unbelievable Link to comment
HoldingHope Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Im so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
d24 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 ignore it. move on. she's an ex for a reason! Link to comment
Xplode Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 your letter was amazing, i mean i dont believe in god the way you do. but, im truly touched. and the words are incredible. very insightful. mature. and the hurt you are feeling is conveyed in such a way it cant be mistaken for undying love, and wanting her back is the only way to make you happy. so props to the well written words. about her.. let her go. iv done this 1ce before. i fell harder in love 2nd time around. and well ill let you know how the 3rd goes. when i meet her. =) Take care X- Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 i mean ya im not going to text her back. i was just never ever expecting to hear her open her heart to me. never thought she would voluntarily admit this guy was a rebound, that she was hurting....like she said, shes been cold and distant since the day we broke up 4 months ago. and she said WAS a rebound, i guess its over? im not going to text back, she still has the letter to read anyway. just need to protect myself. im sure thats the advice ill get. thanks guys. haha and i dont think getting back together is an option yet, dont think that was the point of her text Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 ignore it. move on. she's an ex for a reason! If thats how you feel, why are you on a board titled "Getting Back Together"? Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 i mean ya im not going to text her back. i was just never ever expecting to hear her open her heart to me. never thought she would voluntarily admit this guy was a rebound, that she was hurting....like she said, shes been cold and distant since the day we broke up 4 months ago. and she said WAS a rebound, i guess its over? im not going to text back, she still has the letter to read anyway. just need to protect myself. im sure thats the advice ill get. thanks guys. haha and i dont think getting back together is an option yet, dont think that was the point of her text Your last statement is what you need to keep in mind at all times. Dont read into it anything more. Let her countinue to make the moves. You laid it on the line in your well written letter. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 i was thinking about texting her back saying to just read the letter, but im sure shell read it...she probably has already. so i guess the best route is just to not respond. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 i was thinking about texting her back saying to just read the letter, but im sure shell read it...she probably has already. so i guess the best route is just to not respond. I think for now yes, no response. She has acknowledged she has the letter. Im sure she may of read it even before she sent the text. Anyway, the ball is in her court. Anything you do now will be a huge push. Do nothing, and you can do no wrong. Link to comment
R41N Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 This is good news, do u mind me asking why she broke up with you? Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 ignore it. move on. she's an ex for a reason! Deep stuff. I'm sure the original poster never could have thought of that on her own after all these months. To the original poster: That text is kinda fascinating, not something I would expect from an ex for a long time, maybe for years, maybe ever. I'd surmise that an "I'm sorry I hurt you and the other person never meant anything" theme usually indicates an effort to normalize relations. An ex who is truly done with you doesn't want to receive a letter like the one you sent and would not respond to it, much less reply to it pre-emptively. 'Course it's hard to tell what "normalize relations" actually means. It'll be interesting to see if she contacts you again. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 ignore it. move on. she's an ex for a reason! That's the spirit! I have to agree with Puck that she likely had already read the letter. It would probably be best to stay quiet for a while and let her wonder... Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 This is good news, do u mind me asking why she broke up with you? hahaha ya i kinda figured she already read the letter, the envelope only had her name on it, she would have had to open it to see it was from me. either way she has or will read it. im sure she has by now. but to this question above. we dated 3 years, through high school then half of college long distance. i was just a little more into it than her and she had doubts and eventually wanted a break. break turned to break up after the rebound. been 4 months since. she was cold, really couldnt have broken my heart any worse if she tried. this is the first shes opened to me in since the break. she broke up with me for good through email. real crappy. but we were each others first love, first kiss, best friends, it was pretty deep. really sucked. but i had finally given up ALL hope, until this message. so well see what happens from here. does everyone think not responding to that message at all is a good idea? i dont want her to think im blowing her off. but then again, she blew me off. but i truly believe in treating others the way you want to be treated, even if they treat you like crud. i was just thinking. 'hey. im not sure how to respond to your message. just read my letter' i feel like that protects me but i dont know. i still cant believe she sent me that message Link to comment
NEVEAH Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I can't say what her text meant exactly, but I think it means she truly does care about you and is truly hurting. I think if she left you, that she needs to be the one to take active measures of getting back together. The letter was touching, and heartfelt, but she must not want to only come back out of guilt, which she may be feeling a lot of right now. So, I would advise against writing her anything else, UNLESS she acknowledges the letter..and I think she will. Link to comment
atelis Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 you said everything you needed to say in that letter, it doesn't need a follow up. she responded to your letter which was the decent thing for her to do. Leave it at that now. if you respond, then you will expect another response. She responded, end of story. If reconciliation can happen, it may happen down the track. But for now, leave things be Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 ok ladies in gentleman, things got interesting. and frankly, im annoyed, angry, confused, hurt, and a lot of other things. what happened was that the rebound guy broke up with her. HE broke up with her. so now she has been texting me. i told her i knew, and that i want no part of this and for her not to contact me anymore because i deserve better and will not be there if shes hurting because of him. she responds it is only me she is hurting over. i said i dont know how to trust you or believe you, and that i will not be there to comfort you after he broke up with you. dont contact me right now. well thats it in really short details, it was quite a bit longer than that. im very flustered to say the least, proud of myself for being strong. hurt though, i do still love this girl but i cant let this get to me. i need to move on and stay strong. i guess now shes gonna realize how well i treated her. but what difference does it make Link to comment
gee Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 ellie, daaamn! Good for you! Was she there for you when you were hurting? I think I know the answer to this already. What goes around comes around! Keep your head up and don't let this take you down. Also, you are not being cruel by not being there for her, but just know she's the one who hurt you! gee Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Well Im kinda confused here. Do you want her back or not? You say you love her. I truly understand your point of view but part of loving someone is always being there for them, no matter what. Super Dave's ex came to him when she got dumped by the rebound. He has a thread somewhere saying how much it sucked to be the shoulder but he did so because he loved her. They are still together last I know. You do whats best for you, but I think you have a chance alot of people would love to have. A chance to reopen the door to the girl you love. Love is unconditional. You are well versed in the Bible, check Corinthians. Link to comment
atelis Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Well Im kinda confused here. Do you want her back or not? You say you love her. I truly understand your point of view but part of loving someone is always being there for them, no matter what. . i agree with this to a point, but he also has the right to protect himself from further hurt and harm. She is not in any threat, so she needs to find her own way through the hurt or rely on friends and family. as far as reconciliation goes, she needs to do psychological work on herself and it appears that there is no acknowledgement of this on her part. Missing someone means very little in the whole context of things and does not make a good basis for reconciliation. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Well Im kinda confused here. Do you want her back or not? You say you love her. I truly understand your point of view but part of loving someone is always being there for them, no matter what. Super Dave's ex came to him when she got dumped by the rebound. He has a thread somewhere saying how much it sucked to be the shoulder but he did so because he loved her. They are still together last I know. You do whats best for you, but I think you have a chance alot of people would love to have. A chance to reopen the door to the girl you love. Love is unconditional. You are well versed in the Bible, check Corinthians. i just sent her "i didnt mean for that to be so cold. im just trying to protect myself, and i apologize if that is selfish. i truly want you to be happy, more than anything that is what i want. you just need some time for you and only you. i would love to give you a hug right now and be there for you, but i could never take advantage of your vulnerability that way. the best thing i can do is pray for you and you know i will do that'' i dont think i could have said anything better than that i dont know what to do, it hurts me that shes hurting. i do love her unconditionaly. and im torn between protecting my heart, wanting her, and feeling hurt. i never in all my life expected to be in this situation. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Wow, that is a tough situation. I'm so sorry this has to happen to you. But I did get sorta peeved once you wrote how the minute she got dumped by her so called "REBOUND", she flies to her phone to text you for comfort. That's crappy behavior, and she's being a bit pathetic in my views. Sorry. You should just leave it alone for now. If she wants you back, she'll have to jump through some hoops in order to win you back. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Yes she should have to do some work to win him back. But no one should have to jump through hoops. Link to comment
majord23 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 ignore it. move on. she's an ex for a reason! The above post copped a lot of grief, but it is the best advice given so far....even if the OP wants his ex back. A 3am text, professing concern for his well-being and regret for hurting him (and an admission of a 'rebound') was always going to relate to his ex being dumped. Not getting roped into anything she is going to throw at him right now is by far the best option. Link to comment
majord23 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Well Im kinda confused here. Do you want her back or not? You say you love her. I truly understand your point of view but part of loving someone is always being there for them, no matter what. When someone is treating you badly, you do not have to be there for them 'no matter what'. Do we advise people who are in emotionally abusive relationships to stick by their partners? I'm taking it an extreme, but the principle is the same. There are times in life where you have to put yourself first....no matter what. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 When someone is treating you badly, you do not have to be there for them 'no matter what'. Do we advise people who are in emotionally abusive relationships to stick by their partners? I'm taking it an extreme, but the principle is the same. There are times in life where you have to put yourself first....no matter what. Hey Majord, long time old mate! How are ya? I think we are a little at the extreme here. This OP still has obvious feelings for this girl, still wants a go and believes there is a chance. Im not telling him to stick out something bad, I was just saying if this is what he really wants, reconciliation, then closing the door wont help. Link to comment
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