bexcelant Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 and now you need to know what to say. Something I've been wondering myself. Link to comment
emptyinside70 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Something that worked for me was to decide what i was going to say and practice it, then stick to the script when I decided to make contact again. It was still really difficult though. Link to comment
kevin456 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Something that worked for me was to decide what i was going to say and practice it, then stick to the script when I decided to make contact again. It was still really difficult though. Be careful with this. Scripted conversations come off as fake, which just kills it. I actually did this with my ex many months ago with poor results. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 i mean i have a general idea of what i want to talk about, other than that im just gonna roll with it i might call her this afternoon, im actually meeting with her best friend for something completely unrelated for lunch and im gonna ask if shes home, then ill call. this friend loves me... but ya nothing to lose, so whatever happens happens. not too worried about it Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 so i called her up......no answer left a voicemail saying 'hey i was just calling to see if you were home. i wanted to swing by and talk to you. i feel like we need to and i have a good feeling about it. its cool if youre not feeling i though. hope youre doing well'. im sure shell respond within the day, but well see. if she doesnt, at least i gave it a go. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Wait a minute... I just noticed the squirrel reference here. I think I have a link that sums up that analogy... link removed Ha! Pay particular attention to the very end. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 so she called me back, but i missed it....doh! haha then i called her and it like picked up but didnt go to voicemail, so i dont really know. phone tag? now i guess im waiting again, dont want to be pushy. not stressing about it at all, just a little frustrating. dumb thing to stress over. hopefully well talk soon Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 just wait it out. she will probably call back. if you don't hear from her within a few days, give her a call. good luck. this is encouraging news. i can't wait to hear the update Link to comment
gee Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Now, the lines of communication are starting to open once again. Take it sloooow there's no need to rush anything! You will have the chance to figure out what is on her mind. Just be careful and don't let her in easily. I hope all goes well. gee Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 so she ended up texting after we kept missing each other....joking about playing phone tag. she maybe we should just text and hold off on talking. i said id rather talk in person if were to talk. she replies maybe we should take some time to think about it....she doesnt want to add unnecessary drama, maybe we can talk in a few days. so i said ok. but i leave town for a week thurs....and even though we havent talked in 4 months really she remembered it was for my cousins wedding and she started asking me about it and telling me some about herself, and then she says i go back to school in a few weeks and hopefully we can see each other before that and that my trip sounds great not sure what to do now, i really wanted to talk to her before i left for the week on thurs. im not looking to play games. but i dont know if this is positive or negative. not lookin good in my mind. especially since we go to separate schools, 4 hours apart. but i guess thats how God intended it and the timing im sure isnt a coincidence that it doesnt work out. i miss this girl a lot. and our chat tonight was extremely friendly, but thats about it. i still love her, wow do i Link to comment
bexcelant Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I have a suggestion as I am going through this myself. Don't use the txts. Don't answer them. Force her to pick up the phone. Here's what you are going to have to do. Keep calling her and tell her to go out with you. Find something fun and light like street festival. Something you can flirt with her and you don't have to worry about talking to each other too much. You have been serious with her enough. Time to revert back to the fun guy she used to like hanging out with. In fact, tell her that you'd like to put all the heavy stuff behind you and that you'd like to go do something fun. Tell her you'd like to do something this weekend like shooting pool, putt putt, or playing games etc etc etc... Leave this on her message if you have to and tell her to call you back. Don't bring up anything heavy unless she does first. Just tell her it'll be fun and that you haven't seen or talked to her for awhile and not to worry, you this will be fun. Stress FUN! Call me back and lets go to blah blah blah on Sat. night. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 she [said] maybe we should just text and hold off on talking. As supportive as I've tried to be, I'd walk away from a suggestion like that and never look back. "Maybe we should just text" ... guess again. No need to take an offer like that. There are too many other women who would be happy to actually talk to you. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 As supportive as I've tried to be, I'd walk away from a suggetion like that and never look back. "Maybe we should just text" ... guess again. No need to take an offer like that. There are too many other women who would be happy to actually talk to you. I agree with where your coming from Brownstone, but kinda disagree with the results for these 2 reasons... 1. These to are from a younger generation than our own and texting is SOP for them. I dont like it, I dont condone it, but I am even guilty of it myself. 2. The lines of communication are indeed open. Comfort is a key here. He could push her away by being demanding. Link to comment
gee Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Wait a min...she came back to him. HE should be the one considering if he wants to talk or not. Now, it seems like she is calling the shots. Don't give her control of the situation. You should continue NC until she gets back to you. And go on your week trip and don't call her. I'm sorry, but I think this is what you should do! We all know you love her but you don't want to push things and go overboard with this. I heard getting back was the toughest. So, take it easy. This is not a negative thing at all! You guys are starting things like starting to get to know eachother all over again! New beginning for the two of you if things work out! gee Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I agree with where your coming from Brownstone, but kinda disagree with the results for these 2 reasons... 1. These to are from a younger generation than our own and texting is SOP for them. I dont like it, I dont condone it, but I am even guilty of it myself. 2. The lines of communication are indeed open. Comfort is a key here. He could push her away by being demanding. I see what you're saying, and if it were the "dumpee" that was trying to limit the channels of communication, I'd agree with you; a "dumpee" in that case would have every reason to be wary and cautious. But there's no way, no how, no chance that'd I'd have the person who left me for someone else deciding what's "appropriate" communication, let alone limiting it to flippant and impersonal exchanges. After all, that other guy has been receiving a lot more than text messages, if you know what I'm sayin'. Someone who refuses to show you the respect or decency to speak to you on the phone or meet you in person is not someone worth your time or effort. That person is going to have to raise her game first. Link to comment
gee Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'll have to agree w/ Mr. Brownstone on this one! He seems to be making himself more available than she is at this point. And she is the one that came back after dumping him. Don't show her all your cards at once fella. Without playing games continue NC until you see some sort of effort coming from her end. gee Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 i mean ya i didnt want to text. i told her that. im a little frustrated by last night. i wanted to meet with her in person and actually talk, not just chit chat over texts. im actually staying with some family tonight like 30 seconds from her house, and really just want to call her and tell her i do really want to talk, but i already tried last night, and i dont want to seem to pushy. but what can you do. ill probably end up playing it by ear. if not ill just go nc again for awhile, i just felt like i had a small window of opportunity. i understand shes just trying to be cautious, shes just trying to not put more drama in her life, but thats clearly not what im looking to cause. and i know i wont. so now my only option is to just go out of town and leave it alone, but by the time i get back itll be too late for anything i feel because of school, or i can attempt one last time to talk with her today and and if she doesnt feel it just go back to nc forever assuming its over? haha i dont know. i mean i have faith that everything will work out for the best for whatever reason, but just slightly frustrated with this silly situation Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Im not saying he needs to play entirely by her rules, or even let her define the rules, Im just saying he doesnt need to make all the rules either. I think that is why so many here fail. There are no hard steadfast rules, it just goes as it goes and every situation is different. Link to comment
bexcelant Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Rules? What rules??? There are no rules here. Only guidelines. If you don't try you won't get. What makes you think she'll call you EVER??? Be the man and grow a pair. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Rules? What rules??? There are no rules here. Only guidelines. If you don't try you won't get. What makes you think she'll call you EVER??? Be the man and grow a pair. thats what im thinkin exactly. rules? i mean you couldnt have said it any better. thats exactly what i want to do Link to comment
RobD70 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 i mean ya i didnt want to text. i told her that. im a little frustrated by last night. i wanted to meet with her in person and actually talk, not just chit chat over texts. Don't be too caught up with what YOU want from her. Asking to talk when she is on the fence about it will be seen as pressure. She's a woman and anything short of a "yes" should be looked at as a "no". Women hate hurting people's feelings so they are reluctant to flat out say no and will beat around the bush on it. However a yes will come easy. There is nothing you can do or say to her to make any difference until she is ready to open up and starts calling you and asking to meet you. Don't ask to speak with her anymore or call her until she calls you. You may be too eager and that will sabotage you if you jump on this before she is ready. She knows you are there for her...which sometimes works against you. She seems to be toying with the idea but she is not committed just yet. Pull back and let her come to you. It's on her time scale and these happen slowly. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 you make a great point. yes i want to step up as a man and go for it. but i that same time i do know she has been having a rough few weeks. and while i want nothing more than to be able to be with her and let me in so i can make her happy, perhaps what she needs right now is some space. and she does know ill be there for her, maybe, maybe not, but maybe it is just best to let her come to me. haha like its been said, there are no rules or anything when it comes to dealing with stuff like this, theres so many options. its difficult to have patience and everything i mean as badly as i want to....and im ready....to call her tonight and talk to her, maybe she is the one who isnt ready. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 so im thinking of sending her a text "hey. xxxxx what i wanted to talk you about last night was just a little about life. im really doing incredible, and so happy all of the time, i have never felt so complete and confident and motivated about life, but i still stand by everything i said in my letter, despite whats happened, and i do want to fight for you. with all my heart i want to fight for you. and i want to just step up and go for it but in no way want to pressure you. ill be in youre neighborhood at my uncles all night tonight, and if you want to get together and talk id really like that, but if not, just dont respond to this and have a great rest of the summer. " Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 so im thinking of sending her a text "hey. xxxxx what i wanted to talk you about last night was just a little about life. im really doing incredible, and so happy all of the time, i have never felt so complete and confident and motivated about life, but i still stand by everything i said in my letter, despite whats happened, and i do want to fight for you. with all my heart i want to fight for you. and i want to just step up and go for it but in no way want to pressure you. ill be in youre neighborhood at my uncles all night tonight, if you want to get together and talk id really like that, but if not, just dont respond to this and have a great rest of the summer. " Way too much for a text. Way to much. The bold part is all you need. The "if not just dont respond" part is always a bad idea, because it gives them a way out of acknowleding your message and keeps you wondering. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 And the first part sounds way too much like "Hey Im great with out you!!!" she will see right through that. If lifes so great, why ya hanging around waiting for me??? Link to comment
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