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It is FINALLY and forever OVER


quirky

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The way he went about it was real trickery and manipulative.

 

I have left him twice (been together 3 years). Last time was about 16 days ago. He had had an EPIPHANY of what love is and how even our good times can be much better.(not the first epiphany but according to him this one was "real, different")

 

On day 12 he breaks NC, crying down the phone AGAIN, saying he can't find this love with family or friends. That I'm amazing, that he wants us to settle together, that a part of his is dead "Tell me what you want, I'll do anything"

 

BIG FAT LIES

 

Next day he texts me saying he would like to give this a real try but cannot do it without my support, have I got anything left? he still has hope. So I said I'm trying to be logical and I really don't know and he says for me to call him when I know.

 

So here I go again the IDIOT thinking if we could possibly save this as we've both been so upset. I text him how are you and general chit chat stuff 2 days later and guess what he replies.

 

That he's regaining strength in himself, that he had hope but this is not going anywhere, sorry about the phonecall and confusing matters and wishes me all the best.

 

I was MESSED AROUND once more. Of course you all might think what a mature message but his behaviour has been so erratic, promising things he couldn't deliver, wanting all answers from ME on how to go about it , constantly hindering my progress, contacting me somehow just to get a reaction and feel safe.

 

It's ok if he was overwhelmed the night of the call, he could have apologised the next day instead of telling me to give it a REAL TRY and that it's up to me to call him...!!??

 

Naturally I feel so stupid for falling for his cr@p and it's my ego that is hurt. Can't believe he gets the last word on this. Now it's like a veil is lifted and in all this pain, I feel somewhat free to move on. He's totally incapable of sticking to his word and I realise the pressure I felt to be his surrogate family, his partner, his best friend. I feel so used...

 

Any support is much appreciated x

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there are better guys out there. don't feel used, feel like you 'learned'. these are signs that someone is toxic to your well-being. forget him. if he tries again, you be firm, 'it's over, i cannot do this anymore. i wish you the best.' sucks sometimes. but remember, it's not you.

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Thank you so much, ghost69 I need to hear that.

 

that's what my friends say as well. They told me, and my mum as well, that if I decided to be with him I'd have to be the man, the woman and the mother. That he's passive, afraid of resbonsibility and I'd have to come up with most solutions. I can see it all now..

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I seriously doubt that you have heard the last of him.

 

You know, honestly that message just looked different..he's never said anything like that before, he's never wanted to leave this until now.

 

It's a good thing overall, I can actually see myself moving on. I would NEVER give him another chance, anything I thought was beautiful about him is gone..

 

He said SOO much but hardly ever supported it with actions, unless I was helping him. That fear of responsibility is spread all over his life not just towards me.

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Never say never. If you want to break up thats fine - and good for you for being so strong. I'm just saying - he probably wasn't messing with your head on purpose. Maybe he is just confused. Don't feel bad for "falling for his cr@p".

 

I break up with/make up with my BF a lot. I know that I shouldn't its not right and I don't do it to mess with his head. I love him but some things about us are not cut and dry.

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Never say never. If you want to break up thats fine - and good for you for being so strong. I'm just saying - he probably wasn't messing with your head on purpose. Maybe he is just confused. Don't feel bad for "falling for his cr@p".

 

I break up with/make up with my BF a lot. I know that I shouldn't its not right and I don't do it to mess with his head. I love him but some things about us are not cut and dry.

 

I understand him being confused, overwhelmed- the lot. I am like that as well. But I don't contact him, I don't lead him on and then never follow on what I say. That's why I lost my trust, that's why I couldn't work on anything any more and that's why I broke up with him. And since he has nothing proper to offer or suggest I'd rather he let me heal.

 

It's as if I have a restaurant advertising pork steak leading people in and then I tell them we haven't got any you know? It has happened a lot of times, that's why I'm fed up.

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Start taking back your control, and believe me, you do have it in you.

 

He didn't have the last word...you do, since "silence carries the loudest voice."

 

Thank you HeartGoesOn

 

I was thinking of sending him an email but I don't know now, as today went by and I talked to my friends I don't know if I'm bothered..

 

I was the only one taking control in this relationship and when I told him to split up it's not like I had met anyone else or that I didn't care for him; I was trying to do the right thing. Now more than ever I don't wanna be with him. I'm dissillusioned.

 

This has been an addictive relationship, back and forth for the last year that we've been LDR and it stayed LDR because I didn't feel secure enough to go back and live with him. Because he was saying all these amazing things, but hardly acted on them. And then claiming that he's making an effort.

 

For me effort means saving money to come and see me, keeping a lot in touch, setting an end date to LDR, finding solutions TOGETHER. If he wanted us to settle he should do something about it, not leave it all up to me or fate.

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